I can't tell you what a blessing this surgery has been. There have been some rough times, sure, but overall I am extremely pleased with the changes in my life.
The biggest change is that eating just isn't the pleasure it used to be. Almost every time I eat a meal, it doesn't set well. I don't feel like I'm going to be sick, I just don't like the feeling in my tummy (pouch). It's almost like that feeling of being over stuffed, but after only a bite or two. It's very hard to explain this feeling, but most post-ops can relate. This feeling may go away as I get farther out. Actually though, I hope it doesn't. This "displeasure" at eating is the one thing that has really helped me feel that I am now in control of my relationship with food. "Eat to live, not live to eat" really has become my way of life as a post-op. One of my friends from "the group" says that she still feels this way when she eats, and she is two years out from surgery. But, she agrees with me that she hopes it never goes away.
My biggest problem with post-op eating, is that I still have boredom hunger. I still find myself looking through the refrigerator and the cabinets in the evenings just to have something to munch on. I'm not usually hungry when this happens, just bored. Most of the time I recognize it, though, and try to find something else to do. Sugar-free popcicles have been my saving grace during these times of weakness.
I Have My Life Back!
September 18, 2003
I'm down 110 lbs. now, and even if I don't lose much more weight, my life has already changed for the better. This past summer has been a joyous rediscovery of life. I walked around the State Fair for 4 hours without pain. In past years I could only walk for about 1/2 hour and then sit for 15 minutes before moving on. What a relief to enjoy the fair without pain. I went to Valley Fair Amusement Park over the Labor Day weekend and fit on all the rides. In previous years I had been kicked off some of the rides because the restraints wouldn't lock over my big belly. Labor Day weekend, I went for a 15-mile bike ride with a friend around Lake Calhoun, Lake of the Isles and Cedar Lake -- last year I rode my bike four blocks before I was so winded and achy I had to turn back. The following weekend, I canoed for 2 hours on the same lakes I rode around the week before.
These things may seem rather insignificant, but for me they are accomplishments all the same. When friends ask me out, now, I say yes more often than not. As a pre-op, I never had the energy to get out and do anything... I stayed pretty much holed up in my house. These changes are not only because I have so much more energy and experience much less pain, but also due to the fact that I no longer have food to turn to as an activity. If I'm bored, I try to find something other than food to fill the time. And I LOVE being outdoors and being active... which is something that has been rather difficult for me for the last 6 or 7 years.
My acting career has also been on hold for the last 3 years. Not because I felt too fat to be cast -- afterall, I am sometimes cast because of my weight -- but because I no longer had the stamina to rehearse and perform every night of the week while holding down a day job. It was terribly exhausting and I couldn't even work up the energy to go out and audition anymore. Well, that has changed, too. I've had two auditions this summer. Nothing came of either, but it felt so great to get out and do it. I can't wait to be involved in something again -- I check the audition notices in the paper every Sunday.
Life is great right now, and I hope it continues to get better and better as my journey from morbid obesity to "normalcy" continues. Stay tuned.