kdlts8

kids don't like to share #8

injected with poison.
it's been a little over a month since, on a friday to be exact. a day i shall never forget. a day that is scarred on my heart. a poison injected into my viens. never wanting a cure. carved in my mind. a picture of a sterling silver covered face through a plate of glass. a see through door was in the middle. from a look. i knew this couldn't be stopped. i've encountered this fear that i've been afraid of my entire life. i never saw the otherside until now. not the whole side, but frame by frame of an unfinished puzzle. wanting to be completed. a flash here, a day dream there. a nightmare that i've grown to love. a haunting reflection that i'll never replace with another. something happened to me that day. that poison injected into my blood stream finally ran through my body. from my head to my feet. causing me to be in great pain. a pain that i longed for my entire existence. to make me feel complete. to make me feel whole. 168 hours later i was injected by a more powerful, more deadlier, more contagious dose of poison. the same poison that runs through my viens 168 hours earlier. and the poison that runs through my viens as we speak. before that poison ran through my viens. it taunted me. it teased me. at s.f. and at j.e.w. from the corner of my eye i saw it at s.f. and at j.e.w. it was standing right in front of me. with that i knew this is what i wanted to happen. for me i had this feeling i never had before. that i still have to this day. that i will have for the rest of my life. after that last 168 hours i thought it would stop expanding. because it filled me up. flowing through my system day in, day out. but i was wrong. it keeps on growing covering my outerself until i was drenched with this poison. i thought it could never happen to me. as i leave a puddle of poison everywhere i go. this poison gets stronger by the day. as i think it will vanish. that reflection that is scarred on my heart. carved in my mind. and that is flowing through my viens will never die. i'll never find a cure. and that's the way it should be. and that's the way it will end. i can never be saved. nor will i ever want to be.

for the first time i wish i smoked cigarettes.
with your dark sunglasses and your converse shoes on. i see you walking around campus. i see you at moore hall on monday, wednesday and friday around 11:30am or so. at least i get to see you three times a week, i am glad about that. as i fill up the candy machine i see you talking on your cell phone, smoking your cigarettes, walking back and forth or sitting down on concrete chairs. i try to stay longer every time i see you there or anywhere for that matter. it was a week or so since i wrote this when you asked joey and i if any of us smoked cigarettes. we said "no we didn't smoke". and for the first time i wished i smoked cigarettes. just to give you something of mine. just to hear you say thanx. just to hear you say something to me personally. just to hear your voice or just listen to you speak.

you wont be the death of me.
from the distance she appeared, as the sun arose from the hills. both blinding my eyes from the sight of there beauty. time stopped as the car in front of me screeched to a hault. stepping back on the curb as the car drove past. looking to my right as you took the corner. without a notice of concern coming from your direction as you walked away. two hours past by for the next time i saw you. rain fell from the heavens above. lightning bolts flashed across the sky. thunder roared from the distance as you walked past me. i stepped into a puddle as i watche you leave. i fell as hard as the rain. screamed as loud as the thunder as i hit the ground. blood left my body as i was laying there hurting. blood flowed into my eyes as i turned my head. my eyes began to shut as i saw you get into the car. you drove away as i started to regain myself. i stood up as i left blood on the pavemebt just to see it wash away into a near by drain. i picked out concrete and mud from my bloodies arm. as the blood began to dry up. i left that day with a little less blood. and i left that day with a little less of you.

the long way home.
another time, another place. another mistake i have yet to make. broken chances, broken hearts. another failure yet to start. bringing hope down for the count. i still have no ounce to stand on my own two feet. as a shadow of defeat covers me. holding me down until i'm unconscience on the floor. there is so much in store for me and my life. i feel my heart being sliced up by a knife. severed into pieces thrown away like yesterday's dreams. nothing seems like it will have a chance to make it in this world today. being awoken by a brand new day and yet i still feel like i have nothing to say.