outsider's edge.
don't you know i am at the end of the line. my watched stopped and i'm out of time. there's no way to move ahead in life. bad timing and wrong words doesn't make it right. down inside me makes me not give up. but when you're always heading down theres no luck. no such trust, life turns to rust. and feelings of quiting makes it harder to realize that giving up is like giving in to have someone you don't know tell you how to live. why trying when you feel like dying inside. when you win but your're still losing. where can you hide. from all the disappointments in the world. i'm still looking for the answers. even when i don't know the questions. in any language rejection means the same. the lights are out and i'm in the corner trying to drink out all the pain. i'm passed out on the floor, waking up tomorrow the memories still remain. hurt is what i feel right now and somewhere, somehow i will find a reason or will i turn into another feeling of departure from the rest of the world. my world seems to be hurled into outerspace. and thats why i have to find my place. i have to find a reason to understand, that i have to comprehend. i need to start again to begin to realize i need something better.
getting lost.
without the words i've longed to hear. the voice i know and trust. i can't depend on no one else. different voices annoying and confusing makes me become more distant. i've strived to find a reason. i've tried to find anything at all. but nothing comes in clear. blurry and distorted and i can't seem to grasp onto reality. my thoughts sink below. i feel like something important is missing. i can't put my finger on it. it feels like i am lost. blank expressions. since i can't have the voice that tells me everything will be just fine. i searched all night with no such luck. ending up with nothing and maybe thats what i deserve. i'm getting lost in my mind. blocked out of the real world. trapped into a fantasy of chaos. looking deep into a black hole of darkness. wandering around, up and down. i still can't find a meaning of reason that secures me a spot in happiness. and now i stopped thinking. stopped dreaming. stopped living my life. just sitting around doing nothing. i can't go on without the voice i've grown to love. the voice that calls me up three in the morning just to say hi. i miss that sweet sounding voice and i'm going crazy not hearing her again.
why did the wang doodle eat the umpa lumpa?.
and so it came to this. another chance you had missed. another blame pointed directly at you. another dream that didn't come true. why can't you be strong. i took it for so long. there's only so much i can take. before this feeling inside starts to break. why can't you stop crying and get over it. stop throwing in the towel and calling it quits. so you misse your chance so you've said. your lifes not fair, wishing everyday you were dead. heartache and apathy is common to you. easily manipulated wanting someone better to hold and to love. but nothing will be enough. everyone is always letting you down. when they just stop wanting to come back around. you are pathetically weak. why can't you see by everyday and every week. you're getting weaker everytime. with another one that leaves you behind. there will be another one soon to follow. when you're insides start to crumlbe and your heart turns hollow. you'll be feeling like living is just second option. when you get diagnosed with one more tragic rejection. it's sad to see you like this. why can't you stand up and say i'm not going to take this shit anymore, but just like before. it has always came to be. because everybody knows you are weak. and today will change how this story will end. but it wont because in due time you know this will happen again.
return to sender.
it was described to be. a part of me you have never seen. another side to believe it was time to find some meaning. i feeling of failing. i failure inside has failed. and it's another day that love letter wont be mailed. it is a letter that contains my describing pleasures and pains. i write about self doubts drifting away. it's never here to stay. it comes and goes away. i hope i forget the hurting lies. the unsuccessful tries. and all the times i'm left outside crying in the rain. shamefully trying to hide all the tears. and all the fears for minutes that seems to be years. but your smile has an intoxicating spell. and after all the pain drifts away i feel like i'm doing well. and i can find that i found a way to pick myself from off the ground. and wipe the dirt from my most favorite shirt that you bought from me. that lagwagon shirt you got me for our one month anniversary. it's a future that i to want to have with you. why can't i prove to you. my love towards you with this letter i want to send to you. if it's one second, one hour, one day. why is it just your words that i can't bear to hear today. and for every stupid reason it's just those important words i can never say. |
