would it bother you if i could take back yesterday. so i can have a better tomorrow. change mistakes i should have never made. talk to you when i had the chance. go back and do the things i should have done. right the wrongs. fix the problems i have today. maybe i wouldn't have to wake up alone. maybe you wouldn't have to wake up with him. maybe you can wake up with me instead. maybe i wouldn't have to look at from afar. i could look into your eyes and tell you how i always felt about you. maybe i wouldn't be so scared to talk to you. maybe i wont go crazy when you walk past me with him. maybe we can go through our lives with more than a wave and a smile every now and then.
distractions keep me breathing.
the cold night wind blows through my window. it distracts me from the thoughts i have of you. the distractions is what i need right now. i am caught up with you. days pass by with only the thought of you in my fucked up mind. my mind that finds it hard to forget you, to let you go, to erase that smile of yours. you should never give up, but for me this time it's my time to give up before i continue down this road of fucking up my life over you. my mind goes back to this afternoon when i saw you with him. i know i've lost. why can't i forget you even existed. why can't i close the book on you. move onto another book. find a little happiness. find a reason to wake up smiling. find anything to get you out of my mind. it fucking sucks being able to have a memory i can never forget. struggling through the night as it starts to show signs of a brand new day. i hope today is better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today. and sometimes i wish i had amnesia from this past fifteen months. so i could wake up to a new day and think. hey, maybe today will be a good day. maybe even a great day.
the ever losing battle.
fire burns to the left as i listen to clarity. your smile still haunts me to this day. all my cards are on the table. and still i leave empty handed. losing another hand in this game called life. a losing streak that kills me everytime i breathe. reflections of the past stands over me. mocking my every step. laughing at me as it is dragging me down with it. pointing out the mistakes i've made. making me more invisible to the sight of you. as you try to forget me it seems i am not as strong as you. as i try to forget you, there you are reminding me what i will never have. your two star tattoo's on your small of your back distracts me from my mediocore life. the piercings in your ear, top and bottom and your three lip rings confronts my fears to even talk to you. your smile makes me forget to even breathe. the way you look as the sun hits your face as you are reading your book on the steps of moore hall lets me know what i have lost.
speed bumps.
i got these thoughts of you in my mind. i got a story i wish to share with you in time. a lot of things i wish i could say to you. but there is something holding me back what can i do? my head is going crazy everytime you pass by. my hands start to shake please tell me why? my heart beats faster than ever before. once you're not in my sight i think of you even more. my voice seems to vanish once you're near. the one problem i have is coming in clear. my courage has left me behind. my problem i will have to solve in time. the speed bumps in my life seems more like hills. it gets harder to climb after all this time even still. i am losing oxygen with every step i make. the air is getting thin with every breath i take. my fingers are getting numb from this cold winter storm. because you are my fire that will keep me warm.
there is blood on my hands.
it's 2:34am and it's raining again. i am soaking up the memory of an old friend. drenched with thoughts that happened years before. i am shivering from the cold and i still need more. time slows down with every lighting bolt flash across the sky. as my hands go numb i ask myself why. why does all my questions go unanswered today. my head starts pounding with every thought of you that gets in my way. it seems like i am seeing you everywhere i go. is it you standing in the corner please let me know. is my conscience getting in the way of my life. are my rejections and heartaches suffocating me at night. choking the life out of me as i grasp onto my last breath. are you causing this hurt, punishment and inevitable death. are you the voice that whispers to me when no one is around. are you my doubts that force my eyes to look toward the ground. are the poison thats in my blood as we speak. are you the scars on my back that makes me feel weak. are you the fire that is burning hotter. are you the hand that is holding my head underneath the water. are you my fears that me scream. are you my nightmares that are haunting my dreams. as i try to wash the blood from my hands. it seems no one will truly understand. as i countdown the days in my head. one more week until you'll find me dead.
