| kids don't like to share-writing in scumbag tulip #2-#16 |
| #6 wasted time. alone with boredom on my mind. nothing to do just wasting time. i waste away my dreams, i waste away my plans. nothing here is what it seems, cause no one understands. i left myself out of my own life, i did this because i thought it was right. now i know it was wrong. because everything i have now is gone. i can't have a future, because i don't have a past. i can't find any fucking reason to make this last. wasted everything that was mine. so i try to find what i left behind. i try to find all my wasted time. for some strange reason i did not know what i had to do. for some strange reason i could not figure what i already knew. because i found my wasted time. it was behind my fucked up mind. behind my own boredom in front of my face. behind my own boredom is where i found my place. #7 le nouveau monde. moving to a different place. moving out, moving away, moving on. going somewhere where you don't know anyone. you're leaving everyone you know. the place where you are at got boring, got tired, got old. you need to search around. the whole world is out there. going to all the different places to meet all the different people. and this is what i need right now. my life is so dull, that i need something new in it. i want to move on. i am the kind of person that needs to get of this island. a nice place to visit, shitty place to live for eighteen years. in california or anywhere in america you can drive for days without seeing something you saw before. and that is what i want. some people like living all their life in the same place, thats not me. i have to live my life the way i want to or i haven't lived the life i want to live. follow the leader. you tell me jump, i say how high, but not anymore. you tell me jump, i say fuck you. i'm not listening to you anymore. i'm not jumping for you. i wont do anything you say, because you are nothing to me. you were before, but you lost the power or maybe i just wised up. i'll do what i say, i'll do what i want to. no one is going to tell me what to do. not you, not them, no one except me. you once said lets play follow the leader and i was to stupid to realize what you were doing. so i followed you everywhere you went, everything you did. i was your slave. i listened to the music you liked. i hung around with all your friends. i looked up to you. i listened to all your bullshit that you said, believing every fucking word. but not now. listening to you ramble on with every stupid phrase. all the shit that i thought was true that you said was complete bullshit. you were just being so controlling over me. treating me like a fucking idiot. i had enough of you. i was everything that you thought a friend should be. but that was not me. so one day you thought i was behind you, but when you turned around, no one was there. i made up my mind. i am never playing follow the leader ever again. idiotic values. remembering back then, will it happen again. the time we had, it wasn't that bad. it was so weak, lasting a couple of weeks. two weeks i couldn't forget, all that time i"ll never forget. you knew it was over before you gave me a chance, and without a second glance. i knew you liked me three months before we went out, you knew who i was, i still don't know what you're about. having your friend break us up for you, you were probably scared too. i know now what i missed, i was another person on your list. going to your house after school, i never knew what to do. i let you down more than you let me down, i never gave you a reason to come around. waiting two years later to talk once again, asking if i was maf back back then. i felt happy that you still cared, it meant a lot. walking and talking, i know now what you thought. |
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