My brother, a devout Christian, recently asked me what my problem is with Christianity. I said I would think about it and get back to him. I realized that what he wanted was for me to give him an opportunity to defend his faith from what he perceived to be an attack. Previous similar discussions with my brother always resulted in his vehemently repeating all the dogma that we were taught as children, no matter how preposterous he sounded. I believe that his requests for a religious discussion came at times when he himself was doubting his own faith, as though by trying to convert me, he could reinforce and reassure his own faith. Repetition builds strength.
One common theme in Christianity that I have a problem with is that of a flock of sheep. Many Christians pride themselves on looking to their Shepherd for guidance, and being part of God's flock. I have always used the term "sheep" as an insult. To me, a sheep is someone who blindly follows anyone who steps up to lead them, someone who will not think for themselves, who do not accept responsibility for their actions.
Case in point, I know a man who recently stood trial for a violent crime. He decided that he would not testify on his own behalf despite his lawyers recommendations; he would leave it in God's hands. His lawyers therefore had no witnesses to call, so without this man's testimony, there was no one refuting anything that the prosecution asserted. I asked why he was bothering with a trial at all since it was a sure thing he would be found guilty by not testifying. He said, "It's in God's hands now. He will do what is right." After he was convicted, this man was angry with God for not getting him acquitted, and angry with God for letting him get in that situation to begin with. He disregarded the fact that his brother repeatedly advised him not to go out that night, and he blew off the advice. Had he listened, the incident for which he was convicted never would have occurred. He acknowledges that God gave him free will, but then blames God when he uses his free will to make a poor decision. God should have stopped him. I ask, What do you think he was doing when your brother told you to stay home? What more should God have done? Sent an angel to stand in front of your car and prevent you from going anywhere?
I have found this attitude to be prevalent among many Christians. This lack of personal responsibility creates a sense of helplessness in the individual. This helplessness makes them believe that they cannot change their circumstances, so they wait for God to do it for them. When he does not, they ask why God hates them. They are too dependent on God to do everything for them.
Fortunately, many people have heard the saying that God helps those who help themselves. When I mentioned this to the man who refused to testify, he replied that that saying does not come from the Bible and testifying could interfere with God's plans. They see God as omnipotent, able to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. What they often do not take into account is that when God created the universe, he established the laws through which the universe operates. He created those laws for a reason, and he is not likely to violate those laws just because we ask him to. When he created man, he gave him free will. God is not going to take away someone's free will just because we ask him to.
I see God (or whatever deity you follow) more as a parent or a mentor. God the Father is a role often referred to in the Bible. This prompts the question of what is the role of a parent? Most would agree that a parent is responsible for teaching their children how to be productive members of society. We have to teach them how to make wise choices and educated decisions. We want them to be successful. When children are young, parents set arbitrary rules for them to live by and punish them when they disobey. This is to teach examples of wise decisions. Children have to learn what proper choices are before they can learn how to make them. As the children get older, they are then taught why certain decisions are wise or not, but the child still has no say in making the decision. A few years later, when the parents feel the children are ready, they will allow them to make some decisions on their own, so they can learn the natural consequences of those choices. Is it then the parents' fault if the child makes the wrong choice? No. It is part of the learning process. The parent will do what they can to make sure the natural consequences are not more than the child can handle, and will step in if things get out of hand. Eventually, though, the parents have to let the child experience the full consequences of their decisions. This is very hard for many parents. We see many examples of parents who always bail out their children from any difficulty, no matter how old that child is. Parents like this are often said to need to "cut the apron strings". I believe that God does ease the blow whenever it is reasonable, but eventually he does cut the apron strings and we have to face responsibility.
In the case of the man from above, God finally decided that he would have to face the full consequences of his actions. I understand that the minimum sentence is more years than he currently is old. This man has lost his freedom, his fianc�e, and all the hopes and dreams they shared. He will spend most of his life in prison, and is now struggling with depression. Why? He would say that God put him there, that God failed him. Instead, he put himself there with his own actions and decisions. If he can come to realize this, then he may be able to pull himself out of his depression and make the best of what he has. His family still loves him and stands by him, and the sentence is finite. He can either change his life now, or when he gets out in the 30-50 years he expects the sentence to be.
What can we learn from this? We can learn that taking responsibility for ourselves is the first step to maturity. We are not babies to have everything dictated to us. We cannot flaunt the rules and expect someone else to come to our rescue. God does not do everything for us, nor should he. He gave us the tools to do for ourselves. We must accept the consequences, both good and bad, of our actions. The flip side of this is also learning to accept praise graciously. Just as God does not do everything bad to us, he also does not do everything good for us. Just like any parent, God will be proud of us for our accomplishments. He gave us a sense of pride for a reason. It builds self-esteem that encourages us to do more. Like anything else, it is only bad if we abuse it.
Since I have learned this, I have been a much more content person. A strong sense of self-esteem brings an inner peace that is so often lacking in this world of guilt, both self-imposed and from others. It encourages us to try new things, for without trying, nothing will be accomplished. Without trying, there are no successes and no failures. It is the coward's way to not try anything, and I don't believe that God wants us to be mindless, self-deprecating cowards.
Copyright 2004 Judith Anderson
