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Richie quietly followed Kevin into the house, his head down, afraid to look at him. Afraid of what he�d see... Afraid of what he felt...... �Go on in...,� Kevin lightly touched his arm as they started into the living room. Richie pulled his arm away. �Don�t...,� he moved into the room and started to pace, leaving Kevin standing in the doorway. �Richie...please... sit down. Can I get you something to drink?� �A double....whatever it is make it a double,� his voice sounding strange, even to his own ears. �I�ll be right back.....just sit down and don�t �.don�t leave...� �I ain�t goin� anywhere, Kevin...,� his voice was muffled behind his hands, I don�t fuckin� know why.....but right now, there�s nowhere else I want to be.� Kevin backed slowly out of the room. Scrubbing his hands over his face, Richie�s words came out on a tired sigh, �I promise...� As Kevin gathered a bottle of tequila and two glasses, he tried to stay calm. His heart was pounding in his ears. Running a hand through his hair, he hoped to shake off his nervousness. He didn�t know what to think...he didn�t know how to act. So many thoughts ran through his mind....so many questions. He had been second guessing his earlier decision...he should have known better...hell he DID know better. When he closed his eyes he could still see the look on Richie�s face...his look when he was struck with the realization of the meaning behind Kevin�s words. He should�ve kept quiet and then at least they could�ve had a friendship. Shaking his head he realized that would not have been a good idea...it wouldn�t have worked. But still........... The way he looked at me when we sang...he had to feel it too. I couldn�t be that wrong, could I? If he doesn�t feel something�anything...dammit, why is he here? What does he want? Walking back into the living room, he found Richie standing in front of the windows...staring out, but Kevin was sure he saw nothing. �Rich....� When Richie finally turned his head, Kevin had set the bottle and glasses on the table and was now standing a few feet in front of him, in nothing but a pair of jeans. �Oh God,� he muttered, allowing his eyes to travel the length of Kevin�s body...his perfectly sculpted chest, his toned arms, his flat stomach. When his gaze traveled back up, and their eyes met, he was taken aback by the intensity. His body was betraying him at every opportunity. Closing his eyes, he attempted to regain what was left of his composure and his sanity. �You okay?� �I�m fine...just fuckin� great,� his words spoken through clenched teeth as he crossed the room. Sitting down, he dropped his head onto the back of the sofa, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. Kevin poured them each a shot of tequila. �Rich...here...drink this....� Sitting up and reaching for the glass, his fingers brushed Kevin�s. What he felt caused him to shake so hard the glass almost fell to the ground. �Shit,� he mumbled catching the glass. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tossed the liquor down, grimacing as it burned his throat. When he opened his eyes, he saw that Kevin had taken a few steps back. He again let his gaze travel up Kevin�s body and felt himself responding to the man in front of him... �Jesus,� he tried to will his body not to respond, but it was no use, he could still feel himself getting hard. Gripping his hair tightly in his hands, he dropped his head. Kevin started to move toward him but decided against it, opting to sit on the floor keeping the coffee table between them. �Richie...I�m here.....whenever you�re ready to talk....I�m not movin� from this spot.� The silence was long and loud. He wondered if Richie was ever going speak. Kevin watched him closely...hoping to hear something...anything. All he heard were loud sighs and what sounded like muttered curses. As minute after agonizing minute passed, Kevin stretched his long legs out in front of him, leaned back against a chair and closed his eyes. His mind drifted back to the night they met and the night of the party� his head filled with �what ifs� and �if onlys�. Kevin was so lost in his thoughts, changing moments in time, that he wasn�t sure if the voice he heard was in his mind or in the same room...... �I�m not gay.....� He slowly opened his eyes to lock on the man sitting on his couch. Richie was wringing his hands together and looking down at his feet. �.....and I love my wife,� his voice breaking with emotion. Kevin sat up.... �I know you do.� �I mean it Kevin...I love my wife......and I never considered cheating on her....� �It�s okay Rich....I understand,� Kevin tried to hide the disappointment that was wrapping itself around his heart. �I dumped some pretty heavy shit on you...I don�t know what I was expecting...I know what I hoped for...� he shrugged, �...but...I do understand......� �No....,� his words muffled as he nervously bit on his lower lip, �I don�t think you do.� �Then tell me...,� Kevin leaned forward, resting his arms on the table in front of him. �Help me to understand,� his eyes intently focused on the man in front of him. Taking a deep breath, Richie closed his eyes, unable to look at Kevin, as he tried to gather up his courage. �I don�t know if I can help you understand when I�m not even sure I understand. I just know that I love Heather...my marriage is real Kevin...but...,� lifting himself off the couch he went to stand in front of the windows again. �But what, Richie?� Resting his forehead against the glass he closed his eyes, �but now ... now... I ... I don�t know....I mean...what the fuck is going on with me?� Kevin�s heart was in his throat as he tried to comprehend what he was hearing. �I....,� his voice breaking, �I...fuck,� he turned and moved back toward the couch, keeping his head down not wanting to look at Kevin. Sitting, he ran a shaky hand through his hair and then clasped them together in front of him. �Take your time Rich....,� Kevin�s voice filled with emotion, �tell me why you�re here.....please.......� �I don�t fucking know why......don�t you get it?? I DON�T KNOW WHY!� Kevin pulled the table away from the couch and made his way around to the front of it, slowly sitting on the edge facing Richie. �Maybe you do.....� �Kevin......I lied to my wife.....told her Jon was back in town and we were hittin� some bars to listen to some new sounds....,� his voice soft. �But, no... he�s not here, and what do I do? I get in my fucking car and drive here......HERE Kevin. I don�t know what I hoped to find, I just know there wasn�t anywhere else to go...� Kevin reached his hand out toward the older man, but Richie held his own hands up in front of him, �don�t ... please don�t touch me.......I can�t think straight when you do.....� Kevin�s breath caught and he swore his heart was going to pound out of his chest. �Okay,� was all he could say. �See Kevin...that�s the problem.....you touch me, and....and...stuff happens to me....shit that�s never happened before....and....� Kevin sucked in a breath........ �And, that scares the hell out of me man....I mean.....I�ve never felt like this before....never....and.....,� his words suddenly muffled behind his hands, �God help me...but ....� �But what....keep talking.....� �But...now....now I�m actually thinking....about cheating on my wife....� His voice broke as the tears brimming in his eyes threatened to spill over onto his cheeks. �With.....,� the words were catching in his throat. Their eyes met when he reached up to swipe at his tears, �with you, Kevin...� Kevin�s heart stopped as his brain tried to process what had been said. With me....me....with ME....he wants ME.... Unsure of what to do next, Kevin waited...his thoughts running in different directions. There was so much he wanted to say...so much he wanted to do. He wanted to hold him....touch him...tell him it would be okay�.. He wanted to kiss him... �Rich.......� Shaking his head, Richie clenched his hands in front of him, never looking up.... �No...I need to say this. I love my wife...my life...but....when I�m around you Kevin....I just...I don�t know....I feel like...like there�s something there....something that I�ve been missing....,� his voice so soft Kevin had to lean closer to hear him. �I thought about this all fucking day....I need to stop lying...� �Lying?� �Yeah...,� wrapping his arms around himself, Richie slowly rocked his body never looking up. �I�ve been lying Kevin...lying to you...lying to me. I know why I�m here...I know why......I just...I just don�t know what the fuck I�m supposed to do about it,� his voice breaking as he finally raised his head....his eyes meeting Kevin�s for the first time. As they held each others gaze, Richie found himself unable to look away. The expressive green eyes that had drawn him in from the start, now held him captive again. �What do I do ... tell me Kevin�what am I supposed to do now...,� he blinked back tears yet again. �Tell you?! I don�t know what to tell you Richie and I sure as hell can�t tell you what to do....you have to figure that out yourself....� Taking a shaky breath, Richie closed his eyes and nervously bit down on his lip. �Please�.don�t do that.....,� Kevin leaned in closer, raising his hand slowly...realizing this chance might only be given to him once. �Don�t do what......?� he asked, opening his eyes as Kevin gently touched a finger to his lip. �Don�t bite your lip.....,� he was barely able to breathe, fearing Richie would pull away from his touch. He didn�t. He watched as Kevin let his gaze fall to his mouth..... He sucked in his breath as Kevin moved closer...... �I�m going to kiss you now...� �Oh God......,� was all he could say before Kevin lowered his head and pressed a gentle, lingering kiss against his lips. Kevin�s head was spinning....Richie might not have kissed him back, but he didn�t fight him either. His eyes met Richie�s before he leaned in for a second taste. This time he was met with a tender kiss in return...sweet...almost chaste...the halting kisses of a man who was unsure of what was happening. Kevin captured Richie�s full bottom lip for just a second before pulling back. He touched his forehead to Richie�s, never opening his eyes. �Thank you� Richie chuckled nervously and looked up, �For what?� �For coming here, for being honest..,� Kevin chanced a little smile, �..for kissing me back.� �I need to go now, Kev...I�ve got a lot to sort out in my head.� Kevin stood in front of Richie, and held out his hand. As he looked up, evidence of the effect his kisses had on Kevin was staring him right in the face. He groaned inwardly, but resisted the urge to reach out and touch him. He took Kevin�s hand and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. They walked in silence to the front door, neither willing to let go of the other�s hand. When they parted at the door, Kevin wanted to kiss him again but was afraid to push him too far. As he started to leave, Richie turned back to look at Kevin. A shaky curse word slipped from his lips as his hand skimmed up Kevin�s arm to tangle in his hair and pull him in. His kiss was more insistent...seeking...probing...more sure. Kevin felt the touch of his tongue to his lips. He parted his lips slightly and granted access... Richie felt the contact all the way to his toes. They pulled apart breathless. No further words were spoken as Richie made his way to his car. Kevin finally shut the door and leaned against it. Letting out the breath he�d been holding, he closed his eyes and listened as the sound of Richie�s car disappeared down the driveway. Both men�s heads swam with the thoughts of what had just happened. Both men shared one thought... �What the hell have I done?� BACK HOME NEXT |
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| CHAPTER 6 |