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| The house tour left Kevin elated and a bit anxious. He wondered if the vibe he was getting from Richie was real, or simply a figment of his own libidinous imagination. He knew Richie's reputation...former hard-partying rock and roller who was now settled down, happily married and very straight. Yet he felt something there... As it got closer to midnight, Kevin wandered toward the music room still lost in his thoughts. He had met and mingled with the other guests, music and television insiders, as well as a healthy dose of family and "real" friends. Kevin felt comfortable and welcome. He connected with some people he hadn't seen in a while and met some new ones. But thoughts of what he wanted to play with Richie were never far from his mind. One of my songs? Who am I kidding, that'll never happen... One of his...yeah...but wait...do I want him to know I downloaded a bunch of his solo stuff after we met?? He pushed open the doors of the music room and looked around with a grin. The walls of the circular room were lined with guitars of every imaginable size, shape and color. The exception being one wall consisting of a bank of windows over looking the ocean. A grand piano sat in front of the windows... soft chairs were pulled together close by, giving the impression of hours spent playing and writing music. The lighting was soft and inviting. Various and sundry instruments were in stands all over the room. "Hell...I don't know what some of this shit is..." he muttered to himself... "Just how many instruments can the man play?!" He set his wine glass down on the corner of the piano and started picking out a few tunes....his still untitled piano solo...some Elton John...a little Billy Joel...Simon & Garfunkel. He didn�t realize he had company until he got to the chorus of "Bridge Over Troubled Water", when Richie and Jon had started singing with him. As people filtered in behind them, they were treated to some beautiful harmonies as they picked up guitars and the three men finished singing the song. Kevin felt his face warming at the smattering of applause from the guests who'd made their way in. "I...uh...I hope it was okay for me to come in & play", he stammered. Richie's big grin was answer enough, "oh hell yeah, man...I love this shit!!" And with that, it was on... The place was filled with musicians and they all wanted a turn. Richie handed out guitars like some sort of musical matchmaker...carefully choosing the right guitar for the right player and keeping watch over those he wasn't willing to share. There were drums and even a bass. Harmonicas, maracas and a lot of voices, good and bad, filled the room. People called out requests and all those who knew the song joined in. Kevin and David Bryan traded off licks on the piano as drinks kept appearing in peoples glasses. The songs ranged from the ridiculous to the sublime and bets were taken as to how much the tabloids would pay to have video of Bon Jovi and a Backstreet Boy doing YMCA. As the night turned to morning and people began to drift out, there was still a handful of folks left...Kevin among them. As the players finally got quiet, someone called out for one more song. Tico began to beat out a slow, but very distinctive rhythm on the drums in front of him. Without looking up, Richie immediately started picking out chords. The song had been written with an electric guitar, but the acoustic guitar he was playing gave it an even more intimate feel. As he sang the verse, some people recognized it, others didn't...Richie wasn't surprised. But as he reached the chorus, he was blown away when he heard a voice join his...deep and soft as velvet, Kevin sang: "Somewhere in my life, there's one light burning...I feel it like my heart beating inside..." Dark brown eyes, met jade green ones... "Somewhere in the night, there's one light burning..." Kevin's heart was pounding...should he keep going? Was he making a fool of himself? Was Richie flattered or freaked out?! Oh hell...he'd already gone this far... "All alone with my fears... No words are spoken... A story yet to be told... Locked in my mind... Hope is somewhere ahead...Shining brightly...But the past is always following close behind....See my life going by, each moment I�m alive...I keep reaching out, holding on, hoping... When they finished the song, the remaining guests burst into applause. Richie and Kevin never moved. When they talked about it later, neither one could even remember breathing... neither was certain exactly what, but they both knew that something had changed in those few moments. The spell was broken as Tico reached over and clapped the men on the back. "Long time since we did that one!!" Richie laughed quietly..."Yeah, man...long time...thanks..." "And you!", he said to Kevin, "You're just fuckin' full of surprises! We need to give you a call next time 'Dino' here takes his show on the road!" Both men were laughing, but there was no humor in the look they exchanged. Once the playing had stopped, the remaining guests made their way out as Richie and Heather stood by the door saying their goodbyes. Kevin waited until Heather was caught up with one of her girlfriends before stepping up to say goodnight to Richie. The two men clasped hands, and exchanged pleasantries..."Thanks again...great party" "Thanks for coming....great to see you".... It's now or never, Richardson... He leaned in a bit closer and tightened his grip on Richie's hand. "How about lunch one day next week...there's a great little...," before he could even finish his sentence, he had his answer. "Yes." Kevin gave his hand one last squeeze, "I'll call you," and he walked out the door. All Richie knew was that he hoped Kevin meant it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The restaurant was dark, quiet and well off the beaten path. The food was spicy and the beer ice cold. It was perfect. Both men had already washed down a shot of Cuervo with a cold Dos Equis...one to bolster his confidence, the other to calm his nerves. Kevin had invited Richie under the pretense of discussing a recording studio he was in the process of renovating. But what he really hoped was that he would find the courage to let Richie know what he was feeling, and to then deal with what ever his reaction was going to be. Richie was curious about the studio...and about Kevin. He listened, and watched, as the younger man talked about the studio...it was his pride and joy. He was captivated by the way his eyes lit up with excitement...the way his strong fingers plucked at his beard while he was thinking. His carefully chosen words...the reverence and love with which Kevin talked about the place. The way he would lean forward and listen intently whenever Richie had something to say. The way his nose scrunched up when he grinned after Richie said he'd like to see the studio. Talk turned to recording and producers they'd both worked with...from working with writers to the joy of writing your own songs. Richie talked about what writing songs, outside the confines of Bon Jovi, had meant to him. How very personal they were...how much it meant for him to be able to share them with people. He told Kevin that he was working on some solo stuff again and hoped to release another CD during Bon Jovi's next hiatus. "And speaking of my songs, I have to admit, you threw me for a fuckin' loop the other night when you knew 'One Light Burning'..." Kevin looked down and examined his beer bottle intently for a few seconds...then mumbled... "I downloaded some of your stuff..." "You WHAT??!!" "I downloaded a couple of songs off Kazaa...", Kevin said sheepishly, "but then I went out & bought the CD!!" Richie smiled a huge smile... You could get lost in those dimples, Kevin thought. He reached out and touched Kevin's hand. "Thanks, man... that means a lot to me." Kevin looked up and met his gaze. For just a moment, time stood still as the two men sat in the little booth, Richie's hand on top of Kevin's. Kevin felt a familiar tightening in his groin...to Richie the feeling was familiar, but the source of it was not. Richie slowly picked up his hand, then ran a finger across Kevin's wedding band. "So.... where's your wife?" "Busy..." "No man...I mean why isn't she ever around? She wasn't with you at the Super Bowl or the party the other night. I've seen her with you at the big award shows and stuff, but that's about it." This was it...he had to make a quick decision...one that could change everything. Kevin couldn't look up...he was afraid of what he might see. His voice was soft and low...almost a whisper... "My marriage isn't what it seems." Richie cocked his head a bit and looked at him with a puzzled expression, "what do you mean," he asked. "Our marriage is for appearances only. My wife has a lifestyle she never would have had otherwise...being married to me has opened a few doors for her, allowed her to meet people and furthered her career. Don't misunderstand...I love Kristin, but we were always better friends than lovers. We haven't been intimate in a long time." Richie knew there was more to the story than that. Hell, even he noticed how good looking this man was, how passionate. No matter how unwittingly, he had felt himself respond to the sexual aura that surrounded Kevin. He was smart, funny, and talented. He could have any woman he wanted...why settle for this ghost of a marriage? "Kevin, I know there are plenty of women around happy to oblige.... with no strings attached." "You could say that", Kevin said with a resigned laugh. "But the women have always been there, haven�t they?" He shrugged and nervously twisted his ring... "Yeah, I guess." "Then what is it, man, what do you REALLY get from this deal?" "Protection...cover...the freedom to be who I am without people asking a lot of questions." Kevin wondered if everyone in the place could hear his heart pounding. "And who is that man...who are you behind closed doors?", Richie asked...almost afraid of the answer. Kevin finally looked up, straight into those dark brown eyes. "Let's just say, I never limited myself to just women." While Kevin's heart was pounding, Richie was certain his had stopped. Oh hell ....suddenly all the feelings he'd been fighting for the last month came rushing to the surface....and he was scared shitless. He caught the waitress as she passed by the table. "Another shot of Cuervo, please." She looked at Kevin and he nodded. The two men sat in silence until she returned to the table with their drinks. Kevin picked up his glass and with a nod to his companion, downed the shot. Richie followed suite....then taking a deep breath he tried to pull his "Rock Star Cool" out of hiding. "That's cool, man. I've spent enough years out on the road...shit happens, you end up at a party, everybody's hammered and the next thing you know, you're naked in a pile." He laughed what he hoped sounded like a relaxed chuckle, but what came out actually sounded more like a nervous squeak. Kevin carefully studied the older man's face...the heavy lidded, dark eyes peeking out through tousled bangs...the full lips just begging to be kissed. He was afraid he'd never see it this close again. "No, Rich...it's not as simple as that." He fiddled with the label on his beer bottle and chewed on his bottom lip. "I've had relationships with men...and with women...I'm bi. I love the soft feel of a woman's breasts...and the hard feel of a man's chest. I love sex...I love being in love. It's about the attraction for me...and I am attracted to both sexes. But being who I am, I could never come out...not as long as I'm working. It would destroy the group. It was hard enough for management to deal with me getting married. Can you imagine what would happen if they found out the whole story? It would ruin what I've worked so hard for...and not just for myself, but for those four other men who make up Backstreet. I can't do that to them. So I live a public lie," he shrugged, "it's not so bad." Richie found himself captivated by Kevin's vulnerability & his honesty. He also found himself terrified of what it all meant. Kevin wanted him. "I...uh...I don't know what to say, man..." Richie stuttered & stumbled over his words. "I...I...I can't imagine how hard that is for you. I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me. Listen, dude...I'm sorry...but...." He slid out of the booth and fumbled in his pocket for some money. "I need to head out...I've got a...uh...meeting...this afternoon." Kevin tried to speak, but Richie was on a roll... "I'll be in touch. Take care...," he reached out as if to shake Kevin's hand, then stuffed his hand back in his pocket. "I'm sorry..." "It's okay, Richie....but, please..." "Oh, don't worry man, your secret is safe with me!" He turned and walked quickly out of the restaurant. Nope, I won't be telling any of my buddies that I got hit on by a gay, bi, whatthefuckever Backstreet Boy!! Kevin paid the tab and took the long way home. He was angry, hurt and more than anything...sad. He�d known the risk he was taking, and was kicking himself in the ass for having taken it. By the time he arrived home all he wanted to do was pour himself a stiff drink. Grabbing a bottle of tequila and a glass, he plopped down on the couch. He watched the sun go down over the hills behind his house and reflected on the events of the last few weeks. He couldn't help thinking about what might have been. When he finally closed his eyes, he could see Richie standing in front of him... wearing a dark shirt, unbuttoned all the way, and tight jeans...with the top button undone. He was looking down at Kevin, his eyes filled with desire...the evidence of which was bulging in his jeans. Kevin slid down on the couch and rubbed his hand over his own erection. He envisioned Richie falling to his knees in front of him...his long fingers reaching up to undo his pants and release his hard cock. As his hands began to move up and down his shaft, it was Richie's mouth he saw...his full lips wrapped tightly around him, taking in every inch. His hand picked up speed, moistened by pearly drops of precum .... Richie's tongue touching the swollen tip...licking, sucking...then deep throating him again...his hand moved faster and faster. Richie's mouth...his eyes urging him on...his hands gripping his thighs...his breathing labored. Kevin's strong hand was bringing on the release he so desperately wanted, while his other hand gripped the pillows on the sofa. He threw his head back and closed his eyes..."Oh yeah, baby...faster...shit...take it all....I want to give it all to you...." His hot cum shot out all over his hand and abdomen as he pumped himself again and again. He lay there for a minute...spent...and sad, before he finally got up and went into the bathroom to get cleaned up. Pulling his shirt over his head, he thought he heard the security system beep as if a car had entered the driveway. After he dried off, he threw his shirt and the washcloth in the hamper. Walking back out into the living room, he could have sworn he heard a car door. "Fuuucccck...the last thing I want right now is company." He stepped to the window and looked out. He saw the driver standing ...looking up toward his house...and then slowly turning to get back in the car, casting a glance back over his shoulder. "What the hell?!" He jerked open the door and ran down the driveway toward the slowly moving vehicle. "Hey....WAIT!!" The car stopped and Kevin bent over as the driver lowered the window. He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted.... "I don't know why I'm here," the voice inside the car barely a whisper. "I don't know why either...but I'm glad you are. Please don�t leave Richie...come inside." One Light Burning ~ Richie Sambora 1991 BACK HOME NEXT |
| CHAPTER 5 |