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Retna Devi Balan

Namaste Kavya readers

CALL ME A LUNATIC IF YOU WANT

The night sky was bright with shining stars and a glowing moon. A gentle breeze was blowing to cool an otherwise smothering heat. My husband and I decided to sit out on the walkway to enjoy the evening better. The enchantment of the evening grew when he began to sing soft romantic melodies.

That evening, the lines of Wordsworth’s poem ‘Leisure’ came to mind. “What is this life if full of care, no time to stand and stare.”

After years of being a career woman, I expected to be shackled by boredom when I became a housewife. More so in a foreign land. But little did I realize the joys that lay waiting for me.

The tiring part of the day is mainly the mornings when I am rushing to clean the house, wash the clothes and finish the cooking before eleven. After that the heat gets unbearable and being in the kitchen is pure torture.

Sai & Ret - 23 Nov 2000

Of course having an understanding and caring husband who does not mind handling household chores is definitely helpful (to the chagrin of my in laws). Let me tell you, it is such a rare commodity. Men here (at least the ones I have seen) don’t lift a finger to do anything if they can help it.

In my case, the burden is much lighter because it is being shouldered by more than one. Amidst laughter and pranks, we get things done. The rest of the day is spend in either chatting nonsense or discussing some points regarding music. At other times we just enjoy the time to be together. Since having him around is also pretty rare when it is ‘music season’.

I frequently take breaks from whatever I am doing to stand by the window – to either feel the wind or look at the many variety of plants growing in my house owner’s garden. My interest is kindled further by the presence of squirrels and birds especially crows. Yes, yes, crows! Their behaviour is rather fascinating.

However, squirrel watching seems to have become a favourite pastime. They squeak in a funny manner while vigorously shaking their lovely bushy tails up and down. Makes me think of two housewives excitedly chatting with each other. Perhaps, incidents such as these may have inspired the more talented to create cartoons.

In the evenings, when Sai is at home, after a hearty dinner we sit to gaze at the night sky. Picking out flickering stars and looking for our favourite stars – the ones that outshine all the others.

It was during one such moment that I commented,’ I must be truly blessed to get to enjoy this.’ When I was working, I never found the time to gaze at stars or to enjoy the caresses of the wind. Everyone of us was caught in a rat race of rushing from home to work and then again from work to home where very often more work awaits.

When I first moved here, I was filled with uncertainties mostly because I had never looked beyond teaching, home and the familiar set of friends. It took the bold combined move of marriage, resigning and migrating to change everything.

Earlier on I was contemplating of getting a teaching job since I thought I knew only that. But now I am beginning to realize how limited my vision had been. An educated woman can find lots to do from home. I have been set free from the confines of a job and found new things to explore and old stuff rediscovered.

Hobbies which had been part of a distant past has again found a place in my life. I am fast becoming a culinary expert, devouring books faster than bookworms and most of all I am enjoying the pleasure of writing.

Of course, it is not possible for everyone to just let go of a job. But maybe it is good to consider that there are options out there. Perhaps, everyone of us at least once in our lives need to get away from the beaten track and walk down ‘The Road Not Taken’. Then to see for ourselves what else is there …

So far all of these sounds wonderfully idyllic but life is not only a bed of roses. Once a while (sometimes more than once a while) there are pinpricks of thorns.

Adapting to a whole new culture, though somewhat familiar yet still different, has its own share of challenges. From the clothes I wear to the words I speak are put under the microscope to check if it is acceptable. Most of the things that I say or do is dismissed with, ”That is foreign culture, not for us.” The sad part: they don’t even take time to think and rationalise on the merits and demerits of what is being said. By the way, the people here are like a frog in a well. They are unable to see new things or adapt to changes especially when it concerns practices they have carried on for generations even though they don’t know why they are doing it.

Instead of being bothered by these, I shrug it off good naturedly knowing that it is impossible to straighten a dog’s tail. My defense against the onslaughts of unbearable behaviour – faith.

I found out that faith plays an important role in a happy life. Without it maintaining a healthy attitude is next to impossible. Even when times seem a little challenging, we believe God will see us through. Well, people say that it takes pressure to show what stuff we are made of. So, we just have to wait and see what is it that we are made of besides bones and sinews.

Sometimes the moments that I miss the most are having a cup of coffee with a friend and sharing a comfortable chit-chat. Making friends here have been pretty difficult but I am trudging along.  More than this I miss walking into a classroom and having my children greet me fondly. I miss watching them grow and achieving extraordinary things. But I guess I cannot be all things at the same time. I have to let go off some to get others. Sigh!

If we take a moment to reflect on our lives, most of us will realize that we are passing our days in a blur (of which I was once a part). We rush everywhere to do everything. Life becomes a grind. Along the way, most people don’t even know what they are doing. … Just look around, you’ll know the people I am talking about. Yeah, the ones wearing the worn out expressions and keep saying, ”Life %$#*@&#!”

Truth is: life with all its glory is out there waiting if only we are willing to grab hold of it with a little faith – slow down the pace and look for the simple joys in life.

At this point of my life, there is so much to experience. Some are poignant, some are sweet. Others are nostalgic and more still, pure merriment. The old adage “money does not buy happiness” still holds true. Now I believe it is the choices we make and the attitude we adopt that determines our happiness and it is up to us how happy we make ourselves.

Call me a lunatic if you want but here are some things which brought many a smile at unexpected moments and to wonder again at the power of creation. Watching the sun set in a fiery ball and throwing the sky into many hues; catching the crescent moon before it disappears; dew drops on a spider web; twin rainbows after a light shower of rain; buffaloes floating like crocodiles in lakes; squirrels playing among leaves and tree branches; birds whizzing in and out of the room; watching fireflies in the early evening; seeing children flying kites – and joining in.

My most treasured moments are when I am at my in laws’ house in a little village far from the hustle and bustle of the city. There I get to watch eagles soaring the skies. In daring to do things differently with my life, I too am flying amongst them.

Call me a lunatic, but you too may join me.

Nandri.

Kavya, Januari 2003

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