Entities Called Children
American novelist and poet Toni Morrison once asked, ďDo your eyes light up
when your children enter the room?Ē Itís a simple gesture really, to reflect
in your eyes the love you have for your children embedded deep within your
heart. But how many people are actually making an effort to let their children
know how much they mean to them?
have this friend whose mother practices hugs with her children as well as her
childrenís friends. Without fail, I knew I was going to get a hug from her
each time I visited the family. Another friend beside me said to me, after
seeing my friendís mother giving hugs to everybody, ďBut thatís not our
custom,Ē and I was taken aback for a second. It made me ponder, what is our
custom? Did it matter then, only to show love and care in the way that was
upheld for generations?
may very well be that this hugging custom was derived straight from the West but
itís certainly not evil. We live in a high octane world, chasing ferociously
our dreams and ambitions. We always want everything, donít we? Then, how about
spending more time with your child or simply making small gestures everyday to
let them know how much you love them? Do you wonder how the distance occurs
between you and the child? Werenít you supposed to be a tag-team of sorts? So
really, what and where did it go wrong?
detachment really comes into view when negativity is a central figure in your
relationship. Labelling your child with negative and judging words like moron,
stupid, slow or even associating them with animals like donkey (in reference to
slowness of brain) is probably the biggest drawback from achieving a loving
relationship. When your child makes a mistake, or has some trouble catching up
with a certain subjects, judging them or calling them names will not do you or
the child any good. Plus, punishing them physically (slapping, shoving or
hitting their head with your knuckles) each time they failed to solve a math
problem for instance, are perfect building blocks for a disastrous relationship
and a low self-esteem character.
thing is the high expectations parents set on their children. When the kids are
not able to perform up to the par set by their parents, they are immediately
criticized and compared with their more successful peers. Try not to attack
their character or lecture them because it doesnít work. Try to listen more
and talk less. Be attuned to what they think and feel as a person, as a human
being, as an entity that has a life to live in this world.
than coming home from work and putting up a bitter, sour face, try to forget
your problems at work and be happy to see your children. We all know how
demanding, how taxing work life can be but never ever bring that back to home.
Home is supposed to be the sanctuary where positivity, love and validation
See, the difference between an adult and a child is that an adult has more life experiences. Other than that, the feelings and emotions of a child can actually level the ones of an adultís. It is always the simple things that take into account when grown ups reminisce of their childhood. A simple hug or a loving ritual every day lets you know that all is well and that you can depend on your loved ones when things are not sailing smoothly.
Kavya, June 2003
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