Murphy's Law

The next day was hectic and I was totally out of sorts, worrying about going to prison, was really draining me emotionally and mentally... even though I slept like a log the night before...
I even found myself adding a little thank you for my pillows, in my nightly prayers...
I thought mostly about how I had allowed myself to get into a situation like this, made a few calls to find out what I could do about missing court... I did all the right things, to prepare for the court date, that morning.
I thought I had made it more than plain, that this was important.
Made sure the kids remembered that I had to go to court, the might before and they were going to take me up there.
My daughter got a little upset, because by the 5th time I ask her, she told me, "calm down MOM... I'm not going to let you go to back to jail..."
The day seemed longer than a normal day... antisapation is a killer of any speedy time passing.
Now I was a fugitive too and scared to death.
The phone calls went right as I suspected, no one knew anything, then passed to a different department, then to another person, so all of those were made a couple of times each, to ask the same question, that was finally answered but the first place I called... normal court processes, I suppose!
But the final answer was one that I really didn't want to hear.
"Yes Mam, There was a warren t issued..." And "No Mam, there's nothing that can be done, except turn yourself in...."
After hearing that, I just knew I couldn't face another day or night in threat little cell... I decided to get hold of my Bondsman, and see what I could do to make things right for him anyway, since I had just lost him $5000.
Steve Williams, was a great man... I'll always stand on that and never let it go.
I could sing his praises from no on and never feel like I've done enough for all he did for me.
I explained to him what happened and although it seemed a lot to me, Steve just laughed and told me to meet him at the courthouse, the following Monday, which was the next time the judge that issued the warrant was on the bench... Steve said we could fix it then, but in the meantime "Stay out of trouble and avoid the police at all cost!!" I ask him about this and he told me, "well, if you get stopped or arrested, they will take you in, I will loose my money, and you will sit in jail..." that was the end of that conversation and I did just as he said.
Of course, everyone that knew me, in our little town, had to stop in and get the story, straight from the horses mouth...
Making their little comments about "What kind of Birds don't fly..." which was a favorite saying of mine, whenever any of them would go to jail for anything... of course the answer is a "jailbird" some even had the story that I had tried to break G out... YEP!!! Little town Gossips... None Better!
By the time I fought through this emotional day, I was worn completely out and went to bed early, again thanking God for the blessings I had, that I could possibly loose, in the near future, if things went badly.
Missouri is know for giving lengthy sentences for drug related offences and Randolf County, has a reputation for using women offenders as examples and equally as hard about long sentencing for them as well.
Things just didn't look really good for me, right then, but I knew I was basically a good girl, so they would have to see that I wasn't going to be a problem...
At least I had to convince them of that fact anyway, by doing everything just the way they wanted me to.
Early the following Monday, I got up and dressed, ready for anything, except going up and facing this judge again.
I just knew if my luck held the same line, it had been... things would not be good....
I reached the courthouse, and found Steve right there waiting for me... and he told me that they were in the middle of some other cases and we'd have to wait until they were finished, to talk to the judge about any of this. He also told me that he would have to reinstate my bond, after the judge ask if he will stay on it... then the judge would pull the warrant...
We sat there from 9AM until after 2PM waiting to get this back before the judge... Steve sat right with me, never wavering, or complaining... Just sat quietly, for the most part, and made some phone calls to get someone to handle other things, he was missing, because he was stuck with me and the problem I had caused him.
Finally we stood before the judge and all went just as Steve had said, I explained what happened to the judge and he ask Steve, if he would remain on the bond... Steve told them he would and it was done... a new court date was set and I could go home.
Isn't it strange, how a person can take a simple thing and make it so much more than it really is, either for the good, or the bad...
I had set it in my mind that nothing was going to go right for me, all I wanted was to get this done with... and all I was getting was lingering heartache.
Everyday reminded me of the thing I had done to myself, because I sidestepped my own strong willed ways and beliefs, just once!
The courts postponed the dates, 2 more times after that too... and then we had another hearing, where I made my guilty plea... then another date for sentencing... a month down the road, so that they could do a PSI (PreSentence Investigation)
Meaning they wanted to know if I was probation worthy... all about how I lived, and how things around me would affect any kind of probation, I might get.
They would in this month, talk to as many friends, family members, job associates, a lot of people, some of them I would rather not have them know anything about my being in trouble, but once you put yourself in a position like that, nothing is really private again.
I had learned a big lesson, in all of this...
I learned, that Freedom, carries a deeper meaning, than we would ever think of, without some kind of prod, to your thought of it...
When you commit a crime, even before you get caught, you give up your freedom...
You become the product of your own making...
You are no longer free to be all you could have been, before you were branded with a felony conviction.
People no longer see you as they did before...
Your friends, somehow see danger in your aquantence and slowly begin to slip away... so you no longer have the freedom to stop by uninvited...
Your family begins to act as if you have shamed them and the "Holy" family name... so you loose the freedom to be called sister, brother, son or daughter, in a lot of cases.
And God Forbid, you be sentenced to actual incarceration... because you loose your freedom to everything...
I knew that if, I was sentenced as harshly as some... I would loose My CDL... You can't have a Commercial Drivers Licence, with a felony drug conviction...
I had to sweat blood to get that licence... That licence had provided for me with every ounce of blood in it too... I just couldn't loose it because of one stupid mistake... But that was a very real prospect...
I felt as if I had been cheated somehow, that it was unfair, then, I saw something I really didn't like at all....
I knew all these things, way before I ever decided to do the deed... I knew the choice was a gamble, and I knew I could loose the bet... but I chose to do it anyway....
What I didn't and still don't know, is what causes a person to KNOW something and go directly against what they believe... Maybe that's something we just aren't suppose to understand about ourselves, or others.
The morning of my sentencing, I was there early... My lawyer had spent less than 5 minutes with me, in all the weeks, since he was appointed to my case.
I can't say he wasn't a good lawyer... I don't know for sure if he was or wasn't... because I never had much of a chance to talk to him.
I do know that a mistake was found in my case and it had to be dropped from a Class A Felony, down to a Class B Felony and it was the prosecutor that found the mistake... NOT MY LAWYER!
Before court, I had the opertunity to talk about what the prosecutor had to offer me, as far as my sentencing...
Probation... 5 years, 40 hours of community service, Prison Tour assignment, Drug Screening, Fees and court cost... NO CONTACT ORDER (with the exception of Letters) with my husband, I was strictly forbidden on any DOC Property, and I loose my CDL...
Oh God!! This is exactly what I didn't want!! My heart fell to the pit of my stomach... and I wanted to cry... I felt as if some part of hell had crept into my little world...
I ask if there was any way I could keep my CDL... The lawyer said, yes... but if I couldn't use it, what good would it do me... all I could say was, I just have to keep it... He said that to keep it, the prosecutor would also recommend a 15 year back on the probation agreement... I told him do it...
Now some of you likely don't know what it means to have a 15 year back... all the other things in count, with a 15 year back, says if you don't make all your suppose to do, on probation, you are violated and sent to prison for 15 years...
Of course all this also has to be approved by the judge, or none of it goes... so I was still taking in the fact that if this judge said NO to probation... I would likely get twice that in prison anyway.
The lawyer talked to the prosecutor... which got a few odd looks, but I didn't care... I wanted that one thing I had worked so hard to get... When it came my time for sentencing... I have to say, I wasn't looking for a good ending, at all.
I got the standard lecture, from the judge as to the seriousness of what I had done...
I didn't mind too much... I knew I was wrong and had given like lectures to a countless number of kids, I had helped raise over the years... My own children, lived with lectures like this all their natural lives, as did my grand kids.
Now at 52 years old... I was getting the same thing I gave to them... and I was ashamed!
Then the sentence....
Probation... 5 years, 400 hours of community service, Aprox. $2400@$6pr Hr, Prison Tour assignment, transportation $30, Drug Screening, $125, if thought, necessary after screening, treatment program, $250, Fees and court cost, $199... NO CONTACT ORDER (with the exception of Letters) with my husband,There is NO PRICE comparable... strictly forbidden on any DOC Property, with a 15 year back...
Judges final comment... " Mrs. Nelson, 40 hours of community service is just not enough... 400 will be your community service hours instead... And IF you don't walk this 5 years probation down, DAY FOR DAY... I promise you, you will walk 15 years in the penitentury down, DAY FOR DAY!"
These words are the most resounding words of my life....
"I promise you... you will walk 15 years in the penitentury down, DAY FOR DAY!"
I've never let go of that! I will never let go of that... even after I walk the probation... I'll still hear those words every time I think I'm not satisfied with how things are... there is always a better way!! Even if it's not the easier way...
I only wrote this in hopes it might detour just one person, like me... I'm not proud of any of this...

This is not a joke, or a game... But it is a gamble...
a costly one... If you not in this situation, never go there...
If your involved in a situation like this... Get Out,
before you loose and at some point...
EVERYBODY LOOSES!!!

Updates as of
2/12/04

QuestoftheTurtle

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