I'm sure everyone is waiting to hear a few updates on this... I know I've been living this and it just hasn't been going fast enough... I thank you all for helping me through this... you know who you are... so I don't need to list a string of names...
October 15, 2003...
I have my 400 hours of community service finished. I actually finished with 412 hours,
I don't begrudge them the extra 12 hours I don't think I could have learned as good a lesson as I have doing these hours if I hadn't taken time to figure out that this 412 hours was worth $2472.oo and I had to do it FREE...
It wasn't as easy as it seemed... I had to work it off sometimes working 15 or 16 hours a day... and I'm now having problems with some medical issues...
not necessarily because of the job...
but because if I had thought before I made the mistake... I could have been taking care of other things, during the time I was doing these worthless hours... they are not worthless as far as the lessons they teach,
but they are worthless as in they literally cost me a little over 12 times the amount I would have gotten for doing the dead and not getting caught.
Believe me... not getting caught isn't the goal here...
everyone will eventually get caught.
No one is immune to being a prime target of the system,
No one is infallible and no one should ever believe they're too smart to get caught.
October 23, 2003...
I just got back from the prison tour in Vandalia,. It was awsome... put together very well and as large as our group was, I believe there were 31 people that were there, it went very smothely.
We were taken through the prison into areas the a visiter never sees... there were 7 inmate members of the Outreach Program that did the tour as well as about 5 staff members. Our group also included 2 Probation/Parole officers, from my area parole office.
Most of the ones that were in the group were the ones on probation, for things like drug related offences, DUIs, child endangerment, and theft... I was the one with the highest amount of time facing me, if I screw up, of all there, with 15 years back and 5 years probation.
The thing I can't believe is there were also women there, that have been given chance after chance to stay out of there...
Most of them 2 or 3 times over... but one girl was on her 13th go arund with probation...
To this all I can say is, what's wrong with her probation officer???
December 10, 2003...
I wrote to the judge on the 3rd of this month to request my visits back with G. because the 15th of December it will be a year since this nightmare begen.
I recieved a reply denying my request. Maybe it is that I will have to wait until April, which will be a year from sentencing...
I'll write again then... I'm not going to get down about this yet... I was pushing my luck a little anyway, expectin them back.
I kinda thought I would have to wait till April anyway... but I knew the worst he coud do was say no... it's not a violation to ask though...
January 7, 2004
I now only have the REACT drug screen to do... that's more $$ that I just don't have...
I don't know what I can do except pray that God give me a way to do it or a way out of it
I know I don't need it as far as drug treatment, and I've tried to get everything finished
I just can't seem to get the money for this one thing...
I think I will have to try to get the time extended to get it finished...
God help me!
February 9, 2004...
Today is my Birthday and it's the first time I've missed spending it with G...
It's hard to explain all the things that go through my head at times like this...
So much I've missed because of one stupid mistake, but no one to blame but myself...
I will also miss being with G on his birthday too and all the holidays I've missed before now have proved out to be the same... Alone and afraid I'll never be allowed to see him any more...
Oh, if you think they can't do that... Better think again... They are the ones who hold all the cards now...
They can do whatever they please.
Missing him is a natural part of my daily life, but on days like this, the really special ones, the massive emptiness is overwhelming.
All I really know is I did have a choice!
I Made The Wrong One!
April 1, 2004
I finally did get my REACT Screening finished too...
So this finishes all my stipulations...
But when I went to see my probation officer today, I discovered that G had written to the Judge and although I had a letter written as well, to mail today, the judge had already denied our visits again.
I don't know what else there is for me to do except to pray that something comes to me, that might actually tell the judge that I have learned a lesson from all of this and hope to help others in learning what I have so far...
This has cost me so much already and now without the help of God and the Judge, it may cost me my marrage too.
I want to ask all who read this to please drop a line in your prayers for me and G as well as the judge to allow him to see that keeping me and G apart now is not serving any real purpose anymore.
Maybe God will soften his heat to at least allow us non-contact, or limited visits... I pray he does... I'll wait until the middle of the month, when I know it's been a full year from the date of my sentencing and try to go see him
Maybe if I talk to him in person I can find a way to show him that I'm serous about this whole thing...
Again I want to warn you all, who are in this kind of situation, Please know what your going to loose if you get caught... and it's just not worth it in any respect...
Money wise you'll make a dollar or two before you get caught, but emotionally, psyically, mentally and monitairly you'll loose far more than you'll ever be able to get back.
Please take this warning to heart...
If your in it do stop... If your thinking of getiing in it, think it through again and stay out of it!! Please!
<
