Just seeing GS reminded me that she couldn�t be this monster that was being implied. Don�t get me wrong; I was still scared for our son. But, GS and I have built a friendship. I love her like a sister. It was hard to forget everything the nurses had said she had done and remind myself that it couldn�t possibly be true, I know her. When I saw her in that bed, in her room, I knew she couldn�t have done this. I was still scared for my son, god what if she had done this? I felt like either way I felt I was betraying either my friend of my son. She gave me my son though. With out her, Mitchell wouldn�t be. I thanked her for him. I could never thank her enough. We loved her for what she had done, but at the same time were scared that our trust and love was mislaid.
The nurse that had been sitting at GS �bedside came over to me while I held my son and seemed to be doing a bunch of little exams on him, opening his mouth, pushing on him, noted his nose was �flaring�. She made me feel very uncomfortable, like she knew something about him or his condition that we didn�t know, yet. While she was doing this she didn�t say a single word to us. It was haunty. After she finished this I asked GS if she would like to hold him. The nurse seemed to dash me a look of disbelief. I felt at this point we had to prove to them we trusted GS and would deal with the outcome when the actual accurate test was performed. GS herself seemed a bit in disbelief that I offered Mitchell to her. I handed Mitchell to her and thanked her again for him.
The nurse said �we� would be moving into the postpartum room shortly. She had GS� DH and my mom take a bunch of the stuff to GS� room. I pushed the basinet while GS carried Mitchell via a wheelchair into her new room, with a new nurse.
We had written a birth plan. GS had made it clear from the beginning that when our child(ren) was born she would like it if I roomed in with her. She had said this would give her an opportunity to see me with my baby(ies) and her an opportunity to spend some time with him/them. When we got to the new room the nurse said she was trying to arrange a room for my DH and myself. This would give GS an opportunity to get lots of rest and not be disturbed by the baby or myself in her room. I hesitated to this and really I think GS did too. The issue seemed to be pushed and because of the hour in the morning 2:30�ish I think, if I roomed in another room this would give GS� DH the opportunity to stay with GS which being through everything she had been through seemed very important. The nurse told me the room number I would be in and my DH helped me move my stuff and Mitchell down to the room. Then my husband had to leave as we were banking Mitchell�s cord blood and it needed to be taken to Fed Ex for next day delivery. (this is another story)After my husband left the nurse came in and told me GS was very frail and how Sally (the nursery nurse) has no tolerance for drug use during pregnancy because she see�s the results of what these women do to their babies. She said she herself had failed a drug screen here at work for taking an herbal supplement (can�t remember the name). She said she brought it in after failing and was cleared. So, she had a personal understanding of this but Sally did not. She made me feel very uncomfortable and as though I had hurt GS. All I knew at this point was I wanted out of this hospital and away from the wretched people as soon as possible. She said she would be checking in on Mitchell throughout the night. I don�t think I slept even an hour that night. |
