Archives 3
[From a book called Anguished English, by Richard Lederer. Reproduced with his permission, so long as you run out and buy his book!]
Actual Signs in Other Countries
In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courageous, efficient self-service.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours--we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways.
In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today--no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
TRIVIA! TRIVIA! TRIVIA!
The word "posh," which denotes luxurious rooms or accommodations, originated when ticket agents in England marked the tickets of travelers going by ship to the Orient. Since there was no air conditioning in those days, it was always better to have a cabin on the shady side of the ship as it passed through the Mediterranean and Suez area. Since the sun is in the south, those with money paid extra to get cabins on the left, or port, traveling to Asia, and on the right, or starboard, when returning to Europe. Hence, their tickets were marked with the letters for Port Outbound Starboard Homebound, or POSH.
These are actual headlines:
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Hospitals Are Sued By Seven Foot Doctors
Local High School Dropout Cuts In Half
Ban On Soliciting Dead In Trotwood
Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
Arson Suspect Held In Massachusetts Fire
New Study For Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
Deer Kill 17,000
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years
Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter
Eye Drops Off Shelf
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Include Your Children when Baking Cookies
Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years at Checkout Counter
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
What we spend our money on
(Maybe this isn't funny! This is just a few of the items on the list.) :)
* Annually, on pets & pet products, 1996: $21 billion
* On chewing gum: $2 billion
* For candy on Valentine's Day: $1 billion
* Weight loss products and services: $33 billion
* Superbowl: The average cost of a 30-second spot jumped from $1.6 million, which is what Fox charged when it broadcast 1999's Super Bowl, to $1.9 million, the price ABC commanded for a commercial during the 2000 football tournament...and to $2.3 million for Super Bowl XXXV in 2001.
Little Known Facts: Coke vs. Water
WATER
75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half world pop.)
In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger.
Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.
One glass of water shuts down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a U-Washington study.
Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.
Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.
Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day?
======================================================================
COKE
1. In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.
2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days.
3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and ... Let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the
drippings to mix with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.
8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.
FYI:
1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its Ph is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days.
2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous material place cards reserved for Highly corrosive materials.
3. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!
Still Want To Drink Up?????????
ARE WE REALLY THIS STUPID???
On *my* hairdryer instructions:
* Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos:
* You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap, it says:
* Directions: Use like regular soap.
Frozen dinner that says:
* Serving suggestion: Defrost.
ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX:
* fits one head.
ON TESCO'S TIRIMISU DESERT
* Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING
* Product will be hot after heating
ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON
* Do not Iron clothes on body
ON BOOTS CHILDREN'S COUGH MEDICINE
* Do not drive car or operate machinery
ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID)
* Warning: may cause drowsiness
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE
* Warning keep out of children
ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
* For indoor or outdoor use only.
ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR
* Not to be used for the other use
ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS
* Warning: contains nuts
ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS
* Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW
* Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
2000-10-04 The 2000 Ig Nobel Prize Winners
The 2000 Ig Nobel Prizes were awarded in a gala ceremony at Harvard University on Thursday, October 5. You can see video of the ceremony by going to the AIR web site <http://www.improbable.com/>
Here are the winners:
PSYCHOLOGY. David Dunning of Cornell University and Justin Kreuger of the University of Illinois, for their modest report, "Unskilled and Unaware of It: How Difficulties in Recognizing One's Own Incompetence Lead to Inflated Self-Assessments." [Published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, vol. 77, no. 6, December 1999, pp. 1121-34.]
LITERATURE. Jasmuheen (formerly known as Ellen Greve) of Australia, first lady of Breatharianism, for her book "Living on Light," which explains that although some people do eat food, they don't ever really need to.
BIOLOGY. Richard Wassersug of Dalhousie University, for his first-hand report, "On the Comparative Palatability of Some Dry-Season Tadpoles from Costa Rica." [Published in The American Midland Naturalist, vol. 86, no. 1, July 1971, pp. 101-9.]
PHYSICS. Andre Geim of the University of Nijmegen (the Netherlands) and Sir Michael Berry of Bristol University (UK), for using magnets to levitate a frog and a sumo wrestler. [REFERENCE: "Of Flying Frogs and Levitrons" by M.V. Berry and A.K. Geim, European Journal of Physics, v. 18, 1997, p. 307-13.]
CHEMISTRY. Donatella Marazziti, Alessandra Rossi, and Giovanni B. Cassano of the University of Pisa, and Hagop S. Akiskal of the University of California (San Diego), for their discovery that, biochemically, romantic love may be indistinguishable from having severe obsessive-compulsive disorder. [REFERENCE: "Alteration of the platelet serotonin transporter in romantic love," Marazziti D, Akiskal HS, Rossi A, Cassano GB, Psychological Medicine, 1999 May;29(3):741-5.]
ECONOMICS. The Reverend Sun Myung Moon, for bringing efficiency and steady growth to the mass-marriage industry, with, according to his reports, a 36-couple wedding in 1960, a 430-couple wedding in 1968, an 1800-couple wedding in 1975, a 6000-couple wedding in 1982, a 30,000-couple wedding in 1992, a 360,000-couple wedding in 1995, and a 36,000,000-couple wedding in 1997.
MEDICINE. Willibrord Weijmar Schultz, Pek van Andel, and Eduard Mooyaart of Groningen, The Netherlands, and Ida Sabelis of Amsterdam, for their illuminating report, "Magnetic Resonance Imaging of Male and Female Genitals During Coitus and Female Sexual Arousal." [Published in British Medical Journal, vol. 319, 1999, pp 1596-1600.]
COMPUTER SCIENCE. Chris Niswander of Tucson, Arizona, for inventing PawSense, software that detects when a cat is walking across your computer keyboard.
PEACE. The British Royal Navy, for ordering its sailors to stop using live cannon shells, and to instead just shout "Bang!"
PUBLIC HEALTH. Jonathan Wyatt, Gordon McNaughton, and William Tullet of Glasgow, for their alarming report, "The Collapse of Toilets in Glasgow." [Published in the Scottish Medical Journal, vol. 38, 1993, p. 185.]
This is supposedly a true story from a recent Defense Science Lectures Series, as related by the head of the Australian DSTO's Land Operations/Simulation division.
They've been working on some really nifty virtual reality simulators, the case in point being to incorporate Armed Reconnaissance Helicopters into exercises (from the data fusion point of view). Most of the people they employ on this sort of thing are ex- (or future) computer game programmers. Anyway, as part of the reality parameters, they include things like trees and animals. For the Australian simulation they included kangaroos. In particular, they had to model kangaroo movements and reactions to helicopters (since hordes of disturbed kangaroos might well give away a helicopter's position).
Being good programmers, they just stole some code (which was originally used to model infantry detachments reactions under the same stimuli), and changed the mapped icon, the speed parameters, etc. The first time they've gone to demonstrate this to some visiting Americans, the hotshot pilots have decided to get "down and dirty" with the virtual kangaroos. So, they buzz them, and watch them scatter. The visiting Americans nod appreciatively... then gape as the kangaroos duck around a hill, and launch about two dozen Stinger missiles at the hapless helicopter. Programmers look rather embarrassed at forgetting to remove *that* part of the infantry coding... and Americans leave muttering comments about not wanting to mess with the Aussie wildlife...
As an addendum, simulator pilots from that point onwards avoided kangaroos like the plague, just like they were meant to do in the first place...
In a survey taken several years ago, all incoming freshman at MIT were asked if they expected to graduate in the top half of their class. Ninety-seven percent responded that they did.
The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre.
(Yeah Right, and pigs fly !)
Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please.
Operator: I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?
Caller: Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off.
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: Woven? Are you sure?
Caller: Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.
Caller: I'd like the RSPCA please.
Operator: Where are you calling from?
Caller: The living room
Caller: The water board please.
Operator: Which department?
Caller: Tap water.
Operator: How are you spelling that?
Caller: With letters.
Caller: I'd like the number for a reverend in Cardiff, please.
Operator: Do you have his name?
Caller: No, but he has a dog named Ben.
Caller: The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please.
Operator: You mean the Amalgamated Union of Shopkeepers?
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told the worried operator: "I haven't got a pen so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.
Seen on a birthday card...
Outside:
Forget about the past, You can't change it.
Forget about the future, You can't predict it.
Inside:
Forget about the present, I didn't buy you one.
December 11, 1999
Tonight's official forecast from the National Weather Service:
AREA FORECAST DISCUSSION
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE BALTIMORE/WASHINGTON
240 PM EDT SAT SEP 11 1999
ANOTHER COOL NIGHT TNT WITH CLEAR CLAM CONDITIONS ....
This blurb was in the USAir Gift Catalog ("This catalog is yours to keep. Please take it with you!").
GOPHER-IT
Prevent damage to garden and lawns from burrowing rodents with Gopher-It, the electronic stake that emits vibration and sound that's intensely annoying to underground rodents up to 100 feet in diameter.
Requires 4 "D" batteries, not included.
#26284 Gopher-It $49.95 (3.95)
I suppose for rodents of greater than 100 feet in diameter you need the nuclear powered version.
NEW DOG BREEDS!
The following breeds are now recognized by the AKC:
Bloodhound + Labrador
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
Collie + Lhasa Apso
Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
Spitz + Chow Chow
Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
Pointer + Setter
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingese + Lhasa Apso
Peekasso, an abstract dog
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
Newfoundland + Basset Hound
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
Terrier + Bulldog
Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Collie + Malamute
Commute, a dog that travels to work
Deerhound + Terrier
Derriere, a dog that's true to the end
* "Experience comes from bad judgment."
-- Mark Twain
A few years ago, the San Francisco Bay area was treated to about eight earthquakes in a two hour period. The first was at about 6:30, the next at about 6:45 and the third at about 6:55.
A caller to a local radio station said, "Hey, how about that! An earthquake with a snooze alarm!"
George had rented the movie "Titanic" to watch one night with his wife, daughter and 92 year old mother. Because "grandma" no longer recognized her family, and had no short-term memory left at all, they weren't sure what sense she was making of the movie. As if to answer them, she shook her head in disbelief at one point and said, "With all the trouble they've had with that boat, I'm surprised anyone will ride on it anymore."
*My* three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven month old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him, and he said "No."
I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident?" "No," he replied.
I just knew that he must have had, cause the smell was getting worse. So, I asked one more time, "Matt, did you have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled........." SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened. I was mortified, but some kind, elderly people made me feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had!!!Can you imagine working at the following company? This company has a little more than 500 employees with the following statistics:
1) 29 have been accused of spousal abuse;
2) 7 have been arrested for fraud;
3) 19 have been accused of writing bad checks;
4) 117 have been bankrupted on at least two businesses;
5) 3 have been arrested for assault;
6) 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit;
7) 14 have been arrested on drug related charges;
8) 8 have been arrested for shoplifting;
9) 21 are current defendants in lawsuits; and,
10) in 1998 alone, 84 were stopped for drunk driving.
Can you guess which company this is. Give up? Scroll down...
It is (or was) the 535 members of your United States Congress. The same group that perpetually cranks out hundreds and hundreds of new laws designed to keep the rest of us in line. Above the law? Run for office!
I knew there must've been a good reason (other than the fact that they fit better) for looking for "Made in USA" on my running shoes...
>From: [email protected]
>Newsgroups: alt.consumers,alt.consumers.experiences,misc.consumers
>Subject: Fun with Nike
>Date: Wed, 21 Feb 2001 19:51:51 -0800
Nike now lets you personalize your shoes by submitting a word or phrase which they will stitch onto your shoes, under the swoosh. So Jonah Peretti filled out the form and sent them $50 to stitch "sweatshop" onto his shoes.
Here's the responses he got.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
>From: "Personalize, NIKE iD" <[email protected]>
>To: "'Jonah H. Peretti'" <[email protected]>
>Subject: RE: Your NIKE iD order o16468000
Your NIKE iD order was cancelled for one or more of the following reasons:
1) Your Personal iD contains another party's trademark or other intellectual property
2) Your Personal iD contains the name of an athlete or team we do not have the legal right to use
3) Your Personal iD was left blank. Did you not want any personalization?
4) Your Personal iD contains profanity or inappropriate slang, and besides, your mother would slap us.
If you wish to reorder your NIKE iD product with a new personalization
please visit us again at www.nike.com
Thank you, NIKE iD
>From: "Jonah H. Peretti" <[email protected]>
>To: "Personalize, NIKE iD" <[email protected]>
>Subject: RE: Your NIKE iD order o16468000
Greetings,
My order was canceled but my personal NIKE iD does not violate any of the criteria outlined in your message. The Personal iD on my custom ZOOM XC USA running shoes was the word "sweatshop."
Sweatshop is not: 1) another's party's trademark, 2) the name of an athlete, 3) blank, or 4) profanity.
I choose the iD because I wanted to remember the toil and labor of the children that made my shoes. Could you please ship them to me immediately.
Thanks and Happy New Year, Jonah Peretti
>From: "Personalize, NIKE iD" <[email protected]>
>To: "'Jonah H. Peretti'" <[email protected]>
>Subject: RE: Your NIKE iD order o16468000
Dear NIKE iD Customer,
Your NIKE iD order was cancelled because the iD you have chosen contains, as stated in the previous e-mail correspondence, "inappropriate slang". If you wish to reorder your NIKE iD product with a new personalization please visit us again at nike.com
Thank you, NIKE iD
>From: "Jonah H. Peretti" <[email protected]>
>To: "Personalize, NIKE iD" <[email protected]>
>Subject: RE: Your NIKE iD order o16468000
Dear NIKE iD,
Thank you for your quick response to my inquiry about my custom ZOOM XC USA running shoes. Although I commend you for your prompt customer service, I disagree with the claim that my personal iD was inappropriate slang. After consulting Webster's Dictionary, I discovered that "sweatshop" is in fact part of standard English, and not slang. The word means: "a shop or factory in which workers are employed for long hours at low wages and under unhealthy conditions" and its origin dates from 1892. So my personal iD does meet the criteria detailed in your first email.
Your web site advertises that the NIKE iD program is "about freedom to choose and freedom to express who you are." I share Nike's love of freedom and personal expression. The site also says that "If you want it done right...build it yourself." I was thrilled to be able to build my own shoes, and my personal iD was offered as a small token of appreciation for the sweatshop workers poised to help me realize my vision. I hope that you will value my freedom of expression and reconsider your decision to reject my order.
Thank you, Jonah Peretti
>From: "Personalize, NIKE iD" <[email protected]>
>To: "'Jonah H. Peretti'" <[email protected]>
>Subject: RE: Your NIKE iD order o16468000
Dear NIKE iD Customer,
Regarding the rules for personalization it also states on the NIKE iD web site that "Nike reserves the right to cancel any personal iD up to 24 hours after it has been submitted". In addition, it further explains: "While we honor most personal iDs, we cannot honor every one. Some may be (or contain) other's trademarks, or the names of certain professional sports teams, athletes or celebrities that Nike does not have the right to use. Others may contain material that we consider inappropriate or simply do not want to place on our products.
Unfortunately, at times this obliges us to decline personal iDs that may otherwise seem unobjectionable. In any event, we will let you know if we decline your personal iD, and we will offer you the chance to submit another." With these rules in mind, we cannot accept your order as submitted. If you wish to reorder your NIKE iD product with a new personalization please visit us again at www.nike.com
Thank you, NIKE iD
>From: "Jonah H. Peretti" <[email protected]>
>To: "Personalize, NIKE iD" <[email protected]>
>Subject: RE: Your NIKE iD order o16468000
Dear NIKE iD,
Thank you for the time and energy you have spent on my request. I have decided to order the shoes with a different iD, but I would like to make one small request. Could you please send me a color snapshot of the ten-year-old Vietnamese girl who makes my shoes?
Thanks, Jonah Peretti
<no response>
As one forwarder writes:
... this will now go round the world much farther and faster than any of the adverts they paid Michael Jordan more than the entire wage packet of all their sweatshop workers in the world to do... I normally avoid making a plea to pass on these things, but this time I say:
JUST DO IT
Selected by Jim Griffith. MAIL your joke to [email protected].
The offensive jokes policy is at http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/offensive.html
This joke's link: http://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/01/Mar/sweatshop.html
And who says our educational system is in dire straits? I (see below) submit these compilations as testimony to the debate, taken from children, newspapers, and teachers:
"This paper needs a few comas."
"When papa passed away they burned his ashes and brought them home in a urinal."
"We sat down to a picnic dinner of fricken chicasee."
"You shake milk in a big stirrer machine to make it homicidal."
"It was so hot during football practice that a lot of kids keeled over from nervous prostitution. Rusty Banazek broke his clavichord in scrimmage."
"At the Knights of Columbus dinner, they will serve the same fish as last year."
"Tomorrow Helen Henry visits the home of a retired Navy Captain and his wife, an exotic U-shaped structure."
"LOST: Male cat. Needs medication. Owner very worried, neutered and declawed."
"Winners at the card party were William Davenport, a turkey, and Mrs. Trudy Baker, a chicken."
"Dear Teacher: Stanley had to miss some school. He had an attack of whooping cranes in his chest."
"Dear Teacher: Lynda was away as she had stripe infection."
"Dear Teacher: Please excuse the stink on Bill's clothes. We've been spraying the garden because it is full of abnoxus incests."
"Dear Teacher: Please excuse Jane. She had an absent tooth. Wednesday she will have an appointment with the orinthologist."
"Dear Teacher: Please excuse my daughter's absence for the past week, as she had a case of the fool."
Steven C. Neighorn
Portland Public Schools
Last updated July 16, 2001
Katie Tyson