Short Jokes
Top Ten Reasons to Procrastinate
1.
An eight year old girl is trying to check out a book entitled "Advice for Young Mothers" from the local library.
Librarian: Now why do you want to check out this particular book, dear?
Little girl: I collect moths.
Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?"
The driver says, "'Bout what?"
"A new study shows that licking the sweat off a frog can cure depression. The down side is, the minute you stop licking, the frog gets depressed again."
- Jay Leno
There are two rules for success in life:
Rule 1: Don't tell people everything you know.
Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it.
Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A: Tame way, unique up on it.
Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.
Q: How do you get holy water?
A: You boil the hell out of it.
Q: What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
A: Dam!
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A: A stick.
Q: What do I call cheese that isn't yours?
A: Nacho cheese.
Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses.
Q: What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
A: Quattro sinko.
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck.
Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.
Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A: Right where you left him.
Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
A: Because they have big fingers.
Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
A: Because it scares the dog.
Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
A: Sanka.
Q: What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A: The location of the dirt bag.
Q: Why did Pilgrims' pants always fall down?
A: Because they wore their belt buckle on their hat.
Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK, "DAMN!"
A bad skydiver goes "DAMN," WHACK!"
Q: What do you call skydiving lawyers?
A: Skeet.
Q: How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?
A: Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer!
Last updated Sunday, May 13, 2001
Katie Tyson