You Might Be a Redneck If...
...you are a crimson color and are situated on the shoulders with a function of holding up the head.
...your cousin is also your father and your uncle.
...you buy your house the same place you buy your car.
...half the churches in your town are also pawn shops.
...there are more liquor stores than mailboxes in your hometown.
...the Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than you do.
...you let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
...you've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
...you think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
...Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."
...you wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
...any one in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey watch this!
...you think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
...your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
...your junior prom had child care.
...you think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines."
...you lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
...the bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
…you have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
...one of your kids was born on a pool table.
...you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
...you can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
...you think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
...your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
...your front porch collapses and kills five dogs.Got any more? Email me
Last updated Saturday, August 18, 2001
Katie Tyson