Title : With You
Author : Beth and Kathy P.
Series :Voyager
Codes : Voy, C/P
Parts : 2/?
Rating : NC-17
Summery: Contact with the Alpha Quadrant causes Tom's world to start to crumble
Warnings: m/m relationship
Disclaimer: Paramount owns all character written about in this story. I am just taking them out for a walk.
WITH YOU
Entering Chakotay's quarters later that same day, Tom glanced around the room looking for his lover.
"Chakotay?" Tom called out when he didn't see him.
Not getting any response, Tom shrugged his shoulders, while moving into the bedroom with the pack he was carrying. He had raced to his quarters after his shift was over to pack a few things, mostly clothes and personal items, to bring over to his new home. He was hoping that Chakotay would be here so he could ask where he could put his things. Deciding that this was now his home too he could put things where he pleased. He opened the pack and started placing his undergarments in dresser drawers.
Chakotay entered his quarters and could hear Tom rummaging around in the bedroom. Walking through the door, his heart nearly burst with joy when he saw Tom putting his possessions away.
It was real. Tom was moving in. A huge smile crept over his face as a feeing of happiness swept through him. Softly walking over to Tom, Chakotay startled the younger man when he wrapped his arms around the pilot and pulled him in for a hug.
Stifling a yelp Tom turned in his lover's arm and wrapped his arms lazily about Chakotay's neck. "Way to give someone a coronary, big man," Tom teased gently before briefly covering the older man's lips with his own. "Quit mauling me and so I can finish unpacking," he said with a teasing grin.
Chakotay crushed the younger man even tighter to him and lifted him off the floor to spin him around. "Spirits, Tom you've made me the happiest man on board," Chakotay said as he placed the pilot back down on his feet.
Reaching up to caress a cheek, Tom chuckled, "You're too easy to please. All I'm doing is putting my socks away."
"Yeah, but you're putting them in my sock drawer," Chakotay replied with a kiss.
Tom grinned at his lover before turning to put the rest of his belongings away. Tomorrow he would bring over the rest of his possessions.
Tom turned to his lover and led him out of the bedroom. "How about something to eat? I'm famished."
Chakotay nodded, his face still lit with a smile. "I think we should celebrate. What do you want to do? Dancing? Sandrine's?" he suggested.
Laughing at the bigger man's exuberance, Tom replied, "How about Sandrine's? We can shoot pool and dance later on if we want," Tom said as he stepped closer to his lover. " Or we can always celebrate in a more private manner."
"Oh?" Chakotay replied his eyes darkening at the pilot's word. "How private?"
Tom let his hands wander up Chakotay's chest until they settled on either shoulder, "Very private," he whispered, wrapping his arms around Chakotay's neck to draw him in for a deep kiss.
All thoughts of Sandrines and dancing escaped the lovers' mind as they reentered the bedroom.
***************
Tom walked onto the bridge with a bounce in his step, last night's pleasant activities still making him smile. From moving into the Chakotay's quarters to the mind-blowing sex, it couldn't get any better.
He couldn't help but think later that he should have known the happiness couldn't last.
Sitting at his conn station an hour later, Tom was stunned into silence, his pale face the only other indication of his deep state of shock. The last few minutes had made everyone else on the ship ecstatic with joy.
Starfleet had found a way to communicate with the lost ship. Admiral Paris had even spoken to the crew for a few short seconds. Seconds that made Tom want to vomit. To hear the voice that had tormented him for so long. The voice that he had only recently begun to overcome. The hated voice that was no different.
The Admiral said he was proud of his son, but Tom knew better. His father was only saying what was expected when one made a public speech. The crew would have become curious if the Admiral didn't mention his only son during his speech.
Tom listened in a haze as Janeway barked off orders for the crew to ready the information that was to be sent back to the Alpha quadrant while the micro-wormhole remained open. The bridge crew worked quickly to execute her orders.
Captain Janeway looked around the bridge at her excited crew, the thought of being in contact with Star Fleet again exciting them. Her gaze settled on her chief pilot who seemed to be in a state of shock at his post. Janeway walked over to the conn and placed a hand on Tom's shoulder.
Tom jumped slightly when his captain touched him, jolted out of his revery
"How are you feeling, Tom?" she asked concerned. She didn't expect him to flinch when she touched him.
"I'm fine," Tom lied, his face automatically assuming a false smile. He didn't want to upset the captain or his lover who was heading over as they spoke, to see what was wrong with Tom.
Chakotay had noticed the way Tom reacted to Janeway's touch, and was concerned that his lover was upset. "Are you all right, Tom?" he asked when he reached Tom's side.
"Yes, I'm fine," Tom repeated to both senior officers. "I'm just surprised Starfleet found a way to communicate with us," Tom replied hoping that Janeway or Chakotay wouldn't mention his father.
"Yes, it's wonderful to hear a voice from home," Janeway started. "And to hear from Admiral Paris as well. You must be so pleased, Tom."
Tom paled slightly, "Yes it was an unexpected pleasure," he replied. "When will the micro- wormhole close?" he asked trying to change the subject.
Janeway looked to Harry, "How much time do we have left, Ensign?"
"Thirty seconds, sir," he replied. "All the information is ready to be sent."
"Then send it please," Janeway ordered as she moved away from the conn, pleased with their first communication with Starfleet since the Hirogeon hunter's array.
Chakotay looked down at Tom, knowing that the younger man must be in shock over hearing from his father after all this time. Given the history of abuse between father and son, Chakotay could only guess at the unpleasant emotions swarming through his lover. "Are you sure you're ok, Tom," Chakotay said softly, pitching his voice low so that no one could over hear their conversation. "Do you want to go back to our quarters? I can make up some excuse for the Captain."
Tom sighed and looked at his lover, "I won't lie to you, Cha, this has come as quite a surprise, but I'll be fine and I'll get over it. It's not that big a deal."
Chakotay looked sceptical, but his response was interrupted when Captain Janeway called to him.
"Commander?" Janeway said as she moved toward away from the Ops consoles where she had watched Harry transmit the information back through the wormhole. "I'd like to speak with you in my ready room please."
"Yes, Captain," Chakotay replied as he gave Tom's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "We'll discuss this later," he said before he moved away to join Janeway.
Tom watched Chakotay and Janeway disappear into her ready room and swivelled back to the helm. The pilot's calm expression belied the turbulent thoughts running through his mind.
He shouldn't let himself be bothered with hearing his father's voice again, but he couldn't help it. The tone of his father's voice, which he recognized from growing up in the Admiral's household, told him that the Admiral still didn't care for his son. Oh, it might seem to the casual observer that there was some warmth in the father's address to his son, but Tom knew better. Having lived with the man most of his life, he knew that admiral was an expert at making others believe what he wanted, this asset had helped him to become the admiral and expert politician he was today.
Tom could tell by his father's voice that his dear old dad still felt his son was flawed in some grievous way. Tom shook his head to banish such thoughts. It was no use going over the past. His father thought that he was a failure and he would have to endure as best he could. There was no real reason to let Chakotay know the depths of his feelings. It would only upset the older man anyway, and Tom was not willing to do that.
Yet, by the end of his shift he could help but feel the panic building inside of him. The thought of regular communications with Star Fleet was becoming a reality and that maybe the possibility of their returning to the alpha quadrant was greatly increased.
One thing Tom knew he couldn't handle was his father finding out about his thirty days in the brig for insubordination and his attempted suicide after everything had fallen apart on him. Yet one more failure on his son's record by father's way of reckoning. By the time he walked onto the turbolift to leave, his head was filled with notions of his father's disappointment once more.
*********************
Tom entered his old quarters and immediately headed for the bathroom. The emotions swirling though him making him nauseous. He leaned over the sink and looked at his reflection. The pale face harboured wild eyes. His refection echoed all the pain he was feeling.
Looking around the messy bathroom, Tom decided to finish packing his stuff and head over to Chakotay's, hoping that this task would take his mind off his current problems.
Reaching for a razor laying on the sink's edge, Tom grabbed it, only to drop it into the sink with a curse. A bright drop of blood started to form on the end of one finger, the stinging wound making his eyes water.
With a start Tom realized that the pain in his finger outweighed the pain in his soul. Picking up the razor again he brought it down to cut another finger. Again blood formed on the abused digit and again the pain of the physical wound almost eradicated the pain of the emotional one.
Tom turned on the water in the sink and placed his injured fingers underneath the tepid flow. He watched fascinated as the blood, mixed with water, swirled around the sink before disappearing.
That image snapped him out off his trance like state. Did he really just cut himself to feel better? What was next? Cutting his wrists again? Tom shook his head, rejecting that idea. He threw the razor in the garbage, promising himself that he would never do that again.
Composing himself physically and mentally Tom took one more look around his old quarters and then turned to leave. Chakotay was waiting for him, the older man would be his rock, he would help him through this ordeal.
TBC.......
Liked it? Hated it? E-Mail comments to Beth and Kathy.Thanks!
NEXT
HOME
