REDEMPTION
Part 4
Disclaimer: see part one. :-)
Chakotay woke when he felt Tom thrashing wildly in his arms.
"No! No, let me go!" the younger man screamed in his sleep while twisting and turning violently to get out of the grasp he was in.
Chakotay let go of Tom and started to shake him gently. "Tom wake up, your having a nightmare."
"NO!" Tom screamed at the top of his lungs while striking out at Chakotay.
Chakotay moved away from Tom's fists. "Tom! Wake up." Chakotay did not want to scream at the young man scaring him even more, but he was at a loss at how to wake him.
Tom started to whimper in his sleep. "Please don't hurt me, I'll do anything you want, just please stop."
Chakotay reached out tentatively to touch Tom's arm. At his touch Tom bolted awake. "NO!"
The younger man kicked off the sheets and sat up in the bed drawing his knees up to his chest rocking back and forth.
"Tom, are you all right?"
After a moment of rocking Tom turned to look at Chakotay. "What?" he asked.
"Are you ok?"
"I'm fine"
"Your not fine Tom." Chakotay said as he moved closer to Tom on the bed.
Tom moved away from the older man as he moved closer. "Really, I'm fine." Tom muttered distractedly.
Chakotay reached out to touch Tom's arm. "Tom..."
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Tom cried leaping off the bed. "Stay away from me." With that parting remark he bolted into the main room and grabbed the bottle of wine, pouring himself a glass.
Chakotay was stunned at the younger man's reaction. He got up from the bed and walked out to where Tom was standing looking out of the window at the stars streaking by. He moved to stand beside Tom and noticed the wine he was drinking.
"Tom, tell me what's wrong." Chakotay pleaded.
Tom turned to look at Chakotay. "Nothing's wrong Big Man. Just a little nightmare, nothing too worry about." he replied shakily then took another drink of wine.
"Tom, I think you need to talk about it. You need to learn not to run to alcohol when you have problems.
"Dammit Chakotay, you're my lover not my councillor." Tom replied angrily.
"That's right, I'm your lover, your confidant. Why can't you trust me with your secrets when you can trust me with your body."
Tom turned away from Chakotay angrily. "Not now Chakotay."
That's what you always say Tom, �Not now', �Can we discuss this later', I think we need to discuss it now.
"Don't push me Big Man, you won't like it."
Tom turned back to the Commander and started to walk back towards the table with the wine. Chakotay noticed his glass was now empty. "Look I don't know why we are arguing over a little nightmare." Tom replied as he reached for the bottle.
Chakotay's hand came over Tom's before he could reach the bottle. "Tom, no more wine."
"Oh come on, I'm just soothing my nerves, it's no big deal."
"It is a big deal Tom, your using the wine to hide your problems, not to sooth yourself. This is just like your time before the Maquis"
Tom hurled the glass across the room where it shattered into pieces. "Fuck You!" he screamed "Don't you bring that up. You have no right."
Chakotay was shocked. He walked over to where the wine glass laid destroyed. He looked up in time to see Tom choke back a sob while struggling to put his clothes on. "Tom, what are you doing?"
"I have to get out of here."
"Tom......"
"No, don't say it, I don't want to hear it."
Chakotay reached for Tom as he walked by on the way to the door. "Tom, I really think......"
Tom moved away from the Commander's reach and looked at him icily "No, you didn't think, just leave me alone."
Chakotay just stared as Tom left his quarters. "What the fuck just happened." he wondered out loud.
Chakotay walked over to where the glass lay broken on the floor. Kneeling he started to pick up the shards, placing them in a container for disposal. Chakotay then took the container to the disposal unit and placed it inside.
Walking back into the bedroom he sat on the bed and rubbed his hands over his face, trying to make sense of what had happened. They had a wonderful time at dinner, and the sex was great. *I have to get Tom to talk about his past.* Chakotay thought to himself. *But how?* Tom was obviously is in denial with what happened to him.
Chakotay laid back down on the bad, acutely feeling how empty it was without Tom. Chakotay grab Tom's pillow and hugged it to him. *Poor replacement Big Man* he thought to himself. He decided he would try to talk to Tom tomorrow after his shift, and try not to push him into revealing anything about his past. After tossing and turning a few more minutes Chakotay drifted off to sleep.
*******************************
Tom entered his quarters at warp speed. "Fuck!" he yelled to no one. *My past has fucked up my life again." Tom thought furiously.
Tom paced a few moments in the main room before heading for the bedroom to grab the half bottle of liquor left hidden. Unscrewing the lid he took a long drink. The burning feeling of the alcohol reminding him that he was still alive. "Fuck." he said miserably.
*This is all the Captain's fault.* he thought darkly as he made his way to the couch. *If she didn't throw me in the brig, the nightmares wouldn't have come back, and I would be sleeping in Chakotay's arms right now.*
Tom longed to be in the Commander's embrace again. He felt warm, safe, and protected, like nothing was ever going to harm him again. Then the nightmare came. Tom was back in prison and the inmate who raped him was holding him down. Tom had mistaken Chakotay's loving embrace for the piece of garbage's forceful embrace.
Tears slipped down Tom's face as he remembered the whole humiliating experience, the pain, the shame. He never told anyone what happened, not even the guard who found him beaten and battered in the morning. Tom had refused medical treatment, so the whole incident just went away. Tom then learned to fight back. He refused to have anyone take his body and control away again. Sure it would have been easier to find a protector, but Tom was too stubborn to ask for help. So he physically fought back against the few inmates who gave him problems, and whored himself to the guards to get to a better cell block.
Tom had blocked the whole miserable experience when they got trapped in the Delta Quadrant. Why worry about it when they were 70 light years away from home.
*Fuck, I am �not' going to think about this now.* Tom thought as he took another long drink.
Sighing Tom tipped back the bottle noticing it was already empty. Sighing again he rose from the couch and went to the replicator ordering a bottle of scotch and a sleep aid. Taking both into the bedroom he flopped down on the bed taking a long drink of scotch. Tom injected the sleep aid into his neck and took another sip before placing the lid back on the bottle. He carelessly tossed the hypospray on the night table and waited for sleep to take him.
to be continued.......
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