7^th January 2002.

It’s 1.22am, can’t get online. For some weird reason the bytes are not moving once I’m connected. Which is quite shite.

Last night was yet another madding night. The effects of Uncle Jack still lodged up my stomach.

Dilemma unravels its cloak upon Kat as she debates on whether to dismiss last night as another episode precipitated from the mesmerizing effects of Uncle Jack. Life has no direction for as long as she decides wears Uncle Jack goggles. So why head towards a pointless dead end? Fun as it may seem to be.

Question. How good can a year be when it is kick-started by a series of madding events fuelled by Uncle Jack’s and his compatriots? I think it’s time for a proper New Year’s resolution to be set in stone.

Met a few interesting people last night. Sebastian was an interesting character. Found out later that he was supposedly rather loaded…. In cash that is. Not like it would've made any difference.

We exchanged numbers but I doubt he’ll be calling anytime soon considering the state he saw me in when he came back to Orange at about 2 something. Oh well there goes… Next!

Came home at noon today, looking more awake than hung over. Surprisingly this time I didn’t get any headaches compared to the little incident back in summer. Hell the morning after that was worse than being in seasick on a ship in the storm. Well not that I’d know how that’ll feel. But hey, at least it was an improvement to the last when 6 knocked me out.

My cheque still hasn’t arrived yet. Good god it’s the 7^th already. I need my pay cheque. Reserves are running low; I’m technically in debt although my debtors range from my best friend to my youngest sister. *Sigh* life is taking a madding turn. N.B: Call Dr. D tomorrow.

Oh and I need to go check out an MCSE as well as fax in my C.V to Klue in the morning.

Once again…. *Sigh*

When u were here before

Couldn’t look in the eye

You’re just like an angel

Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather

In the beautiful world

I wish I was special

So fucking Special

But I’m a creep

I’m a weirdo

What the hell am I doing here?

I don’t belong here

I wanna have control

I wanna perfect body

I wanna perfect soul

I want you to notice

When I’m not around

So fucking special

I wish I was special

But I’m a creep

I’m a weirdo

What the hell am I doing here?

I don’t belong here.

Whatever makes you happy.

Whatever you want

You’re so fucking special

I wish I was special

But I’m a creep

I’m a weirdo

What the hell am I doing here?

I don’t belong here

This is supposed to be a new year. This is supposed to be a year of renewed hope. Why is it then that I feel myself slipping into an abyss? Why is it then I feel so without direction? I shouldn’t be here and I need to make things work for myself. Those who can help refuses to whilst those incapable thrust their arms helplessly at me in hope that it’ll somehow help. I thank all those who have tried to help and are still trying to. I thank those who are by my side all these while supporting my wild imaginations even though they think it not sane. You know who you lot are and I’d just like to say I love you and thank you for being there.

Hope depression isn’t inching its barmy arse nearer to my doorstep. Because I’m well feeling it’s chill already.

Still have Bilal’s present to collect and send (see I mentioned you!). Hope he’s got my card… still no sign of his package though. Gotta send Simon a list of things I need him to ship over. Bless his soul I don’t know how I’ll repay him for hauling my stuff in and out.

Oh… N.B: Make a trip to pharmacy ASAP.

I think it’s a good time to put out a New Year’s resolution. Not that I usually do. In fact, the last documented resolution of mine was ages ago… When paper diaries were still your best friend. And if I ever made any other resolutions along the way…well I possibly forgot about them by the 3^rd month.

Ok then here goes (lets all cross our fingers I’ll get thru half of it):

• Reduce alcohol intake (stop snickering… I heard that)
• Drink more water (I said stop snickering)
• Reduce spicy food/chili intake (right...that's enough!)
• Finish the Japanese I had set out to learn and be able to read hiragana on the spot by this year-end.
• Re-learn German.
• Learn some Welsh.
• Hold a job for more than 2 weeks.
• Not take any nonsense from bastard employers with sexual harassment written all over their foreheads.
• LEARN to identify bastard employers who can’t keep their dicks to themselves.
• Complete a short course of any kind before next academic year.
• Work on that goddamned loan I need to bust my way outta this place.
• Work on the ‘I-am-single-and-I-am-enjoying-it-so-stop-staring-at-me-funny’ motto.
• Try to get people to understand the ‘Yes-I-am-single-and-I’m-not-a-freak-so-stop-asking-me-why-I’m-single’.
• Pamper myself every now and then with a nice long bath and a full day of proper rest.
• To not take any shit from fuckers out there who don’t know what they’re talking about.
• Sex and love do not have interchangeable meanings. (Repeat after me everyone)
• Learn kickboxing.
• Do intermediate Salsa/Latin.

Well that’s all I can think of for now. I guess the list can get a tad lengthy if you sit down and do some serious listing.

Feeling rather hungry now. Hmm wonder if that chicken rice in the fridge is still edible….

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