Total Recall
Jarod blinked
several times in the bright light, trying to look past it into the thick
blackness that was obvious beyond the bright beam. He could hear a loud and
regular booming that filled his ears and was, in some strange way, comforting
to him. Pain coursed through him at intervals and he felt as if he had been
drained of energy. Making an effort, he stood and looked around, hesitantly
going first in one direction and then moving back and stepping in another.
Eventually giving up, he sank back to his previous position and closed his
eyes. A shadow moved over him and forced Jarod to look up. A man stood beside
him, a person that he knew he had never seen before but from whom emanated a
sense of comfort. As he spoke, the booming faded into the background.
"How are you
feeling?"
Jarod shook his
head and pulled himself up into a sitting position, his voice a hoarse whisper.
"I can't go on."
"You've
reached the right place."
"You
mean...this is..."
"This is the
place where the future is decided on. You can go on fighting or you can give
up."
Jarod closed his
eyes to stop the tears of exhaustion and pain slipping down his cheeks. "I
can't take it any more. It's too hard." He could feel sympathy from the
figure that now knelt beside him.
"Jarod, the
rest is now up to you."
"I don't
understand."
"You have to
make a decision."
"About
what?"
Suddenly the
blackness on one side vanished, to be replaced by an image of a room containing
a bed. A woman slept in a chair beside it, her hand wrapped in the hand of the
person lying down. Her red hair cascaded down her back and she looked tired. An
older man sat in a chair at the other side of the bed as a small boy played in
the corner.
"Jennifer...and
Sydney?"
"And
yourself, Jarod."
Suddenly the pain
made sense and he found himself looking at the figure on the bed with perfect
understanding. The weariness came back and Jarod realized how easy it would be
to give up and simply stay where he was. As if he could read his thoughts, the
other man looked over at him.
"Are you
going to keep fighting, Jarod?"
"It's so
hard..."
"Are
you?"
"I don't
know if I can..."
"It's not
easy, I agree. But sometimes you find things in life that aren't."
Jarod stood up
and turned to face the man. "But why are you here?"
"To help you
decide."
"And how can
you do that?"
A picture
appeared on another wall as the first faded. The frozen image showed a small
room with a woman whose hair now showed strands of gray. An older version of
the boy sat at a desk, writing, and the woman played with a baby as it sat in
her lap.
"What's
this?"
"This could
happen if you give up."
"I don't
understand."
The man turned
and faced the pretender. "You're to make the choice about the fate of the
people who mean so much to you. This is the first possibility."
"Wait."
Jarod held out a protesting hand. "I have to decide?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because
you're the one deciding whether to live or not. To balance that, you must also
decide what is to happen to those you leave behind."
Jarod looked
again at the picture and then back at the man who stood patiently beside him.
"But I don't know anything about what's going on."
"Then we'll
find out."
The two men
walked forward and Jarod gasped in surprise as the scene in front of him came
suddenly to life. Music from a small radio could be heard in the corner and
Jennifer hummed softly as she rocked the baby in her arms. Jarod walked over
and knelt in front of her.
"Jenn?
Jennifer?"
The woman didn't
respond and Jarod was about to put a hand on her shoulder when his companion
spoke.
"She can't
hear you, Jarod. Nor can she see you. You can't contact her. All you can do is
watch and listen."
"So they
don't know...I'm here?"
"You aren't
here, Jarod. Neither am I."
"What?"
"This scene
will only exist if you want it to."
Jarod watched as
Jennifer picked up the baby and carried it through into another room, placing
it into a small cradle. Jarod looked around the room in disgust.
"Why would
she live here?"
"She doesn't
have a choice. After you died, she broke off all contact with anyone from the
Centre and fled. This is the best she can afford on a small salary."
"But surely
she could get a job...?"
"The last
time she tried, the Centre found her. She only escaped with minutes to
spare." The man paused. "You know how that feels."
Before Jarod
could reply, Jennifer came out of the other room and went into the small
kitchenette.
"Momma?"
"Yes, my
baby?"
"Can we go
outside and play?"
"After Baby
wakes up. Then we'll go to the park."
The boy’s dark
eyes lit up in delight. "Really?"
"Really."
There was a
pause, during which Jarod looked more closely around the room. It was broken
when Jennifer spoke again
"What are
you writing, Kyle?"
"A
letter."
"To
whom?"
"Daddy."
Jarod watched as
Jennifer turned back to the sink and looked out of the window. Tears formed in
her eyes and her lip trembled slightly before she steadied it and began to get
some vegetables out of the fridge.
"Kyle
remembers me?"
"Oh
yes," the other man assured him. "And he misses you terribly. He
cried for you every night for the first weeks after you died. And Jennifer
can't even go and see where you're buried, because Sydney took your body and
she doesn't know where it is."
"Sydney
did?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"He felt
that he had to. Also Miss Parker forced him to."
There was a
pause, during which Jennifer continued to prepare dinner and Kyle kept writing.
"What's
going to happen now? I mean, why are we here?"
"You have to
decide."
"Between
this and what else?"
"There are
other options. But first you have to see the whole of this one."
Jarod was about
to continue when he heard Jennifer gasp. She spun around and pulled Kyle up
from the table, carrying him in her arms. As she was about to go into the
bedroom, the door to the apartment slammed back against the wall. A barrage of
bullets entered the apartment, smashing glass and creating holes in walls. Jarod
ran forward as Jennifer slumped to the floor, blood pouring from holes in her
body, but his hands went straight through her and he could do nothing as Mr
Parker walked in through the doorway and looked down at the two lifeless bodies
on the floor. Then he walked into the other room and emerged with a screaming
child in his arms.
"Get a
cleaner team in here."
"Yes
sir."
The man looked at
the child he held. "So, finally we have our future Pretender."
"Noooo!"
Jarod's agonized
scream broke out and echoed, as the scene was suddenly as still as if it were a
photograph. He turned to the other man, a look of anguish and terror on his
face. "I don't care what other options there are," he whispered.
"None of them can be as bad as this one!"
"That remains
to be seen, Jarod."
"What do you
mean?"
"Life is
never easy."
Jarod looked
around at the destroyed room, his finally eyes coming to rest on the two
figures at his feet, and sank slowly to his knees. His voice, when he finally
spoke, was a soft and tortured whisper. "It couldn't be any worse than
this."
"It depends
what you consider to be bad."
"Do I have
to...?"
"Shall we
see the other options?"
"Yes."
Jarod finally dragged his eyes away from the scene of devastation and got to
his feet as the picture slowly backed away, leaving the two men standing in the
black space.
"Look at
this."
Jarod turned
around and looked at another black wall, on which a picture began to develop
until another scene was presented to them. The two stepped forward, the scene
coming alive as before, but now the place was different. A darkened room was
where they found themselves, with a figure lying in a bed. As they watched, a
boy of about seven ran into the room and gently shook the figure into
wakefulness. Had it not been for the red hair, Jarod would never have recognized
Jennifer as the woman who gradually pulled herself up in bed.
"Sydney's
here, Momma. And Miss Parker, and Broots."
"That's
good, sweetie. Do you want to go and play while I talk to Sydney?"
The little boy
nodded and skipped out of the room while Jennifer pulled open the blinds to
reveal a bright blue sky. She reached over and pulled on a bathrobe before
pulling a brush through her hair several times. But it was the lack of emotion
in her face that scared Jarod most.
"What's
wrong with her?"
"She lost
the baby that she was carrying after you died. She fell down a flight of stairs
and the child died before they could deliver it."
"But
she...wouldn't still be upset over that - would she?"
Jarod was
interrupted as the door opened to show a familiar figure. Sydney sat on a chair
in the corner and looked at Jennifer.
"How are you
feeling?"
"The same.
Sometimes I wonder if there's actually a purpose to getting up in the
morning." The voice was as expressionless as the face and Jarod shuddered
as he looked at her.
"But you
manage?"
"Some days.
Others it's easier just to stay here."
"You know
that Jarod would hate to see you like this." Jarod nodded in total and
silent concurrence with his former mentor's statement.
"He won't
get that chance." Tears glittered in her eyes and Jarod looked over at the
stranger.
"She's still
thinking about me?"
"It's sent
her into a deep depression. It's been several years now and she's still badly
affected by the fact that you gave up. If it weren't for Sydney, Broots and
Miss Parker, I don't know how she'd cope."
"But...the
Centre?"
"They all
worked together to destroy it after you died, but once that was over, this is
what happened to Jennifer."
Sydney's calm
voice interrupted their discussion. "If you wanted to come to the Centre,
there are plenty of things you could do."
"You don't
need me. Broots can do anything I can, and better."
"You know
that's not strictly true."
Sydney looked at
the woman as she turned away. He gently placed one hand on hers and she glanced
at him
"You know
what I still can't understand."
"What?"
"Why Jarod
gave up. I mean, one day it seemed like he might make it, and the next
he..." She paused. "I just wish I knew why he did it."
"Maybe he
felt like he had to. He probably thought you would be able to manage without
him."
"Well, he
was wrong." Jennifer's mouth twisted and tears started to roll down her
cheeks as Sydney watched. Suddenly, as if what she was doing wasn't allowed,
Jennifer covered her mouth with her hands. "I'm sorry."
"Why? It's
been two years and this is the first time you've cried. Things always get
better once you let the emotion out." Sydney sat on the edge of the bed.
He gently took her face in his hands and forced it up to look at him. The tears
poured over his fingers and dripped onto the bed. He looked her into her eyes
for a long moment until she made a sound that was almost a howl to Jarod and
collapsed into the waiting arms of the psychiatrist.
The Pretender
looked from the weeping woman to the man who stood beside him with a look of
deep sorrow on his face and tears glistening in his eyes. "Please tell me
things get better now."
"You can't
get over feelings like this in one day. But, yes, things do improve to a
certain extent."
Jarod caught the
hesitation. "Why, what happens?"
The man looked at
him. "I told you that life isn't fair. Kyle will be killed in a plane
crash in several years time, leaving Jennifer completely alone. After that…"
he trailed off and shrugged.
Jarod's eyes
widened in terror. "And that will happen anyway, won't it?"
"Every place
his its own future, Jarod. Just because it happens in one time and place
doesn't mean it will happen in others. But then it might. It's not for me to
say."
"Is that the
end?"
"For now.
There's no more of this scene for you to see."
"How many
choices do I have again?"
"Three. This
is the last."
Jarod watched
over his shoulder as the figures froze into stillness and he passed from the
picture into the single spotlight once more. The new image was already waiting
for them on the third wall. This time, however, it was very different. The
figure of a woman stood at a sink, washing dishes, as the kitchen gradually
grew lighter with the rising sun. The long, red hair was intermingled with gray
and hung down her back in a thick plait. She hummed along to the music on the
radio as she scrubbed at the last pot and, after rinsing, put it gently and
almost silently onto the sink. A smart suit hugged her slim figure and an apron
prevented her from splashing the clothes. As she completed the washing-up, the
clock in the kitchen clicked over to seven and, in another part of the house,
an alarm could be heard. Jennifer calmly hung up the dishtowel and took off the
apron, carefully hanging it up before walking over to a cupboard. She got out a
bowl and large container of cereal, both of which she placed on the table. From
the fridge she got out a glass of juice and a spoon from a nearby drawer.
Finally she poured boiling water into a waiting mug and then sat at the table,
reading the paper for a moment. Jarod watched as, with perfect timing, she
lifted her head and a male voice called from the depths of the house.
"Debbie
Broots, you get yourself out of bed this instant!"
Jarod turned to
the other man with a look of astonishment. "Broots and Debbie live here -
with Jennifer?"
"Oh,
yes."
"And our
children?"
The man pointed
slowly at a small, framed newspaper article that hung on the wall, almost out
of sight. There, Jarod read about a car accident that had killed two children
and injured the other two occupants of the car. He didn't need to be told who
the two children were.
"When?"
"Six years
after you died. It was a terrible time." The man's face showed his sorrow
as he looked from the black and white photos to the woman sitting at the
kitchen table.
"But
she's..." Jarod's voice trailed away as he looked up at the color photos
on the opposite wall, the boy's face showing the clear eyes and strong features
of his father and the girl's eyes gleaming with paternal intelligence and the
kindness that had been inherited from her mother. Before he could say anything
more, a girl burst through the doorway and pulled the chair out from under the
table, sitting in it.
"Good
morning, Debbie."
"Morning."
The girl grinned as she began to eat the cereal and Jennifer, a smile on her
face, continued to read the paper.
"Have you
packed your bag?"
"Yup. It's
all ready to go. Have you done my lunch?"
"In the
refrigerator, as usual. Where's your father?"
As if in
response, Broots rushed into the kitchen, still knotting his tie. He kissed
Debbie on the top of her head and then picked up the mug from where it sat on
the kitchen table. In two gulps he emptied it and then headed for the door.
"Broots!"
The man turned in time to see Jennifer holding out a case. With two steps he
grabbed it and was back at the doorway.
"See you
later!" His voice could be heard even after his body was out of sight and
within a few seconds a motor could be heard starting up.
"Ten
minutes." Jennifer grinned at Debbie as she spoke and then got up and
turned the kettle on to boil more water.
"Are we
going to pick up Miss P.?"
"Don't we
always? And I thought she didn't like you calling her that."
Debbie blushed
and giggled.
"Make sure
you're nice to her today. It's a sad day for her."
"And for
you, too."
Jarod watched as
Jennifer struggled for a moment to keep her composure before she spoke. "Yes,
but she's always found it more difficult to deal with than I have."
Jarod turned to
his companion. "Why? What's today?"
"An
anniversary." He pointed at the calendar on the wall that showed the days
crossed off and the date told him everything he needed to know. May 8. Jarod
turned to the stranger with one question.
"But what
does that have to do with Jennifer?"
"It's not
just the anniversary of Thomas' death, Jarod. It's yours as well. Ten years ago
today. And, tragically, that of your children too."
Jarod looked from
the calendar to the man and there was pure horror written all over his face.
"But...why...?"
The whisper was more tortured than the one during the earlier scene had been.
"There's no
answer to that question, Jarod. There's no reason why. Things just
happen."
"H...how
does she cope?"
"Remarkably
well. But she does keep busy."
The two men
watched as Jennifer filled a mug with the hot water, adding a large dash of
milk and a spoonful of coffee, and then headed up to the other end of the
house. The two men followed her but, before they even reached the room, a
grumbling but still familiar voice could be through from an open doorway.
"Where's my
coffee?"
"Good
morning to you, too, Sydney." Jennifer's voice was cheerful and, as the
two men entered the room, they saw the answering smile that it grudgingly brought
to the face of the man in the bed.
"I thought
you might have left already."
"Then it
wouldn't have done much good, yelling for your coffee, would it? You'd have had
to get up and get it yourself." She smiled and Jarod saw the lines that
had formed around her eyes.
"Get up? I
don't know that I'll ever be able to do that again."
"Old
bear!" She teased him laughingly as she picked up a couple of pillows from
the floor. "You could be in trouble if you didn't. What would you do all
day in bed, until we got home?" She helped him to sit up and then gently
pushed a few pillows in behind him. "Besides, one sip of that coffee and
you'll be as active as you ever are." She picked up the mug and put it in
his hand before turning to leave the room.
"Are you all
right?" The voice startled Jarod, being so different from what it had been
before. The woman about to exit the room paused at the doorway and stared at
the wall in front her.
"I'll be
better once today is over. The sooner I get to work, the better."
"Don't work
too late."
"I can't. I
have to pick Debbie up after school and then do some shopping. We'll probably
be home about five."
She left the room
and, after one final look over his shoulder at Sydney, Jarod followed, looking
over at his companion. "Where to now?"
"Parker's
house and then, after dropping Debbie at school, to the Centre." The two
men got into the car as Debbie and Jennifer did.
"Why do they
still work there?"
"Nobody
other than Broots and Miss Parker have any idea you were ever associated with
Jennifer, and Raines was insistent that she return."
"What about
Sydney?"
"He's no
longer able to work. They were compelled to allow him to retire and for time
some they've had no idea where he is. Broots and Jennifer have never let that
information become public knowledge and even Miss Parker isn't aware of
it."
Jarod now focused
his attention on the discussion that was taking place in the front seat.
"You know
that Miss Parker is never in a great mood on this date..."
"…so I'm not
to say anything that will upset her. I know. You tell me every time."
Jennifer smiled.
"Just to make sure. We wouldn't want her to get angry with you, would we?
Now, into the back seat, young lady."
Pulling over to
the curb, Jennifer stopped the car. Debbie jumped out, climbing into the back
seat. Seconds later, a figure stepped out of the front door of the house and
walked over to the car. Jarod drew in his breath sharply to see how the years
had affected the woman for, while she maintained the tall and slender figure she
had always had, her face was creased with lines and her hair, like Jennifer's,
had streaks of gray. There was silence during the car trip that even Jarod,
despite knowing that they wouldn't hear him, didn't feel he could break.
Finally, as they stopped to let Debbie out of the car at school, he turned to
his still-unnamed companion.
"Why has
Sydney stopped working at the Centre?"
"He's unable
to put up with the constant traveling required."
"Why? What
happened?"
"A car
accident."
Jarod silently
absorbed that fact for a moment, his face sober. When he turned back, tears
glistened in his eyes. "Sydney was driving the car when my children
died."
"And he's
never forgiven himself for an accident that wasn't his fault and was
unavoidable."
"The
Centre...?"
"No, not the
Centre. Raines would never have ordered such a thing to be done to Jennifer and
nobody else has the power to override his orders. This was a simple accident,
but it's the reason Sydney can no longer work. He received serious internal
injuries and, for some time, was in danger of losing his life."
Jarod watched as
Jennifer and Miss Parker got out of the car and walked up the stairs and into
the familiar building.
"Is that
all?"
"You know
everything."
"But I
don't! I mean I have to decide..."
"You've seen
more of this option than any other."
Jarod turned and
faced the other man. "Please. Just a little longer."
"Why would
you want to? This time is full of painful memories."
"Please...I...need
to see..."
The man sighed,
and then smiled. "All right. A little longer."
As they walked
down the hallway of the Centre, Jarod couldn't help shuddering slightly and the
man looked over at him.
"This was
what I was trying to avoid."
"It's okay.
I'll be all right."
They entered
Jennifer's office in time to see her turn on her computer and sit in her chair
with a sigh. She glanced over at the air vent cover in her room and then sadly
shook her head and focused on her work.
"Angelo?"
"He's gone,
Jarod. He died a few years ago, after another experiment to try and enhance his
abilities. He died in Jennifer's arms and she finds it very hard to forgive
herself."
"Like
Catherine?"
"Very
similar, yes. In fact, Jennifer's had a great deal to do with removing children
from the Centre completely. She thought for a while she'd succeeded. Recently,
though, she's found others that she's trying to release."
Jarod was about
to comment when a groan from the chair made him look over and he watched as Jennifer
placed her hands on the back of her neck and began to rub gently, working
slowly up to her head. As she did so, she swept some of the hair aside to
reveal several large scars on the back of her neck that ran down below her
shirt.
Jarod looked over
at the stranger.
"What...?"
"She
received those four years ago."
"She was in
the car."
"Yes. It
left her with severe neck and back injuries and she required surgery to recover
properly. She still has pain from them."
Jarod stared in
horror, unable to speak. Then he turned back to look at her and the tears that
he had managed not to shed before now started to spill down his cheeks. His
companion placed a hand on his shoulder.
"There's no
more time. You have to decide now."
At his words, the
scene froze and began to recede. Looking around, Jarod found himself faced with
scenes from each of the possibilities he had witnessed. The expression on his
face as he looked at the stranger showed his understanding at the magnitude of
his choice but also the difficulty he was having in making it.
"I can't do
it. Not any of these - they aren't fair!"
"Life isn't
fair, Jarod. But it's your decision and you have to make it. Between these
three and - "
"And? And
what?" Jarod eagerly embraced the other option, forgetting momentarily
what it was and how much effort was required by him to fulfill it.
"You could
go on, Jarod. Continue to fight."
"It's
hard..."
"I never
said it was easy."
Jarod looked
slowly from one scene, brilliantly lit before his eyes, to another and then
finally back to the stranger.
"Why are you
here? Who are you?"
"I'm a
guide. I help people to make these types of decisions."
"But who are
you - really? Why do I feel as though I know you?"
"Because I'm
you. I'm the you that would have existed if you hadn't been kidnapped by the
Centre."
"You
mean...there...?"
"Different
versions of your life exist and, depending what happens in those, you change.
That means the 'you' who was a part of the scene that didn't occur fails to
exist. So I've been here, waiting for you to come and make this decision."
"And
depending on what I choose...?"
"Life itself
will alter. The beings belonging to a version you don't select will be
discarded. That's why I wasn't able to say whether the situation in one scene
would occur in another. It all depends on what happens during that scene. And
now you have to choose."
Jarod looked for
one final time at the three scenes in front of him and then turned to the one
behind, showing the first image he had seen of time as it was and not as it
could be.
"If I do go
on, will I remember this?"
The man, the
other version of himself, smiled. "How can you possibly remember something
that doesn't exist? If you do decide to continue fighting, this whole situation
won't ever have happened."
"I'm not
sure I understand. How can something not exist when it's existing now?"
"Time is
fairly complicated. I'm not sure I could make you understand, at least not in
the short time we have available."
"Why
short?"
"Listen."
Jarod heard the
regular beating become louder and also slower.
"If you
don't hurry, the choice won't be yours to make. Quickly, Jarod."
The Pretender
looked for one final time around the room and then at the original image.
"I can't...I
can't do it to her. To them. I choose...this."
"You choose
life. The best choice." The man smiled. "Now go and embrace life.
It's yours for the taking."
Jarod glanced
briefly at the other version of himself and then forwards. Slowly at first, and
then faster, he stepped towards the picture and into the future.