CARDS YOU WILL NEVER SEE PUBLISHED BY HALMARK

"CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR WEDDING DAY
TOO BAD NO ONE LIKES YOUR WIFE"

HOW COULD TWO PEOPLE AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU TWO
HAVE SUCH AN UGLY BABY

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED SOME ONE TO HOLD
SOMEONE TO LOVE
AFTER HAVING MET YOU
I'VE CHANGED MY MIND

I MUST ADMIT YOU HAVE BROUGHT RELIGION
INTO MY LIFE
I NEVER BELIEVED IN HELL, TIL I MET YOU.

LOOKING BACK OVER THE YEARS WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER
I CAN'T HELP BUT WONDER,
"WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS I THINKING?"

AS THE DAYS GO BY, I THINK OF HOW LUCKY I AM
THAT YOU'RE NOT HERE TO RUIN IT FOR ME

IF I GET ONLY ONE THING FOR CHRISTMAS,
I HOPE IT'S YOUR SISTER

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR PROMOTION
BEFORE YOU GO I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE
THIS KNIFE OUT OF MY BACK
I'M SURE YOU'LL BE NEEDING IT AGAIN

SOMEDAY I HOPE TO GET MARRIED
BUT NOT TO YOU

SORRY IT DIDN'T WORK OUT BUT I JUST CAN'T HANDLE
GUYS WHOES BOOBS ARE BIGGER THAN MINE

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
YOU LOOK GOOD FOR YOUR AGE
ALMOST LIFELIKE

WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER, YOU SAID YOU'D DIE FOR ME
NOW THAT WE BROKE UP, I THINK IT'S TIME YOU KEPT
YOUR PROMISE

I KNEW THE TIME WOULD COME WHEN YOU'D LEAVE ME
FOR MY BEST FRIEND, SO HERE'S HIS LEASH, WATER BOWL
AND CHEW TOYS

WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR A VERY LONG TIME
WHAT'S SAY WE CALL IT QUITS?

I'M SO MISERABLE WHITHOUT YOU
IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOU'RE HERE

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR BUNDLE OF JOY,
DID YOU EVER FIND OUT WHO THE FATHER WAS?

YOUR FRIENDS AND I WANTED TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL
FOR YOU ON YOUR BIRTHDAY
SO WE ARE HAVING YOU PUT TO SLEEP

YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD FRIEND
THAT IF WE WERE ON A SINKING SHIP WITH ONLY ONE
LIFE JACKET.......I'D MISS YOU HEAPS
AND THINK OF YOU OFTEN

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