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If I Don't Have You Chapter 2 "Kierstan wait!" AJ didn�t even bother to excuse himself from the fan he had been talking to. He got up and ran after her. He would not let her get away that easy. He could only imagine what she was thinking right now. They were in the hallway now, Kierstan was running from him. "Leave me alone AJ" He finally caught up to her and grabbed her arm. "K, Please, just wait. It�s not�" "Do you love her?" "What?!? Who�what are you talking about?" "That girl AJ, the one you were talking to. Do you love her?" "Kierstan, that was just a fan. What�s going on�you have never gotten so upset over me talking to fans before." "She told you she loved you AJ. I saw her. And�" "No, she didn�t" "Don�t lie AJ, she did. I saw her!" "That�s not what she said K, and that�s not what you saw! You should know by now the only woman I love is you. Please K, just hear me out. God�I can not loose you." "AJ�you just did." "Why? Why are you doing this to me�to us?" "Because I know AJ. I know that your in love with her. I know that she�s in love with you. I don�t know why your here, just go. Go back to her, I�m sure she�s waiting." "KIERSTAN! I don�t even KNOW that girl. I LOVE YOU!" "Stop it." "No, you stop. Just stop and listen to me. That girl is only a fan. I was talking to her about YOU. I was upset. Today has been hell for me. What she said was "she loves you AJ" not *I* love you." "What?" "I was sitting in the corner, by myself. She came over to see what was wrong. I told her you broke up with me. I started to cry. She wiped the tear off my face and told me it�d be okay. That you loved me. That�s it. End of story. Nothing else happened. Dammit Kierstan, can�t you see your tearing my heart out here?" "AJ, Oh God�I�m�I�m so sorry." "What I don�t get is why this is bothering you anyway. You broke up with me this morning." "It just all happened different last night, and when I saw you with her, I could see it all over again. Like I was back there�like it was really happening. I knew that you were gonna kiss her. Like last night�" "Kiss her? I didn�t kiss her last night Kierstan. I just met the girl�I swear!" "No, I know. I mean�" Kierstan looked down at her hands and knew that there was no way this was going to make sense to AJ. It didn�t make much sense to her either. "�last night. In my dream�the same exact thing happened. Only�only instead of you coming after me�you�kissed her." "What?" AJ was so confused. Had she really broken up with him over a dream she had? "AJ, I�m sorry. I know this must not make sense. But you�ve got to understand that it was so real. I�and then when I saw you with her�I just knew�but�but you came after me. I feel so stupid. It all made sense this morning." "You broke up with me because of a dream?" He could not believe what she was telling him. Was she for real or was she just making up another excuse to get out of telling him the real reason again? She seemed to be telling him the truth. "I�m sorry." "Why didn�t you just tell me about it? Kierstan, I�ve been going out of my mind all day long. Do you have any idea�" "Yes. It�s not like it sounds AJ. I didn�t just wake up and think to myself �oh AJ cheated on me in my dream. I�m gonna break up with him and make sure he really is faithful. Test him and make sure he really loves me� This dream was so real. When I woke up all I could think about was you kissing her. And, that I couldn�t take it if something like that ever really happened." "So, you thought you�d beat me to it? Basically what your saying is that you don�t trust me." "No! AJ�I do. I just�" "Go home Kierstan." "What?" "Go home." "NO! AJ please. I�m sorry, I�I love you." He stood there for a moment thinking about how he should respond to this. Nothing made sense right now. He just needed to clear his head. He needed to be away from her and think for a while. "I love you too, Kierstan. I do, more than you could know. I thought I could deal with anything you threw at me. That I could make you see that I loved you and that we could get threw anything. But Jesus, do we really mean so little to you that you can throw it all way over a silly little dream?" She began to cry harder and could only shake her head as he turned his back and walked away from her. It had been three weeks since Kierstan had seen AJ. She knew that she really had lost him for good and even though it ripped her heart out, she knew it was for the best. As she lay in her black bikini by the pool watching her friends, all she could think of was him. Vivian and Doug (hey you don't really expect me to do *anything* w/o some reference to 311 do ya?) were playing some silly game in the pool. Kierstan tried hard to concentrate on the book she was reading, but everything just seemed to lead right back to AJ. What could she have done differently? Nothing, she thought, it was for him that she was doing this. If only they all knew the real reason she was doing this, then they wouldn't question her. She sighed into her book. But I can't tell them or AJ would have a lot more than his heart broken. It was for the best that he hated her now. AJ sat and watched his friends horse around in the pool. He wanted to be upstairs in his room, but Kevin had talked him in to at least coming down, even if he didn�t swim. All he had done for the past three weeks was think of Kierstan. He didn�t understand her reasoning, he didn�t understand how she could not trust him. Never, not once, had he even considered cheating on her. She had been everything to him since the day they had met. Had the past two and a half years really meant that little to her? He didn�t think so. No relationship that intense could be so one-sided. There had to have been something more than just a dream. But she said that had been it. She broke up with me because she was afraid of loosing me? It made no sense, she lost me anyway. "Why don�t you stop being a stubborn pain in the ass and go get her?" AJ looked up to see Brian with a very aggravated look on his face. "All you do is mope around here like your dog just died, bite everyone�s head off for no reason, pout some more, do a show, maybe show up for an interview, and then look sad and pitiful. She tried to apologize to you. Just go get her. Damn�" "What the hell is your problem?" "You are becoming my problem. We�ve got three days off AJ, go get her back before it�s too late. Before you become an asshole for life. You know damn well your not gonna be happy without her. She loves you, you know that. Just go." "Have I really been that bad?" "AJ..please! Worse!" "Why are you doing this?" Kierstan looked up from her book and met Doug�s eyes. "Doing what?" "For the last three weeks you have made yourself sick with misery over this guy. Not only that, but you�ve made everyone around you miserable. Why don�t you just call him or something. You know he�s still in love with you." "Who the hell are you anyway? You don�t know anything about it�you don�t know AJ And�" She stopped when she realized what she was doing. She really was taking all her pain and frustration out on everyone around her. "I�m sorry." "It�s okay, I was out of line. I just hate to see you so sad all the time." Kierstan managed a smile and got up from her chair. She gave Doug a hug. (whoa I�m a poet and didn�t know it!! Hehe) And went in the house for a nap. "Would you like anything to drink sir?" AJ looked up from his magazine, "no, thank you, I�m fine." This was going to be the longest three hour plane ride of his life� *****This next part was written with the help of my friend Dani. Who, is just THE best. I gave her an idea of basically what I wanted and poof she comes out w/perfection everytime! Gotta give Dani mad props for this. And if anyone is offended by smut...then yeah skip the end of this!***** "No, thanks, I don't want to leave a message." Kierstan put down the phone. For four hours she had tried to call him and for four hours, she'd never gotten anyone that believed she was anything but an industrious fan. Tears slipped from her eyes, it was totally selfish, but she wanted him back. But it was impossible. She sank down on the floor beside the phone and pulled her knees up under her chin, indulging in a good cry. "Get used to it." She told herself, "This is how you are going to feel for the rest of your life. He's the love of your life, but you can never have him back." The doorbell rang, making her jump. She slowly got to her feet, feeling stiff from sitting there for so long. She opened the door and her eyes grew wide as she saw A.J. standing there. AJ took in the sight before him. Kierstan looked like hell. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying and she turned white as a sheet when her eyes met his. She started to shake and a sob left her lips, oh god, why can't he just let me go! Her whole body started to shake as the room started to spin wildly. Three weeks of no sleep, no food and constant fear and crying had caught up to her. Her eyes closed as she crumpled to the ground. AJ's eyes grew wide as he saw Kierstan start to shake and one sob left her lips as she fell for the ground. His arms shot out as a startled cry left his lips. He cradled her in his arms as he sank to his knees, "Kierstan, wake up! Oh god, please be okay. Kierstan? Come on, baby, talk to me." His heart beat wildly as he looked down at her, pale as a ghost and lying in his arms. As his eyes searched her face for any sign of her returning to consciousness, he noticed the dark circles under her eyes, the tear tracks down her cheeks and as his eyes roamed over her bikini top down to her cutoff jean shorts, he noticed that she was giving him a run for his money for the nickname Bone. He gathered her in his arms and laid her head on his shoulder, carrying her up the stairs. When he got to her room, he laid her gently down on the bed. He ran to the bathroom and wet a cloth under the tap, placing it on her forehead. She stirred a little. AJ sighed, at least she could react. He knelt by the bed and held her hand, "Oh Kierstan. What's going on? It must have been pretty bad for you to break up with me. You know you can tell me anything, don't you? I'm not buying this line about the dream. I believe you did have the dream and seeing it start to come true would freak anyone, but it's not the reason that you broke up with me and you and I both know it. K, please, tell me what it is. I love you. Wake up, baby and tell me what's made you do this." He looked down at her and she still didn't move. He moved closer to her, his knees banging on something underneath the bed. He pulled away and reached down to pull out a shoebox filled with black envelopes. Looking up at Kierstan to see if she was waking up, he took the first envelope out. There was nothing written on the front. He worried that maybe Kierstan had another man, until he opened the envelope. His jaw dropped at the language used in the letter "you whore, if you don't leave him right now, you will be sorry. I will make sure of that." his eyes gleamed in rage when he read further, "What makes you think that he'd ever stay with you? You are a whore, you will be so easy to replace in his life. He won't remember you ten minutes after I get to you." He finished the letter and started on the next. The next letter was worse than the first and this one had polaroids of her in it, taken at close range. This sicko was close enough to take these pictures! AJ's mind raced, if this person could get close enough to take these pictures, then if this person wanted to hurt her, they would have no problem. As the letters progressed, the threats became more and more violent, graphically describing what would happen to her if she didn't let him go. The pictures became more and more disturbing. Instead of being out in public places, like shopping and walking in the park, they were now in her backyard or through the windows of the house. The last letter nearly made him physically sick. It described her daily routine in startling detail, starting from her morning shower, to work, to talking to him on the phone at night, to going to bed. With trembling hands, he looked down at the pictures in the envelope. There was one of her in the shower, her head leaning back into the spray, her eyes closed. He had to stop himself from throwing up. He looked at the rest of the pictures documenting her day. A gasp left his lips as he saw the last picture. Kierstan was asleep in the same bed she now laid on and he had to be standing where AJ now sat. He looked at the letter, his blood running cold at the last lines. "Sleep well my dear, one night very soon I will be waiting for you. Sweet Dreams." The letter fell from his hands as a blood curdling scream filled the room. Kierstan sat straight up in bed, a scream like nothing AJ had ever heard coming from her lips. His arms were around her before he could blink, not even remembering how he got the five feet from where he was sitting to the bed. Kierstan's arms held him in a terrified death grip as she screamed, "Why did I fall asleep?! I can't sleep, he'll get me, I can't sleep!!!!" AJ held onto her tighter, "I'm here, Kierstan, he won't get you. I won't let him." Tears filled AJ's eyes. She was absolutely terrified to sleep. Her screams stopped and she buried her face in his neck, crying. He ran his hand over her hair, "How long has this been going on?" She opened her eyes and saw the box with all the letters spread all around the floor. She knew it was time to give it up. "Six months." He held her even tighter, "Why didn't you tell me?" She started to cry again, "And let this person hurt you? AJ, I would rather let this sicko hurt me than get to you. I'm nothing, but if he hurt you...." He pulled away a little to look her in the eyes, "You are not nothing! If anything ever happened to you I would die. You are the world to me, don't you understand that? We're going to get through this together, you and me." She held onto him for dear life, "But...." He put his finger on her lips, "But nothing." He took her hand and placed it on his chest, over his heart. "You feel that? It beats for you. If something happened to you, this would stop beating. We're gonna find out who is doing this, and we are gonna put him in jail where he belongs. More importantly, you aren't leaving my side from this moment on." He looked down at her, she needed sleep so badly. It broke his heart just to look at her. He spoke into her hair, where his face was buried, "Kierstan, do you trust me?" She nodded, "With my life, AJ. I couldn't handle this sicko and then having that dream just gave me the excuse I needed to let you go. It ripped my heart out, but it was for your own good. AJ, I love you too much to let you get hurt. If living the rest of my life miserable without you means that you are safe, then it's a small price to pay." He didn't say a word, his lips simply found hers and told her everything he needed to say. Kierstan's fingers cupped AJ's face and gently stroked over his cheeks. He pulled her closer, his fingers tangling in her hair as his tongue shot in her mouth. A soft sigh came out of her mouth as lowered her back onto the bed. If it took every last trick he had, he was going to make her feel safe and loved and most of all, he was going to make her sleep before she got very sick. He felt her arms holding tightly onto him as he kissed gently over her face, "Kierstan, I love you, I love you, I love you." A small smile spread over her face, "Oh AJ, I love you too." He took it slowly, kissing down her neck, nipping softly at the flesh. When he felt her fingernails digging slightly into his back, he knew he had her. He found the little notch at the base of her throat and ran his tongue around the edge, then plunged it right in. A small whimper left her lips as her fingers traced over his ears. He shuddered and looked down at her, "Don't be going for the ears, unless you mean it." She smiled up at him and without a word, started sucking on one of his earlobes, earrings and all. She nibbled up the rim of his ear, speaking softly into it. "AJ, make love to me and let me sleep safe in your arms." She didn't have to ask him twice. He kissed over her shoulders, untying the straps of her bikini top and letting it fall between them. He moaned softly as he took in the sight of her. His lips traced trails down to her breasts, his fingers tracing over her curves. As his lips latched onto the hard pink buds, first one then the other. She traced the muscles on his back with her fingertips, scraping her fingernails lightly up his back. When Kierstan's breath was coming in short, gasping spurts, he began to kiss over her stomach to the beginning of her jean shorts. He stopped along the way to run the tip of her tongue along the edge of her belly button. He heard her start to giggle as his whiskers tickled her stomach. He lifted his head to smile at her and then plunged his tongue into her belly button, sucking on it as he withdrew his tongue. Kierstan moaned, AJ knew this was her downfall. Whenever he did this move, Kierstan was gone, he could ask her to cut off her arm and she wouldn't think twice about it. He ran his hands down up her sides to cup her breasts in his hands, running his thumbs over her nipples. He took his sweet time just kissing and nibbling over her stomach. Kierstan put her hands on his shoulders and turned them both over so she was over him. His shirt flew off quickly and landed off in a corner.Her head bent to lick one of his nipples, gently nipping it before pulling away. His back arched up towards her mouth as she went for the other one. She kissed up to his neck and ran her tongue up the throbbing path of his jugular. AJ gasped as she nipped it quickly. She moved lower, kissing over his collarbone and shoulders. She took her time kissing over the muscles on his chest and running her tongue around every one of the muscles in his abs. When she reached the beginning of his jeans, he put his hand under her chin and pulled her up the length of him, his lips attacking hers. As they kissed feverishly, his hands slid down her sides and across the waistband of her shorts, opening the front and sliding them over her hips. She kicked them off and AJ ran his fingers over the edge of her bikini bottoms, before sliding his fingers under the material at her hips and sliding them slowly down her legs. When she had kicked them off also, he held her close as he rolled them over. Her fingers sought out the front of his jeans and worked to release him from their confines. When she had the jeans and his boxers off, she pulled him close to her and wrapped him tightly in her arms, her lips grazing his hear as she spoke, "AJ, now." With a low moan, he positioned himself between her legs. Her hand slid down between them and guided him inside her. As he sank inside her, he let out a breath that he didn't even know he had been holding. Their bodies found a natural rhythm as her hips rose slightly to meet his. Her name wrenched from his lips again and again until Kierstan silenced him with her lips. His tongue matched the rhythm of his hips as both parts of him plunged deeply inside her. Kierstan felt her body start to tense up as AJ sank deeper and harder inside her. The muscles in AJ's arms started to shake as his rhythm became more desperate. Kierstan's fingernails scraped against the small of AJ's back as she nearly screamed his name as the tension in her body seemed to explode into a million pieces, leaving her spent and reeling. AJ's hoarse cry echoed in the room as he collapsed on top of her. They both laid there trying to regain their breath. AJ rolled off of her and snuggled Kierstan up to him from head to toe. He rubbed her back, whispering words of comfort and love in her ear. After a few minutes, he felt her sink more deeply against him. When he looked down, he knew she was asleep. He pulled the covers up around both of them and reached for the phone. He dialed the number for the hotel in California. "Hey Kev, it's AJ. I need you guys to get here now. I found out why Kierstan broke up with me. It's bad, that's all I can tell ya. Just get here. I swear to god I will never ask for anything more in my life, I just need you guys here." AJ listened to Kevin for a second, "Okay, tell me when your plane gets in and we'll be there to pick you up." AJ hung up the phone and held Kierstan tightly against him, watching over her as she slept.Next: Chapter 3 |