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Girl Can't Help It Chapter 2 If he could hold her, so close in his arms...again. If she could show him the letter her heart forgot to send, why. They’re livin’ dreams on their own. Ooh, they’ll never stop running... The moon was obscured by a cloud outside. Inside Nick lay on the bed in his hotel room, the lights off. It had been a month, two weeks and four days since Heather had left. It seemed infinitely longer. Nick groaned, running his fingers through his blond hair. "Why did I let her go?" he muttered. He already knew the answer though. It was the only thing he could have done. If he had forced her to stay that would have been the end right there. Goodbye forever. As it was he wasn’t entirely sure where they stood. He hadn’t been completely faithful. It wasn’t something he was proud of, but true nonetheless. He had tried lots of things to fill the loneliness. So far the only thing he’d found that worked was performing. While performing everything just slipped away. More than anything else he wanted to hold her. That was impossible. Phone calls just weren’t enough. He needed her there to hold and kiss. I sat staring out at the overcast day. It matched my mood. Being back had eased my homesickness, but that was replaced by a new kind of longing. Not as strong, but effective. Did he know I still loved him? I hoped so. I felt that I didn’t tell him nearly often enough. The problem was that although I loved him and missed him like crazy I couldn’t help but be tempted. I refused to cheat on Nick, but the desire to be held was strong. I felt so much. My emotions were on overload, but I rarely shared these with Nick. I was becoming increasingly aware that I wanted more. Needed more. That scared me. And when he calls her she tells him that she still cares. Under the moonlight, he wonders why she can’t be there...why. Why do they go on alone when they’re missing each other? The cloud covering broke slightly, allowing more moonlight to filter into the room. This change was lost on Nick. He was deep in memory. A recent phone call with Heather played over in his mind: "How have you been?" Nick asked politely. "Fine." Heather replied. Her voice sounded strained. There was an uncomfortable silence. Nick cleared his throat, then sighed heavily. "Heather, how do you feel about me?" "Nick." Heather began admonishingly. "I love you. You know that." "Do I?" he asked in a low tone. "I do Nick. I love you." She assured him. Nick groaned. He missed her so badly it hurt. Why couldn’t she be there in his arms? They should be together, but they weren’t. He didn’t know when they would be either. Could he handle this long term? He didn’t know. It had only been a month and already it was more than he could bear. He felt awful, but he just wasn’t sure it was going to work. Stepping out onto the balcony he turned his face to the sky, letting the London rain drizzle over his face. He knew he had to call her, but for the moment he let the rain fall on him, washing away his problems if only temporarily. He understood somehow that he had reached a fork. His heart knew which path he would choose and he knew that it would be alone. The girl can’t help it, she needs more. He hasn’t found what he’s lookin’ for. They’re still standing in the rain. He can’t help it and she’s just that way. Dark clouds had finally begun to pour rain down. I closed my eyes and listened to it hit the roof. I had come to a decision and I wanted to cry, but my eyes were dry. I needed more than Nick could give me. It wasn’t his fault and it wasn’t mine either. I knew he couldn’t help it, but neither could I. Still, I was dreading the phone call I knew I had to make. Why couldn’t life be easy and fair? I knew it never was, but still, would it hurt to have things work out just once? I loved Nick and I didn’t think I would ever love anyone like I loved him, but who could be sure? We were only 18 after all... The phone rang interrupting my thoughts. I leaned over to pick it up and pressed the on button. "Hello?" I answered. "Heather?" "Nick!" A flood of emotions washed over me. Among them guilt, love, pain and uneasiness. This was forcing me to tell him before I was ready. I gulped slightly, taking deep breaths to calm my jangling nerves. "I have something to tell you." Nick said seriously. That sounded ominous and warning bells went off in my head. "Um, what’s up?" I asked tentatively, afraid of the answer. "I...well...I can’t do this anymore Heather." Nick finally said. I sighed. "I know Nick. I can’t either. I need more than you can give me. I’m sorry." We were silent for a moment. "So. I...guess this is it." Nick finally said. "Yeah. I guess so." I replied quietly. "So, um, goodbye." Nick said awkwardly. "Goodbye Nick. I love you." I told him. "I...love you too." He replied hesitantly. There was a silence for a few moments more. We had said all there was to say, but yet we hadn’t. There was so much left unsaid. On the other end I heard a click and then the dial tone. That final sound hit me that it was truly over. Still clutching the phone I hugged my knees to my chest and sobbed. ...do you know she still cries for you... |