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Just To Be Close To You Chapter 1 Life is hard sometimes, but you struggle in life just to make things better.. Happiness could be anywhere, it could be here.. It could be there.. Over here.. Over there.. It could be anywhere, where you least expect it.. And when you do find it, you try every thing in your power to keep it.. Even if it means turning into someone else... I'm a tough kinda girl, I act like boys, I dress like boys, I walk like boys I even talk like boys.. Maybe because I was born the youngest of four, One older sister who got married when I was still young and two other brothers who I got used to more than my sister in the past few years, or maybe it's the fact that I've always wanted to be a boy, I've always thought that boys are free, they do what they want anytime.. Anywhere.. they don't have to worry about stuff girls have to worry about, how do I look.. is my make up OK... Boys can depend on themselves in allot of things that we girls can't.. But I never thought that their will be a day when I will let all this go and be happy with what I am and even try to make things better... Just to be close to... One day one of my best fiend had this huge surprise for me and my other two friends.. All four of us were crazy about the BackStreet boys, each one had her own guy, ___________ liked Nick, and __________ liked Howie ________ the surprise girl liked Brian but I was between AJ, Kevin and Howie.. AJ's style was very close to mine but still I couldn't ignore Kev's beautiful eyes or Howie's sweet smile plus Howie was taken.. My friend already likes him... We all knew that _________ who had this weird surprise for us is related to Howie, actually she's related to his brother in law.. The deal was to meet her and my other two friends in front of a near by shopping mall at 4 O'clock sharp I was wearing my roller blades and I was going as fast as I could coz I was already half an hour late, I had an important volley ball game with some of my friends, all the way I was thinking of my friend's surprise but I never expected anything exciting though coz she always did that to us and says "Hey guys I have a surprise for you" and she asks us to meet her somewhere, and when we are all there she shouts "The surprise is... MEE" but we usually kick her butt and laugh about it.. When I finally got there I looked terrible, I was sweating like Hell, and I looked like I was just out of a fight.. I stopped infront of the mall looking all over for my friends, I turned around when I heard my friend screaming "_________ where were you, you're late and we were about to leave" but I couldn't talk I just stared behind her when I saw AJ, Howie, Brian, Kevin and Nick standing behind her then I tried to talk but all I could say was "O.. O..O ... B..B..B... aaaahhhh" They all laughed and she said "Oh I forgot, this is my big surprise __________ I'd like you to meet our beloved BackStreet boys, guys this is one of my closest boyfriends.. I mean girlfriend _________" they all smiled and said Hi but I just stood there starring at them, so she pushed me towards them to say hi but I lost my balance because of the roller blades I was wearing, but fortunately for me who else but Kevin reached out to catch me in his arms.. as I looked up I saw his beautiful green eyes with a warm smile in his face as he asked "Are you OK?" I managed to pull my self together and said "yyyeah thanx" and for the first time in my life I was blushing.. My friend just smiled and said "Come on every body let's go inside".. The rest of the day was magical, we all went shopping like crazy, and Kevin was so nice and sweet, we finally decided to rest for a while in one of the restaurants, McDonalds was the choice of course, we all talked and joked about each other, for me and my friends I was acting normal, the way I always did, laughing loudly, jumping around, shouting to my friends walking by, putting my feet up on the table, but I guess it wasn't that way to Kevin, at the end me and Brian were the comedians we made them laugh so much no one could eat, but I realized that Kevin changed after that, he never talked to me directly, if I ask him something or said something to him he either ignores it or answers without looking at me, I felt bad but I tried to ignore it even though I felt that every one noticed this sudden change, not just me, So after a while they all decided to continue shopping again, as we were walking I tried to talk to Kevin alone coz we were the only ones walking together, AJ and Brian had their girlfriends with them and each one of my other friends had her guy, but still I couldn't get him to talk to me, so one of my two friends who were talking to Nick came up to Kevin and they stared talking, it was so obvious that moment that it was me he didn't want to talk to, and every one were together laughing, talking and joking and I was left behind all alone, they never even noticed that I'm not around... While I was walking behind every one, all alone staring at the floor, I noticed Kevin looking around, like he was searching for someone, when he turned behind him and saw me, he looked at me like I was the one he was looking for, I didn't know what to do so I smiled, he smiled back but it was like he had to, it was like he was feeling sorry for me being left all alone.. He was walking next to my friend _________ who had this whole thing organized and I saw him whisper something in her ear, so she turned to me right away and she saw me walking alone so she ran towards me and pulled me saying "Why are you walking behind, don't you embarrass me, even Kevin noticed!!" I didn't want to go but the roller blades I was wearing weren't helping, it was easy for her to pull me, by that time every one noticed what was happening so they all stopped wondering what was going on, when AJ asked me what was wrong, I answered "Nothing I'm just tired" so they all decided to take another rest so we all sat next to a big fountain in the middle of the mall, and once again my luck, me and Kevin were siting next to each other with no one to talk to, so he asked me "So tell me some more about you" I answered with out even looking at him "Why do you care?" he looked really surprised and asked "Excuse me?" So I said "Why are you interested in knowing anything about me? I thought you didn't like me??" the words came right out of my mouth, I didn't know what I was saying, I was really angry, he stood infront of me and looked really amazed then he said "I never said that I don't like you, I just don't like the way you are, you're a girl so act like one!!" that's when he started yelling, so I stood up and started yelling too and I said "The way I look is my business, I thought you guys didn't care about looks anyway!!?" he yelled back "Yeah we don't care about looks that much, but excuse me when I say, you look too bad to ignore.." I couldn't say anything I tried to answer back to what he said but I couldn't, what he said really hurt me, I felt like screaming, like killing him, and I actually felt like crying, no one ever said things like this to me before, no one ever told me what they thought of me right at my face, every one was afraid of me.. One of my friends ran to Kevin and said "No Kevin please don't make him.. I mean her mad, it gets ugly when she gets mad" so he said to me "What are you gonna do to me?? are you gonna beat me up?? or maybe you'll kill me!?" I lifted up my hand I was about to punch him in the nose but some thing held my hand, it froze, I couldn't do it, my fist was so close to his face that he closed his eyes I guess I scared him after all!! but when my hand stopped and he knew I couldn't do it he smiled, like he was laughing at me, So I turned around and I was about to leave as Brian stopped me and said "What's the matter __________ don't you like us?" so I said "You should ask your cousin that question" I didn't wait much so I left as fast as I could.. Kevin realized that he was too hard on me when every one started yelling at him and blaming him.. Brian pushed him as he said "Go to her, you hurt the girl" he didn't think for long so he ran as fast as he could calling my name but I never stopped, every one was staring at us especially the girls, probably wondering "who's the girl that made Kevin BSB run after her like that?" But Kevin was actually fast enough to catch up with me, he caught my arm and stopped me, then he said "Look, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said all those terrible things I said, I just got mad at the way you talked to me" I was still mad and I said "The things you said were worst than the things I said" he answered "Yeah but don't forget you almost broke my nose" as he smiled but I never even bothered to smile back, so he said "I just hate to see a beautiful girl like you go to waste like that and bury all your beauty under boys stuff" so I said "You don't really care, you're just saying this stuff" he said quickly "No other wise why would I bother to run all this way to apologize?" I answered "They made you come after me.." he shook his head and said "No No I..." but before he finished a group of girls surrounded him and kept us apart, he tried to get to me but the girls wouldn't give him a chance, so I left.. I took the longest way back home and on the way I met a group of boys, they were my friends, back at those days most of my friends were boys, we always played volley ball at the beach, while the girls were working on their tans, or played basket ball in the neighborhood basket ball court while the girls spent a whole day at the beauty saloon... I was always ready for a game at anytime any where, but this time to their surprise I said No, I didn't feel like playing, when one of them asked me again and again I just lost it and I yelled as hard as I could "NO I DON'T WANNA PLAY, I DON'T WANNA DO ANYTHING, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE" They all got so scared they ran away, they knew what damage I could cause when I'm angry, and again I started walking back home alone, burning alone with my anger ...Next: Chapter 2 |