[02-25-02] 2:10 PM  Listening to: Savage Garden -- "I Knew I Loved You," "Truly Madly Deeply," "Hold Me," "Crash and Burn," and "I Want You." A-heh. Been a week or so. I guess it's time to update again. Even if nothing's happened, I don't think it'd be nice to keep a small number of friends hanging about my goings on. Hmm... A Savage Garden montage for today. I dunno, just in that kinda mood. Perhaps has something to do with the weather... Speaking of weather, today is a beautiful day. I mean it. It's overcast, windy, foggy at vision's extreme, and holding a drizzly temperature of 44�. That means it's cool without being cold, breezy without being deafening or excessively powerful, humid without being drenching, visible without being blinding (direct afternoon sunlight,) and slightly nebulous at a far distance. The windy weather, the cool temperature, and even the light drizzle... it's all beautiful. Some people might think this weather is bloody awful, but I really enjoy an atmosphere such as this. Even with all the distant fog and mists hanging about. I must tell you, I like fog, especially the kind that's of "pea soup" consistancy. We ran through such fog earlier this past week, rolling slowly down the hill I now live upon and across the nearby lake. And I rediscovered that I really enjoy driving through an obscured downtown or lakeside strip. Cars and scenery alike emerging like ghosts and phantoms from the grayish cloud, only to disappear again as seen in the rearview mirror. The gray fog matches both the color of the water and the air, giving the impression that an immense gaping void exists beyond the single guardrail. One knows not what approaches or passes them by, and such feeling provides a little apprehension, but also anticipation. It's somewhat how I view my future. Life gives the impression that I'm traveling through a nebulous impenetrable cloud, unsure how everything looks on the other side, unaware of passing scenery, pedestrians, and opportunities. I can maintain my present course upon the slightly more visible expanse of interstate I'm transversing, towards a goal I can somewhat make out in the distance... or I can venture off the beaten path and find my way through the myrad of alternate possibilities by myself. A number of backroads lead towards the same destination, which may provide additional hardships, as well as the prospect of fewer traffic jams. My only forms of assistance come through individuals I communicate with over a portable CB radio, searching and chattering amongst the numerous individuals on this overcast highway of life. Chance is the biggest factor, and it's up to each driver whether or not to accept the arduous task of constantly scanning the waves for helpful advice (and weeding detrimental advice from the lot as well,) or maintaining his own station, concentrating upon the road, and awaiting any individuals who wish to stray upon his frequency to provide help (which happens extremely seldomly.) Occasionally, engines die and motevation slows, leaving a number of individuals parked either on the side of the road, or directly in the line of fire. Some individuals pass on by, ignoring the wayward travellers and sometimes ramming the deadened cars simply for kicks or spite. Others stop to provide assistance by either jump-starting another's battery, providing an oil exchange, or extinguishing a small engine fire. (My mom provided a similar manner of assistance for me when I lost my source of motevation.) And sometimes, you meet up with another individual crossing an intersection, waiting aside the road, or even in the thick of traffic... And both travelers team up, leave one car aside the road (sometimes,) and head off towards the distant future together. Well, that's my take on it anyway. It doesn't seem too far-fetched to equate life and its trials to a shrouded interstate. Heh, there's that scientist/mathemetician in me again, creating a model for easier visualization. ^_^ This past week has been somewhat routine, and as I considered that fact this morning while heading towards my Differential Equations class, I knew not whether I considered that an improvement or a detriment. After all, routine is secure and provides little surprises (those "speedbumps" on the highway of life.) But sometimes, those surprises keep you from falling asleep at the wheel, or searching for one of those roadside stands to alleviate your driving boredom. (Heh, I guess I'm gonna continue with the driving analogies throughout the entire blog. Gomen.) I like consistancy, and my life at the present is heading in the right general direction. So long as I hold my present course, I should come out just fine. I guess I'm just looking for a little excitement, maybe even an additional passenger to converse with and pass the time. ;) You know, today would be a really nice day to go hiking or something like that. Sorry, little insight there. ^_^ Well, a couple days ago I received a portion of my AnimeNation order: the Giant Robo VHS Volume 1. It's quite an engaging series, even though the entire thing is only seven episodes long. I've got a couple more tapes to collect, but I'm patient, since I'm saving my money for next semester, A-kon, and my summer roadtrip. ^_^ Speaking of A-kon, I don't know if I'll be able to fashion a cosplay outfit in time or not. I'm losing so much free time maintaining this page, keeping up with my constantly changing pastime (as of recently, it's been fiddling with RPGMaker95,) working 20+ hour work weeks at K-mart, and attending all my classes while maintaining at least a B+ average. But I know that I'm going to attend, regardless of whether or not I have an outfit. (I've decided upon Mousse anyway, if I can manage to locate materials comfortable enough to wear all day.) The dates of interest are May 31st through June 2nd, and I'll have to extend a personal thank-you to Adam for taking care of such business and extending an invitation to me as well. It'll be great! Tiffany Grant (Asuka, "Evangelion;" Ryoko, "Nadesico;" Madam President, "Goldenboy ^_^") is going to be there, as well as the creators of Megatokyo! Woot! It'll be my first con, and I think I'll have a great deal of fun! Man, I'm really really out of the loop with some of my old friends now. Isolated is very nearly a good way to describe my position, and while I don't often make truly honest attempts to communicate regularly with my old ASMS buddies, I never receive any emails in reply, and my address hasn't changed for the past four years. Surely, they would know what it is by now. Reason for this being, yesterday, my mom idly commented to me that she didn't know my (old) best friend Daniel was serious about a girl right now. I had to stop for a moment and blink. For that matter, I hadn't known he was serious about a girl. He'd had a rough time in the past with two serious girlfriends that both played out into loss and separation, but I didn't know he was that deeply rooted back into the dating scene again. What's worse, I didn't hear this from my best friend, but from my parents, who heard it from his parents. Since when have I been less informed about my friends than my parents? I'll have to send out another email query, and see if he responds this time. In the meantime, I'm also starting to wonder about other people. The most I ever learn from anybody nowadays is either from a diary/blog page, or from long long emails (Ling has just set the record for receiving the largest, all-text, all-conversation email I've sent anybody. Although a good portion was old responses, I provided at least 50 to 60 KB out of that 121 KB message. Woot! Conversation rocks! Hey, don't stare so wide-eyed. I've been waiting for an engaging conversation like this, and none of my regular friends would oblige me. Hmmmph.) Anyway, I've been checking around, awaiting emails, scanning diary/blog pages, just trying to see what's going on and who I'll hear from next. If I can't be around 'em, then I'd at least like to know what's going on in their lives. I talk with 'em often enough. Most of Jon's messages nowadays regard the fanfic we're working on together (fine with me, though I wish he'd occasionally want to talk about other stuff... or else, respond to the other stuff that I talk about,) Matt and Adam haven't updated their blogs lately, all my local friends haven't contacted me too often (except for Chris, trying to formulate a gettogether this Wednesday), and Ling's having heavy emotional problems right now. In short, I desire to know what I don't; however, the true responses I get either incorporate "lesser" material or involve harsh truths, situations, and feelings gone through the blender. I hope everyone else rides through their troubles just fine, and since I'm experiencing no personal discomfort at the moment, I'll be sure to offer a few prayers of assistance for my friends in need. My sleeping habits this past week have been awful, and I should probably update my Lenten resolutions to include going to bed at 12 o'clock each night. That really sounds like a good idea, since it'll be harder than I originally thought to simply avoid eating out. Work only provides a 30 minute window for lunch, and since the trip home takes about 15 minutes, it would be a wasted effort. I don't have a locker, and I don't have any other way to store a meal for that specific time. *sigh* Maybe it would be slightly more realistic if I simply limited the times I eat out to work-related instances. Then, I could still save money for the weekly tithes. Oh, and I haven't had any caffeine for over 10 days now. I know I could have had some these past Sundays, but I really didn't feel like it. My caffeine "immunity" is going to be shot by the onset of Easter. Maybe that's a good thing. I should probably drink more water than Dr. Pepper anyway. ... Nah!!! ^_^ Well, I think that's enough material to make up for my absence. ^_^ I'll be trying to update other portions of this website later on this afternoon, so you might want to stop by again tomorrow and check the items out (provided you're interested in the other material anyway...) And I shall leave upon a final note, provided by my pastor yesterday at the morning Catholic Mass. A little Irish blessing...    "As you slide down the banister of life, may all the splinters face the right way!!!" And that's a wrap! Goodnight, everybody! - JR

[02-18-02] 1:50 PM  Listening to: "Weird Al" Yankovic -- "Gonna Buy Me a Condo," "Dare to be Stupid," "Frank's 2000 Inch TV," "Livin' in the Fridge," "Polkamon," "She Never Told Me She Was a Mime," "Traffic Jam," "Trigger Happy," "UHF," "Yoda," and "That's Your Horoscope for Today." Woot! It's montage day! Know why? Because, I am da MAN! Ph34r m4 l33t Diff 3Q skillz! Raaaaassk!!! I'm excessively proud because of my 103% on the first of many Differential Equations tests this semester. I missed no problems, but I only got the bonus partially right. I guess there's room for improvement, huh? ;) I don't care! I'm swimming in A++ territory right now! Heh, been a few days since my last update. Well, I haven't had a whole lot to throw out to the numerous (read: 3) people who read this blog, since my weekend has been going along just fine. Met with a few buddies of mine Friday night to hang out, as opposed to being bored at home without my family. (They were all busy elsewhere at a church-related function.) Saturday was spent mostly at work, in which I was reminded that evil shoppers *do* exist, if only to make department store employees spill foul language in break rooms across America. After two bad customers, I managed to hide away for a long time in the back of the store, unpacking candy boxes for a couple hours. Wow, lots of Easter candy. The only problem was that I was hungry through most of this. ^_^ Sunday was another sleep-in day, and I spent the afternoon actually working on my homework. Wow. Must be snowing in hell right about now. But anyway, I actually managed to complete a lot of my work beforehand for once, and that felt good. Then, last night after our routine family prayer session, we got onto the topic of oldest memories, and the six Arkansan Rossmaiers (me included!) sat around for at least a half hour, musing over what we could remember from the small number of houses we've lived in before moving to Russellville. Oh, that was a great deal of fun. I love sitting together with my family and chattering on about things like that. Beats hiding down in "the bunker" and waiting for people to get online and chat with me. Or send me reply emails. ^_^ No, I'm not pointing fingers. I'll let the guilt burn instead! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Boy, am I in an odd mood this afternoon. But I'm excited about something, and I don't know what. I've got a kind of animalistic fire burning inside right now, and if only I had someone to hang out with, they'd probably be able to see some glimmerings of the "true" John Rossmaier down beneath the external shell. Oh well. Well, that's about all I've got to say now. If I get a flood of emails (yeah right), I might extrapolate more often about the mundane about my life. Oh, and I've decided not to tell about my Lenten progress. This is supposed to be between myself and God, and I'm not going to display my progress like a golden banner reading, "HEY! LOOK HOW GOOD A CHRISTIAN I AM!!!" Right. Okay, well, I guess I'll chat later. The muse has bit the big one, and my fanfiction progress is at a standstill. Namely, because I've recently finished Slayers Try and bought Those Who Hunt Elves DVD 1. Also, tomorrow, the first Love Hina DVD comes out, so I'll be awaiting my delivery from AnimeNation. Gotta keep going! So much anime, so little time! Ja ne! - JR

[02-13-02] 3:00 PM  Listening to: "Termina -- Another" from the Chrono Cross OST 1. First and foremost, I would like to state that today is Ash Wednesday, a date in the Catholic religion which marks the beginning of the season of Lent, or the forty days of fasting before the celebration of Easter. During the Mass later tonight, I will receive markings of ash across my forehead, in remembrance that man came from dust, and to dust he shall return. It's a humbling ceremony before the eyes of God, and I pray that I can assume the correct mindset before this evening begins. In conjunction with the days of fasting (today and every Friday following today before Easter -- fasting entails lessening two meals by at least three-quarters, and the third is still only modest), I aim also giving up two personal practices in order to either raise the quality of my lifestyle or bring myself closer to God and the church community. First, I am giving up caffeine until Easter. That means, no more Dr. Peppers, Coca-Colas, Pepsis, Mountain Dews, etc. I would add coffee and tea to the list, but since I drink neither... Second, I am giving up my occasional treat at a fast-food restaurant, in order to save my money for the weekly church tithing. I earn my own paycheck, and it's about time I began donating my share to the local church. I'll try to keep updates on how my resolve is faring throughout the next 40 days. Okay, new topic. I'd actually been thinking about this for the past two days, and was reminded again when I found out what element my sign was (Aquarius is a wind sign), but I was surprised once again by how much I enjoyed breezy weather. These invisible forces constantly push and pull, swirling the atmosphere about in a touching, caressing pattern. Everything is cooler, no matter the actual temperature, and everything is in motion. No stagnant air. I love wind in motion. That's why I keep a fan in my room at all times, because I like the idle whisper of a breeze, the way my hair teases back on each side, blowing into my face. I like walking into a strong gale, grinning as the forces push past, ripping my clothing about like a fierce wave of emotion. The world seems more alive, more dramatic than usual, and I'm caught up with the desire to run down a hillside through the windy currents, relishing in some boyhood fantasy that I've never deemed necessary to let go. Like some intangible force, trying desperately to bring out the energy and emotion hidden inside of me. I wish I could find a girl like that. ^_^ Oh well. I'm a patient sort of folk, and even I am getting tired of reminding myself that "I'm single and it 'sucks.'" It doesn't suck. I'm happy with my present existence, since I know such an attachment will only render my free time to nothingness, and even delve into time I should be studying. I'm prioritizing my schoolwork before my relationships, for now. All is well. But anyway, I got to searching about Aquarians sometime last night, and some of the material made me stop and think for a moment. Now, I don't consider horoscopes to be golden; I don't consider them completely hokey either, but they aren't set in stone and don't predict your life like a finely tuned mathematical rule. Regardless, they are of interest whenever I'm relatively bored (i.e., Megatokyo isn't updated yet, my homework is mostly finished, and no one has emailed or messaged me in the last 30 minutes to a few hours.) At any rate, I found a great deal of... accurate descriptions... under the heading for Aquarius. I can't quite tell if the Sexuality information is entirely on target; I haven't had any time to really get into the topic with another person (if you know what I mean.) But some of it sounded pretty right to me. I don't know. If you're wondering where I got my information, head to Astrology on the Web and check under the Aquarius heading. You can examine your own material if you want. I practically ignored the daily horoscopes, but the general characterization and personality of the average Aquarian sounded strangely accurate. It might be of at least a little amusement to check it out, anyway. Well, I've got our postponed Philosophy test in about 45 minutes, so I'd better scan the material again before I drive out to ATU. Hope to have something else by Friday. I'll update my Lenten progress by then, too. Ja ne! - JR

[02-11-02] 6:15 PM  Listening to: "Tank!" from Cowboy Bebop OST 1. If the music is any indication, I'm in a much better mood now than I had been. Only a couple of friends had been informed of this, so I decided to give any other passerbys the 'heads up,' so I won't get any more concerned feedback. Reasons for aforementioned mood come from three sources: A) my friends which showed up to pester me at work and remind me that I can always hang out with them, time and schedules permitting; B) the dual birthday party celebrated yesterday at my grandparents' house; and C) my day today, and how unbelieveably easy it's been. First off, a couple of my friends from here in the big R-ville decided to pop into K-mart last Saturday at about 8:15PM to chat (read: annoy me.) The result was quite the opposite, and I agreed readily to meet afterwards at *another* pair of friends' house. Pizza had been ordered, and given free food, I had no excuses not to go even if I hadn't wanted to in the first place. Having to end up staying an extra half hour was a downer, but since I arrived only after they ordered the pizza, everything worked out just fine. We spent the next five hours shooting the breeze like old times, and the perverse comments and joking was strangely nostalgic; reminded me what I'd been missing the three years I left R-ville to be educated elsewhere. Later, after a hour long session of Battlebots and a 15 minute MST3K-style assessment of some bad B-fighter-movie on some station, we decided to break out our old Magic cards and have a good, rousing free-for-all. I got waxed first, but only because I'd drawn enough pleasure from the game already, and decided to piss off a good friend with fireball magic. He destroyed me, my death increased another's power, and the game became marginally more interesting. I left for the bathroom. At any rate, we had a really good time, and trying to go to sleep at four in the morning didn't bother me, even though I had to get up six hours later for mass (the good Lord would have condemned me again had I missed another week... bad John.) Sunday afternoon, I had plenty of spare time (finally) to work on my self-insertion in progress, Ah! ASMS Muyo �! Thus, I was happy, since I got to send it to a couple friends, though only one has responded so far. I'm about 80% complete with the second chapter, so an update shouldn't be too far down the road. Then, at four PM, we left to hang out with my relatives again and celebrate another pair of birthdays (seems we did this only two weeks ago; actually, we did.) For a surprise, we covered my grandparents' bills at this really pricy restaurant back in the winelands near Altus (thank goodness I've got relatives from both the Post and Wiederkehr families; plenty of free alcohol for whomever should marry me! That'll give someone an incintive...) The food was really good, except I was the unfortunate one to get the only overcooked meal. Consequently, I stole from everyone else's platters. ^_^ Afterwards, we came back and finally celebrated the party after a long thorough discussion concerning various Simpsons episodes and specials, humorous commercial parodies from Saturday Night Live, and this year's bad Superbowl commercials (say what I will about the sport and event, the commercials are generally really funny; except for the Pepsi one - that was simply bad taste. Bleech; Britney Spears... someone should delete her and "Jared" from their worldwide commercial existance.) And then today, I had one test (easy) and no HW for either Chemistry or Differential Equations (actually started to fall asleep in there today; stupid review material... Remember, I had this course already two years ago in high school. EVERYTHING is review material.) Also, I received perfect grades on my sketchwork and Autocad assignments. Plus, the test we were supposed to have in Cultural Anthropology was cancelled! Only because the printer wouldn't produce any test copies! Isn't life grand? And I just got another message from Ling! Will wonders never cease? I suppose I might actually get a girlfriend sometime in the near future! But that would summon the Four Horsemen, and I'd hate to bring the Apocalypse upon the world... ^_^ Anyway, that's all for now. Talk to you peeps later! - JR

[02-08-02] 10:23 PM  Listening to: "Teardrop of Royal Family" from Tenchi OAV Best 1. This has been a very weird week for me. Somewhat surreal. Sometimes good. Usually uneasy, with many a touch of fatigue. Case in point, I'm uneasy, hungry, sore, emotionally tired, and lonely. Being in such a case, I would normally root around online for some chap to chat along with for a while; right now, I'd just like a friend to be here with me. It's all good and wonderful to talk to people online, but I'm seriously missing a daily reminder that I have living, breathing friends out there who are interested in me and what I'm doing. Being that I had a lot on my mind today, I feel the need to purge my system again before I settle down to watch some Evangelion (yes, the mood's finally coming back.) First off, the snow. Or rather, a direct result of the snow. I, being my stupid lazy self again, postponed my duties due on Thursday in order to talk to people, read fanfiction, and download music up until 2:30 in the morning. This was bad enough, seeing as how I had a Chemistry lab at 9, which would most likely not be cancelled due to the now melting snow. Thus, I was hurriedly scribbling down my pre-lab and lab directions about 30 minutes until nine later that morning. I was miserable, tired, and frustrated with myself all over again. Now, I'm not a very avid about cursing; I avoid them in speech as often as possible. However, within the sanctuary of my mind, I let loose, but only in reference to something brainless I've recently done. That's why, on Wednesday night while trying to get some sleep, I was cursing myself again, just like last year, in order to somehow compel me to do any work. Naturally, Thursday came and went, in which I successfully completed both the lab and the Engineering presentation I was only half-prepared for. In return, I got good marks and comments. Why the hell does life continue to confound me? Should this not be behavior deserving failing grades? Bad marks? Zeros, F's, and negative feedback?! I don't understand how I can be so miserable, feeling I'd score less than par, and then life lowers the bar once again. Well, I'm getting sick and tired of hating myself for putting off my schoolwork. Unfortunately, this bad habit will be extremely hard to break, even with what happened to me last year. I'm too conceited and self-centered in my interest concerning anime to give it even an idle shove so I can complete my schoolwork on time. DAMN myself for being such an idiot. It's times like this I wish I were younger again. A little over a week ago, I mentioned that I don't have any 'best friends' anymore. And now I'm sure I'm more than right. Although, I don't think I have a lot of 'close friends' either. Last night, my parents went over to K-mart (trying to embarrass me at work; their effort failed miserably) to pick up a set of film they'd had developed. It included shots from mine and my brother's birthday parties. After puttering on home after another draining five hour shift, I discovered the pictures sitting on the dining room table. So, after setting up a pot of water to boil, I decided to check the film out. After smiling while shifting through a collection of my brother's birthday party pictures, I eventually got to mine. Only to find two. I'm extremely jealous of my brother. After our family celebrated party on his own birthday, about 20 of his and my sister's (who are still his anyway) friends decided to throw a surprise party for him at our new house. They spent a lot of time, had a lot of laughs (as evident by the gameplaying and chucking of bodies down the stairway), and took a great deal of pictures. My birthday was spent simply with my own family. Now, I wouldn't normally complain about such a thing; after all, I'm 20 now. Supposedly all that childish play is behind me. But, all I feel instead is longing, and sadness. Yeah, it's all just childish play, but it's also a sign of friendship too. And it just, once again, backs up that feeling that I'm not only grown up, but that I'm all alone, too. And I don't want to feel either, really. I just feel I don't have any place to belong anymore, not even at home. A job's a job, and termination can occur at any time, so I don't feel attached to K-mart. I don't care about 'school spirit,' sports are for exercise and personal enjoyment only, and my classes are either repeated information (Chem and Diff Eq) or boring as hell (Cultural Anthropology and Philosophy, both due to the instructors,) so I don't feel attached to my campus, either. My internet friends are close, chatter on a great deal, and will often respond to any inqueries that I send out. However, I can't interact with these people beyond my online connection, and for some reason, this is really starting to matter to me. Thus, I'm close to my webring, but not attached. The internet is a nebulous location, and everybody is in, so acceptance doesn't mean quite as much. And as for my friends here in Russellville, they all have lives beyond mine; they work when I don't, they have girlfriends that I lack, they have additional friends I've never met. I'm, again, on the outside, and I've never been in other than at ASMS. And even then, I was on the outside. *sigh* Someday, I really want to meet a warm, sweet, and vivacious girl, who would dare to reach out and gently guide me into the 'loop.' Or, at least, into a more substantial loop than my bunker bedroom. I would stop here and mention again that if I got off my ass and actually left my room and met people, then my problems might be solved, but I feel the point would be unnecessary, since I think about it all the time anyway. And then, today, I blew up on a friend about a joint project we've been working on. Okay, 'blew up' is quite an exaggerated term; I'd critiqued his portion of the job, citing negatives and trying to gear his work towards my selfish ends. Sorry for being such a bastard, Carlson. I've been having a really off week. I think I'm having an identity crisis. I'm at the crossroads between adolescent and adulthood, and I'm lost. My time is limited, and I'm juggling my career, my job, my relationships, and my pastimes all at once, and I'm more than unhappy with the current breakup of my time. Anime is all fun and everything, but I can't operate school-wise in the environment I've constructed about myself. I'm afraid that if I go gung ho about this, chop off my anime pastimes, and bury myself in my studies, then I'll be in the same bad position, just from another perspective. I don't know. I'm still lost in ideas, lost in what I want to do, lost with my pastimes, even. I just don't know. Maybe I should sleep on it. Bye. - JR

[02-05-02] 11:31 PM  SNOW!!! Whoo, whoo!!! *goes outside again to dance about in the scant half-inch or so of soft white fluff* It's still coming down too. And to think I was griping about 70-80 degree weather last week? Arkansas is a damn screwy place to live, you know. Sometimes I just want to move up north where everyone gets snow about a third of the year, and people complain about 70 degree weather. That would be almost heaven to me, you know? The worst day of the year is in the lower eighties, high near the top end of my general comfort zone. Man, to not have to worry about heat spells and odd weather in the middle of January... Then again, I'm not sure if I'd be cut out to live in the north with all that snowy weather and whatnot. I love it, but I'd have to get used to being around it more often. For instance, schools down here shut down at the slight chance of slush. It almost has to be a downright blizzard before the farthest northern schools close down. I don't know if I could trade getting more snow for having to waste the opportunity in a school building all day. Oh well. It actually shouldn't apply to me, since I'm a big bad-ass college student, and universities close less often than regular grade schools, but it could happen. I lost two days in Fayetteville because of that ice storm last year (In which I nudged an SUV with my piddly '90 Lumina; zero damage to them, $2000 worth to me... @_@ Man, I want a bigger car.) At any rate, forget I even had some sort of point in there, because today was generally a good day, and I don't want to waste the good mood on trying to make sense. Only had one class, and spent that time drawing up a Powerpoint presentation with the rest of my Engineering group for our assignment on Thursday. I had most of it done right before class started, and the four of us managed to finish the rest (with me inserting the entire Dragon Slave casting sequence onto the Conclusion page; the rest of the group thought I was a complete loony and told me to erase it. -_- *sigh* I'm not understood by enough people, I suppose...) Then, I got to working on my AutoCAD assignment. And this program is pretty smooth, let me tell you. Some sort of odd hybrid cross between MS Paint, Geometer's Sketchpad, and drafting by hand, this program's a nifty little bug for helping us engineering/architecture majors out (not that I'm either, right now, but I'm leaning that way.) Besides, I'm picking this stuff up like I usually do; like a duck takes to water. One of my classmates, who's also in my group for the other project, debates constantly whether to praise me or strangle me, since I work through the material in 10 to 30 minutes (when she has to take upwards of two hours plus to complete only the sample problem... ^_^ John the techno math wiz strikes again!) But that's cool anyway. This class is pretty fun, but it takes up a lot of time to complete all the sketchwork, either by hand or by CAD, so I'm usually at odds when I feel like kicking back to play some FFIII or work on my fanfics, when I've got a few assignments I need to be doing. Ling is always getting on my case when I mention I'm staying up late or not reading material. (And I'm sorry, but I'll probably continue to do this... but not because your efforts have failed, Ling. It's because I'm just a lazy individual. Hey, one of the professors here at ATU said that the laziest engineers are usually the best... ^_^) Jon and I have been trading ideas back and forth recently concerning our fanfiction project, but I really wish he'd get on an instant messaging program a bit more often. It'd be easier to chat with him if it weren't via email. It's a great way to carry on an extended conversation, but when you consider rapid back-and-forth feedback, instant messages are infinitely better. Now, if only I could get him to actually access this page and find out that I'm grouchy with him about this... And on another note, another friend of mine, Adam (who has a blog and a separate homepage - which is currently non-functional... get on the ball, Adam!) Anyway, Adam had recently mentioned of a friend of his who hit it off really really well with a girl, a complete stranger, just the other day. Adam, as is his wont (much like a number of my friends from ASMS who don't typically fall into Ranma-, Tenchi-, or Kintaro-type situations concerning women), complained about his foul run of luck spanning his entire life. I'd probably chime in, had it not been for my recent increase in schoolwork and workwork. Thus, my free time is slowly draining down the proverbial toilet, and adding a girlfriend to my list of conquests (and thus, time constraints) would only muddle my free time further. As much as I'd love to encounter the right girl for me, I think I can wait a couple more years (at least until graduate school) before I consider really skimming the market. 'Course, I might stumble into true love tomorrow, and then you won't hear from me for weeks. ^_^ Let's cross our fingers and hope for the best... (however your idea of 'best' might be in this instance...) Oh well. It's been a nice day, all around. I just wanted to leave my mark online, about how I thoroughly enjoyed actually working today. Running around in an empty parking lot, snowflakes zooming past like the sledding scene from Monsters, Inc., as I gathered up the scant few carts outside. Granted, I took much more time doing this simple act than I probably should have, but I skipped my 15 minute break, so in my mind that makes up for the 'damage.' ^_^ Besides, it's snow. How often do we really get snow here in Russellville? (About once a year, unfortunately...) G'night! - JR

[02-03-02] 11:09 PM  A few stray thoughts fluttered by, and since I didn't have anything else interesting about my life to tell... (As any readers might soon find out, a lot of "bad" things don't happen to me; reasons for this might include the fact that I'm simply passed over by interesting individuals, "favored" by the powers that be, or because I simply refuse to interact with reality. Personally, I believe the latter...) First of all, I'm denouncing history. Not all of it, just a great deal of it. Seeing as how I'm not even taking a history course this semester, I don't even know why the thought crossed my mind as I was driving down the Lake Front strip by Ole Dardanelle at a quarter 'til eight, but since the only other option aside from listening to my inane thoughts was listening to the Superbowl on radio (wretched blah; we'll get to this topic later), I decided to humor myself and delve into what exactly I thought about the past. I came to the conclusion that I really don't care. Not much at all. Probably why I've hated and scorned any history class I've ever taken. I mean, I'm a really practical and logical guy when you skin the upper layers away. Yeah, I've got some emotional flaking all over, up and down my person, but the meat of the matter is that I think in terms of practicality and logistics. Now, considering history from such a viewpoint, a good load of this is trivial. So what if two civilizations went to war in 1200 BC and the net result was the growth and development of another empire entirely? Does this have any bearing on my own life? Who cares who won suchandsuch skirmish in Europe around the first millennium? Doesn't explain why my computer refuses to access my digital camera. That's not to say history doesn't have interesting facts to add. I believe the bit about repeating history if you refuse to learn, but this refers to concepts, not specific people, civilizations, developments, downfalls, and whatnot. Personally, I think history should be reorganized to discuss topics instead of facts. That's nice that Rome fell completely in the 5th century. What would be more significant and useful would be learning WHY Rome fell. That way, we could prevent America from doing the same thing years down the road. I would like to pause for a moment to state that I did not watch any of today's Superbowl. In my opinion, watching sports is a completely idiotic waste of time (barring the situation that you might actually know any of the individuals on the field, and by that I mean actually talk with these people every other day.) It's one thing to watch friends smack each other silly diving for a mishapen piece of leather; it's another to see a teamful of unknown fellas do the same. Personally, I enjoy playing a number of sports: tennis, baseball, a little basketball, bowling, light football, soccer, table tennis. But heaven help me if I decide to pass my time watching 'professional' players spend hours on the boob tube matching up the 'perfect' shot or score. That's also what's wrong with our educational systems here in America; we pour funds into a market that fills a minute portion of our total job market, while scrapping funds which would instead bolster the greater portion of our future economy. Thing is, we're too busy here in America to be entertained and goof off than to work for a living (and I, sadly, fall into this category as well; why else would I spend to much time playing videogames and watching anime? After all, the sports fans I've been knocking previously could make a case just as strong against my own pastimes.) Seeing as how I have no real life, and thus no love relationships or prospects of any kind, I don't have any material within this area to deliver. Might seem good; I don't know. I'm still not quite certain about my stance concerning my single-hood. I'd like to meet a girl with similar interests with mine, someone who's smart and funny, who knows how to take a joke, and who'd also give me time for my pastimes if she doesn't want to participate. In short, I want a girlfriend who likes being with me, but doesn't have to monopolize my time. I'd like to feel secure in our relationship without being smothered by time demands and constraints. I'd like to want to be with her when I'm not, but not feel bored or pressured when I am or can't be. I think I'm asking too much, don't you? *sigh* Oh well. I haven't seen any good catches yet (at least, not here in town), so I haven't concerned myself with the issue. This offers much less material to blog about, but I don't really care. Well, that's all I'm writing about tonight, although I will mention that I'm saddened by the closing of Ling's Red Effect. I've really enjoyed her fanfiction and reading the happenings in her much-more-interesting-than-mine life. We've also had a bit of back-and-forth chit-chat, and I've gotten to know a bit about the person behind the webmaster facade. If you would (and haven't checked out my fanfic favorites page yet), head over to her page and read what she's got on "Fragments." It's an excellent Ranma alternate future storyline, one that should be nearing completion, but will probably slink back into the shadows for a while until her interest resurfaces (I'm going to try all I can to bolster her waning spirits and interest; she's come too far and done so well to quit now.) Oh, and Matt Titus has updated the goings-on in his much-more-interesting-than-mine life as well. Head on over, although I warn you that individuals more familiar with Matt would draw more meaning from his ramblings. Later, peeps! - JR

[01-30-02] 1:02 AM  For those of you visiting from other blog pages and whatnot, don't expect me to go all out simply for the sake of looking extremely presentable. I'm gonna chatter on whatever I care about, and my words should have a greater impact than the text and background presented with them. As such, I will not be expanding this page will any creative webskills and whatnot, though these have been unused for the past year or so. *sigh* I need to read up on HTML scripting again... At any rate, since my life is drab, and dull, and boring as all hell, I probably won't even touch this page... with the exception of "bad" days, according from my perspective. Today, I guess, wasn't really a bad day. I slept until ten o'clock, got online, and piddled around while chatting with friends until noon. At that point, deliverymen dropped of our new reclining loveseat (oh MAN does this sucker feel good!), and then I left to have a free luncheon at the Energy Center with numerous engineering instructors on the ATU campus. There, I talked with a new engineering friend of mine, as well as one of the instructors whom I'd known for a long time. Following that, I came home, managed to find a couple elusive BGM tracks while talking to a couple more friends online, before hustling off to work for five hours. Well, reading over all that, I might wonder what exactly made me think it's good in the first place. Nothing bad really happened to me, but nothing really good either. I lucked out with a free lunch and dinner, and got to talk to some people, but they aren't really good friends of mine. I came home from work with the same impression about my day that I'm having now -- "What a sad, damn, boring dreary existance you have." And while I was showering the work grime from my skin, I realized why. I don't have any 'best friends' anymore. Damn, how could this have happened to me? They're either too far away or are too busy to talk or call me anymore. My old best friend from the 2nd grade has since diverged paths from me, going to a separate school and spending his free time in a separate way. I don't quite understand him anymore, and while I still enjoy hanging around with him and bleeding my anime interest further into his bloodstream, I don't often get the opportunity. I'm feeling... isolated from all my old contacts, and my new ones don't seem to have the same charm and immature/mature quality that my old ones did. Maybe I'm looking through skewed glasses or something; maybe I'm still edgy because I'd sent one of my best pieces of fanart to a small number of old friends and got nothing more than a "Looks very, very good" from most of them in reply (save for Ling. Thanks, if you're reading.) You see now why I don't give a damn on projects for very long? No one else really has any interest in what I'm doing! Or, at least, they don't tell me about it. I can't experience their interest, is what I'm really trying to say. These people that I'm displaying a part of me for, they can't talk to me or interact with me. I type little words on a white keyboard, and send an assortment of cold, impersonal sentences, to which they reply with the same. And even then, it seems to take forever. Getting a decent, full response is almost akin to pulling teeth; hell, any response is almost akin to pulling teeth. Yeah, I enjoy what I do, but a good deal of my personal enjoyment comes from entertaining others. Yeah, that line from Evangelion keeps running through my mind... "That's because you care too much about what others think of you." - Misato, NGE Episode 12 ...but it's part of who I am. Another line from another series also invades my mind... "All civilization was just an effort to impress the opposite sex." - Propaganda film guy from Futurama Season 3 Episode 15, 'I Dated a Robot' ...and this statement just seems to ring a bizarre truth in my mind. Though I'm certain I'm not always simply trying to advance my relationship with any girl who might take interest, I mostly do this for other people's amusement. Dang, I don't know where those arguments were going now. Probably just an excuse to use those two lines which I really like so much. At any rate, I'm finding myself wanting more and more to see all my online acquaintances again, to meet with them more often, interact with them, and actually have a life apart from the glowing screen of my PC. That's why I can stand watching two days worth of anime in a row; I'm conditioned from my online friendships to stare that long waiting for a message, or a reply, or for someone to get on and talk to me. I used to love the novelty of instant messaging, but now I simply want to chatter on with someone else, hear the actual tone and lilt of his/her voice, act out what I'm thinking or feeling, and experience the same expressive conversation from my friend. I'm afraid I'm gradually losing my interest in anime for the same reason; I enjoy watching it for the experience, but I'd much prefer to be watching with a number of friends. And since they can't make the time, I'm finding that more and more often I "don't feel like watching" this or that, or I'm "not in the mood," even though it's one of my favorite series and I haven't seen it in a year. And I don't want to lose this interest of mine! Because I'll rediscover my older, buried interest from when I'd first discovered the internet, and a friend of mine had warned me about something called a "navigation history directory," and what his father might have found and thrown hell about provided he'd gotten online after me. And, being the stupid insightful fool that I was, I simply took the knowledge about the history page and proceeded to erase my wretched presence wherever I went, content to experience and remove the traces of my sin. I've been see-sawing over this issue ever since. Anime was a good distraction, being far less degrading and "wrong." Anime had succeeded where videogames had failed me the year before. But now, I find myself tempted again, and I don't want to slide backwards into the God-forsaken cesspools of the information highway. Biology and hormones forgotten, I won't render my morals to such rubbish. Wow. Kinda talkative and spastic in topic, wasn't I? Well, it kinda felt good, in a way. Maybe there's something to this 'blogging' thing after all. Guess I'll have to wait until the next "bad day" to find out. Maybe I might have some answers or resolutions for the above problem points in my life. *grumble* Sleep calls, gotta get ta bed... Gotta upload this first... Later. - JR