| You know you're a Redneck if... |
| ---You've used your ironing board as a buffet table. ---Hitchhikers won't get in the car with you. ---Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming. ---You have to wash your hands before going to the bathroom. ---Your mom French kisses better than your sister. ---On Sunday's people stop by to ask if you're having a yard sale and you're not. ---Your sister's education goal is to get out of high school before she gets pregnant. ---Birds are attracted to your beard. ---Dressing up is wearing the flannel shirt without any rips in it. ---Fifth grade was the best six years of your life. ---Thanksgiving dinner was ruined because you ran out of ketchup. ---After removing the empty beer cans from your car, you find that it gets fifteen more miles to the gallon. ---You know which leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper. ---Anyone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, Y'all watch this!" ---Your two year old has more teeth than you do. ---You refer to the duct tape on your car as "chrome". ---You wish your outhouse were as nice as those at the state park. ---Your bike has a gun rack on it. ---The UFO hotline limits you to one call a day. ---You hit a bump in the road and lose half of your worldly possessions. ---In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?" ---You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines" or "Play Ball..." ---Your bridal veil was made of window screen. ---Your funeral procession circled around Wal-Mart. ---You have a trophy in your house with the word "spitting" on it. ---Jack Daniel makes your list of most admired people. ---Your family tree forms a wreath. ---You and your dog share the same name. ---You call rust a quality paint job. ---The auto junkyard calls you to get spare parts. ---You think people who have electricity are uppity. ---You think "trash TV" is something in your back yard. |