| You know your a redneck if... |
| ---You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter. ---Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center. ---Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. ---You burn your yard rather than mow it. ---You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive. ---The Salvation Army declines your mattress. ---You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it. ---You come back from the dump with more than you took. ---You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. ---Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list. ---You think a subdivision is part of a math problem. ---You have bathed with flea and tick soap. ---You took a fishing pole to Sea World. ---You know how many bales of hay your car will hold. ---You have a rag for a gas cap. ---Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does. ---You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. ---You can spit without opening your mouth. ---Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. ---You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side. ---The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart. ---Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV. ---People ask to hunt in your front yard. ---Your mom ran off with the neighbor's dog. ---Your satellite dish is bigger than your house. ---You swerve to hit a deer. ---Your high school prom had a day care center. ---Your toothbrush has more hair than your dog. ---The dogcatcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house. ---You think a turtleneck is the key ingredient for soup. ---Your family tree doesn't branch. ---You've ever shot someone over a mall parking space. |