Miscellaneous Funnies

Do We Have Enough Fucking Flags?

They wave in slow motion from the background of our television news bumpers in tastefully darkened half-opacity. They flutter from car antennas just below the smiling Styrofoam Jack in the Box icon. They're available in choppy animated GIFs for display on your Animaniacs web page of fan fiction or fan art.

Old Navy is proud to reintroduce Old Glory. Undocumented, underage workers in China and Hong Kong are presently working overtime to produce these precious gifts for you and your loved ones. They've sewn, knitted, woven and stitched together more red white and blue yards of fabric than anyone ever thought possible. And they're all five dollars.

DON'T DIS OUR FLAG, MAN! MY DAD DIED FOR THE FLAG AND I'M OFF TO WALGREENS TO GET ONE MYSELF.

Dude, if you were patriotic you'd already own a flag.

T for Taliban!

Do ya see it? DO YA SEE IT?

EVERYONE GATHER AROUND AND WITNESS THE JOYFUL MIRACLE RIGHT SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF NEW YORK CITY.

Oh praise God and glory be - it's a sign from Heaven above, in the form of a broken-off section of two steel reinforcement beams.

Why it's the sign of the cross! The very same place Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior himself was crucified and left to hang for three days.

Whoever dares suggest it could also be a big huge "T" for Taliban is clearly mistaken. We must extract this symbol from the wreckage and have three priests bless it right away, and erect it where everyone can get a good gawk.

Police, firefighters, rescue workers, and citizenry alike are now able to bow their heads every time they turn around and accept Christianity. How many Jews are there in New York, anyway? Probably not too many. This is a great, great, great, great day for God and the Bible and America.

Fuck you, Afghanistan! We'll show you what's holy.

AMEN.

I'm sickened by all this casual talk of war, especially since i wager that bin Laden and his army of assholes has planned some form of followup. Anthrax isn't pretty, people. And terrorism is open-source war, which means that the enemy is potentially everywhere already. So I for one would like the assholes in OUR country to shut the fuck up about starting up Armageddon between Christianity and Islam. Are you with me?

In other news, I can't be the only one who's thoroughly disgusted with the sweeping measures passing through our so-called "house of representatives" to take away our rights. Is "terrorism" but the latest justification for the theocratic fascism that Bush and his cronies have wanted to implement since day one? or what?

I was asked the other day to reverse our logo to show my patriotism. Look, folks. I'm a fucking patriot; I believe in the people and the land in this country, and hell, what other country could have invented rock and roll? But this is a nation IN DISTRESS. And when you're on a boat, and your boat is sinking, you hang your flag UPSIDE DOWN. Okay? This entire website is nothing if not a kid with a computer sending out an SOS about the collapse that I see as daily drawing closer for our way of life. Once again, my heartfelt grievance for the victims of this disaster - but must we compound it by allowing our idiot masses to be programmed for war against whoever Bush points our military at next? HAS THIS INCIDENT MADE COMMON SENSE ILLEGAL?

Good luck everybody, and KEEP SUPPORTING PEACE!!!!!!!!!!

this comic is a tribute to my job at payless.

i hope they always remember:
"this species could have been great but instead we've settled for shoes with lights in them"
- george carlin

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END.

And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once.
And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh.
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.
~ Mark Twain