My Darkest Secrets?!!!

kEy tO tHe DaRkEsT sEcReTs iN mY hEaRt

9th November 2003

3rd November 2003

1st November 2003

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		09 Nov 2003 ---------------------- 1.09am Yeah! I only left Dynamics paper left le... Happy... Today Computing paper is alright only nia... Although I seem to know how to do, it seems that everyone knows too! Plus, knowing how to do does not mean my answer is correct lor... Haiz... Juz hope can clear this module lor... I dun want to retake it next sem le... Recently a lot of things happened to me. 1st I moved into hostel to prepare for my exams. I decided to stay on until my EID is over lor... Then exam, with exam came stress. I had sleepless nites. I went to the doc for pills. I'm foreva feverish. Guess zai zai was rite after all. I'm dehydrating. He is foreva nagging me about zZz early & drinking more water one... He is more like my daddy than I'm like his mummy. With exam stress came ways to destress. To destress, I decided to open this blog to air out my fustration. In hostel, there isn't really much things that u can do lah... I have abandoned my tv a long time ago le... Now I'm hooked onto the internet... I have 24 hr a day, 7 days a week. Other than mugging, surfing & slacking, I will think about a lot of things. Things that I dun want to think in the past... Things I refused to face up to... Things I can't solve... I have thought about my relationship with him seriously. My winamp only plays Ah~Mei's "Zhen Shi", cuz I really miss him... I seriously dunno what is so bad about me that he dun even wanna contact me. Nor does he let his frenz know about me. Am I such a disgrace to him??? I understand that I'm not the perfect gal for him. I'm ugly & fat but, but, but... (But what, tiantian??? No more but(s) for ya le... Wake up ba...) All I can say is he is not the guy for me too... I juz met the wrong guy at the wrong turn in my life. He is out. I lead a new life. Or so I hope... Recently I found out that all the guys I like or crush on seems to be quite a jerk. Not really jerk lah... Too harsh a word liao. Moreover nobody is perfect on this world. How come all the guys I know they can't seem to remember who I am? I remember them so vividly... Yet they can't remember me. There is not even a tiny space left for me? Am I so really tiny? So tiny that I couldn't even exist in their RAM? My name only need a few bytes lor... How difficult is it to spell tiantian? Sometimes I'm so dishearted that I dun feel like talking anymore. But if I dun talk, people will think I face black black... But I juz dun feel like talking leh... Tired leh... Tired of everything le... Wai Mian Xia Zhe Yu, You Ru Wo Xin Xue Zai Di, Ai Ni Na Me Jiu, Qi Shi Suan Suan Bu Rong Yi, Jiu Yao Fen Dong Xi, Ming Tian Bu Zai You Guan Xi...

		03 Nov 2003 --------------------- 2.23am (1 more days to my sucky electronics paper) Damn!!! Very tired right now yet I can't get to zZz... Yesterday, I slack one whole day le... Today's Chemistry revision was not fruitful either... I haven even finish my Part 1 notes yet... How?!! Very scare now... Stress so I decided to write my blog... I feel so stupid... Cun even grasp some JC Chemistry concept... & I keep forgetting how to find empirical formula... Argh!!! Anyone ever told u I HATE Chemistry? Yes... My hatred for this subject is soooo strong that it started way back since secondary school days... Speaking of secondary school reminds me of Friendster. Yah... I can't deny that I'm not addicted to this rather stupid Friendster tingy... I got hooked on like a drug addict to the dope... Well, I juz found out recently that I can seach for my alma mater... Haiz... I guess I really am wols wor... Nice to see some old frenz again leh... I'm so happy!!! Yeah!!! Well the happy thing is my mum came to visit me in hostel today. She surprised me with my fave double-boiled herbal soup & packed meal that consists of my fave braised duck's wings & braised egg. MmmMmm... Yummy!!! The even more surprising thing is that she omoz agreed to everything I ask for... I guess leaving in hostel wasn't that bad after all... Poor Mummy! She muz have missed me sooo much... & I wanted to let her know that I miss her too! Then I showed Mummy & Daddy around the school compound & the different canteens... Too bad the SuperMart was closed cuz I wanted to buy some cup noodles... Sobz!!! Amazingly, Mummy agreed to let me stay in hostel whenever it's the exam period. She also allows me to organize a party when I turned 21. Opps! I've leaked my age... Arghhhhh!!! So sweet of her! But then again I have to forego my birthday present for it u know... She says I have to make a choice btw these 2. But then again what more can I ask for. She juz lost her job a few days ago. It's really very sweet of her to gimme that choice le... I'm so touched for words wor... Tml I dun have any papers... But tml need to revise Electronics le... Another sucky subject! I juz cant seem to score too well on Electrical-based subjects leh... Coming to Engine was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire life up to date... I think today my overall mood is juz plain sucky lah... All the papers seem sucky lor... I'm juz mainly stating the plain truth lor... Hands up for all those who agrees with me!!! Bleah... ;p

	01 Nov 2003 --------------------- 11:49pm (25 days since I moved into hostel) 3 papers has passed since my 1st paper on 30 Oct. Last nite, me & cyn cyn was down at the pavilion. Me mugging for my math paper for the next day while she is doing her sucky Statics. As Lydia & Mariko have got a morn paper this morning, me & cyn decided to study downstairs... We hope they can have a good nite zZz. We studied at the stone tables there... It was cool at first, then it began to blow strong wind. At around 3-4am, it began to start raining... It rained cats & dogs... (Funny... I always dun understand this idiom. Why izit call cats & dogs? Why dun it rain food instead? Hmmm... I like Macadamia ice cream... Yum yum...) Cyn was very sweet to have run up & grabbed both of us extra clothing... It was a terrible nite. During the rain, we actually witnessed something quite unbelievable. A part of the tree near to Canteen 4 was being struck down, amazingly NOT by lightning. I tink some of the hostelites that live here might not even see this weird sighting in all their hall lives I guess, but we only juz started our revision downstairs last nite only nia, & we actually caught that. Haiz... I had a hard time digesting all the stupid math formulae. We studied till morn break. I began to concuss at around 5am. Woke up at around 10.30am. Go bom bom then go online then reply emails then revise a bit then set off for my paper liaoz... I'm such a blur queen, cuz I actually wear my slippers to the exam hall. Halfway there then I realized. I panicked. So I began to call up omoz all the frenz I have in my fone book. I called Lydia then I recalled her fone was faulty, cant hear my call... Im desperate liaoz... So I msg Papa lorz... He replied, " Can :) " What a relief!!! But haiz... Never do I know that today's math paper will be a killer paper... U know what??? All those parts that I touched on last nite was not tested on... Damn!!! !@#$%^&*() All these years, Crammer's Rule has always appeared on the 1st Qn of G164. Guaranteed one!!! But today the paper actually tested on Cofactor... -_-\|\| I was so stunned!!! :-\| Enough said.

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