| Dear Relena |
| This is the page where some idiots have sent in questions and problems - to Relena (of all people) and the dappy queen has responded in an equally idiotic way with her *ahem* advice! -Duo |
| Dear Relena Recently I have had problems in my life and I have seriously thought of giving up life, I know sometimes you get some harsh treatment, and I was wondering what you do when you feel this way..thank you -a lost soul |
| May I add you'd have to be VERY lost to seek advice from HER! -Duo |
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| Dear Lost Soul, What do you mean you know I get some harsh treatment? Do you not know who I am? I'm Relena, nobody treats me harshly because I'm so great that everybody loves me!!! Especially Heero, he REALLY loves me, because I know that because he pulls a gun on me like, every time he sees me and he ripped up an invitation from me this one time AND he threatens to kill me so often that I KNOW it's TRUE love... I'm afraid that my life is perfect because I have Heero who loves me and lots of money and a pink limo and I'm queen of the world and so, never having been in your position or any similar at all ever, I can't speak from experience... But I'm so great I can tell you what to do anyway, and my advice is this: yes, you should give up life because you're not me, so nobody will ever really like you and you'll never be truly happy. If you want, I'll get my boyfriend Heero who loves me really much to come round and shoot you. Kay? Now, no thankyou letters please - I know my advice was so helpful that you feel you must thank me profusely, but firstly, I'm really modest and don't need praise, secondly I'm expecting that my five thousand tonnes of fan mail which have been lost in the post will turn up soon and I'll just have NO time to read it, and thirdly, i don't need my own mail, I've got Heero's. And he loves me because I read his mail so he doesn't need to.. -Relena |
| I'd just like to comment that my advice is good, helpful and great. And Heero loves me. So there. He says he loves someone else, called Duo Maxwell but I can speak Heero-language and I know that means *Relena dear I love you forever and always will* -Relena |
| If you need great advice like this, which you do because everyone needs my help because I'm the best and you all aren't then send your letters to my slave, Pargen, at either [email protected] or [email protected] Please remember to entitle the email Dear Relena - it helps me to not-forget my name... |
| Dear Miss Relena.... I am having problems at school, I think that my teachers are really annoying and they all hate me, this one boy always insists on being really mean to me. It's soooo depressing. I was wondering whether you could help me, even though this never happened to you, you are the best person in the world and you can solve any problem Thank you -Rebecca |
| Ahhh Relena lover, stay away from me you spawn of the devil (the devil being Relena of course) -Duo |
| Dear Relena This is sort-of quite different from your usual mail, but my brother has gone missing recently and i can't find him anywhere.*sobs* what do you do when you can't find someone...because I miss him very much. -Paulo |
| Dear Rebecca, I completely see your problem here, so yes you're right, I am the best and I can solve any problem. Anyway, your problem is that you're taking things too literally. These people who are mean to you and seem to hate you are evidently speaking Heero-language!!! When they are really rude and horrible to you, they mean they love you and you're the best (although not as good as me). This prolific language was founded by my boyfriend who loves me Heero - to speak it accurately you need to know just one thing - the more horrible they are the more they like you. This one particular boy, does he happen to threaten to kill you? I'm right aren't I because I always am - I think you may have an admirer!!! But, of course, he'll never actually go out with you because all the men in the world want me and as they can't HAVE me because of Heero who loves me so much they are sworn to eternal celibacy. Anyway, here, I solved your problem - practice your Heero-speak and you'll soon know what those Heero-speakers REALLY mean!!! See, you were right, I can solve anything. - Relena |
| Read Relena's reply to Paulo on page two |
| Are you making fun of me? -Espion |