Shaving Plucking and General Appearance:

Lets be honest. The truly dedicated 'girl-at-heart' will not be satisfied with most of the stereotypically 'male' hygiene habits, and more than one of the alternatives to being more femme in appearance will tend to 'show' - if even just a little - when in 'boymode'.

Of course, sticking to more elaborate outtings in winter months when clothing is generally more all-covering will usually avoid unwelcome attention. However, there are still any number of reasons why one might seek to be a little more well 'groomed' then the average everyday male.

For example, although not profound, if I were not to pluck my eyebrows, there would be some hair running all the way across the bridge of my nose. NO-MONOBROWS on this girl! Nuh-uh. That isn't even appealing on the stereotypical male. Among other things, I am strongly considering getting my neck treated to electrolysis as well. I will NEVER grow a beard on my neck and it is the hardest part to shave - fully justifyable in both cases!

The most obvious thing might be any excessive 'shaving'. Believe it or not, shaving your arms and even your chest or stomach will not raise to much attention if you keep any dark stubble at a minimum by shaving those area's regularly or wearing appropriate clothing between bouts with the razor. Legs are much easier to deal with. It is actually more common than you might think for men to shave all or part of their legs for any number of reasons.

Back in high school, just about everyone on the ski team - boys and girls alike - shaved their legs from the knee's down. Why? Put on a nice thick pair of insulative socks, don your favorite ski boots and go skiing. Ski agressively. If you do not find that the agressive skiing combined with tight boots over insulative socks does not proceed to painfully pluck out hairs one by one on hard 'shushing' parallel turns over moguls, consider yourself lucky. Swimmers and even some cyclers believe that shaving their legs before matches will increase their speed through the water/air respectively. However, keep in mind that most swimmers will not shave until 'just before a match' as the added drag is better for the build-up of training for the match. Knowing this fact couple with a good 'spin' about the big swimming trials the week before goes a long way in explaining baby smooth gams.

Clothing:

The most excuses I will list mostly relate to clothing, but many of them relate to just about any of the other categories as well.

The easiest and most obvious would be that you are going to a costume party - especially handy any time in the first two months before halloween. (hey, why couldn't you just be getting ready early or just have an early party to go to?) Of course, parties go on year round though, so that still might work any time.

The second most obvious is that you are buying items for a "significant other". Take your pick - wife, girlfriend, friend, mistress? This one works especially well with a female clerk or other customer when you add, "Well, how would you like it if you had a man that not only 'knew your size' but knew how to buy what you liked?" That way it is not even like lying - even if you were buying for yourself - in their mind - it still might be a nice side effect...

Of course, if someone is being rude or annoying - even just staring in a way you feel obliged to speak up about - my favorite version of this is to rather annoyedly state to them that you are buying clothing for someone who is crippled or otherwise unable to do so for themselves! Be creative - wife broke a leg - friend is in the hospital and wanted something nice/new for the day they left - sister is in a nursing home - etc. A bit devious and distasteful in a way, but it can definately shut up anyone being obnoxious and make them feel like they should - insensitive and presumptious.

From the 'true story' category, I was writing back and forth with a foreign girl for a while. There was talk of her coming over here to visit and staying for a couple of months. Take a look at the cost of shipping large numbers of luggage items and compare that to the cost of second hand clothes or even sale items and saying "I just wanna get her one or two nice things to wear so we do not have to be in a panic to go shopping right away as soon as she arrives." (the girl I was writing was my size and would have been more than welcome to share my stuff...)

Of course, the creative soul can spin any one of these into any number of possibilities. For me sometimes it is just as fun to turn to someone that is staring at me when I go shopping in boy mode and say something like, "Do you think this would make me look fat?"

Make-Up:

There are just about as many good reasons to get make-up. I usually buy one or two items at a time as I need them. The first time I picked the stuff up, I actually had a real good idea of what I wanted and needed, but played dumb all the same - it turned out to make the whole experience much funner. It was Halloween and the fact I was going out 'dressed' was thus nothing worth hiding. I went to Miejer's late night and was very fortunate to find a cute young female manager that was very close to my complexion and hair color. I told her my delimma and asked for her suggestions. You should be pleasantly surprised to find out just how many women are more than interested in helping. Of course, asking female friends - that might know better than you anyway - is never a bad idea.

Buying gifts for S.O.'s works here too. Again, any woman would love to have a guy that might be observant enough to 'notice' that her favorite lipstick was almost used up or that happened to hear them complain about how they are almost out of their best mascara. If nothing else, say you are in the dog house and thought something stupid yet nice might 'calm the waters' when you go back to apologize. Point out that some women don't like flowers because 'they just die'. (yes, I dated a girl like that) This method tends to work best if you already have a list of stuff written down with you as to what you are looking for. You can build such a list by just 'leisure' shopping if you are really uncomfortable - taking quick peeks on subsequent trips as to shade names, etc. Or, many cosmetic companies have web pages these days with samples including the color names and descriptions of the packaging in which they are available. This one also works if you need to get 'help' to find what you need or ask questions from a female sales associate.

If you wanna get a lot of stuff, but still wanna have a response to any 'probing' questions - just say that your girlfriend/wife/roommate left their curling iron on and you 'inadvertantly' set it too close to her make-up. Joke about how it took a good hour to clean up the vanity/sink and say you wanna hurry and replace her stuff with new items "just to be sweet" before she gets home and gets all mad. 'Gag' when you see how much it costs like you 'had no idea!' Shake you head all the way out the store, still acting embarassed that you had to go through it all in the first place.

If you don't know what you want and want to 'try' a bunch of different stuff - keep your eyes peeled for 'samples' - many times stores will get in 'sample kits' from any number of big or small name cosmetic companies. Even the big names like Revlon, Covergirl and Maybelline. They could be a cute/sweet gift for someone - or as I HAVE done - I buy them in bundles sometimes as 'toss-in' gifts when doing my clothing resale to let my femme customer's know I appreciate their patronage. Then, if you find something you like - refer back to the previous two excuses and bring along your list of names/shades/brands...

Many times people can be involved in stage or film presentations - depending on what you are buying of course, you can always say that you are working with a production of some sort. Of course, even Dick Clark wears some make-up these days - sells his own line in fact - so buying basic foundations, cover-ups and powders might not raise an excessive level of suspicion anyway. Of course, if all else fails - the parapalegic friend excuse always comes in handy for just about anything to quickly quell 'uncomfortable' situations with a touch of vinegar!

Hair:

This can be broken up in two categories - those that might like to have long hair, or perhaps a more feminine cut at the salon, and those that might prefer instead to go after the 'wig' alternative. Also look at 'Accessories' below regarding buying hair accessories and such.

As far as having long hair - the easiest is just to say you like it that way. I keep mine long - started that way because I was in rock bands (which is a good enough excuse, btw) but keep it that way because I prefer it that way. Not even so much because of the dressing although it does come in handy for such. Many men these days keep their hair long - if they can - and just pull it back in a pony-tail or gel it flat for any formal environments.

Getting a more 'femme' haircut might be a little harder to explain. I tend to find that most salan folks, however, have seen a little bit of 'everything' in their line of work, and just being honest has rarely if ever gotten me any problems and usually further assists in getting a cut that 'looks both ways' as it were.

Wigs are not too hard to size. There are some great sites online for wigs such as the Wig Outlet and even Frederick's of Hollywood has wigs. Also, wig shops can easily fall under the 'just be honest' category. They see all kinds and hold up a lot of their customer bases - regardless where they are at - from transgendered customers. Yes, even in Hayseed Ohio where I am, the woman at the local wig shop admits to having many TG customers. If you prefer to buy online but still want to know how you look, there is software available that helps with that practice. I have Cosmopolitan's Virtual MakeOver and Connectix's Wig-Out.

Of course, men are hairstylists too - buying a wig to 'practice' on - or even having long hair for the same - might be believable.

Nails:

This, again, can have two categories - growing long nails - or buying/wearing false long nails. When I started growing my nails long, I did so at great effort. I have been a habitual nail biter for a LONG time. It is easy to justify as 'glory' nails for quitting the habit even under intense scrutiny or rediculing questions. Sorta like an obese person wearing a 'recovering anorexic' button.

For buying press-on style nails or nail color, the best I have come up with is the 'mission of mercy' - just stop into the store around 7-8 PM and say you are on a 'mission of mercy' as the wifey/girlfriend is getting ready for you to take her out and; 'ran out of polish', 'broke a nail', etc. Shake your head as you leave...

Alas, men are even nail techs - so "practice makes perfect" works too! In both instances.

Shoes:

Shoes are also available online at some great places like the Leslie Shoe Company in my home state of Michigan. Of course, this would still require that one knew their size. For the most part, it is just a matter of adding anywhere from 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 to a male shoe size. (I tend to get them a bit 'snug' as I find the difference between a 10 and a 9 1/2 usually looks a bit more femme even it if it a short term discomfort until the shoes are worn in.)

I usually tend to buy either 'comfy' shoes that fit again in the 'look both ways' category - even if a bit on the fem side. Trying on a woman's loafer that does not look extremely 'prissy' will not raise a lot of suspicion if you want to find out your size. I have also found a LOT of great boot-shoe styles that will work great when I play rock-and-roll - even if they do have short-wide heels and such, they still would be believable as a rock front-person's attire. Meijer's is great for those kind of finds!

Another 'great' "all-in-one" excuse that comes in handy for just about any kind of item works especially well when you are paying by credit card. Act like you are looking around for you wife/girlfriend/friend as the teller rings in the items with a bunch of other stuff you might need at the time. (thus is why I like Meijer's and Super-K, pick up some girly stuff while you do your regular weekly shopping) Complaign about how you are getting stuck paying for everything again...

Hosiery:

I love socks. I have ton's of cute 'look both ways' socks. Yes, there are some frilly pink fringed ones or short cutey one's that would obviously not be male, but socks are a great 'feel' good item you can buy from the women's section to wear just about everywhere and will seldom bring up suspicions or undue scrutiny.

The 'stuck paying' as well as the 'mission of mercy' work well for picking up a quick box of pantyhose - bring your slip of paper if need be and ask the salesgirl 'Did I get the right thing here?' Murmer under your breath "runs! yeah, I'll give you runs - who is running all over town at the last minute?!?!"

At least one nice thing about hose, is that some of them are cheap and come in reasonable quantities. Along with lingerie, some of the more sexy stuff such as thigh highs or the more expensive or frilly one's make good intimate gifts for S.O.'s and all women know how often they go through them so they would appreciate the thought of a man taking the time to buy them some nice one's.

Lingerie:

I don't buy a lot of lingerie - mostly comfy stuff for sitting around the house. (I have a real cute nite shirt for example) But, this one would probably have to fall under the 'gift for an S.O.' excuse in just about all cases. Short of being bluntly open and honest, I would imagine that would be the most believable.

However, when getting underwear and such, claiming to be 'observant' works very well. Knowing not only your so-called "partner's" size(s) and measurements, but claim to have overheard 'her' comment on an item seen in a sales flyer or seeing her stop longingly on your last visit to the store. Used this one - it works great, and you can even ask for help - bring a sales flyer if you see something you like. I seldom miss the Sunday sales fliers!!! hooey!!!

If that doesn't settle well for you, I will not even begin to mention the number of places there are online for lingerie items. Further more, any 'fetish' shops will fall boldly under the 'seen it, done it, been there' category and they will not care what/who/why you are buying even the most extreme fetish related items.

Accessories:

As mentioned above, I buy lots of 'accessory' items as nice 'thank you' gifts for customer's that buy some of my resale items. Any cute little nick-naks can fall safely under such an explanation. Gifts - a given, even cute/lame little stuff. I love to stop at the registeres and look over the 'mock' perfume imposter body sprays or the low cost jewelry at the various department and superstores.

Keep in mind that in today's society, you can buy - and sell - just about anything. I have gotten more questions at garage sales and yard sales that I have ever gotten at public stores and shops. (those people like money - and will usually support customers over prejudicial or presumptious - and insensitive - employees or other patrons that might wish to negatively comment on your purchase decisions) Saying you are looking for any deals for resale purposes will usually settle any curiousities. Although, for whatever reason, some people get annoyed that you are buying their stuff at discount only to resell it at profit. If you wanted more, mark it up! gah!

When it comes to bare essentials, like razors, noxema, cold cream, neet/nair, etc. most store clerks will be too damned busy at the register to blink an eye. Look around for the wife/girlfriend and mumble about having to pay if things get awkward.