Top Ten Signs You're Not Going to Win the Masters

(4/8/02)

You use a knife sharpener to improve your slice.
You keep asking the tournament officials "How many mulligans do I get?" and "When will the beer cart get here?"
The Vegas odds on you are infinity to one.
When you tee off, the tournament officials ask the spectators to stand in the center of the fairway for their safety.
When someone says that you hit your ball into Tiger Woods, you go into the forest to find it.
You're Australian, have your own line of Panama hats, and are nicknamed "The Shark".
Your scoring pencil runs out of lead before you finish your round.
Instead of yelling "fore", you have to yell "nine".
You hit into the sand so often that instead of a caddy, you are assigned a camel.
You don't know Jack...Nicklaus.

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