But before Turkey was promoted, he found a frisbee, who's circular design amazed him so much, he climbed on top of the nearby hut and yelled, "Miiiiiiister Wiillllson!!!" Nearby Cannibal natives scrambled to find their babooshkas, bazookas, booshkas, and kazoos. And in the matter of a trillionth of fifteen nanoseconds raised to the power of two, Mr.Turkey found himself out-babooshka-ed, out-bazooka-ed, out-booshka-ed, and out-kazoo-ed. Instead of pleading innocent of adultery, he turned himself into a backpack and continued on his merry way.

In no time flat, he reached the North Pole, where he seeked the true nature of kookaburras. Instead he found a three headed blue platypus with a red jacket who kept repeating, "I... need... popcorn..." So our turkey pulled out his... Emergency Just in Case You Find A Three Headed Blue Platypus With a Red Jacket Who Needs Popcorn... bag. He saved the platypus of this age old craving and in return, the platypus gave him a 100% cotton "I am the proud owner of a rubber fire hydrant" tee-shirt.

In return, and partially out of his obssessive gratitude, Mr.Turkey sued the Blue-Platypus-with-a-red-jacket- who-needs-popcorn. Mr.Turkey came out victoriously with only 539 years of minimum sentencing, whilt our unfortunate Blue-Platypus-with-a-red-jacket- who-needs-popcorn received 539.2 years after the death penalty.