Josh could hear the strains of music flittering out of the apartment as he approached the door happily. He had a spring in his step, which was obvious to anyone, although a few hours earlier Josh had been notably more sublime. After arriving in Richmond from Atlanta, he'd worked tirelessly with state officials and Bartlet volunteers to get the word out all over the South. As a reward, the President had allowed him to catch a commercial flight home rather than leave on Air Force One that evening. In his absence, his family had settled nicely into their new surroundings and lifestyles. Donna's regular bi-weekly checkups were showing she was recovering steadily and Emma had resigned herself to the fact that she had to attend kindergarten for the time being. The article in "People" had appeared the previous week and, to everyone's surprise, there had been little rancor over the issue of Josh and Donna's personal relationship, at least while Donna wasn't working. When she felt strong enough to return to the White House, there might be some stink from certain conservative groups but there was really very little they could say; Donna didn't work for Josh anymore, they had been the model of professionalism and efficiency when they had worked together, and they were engaged so it would all be legally sanctioned soon anyways.
But he wasn't going to worry about that right now. He'd just gotten home after being away from his family for nearly a month and he was eager to see them. He put his key into the lock and opened the door to find the music from before blaring from the radio in the kitchen. He stepped into his home further to find Donna, alone in the kitchen, making lunch and singing along to Mick Jagger on "Beast of Burden."
"Am I hard enough?" she sang a little off key while she appeared to be chopping vegetables for a salad, oblivious to his presence. "Am I rough enough? Am I rich enough? I'm not too blind to see." She was swaying her body to the beat of the music and it was all Josh could do not to lunge himself at her. He wanted to enjoy the little show while he still could. He assumed they were alone in the apartment seeing as she neither sang nor danced like that in public.
"You a pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty little girl," she continued to dance provocatively to the song, not aware of the physical torment she was putting her fiancée through. The way she moved her hips and tossed her hair around was slowly driving him mad. It was almost as if she knew…
"Hello Josh," she purred seductively from her place near the counter. She turned her head to the side and gave him a little wink before going back to her task, all while continuing to sing softly the lyrics of the song.
"How'd you know I was here?" he asked dumbly and distractedly, still transfixed on the movement of her body. "I'm not supposed to be home until late and it's only like, 11:00 am right now."
She stopped both the chopping and the singing and turned back to him, striking an alluring pose against the countertop. "A little bird named Sam phoned and filled me in on your plans to surprise me by getting home a bit early. He also hinted that you might like some time alone with me before Emma comes home." She raised an eyebrow at him as she began strutting forward to him. "So what exactly what were you're plans for our 'alone time', Josh?" She wrapped her arms around his neck and moved closer to him so their faces were inches apart.
"Well…uh," Josh struggled to get out as his vocabulary vanished from his mind. Her carefully chosen wardrobe of a tight, short black dress that accentuated her breasts and showed a fair amount of leg was doing its job. "I looked at the, ah, calendar this morning and saw that it was the twentieth, which, um, is four weeks after you got home. Which meant…"
"That you're ready to make this wait worth my while," Donna stated as her lips collided with his in a crushing kiss that stole his breath away and increased his already wild desire for her. After a couple of seconds, he thrust his tongue into her mouth to drink in her taste and his hands grasped her hips. They kept this up for a minute, lips moving against one another and hands skimming each other's bodies, before Donna pulled away and grinned at him. Josh noted with pride the flush to her skin and the quickening of her breathing. She pushed his jacket off his shoulders and let it fall to the floor. Then she grabbed his necktie and began tugging him towards the bedroom.
"All I want," she sang to him in a whispery voice, giggling at the expression on his face, "is for you to make love to me." His hands gripped her hips as he began necking her and when they got into the room, he kicked the door shut with toe and the two of them finally gave into the years of pent up sexual frustration.
A few hours later, the couple was lying in bed together, enjoying the meal Donna had prepared before their lovemaking. The music had been turned off and they were spread out on the blankets, Josh in an old pair of sweats with no top and Donna in Josh's dress shirt.
"So tell me more about Atlanta," Donna said as she put another forkful of pasta in her mouth. Josh was lying between her legs, his back to her chest, and they were taking turns feeding each other. "I wanna hear more about this guy you had dinner with, Bobby Harrington that you've been brooding over."
"I was not brooding over him," Josh argued as he accepted a forkful of pasta.
"Yes you do, Joshua. You're a brooder. You brood. There's people who don't brood and then there's you. Everyone in the world who doesn't brood please step forward, not so fast Mr. Lyman…"
"Okay you're gonna need to stop that now or the engagements off. And I told you what happened already. I met with the guy, we talked for awhile, and I shot him down. End of story," Josh answered shortly.
Donna moved in front of him and looked at him hard for a minute. "You wanted to help him didn't you?" she stated knowingly. "You thought it was a good idea and you wanted to make it happen."
He didn't answer her for a moment. "Bobby does things," Josh finally responded. "He helps people in ways I can only imagine. And he doesn't do it by compromising on health care programs and education reform. Bobby…" he paused and shook his head. "He's a leader. He was put here to help people and that's what he does. He doesn't hide behind partisanship or budget deficits or polling data to justify not doing something; he helps people no matter what the cost to himself."
"You help people too," Donna said, rubbing his back. "You go about it differently but that doesn't make it any less real than what he does."
"Maybe. It'd be nice though," he sighed wistfully "to help people in that way, to be their voice. Not just some attack dog that the president lets out of his cage when someone needs to be bullied into doing what we want against their will."
"That is not what you are, Joshua Lyman," she told him sternly. "You're an advisor to the President of the United States, one of his closest advisors. You don't get that far by just showing your teeth once in awhile."
"Yeah," he agreed passively, not wanting to argue about this now. "I guess you're right."
Donna sensed he didn't feel comfortable pursuing the issue just then but she felt it was something they should discuss. When she was about to protest, she saw the digital clock blinking 2:55 pm. "Damn it!" she cried, getting up and going for her clothes. "I've got to pick up Emma in like a half an hour. I've got to start dinner soon, I've got to call Nicole about apartment hunting this weekend, I've got to call that wedding planner friend of Margaret's…" she rambled on while trying to get dressed.
"Donna, Donna, slow down," Josh went up to her and pulled her to stop so she could look at him. "This is what you're going to do: you're going to get dressed, very slowly and calmly like a sane person would normally do. I know that you're probably not familiar with how sane people behave but just try and pretend." He ignored the sarcastic roll of her eyes. "Then you'll start dinner while I pick Emma up from school. It'll be good for us; she and I will have some time to get reacquainted."
"Are you sure?" Donna said while catching her breath.
"Hey isn't this one of the many things that dads do, pick their kids up from school?" he smiled at her putting on some jeans.
"So novelty of being 'Daddy' hasn't worn off yet?" she asked him as she watched him dress.
"It has not. In fact I'm growing quite accustomed to it," he told her pulling on an old sweatshirt. "Now where's she gonna be?"
"She'll be waiting by the door for you with all the other kindergarteners. I usually just walk to get her if it's a nice day. She likes to pick up all the fallen leaves…"
"And give them names, yes I heard about that little quirk," he said, putting on an old pair of sneakers.
"It is not a quirk," Donna countered. "It is a manifestation of her unconscious need to be surrounded by familiarity that tells her mind that by naming the leaves, she'll be able to feel safe if she is in a strange environment during a fall season." Josh looked at her strangely. "What? I took psychology," she defended herself. He looked at her again. "And "The View" had this child shrink on the other day. It was interesting." Josh just shook his head and leaned onto the bed to kiss her.
"Let's say," he said coyly, "that you and I meet up here in say, eight hours or so. How does that sound?"
Donna smiled demurely at him. "I could be persuaded."
"Okay then. I'll see you in a bit." He leaned in for one more kiss and headed out the apartment into the crisp fall day, grabbing his sunglasses as he did. Indian summer had arrived in DC and Josh was going to be conscientious of it.
He headed down the street, grateful again that his apartment was in a decent school district. Of course, they probably weren't going to be there much longer. Donna had already started calling realtors in the area to set up appointments. They planned on starting a search for their new home at the end of November, barring any national emergencies. Donna said she saw some real estate ads she liked near Georgetown and even some places in Virginia. Josh let his mind rest on that thought for a minute. He'd done some serious thinking after talking with Bobby and he was wondering if perhaps, instead of focusing their house search near the Beltway, that they should maybe think of making a weekend trip to look at real estate in Connecticut. But that idea was in its most embryonic form. He hadn't discussed it with Donna or Leo or anyone yet. It was just a notion he was flirting with whenever he had a free minute to think. Of course, if he were honest with himself he'd admit that in the past week he seemed to be having a lot more free minutes.
Josh put it in the back of his mind as he approached Dwight D. Eisenhower Elementary School and stood near the safari of other parents. Josh had originally balked at the idea of Emma attending a school named after a Republican president but conceded when Donna pointed out she probably wouldn't be there that long anyway. 'Well at least it wasn't Nixon or Reagan,' he observed silently then shuddered at the thought. All thoughts of evil Republicans disappeared when he heard a bell ring and he saw his daughter emerge from the building, chatting with some other kids. Her hair was curled up and she was wearing a little blue shirt and pants combo. Her backpack hung from her shoulder while she swung her lunch bag back and forth. The only person he thought was even as remotely beautiful as her was her mother. Suddenly, Josh ached to have her near him.
"Emma!" he cupped his hands and shouted towards her direction. The girl looked up at the sound of her name and even Josh could see from his distance her blue eyes lighting up when she spotted him, waving his arms at her.
"Daddy!" she cried, running for him full steam, abandoning her conversation. She zigzagged through the throngs of people until she finally reached Josh. He gratefully scooped her into his arms and held her tight to him, breathing in the scent of her baby shampoo and the peppermint smell that always seemed to follow her. Josh realized then just how crazy he was for this girl when he found he could identify her by smell alone.
"Daddy!" She said again, a bit more subdued as she cuddled into him. "You're really, really here? I'm not having a nice dream again?" she asked fearfully.
"I am really, really here," he assured Emma, cradling her head against him. "Oh I missed you so much, kiddo. I didn't even know how much I missed you 'til I saw you."
"I know how much I missed you. I missed you," she started pulling back from him a bit and spreading her arms apart, "this much!"
"Only that much?" Josh laughed. "I thought you'd miss so much it'd be as big as your school."
"I can't miss you that much, Daddy," she corrected him.
"And why's that?"
Emma rolled her eyes and shook her head, looking so much like Donna it almost scared him. "Because my arms aren't that big, silly," she stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"No they aren't," Josh agreed, kissing her cheek and setting her down. "So how was school…?"
"Emma Wilder!" a voice called out. Upon her move to DC, papers had also been filed to legally change Emma's last name to that of her mother's. Within a couple more years, Emma would probably be getting another name change when they started Josh's adoption proceedings. Until then, they kept using Wilder so Emma wouldn't get confused. The woman that voice belonged to walked up to them.
"Emma who is this that you're talking to?" she asked with mild caution in her voice.
"This is my daddy, Mrs. Reilly," Emma responded taking Josh's hand. "He came home and picked me up today. And don't worry, I already asked. He's not a nice dream, he's a real person."
"Ah," Mrs. Reily breathed, relief evident in her voice. "Mr. Lyman, I presume?" she said extending her hand to him.
"How do you do," he shook her hand. "Your Emma's teacher?"
"Yes I am. Barbara Reilly. Which reminds me," she looked down at Emma. "Did you forget something in class today, Emma?"
Emma gasped out loud. "My drawing from art time!" she squealed. "I left it in my cubby instead of putting it on the table so Harry wouldn't ruin it like he did to Laura's."
"Well why don't the three of us go back to class and get it real quick," Mrs. Reilly offered. She led them back into the building and down the hallway until they reached the classroom. It was brightly colored with pictures and posters everywhere, various mats and rugs on the floor, toys in one corner with books in another, a series of wooden cubbyholes against one wall, and a collection of miniature tables and chairs in the center of the room.
"Wow, this is a nice set-up you've got, Em," Josh said looking around. "Much better than what I had. We had…blocks I think. Maybe some books."
"Emma why don't you go get your picture," Mrs. Reilly suggested, abruptly cutting off Josh's kindergarten reflections. "And then, do you think you could read by yourself for a few minutes? I need to talk to your daddy about some grown-up things."
"Okay." Emma scampered off to get her drawing, and then went over to the bookshelf, pulled out a book, and sat quietly on the floor.
"Please, have a seat," Mrs. Reilly pointed to a set of adult sized chairs near her desk, within view of Emma. "Was your trip successful?" she asked politely as she gave him a once over with her eyes.
"We'll know on November sixth," he answered. "Not to be rude or anything but why am I sitting here with you? Not that I'd need a reason to be sitting with you, you seem like a nice enough person, attractive. Not that I would date you and that's not because I find you unattractive, it' just I'm engaged. I'm sure you've got 'em banging down your door…" he stumbled, the conversation getting away from him
"I haven't been on a date in twelve years," she responded plainly. "And even if I reconsidered, you wouldn't be hearing from me, I guarantee it."
"Okay," he swallowed, thinking he'd rather be lectured by Leo than sit through a conversation with this woman.
"What I'd like to discuss with you," she continued, "is Emma's progress thus far. I've already spoken to your…her mother and I have some concerns I'd like to repeat to you."
"Concerns? What kind of concerns?" Josh asked worriedly.
"Emma has, in her four years to the best of my knowledge, been abandoned by her biological father," she started softly, acutely aware of Emma's presence in the room. "She had her great-grandmother replace her mother as her primary caregiver in infancy. She lived hundreds of miles away from her mother at a critical time in her life. Her mother nearly died no more than three months ago and the only reason she survived is because Emma had to endure surgery in order to donate bone marrow to her. You have to understand, Mr. Lyman, those are situations that by themselves could all emotionally paralyze people four times Emma's age."
"Have there been any signs that anything's wrong?" he asked fearfully, praying his daughter would be spared trauma of that magnitude.
She paused for a beat. "Emma is happy, responsive, intelligent, and thoroughly delightful when myself and my aides do activities with the class," she began. "She interacts with the other children well and has already made a few friends." She smiled over at the little girl who was still too engrossed in her book to notice anyone.
"Than what's the problem?"
"When we let the children play by themselves, Emma more often than not chooses to play quietly by herself rather than with the others. She'll read a book or draw a picture and does not often participate with her friends, even though the always offer to let her. Now this is probably just an adjustment phase that Emma's going through, the changing to a different class and grade without the familiar faces she's used to. But considering all she's been through, this is something that we need to keep an eye on."
"How do you mean?" he questioned, looking back at Emma.
"Well you and her mother should be looking for signs of anti-socialism at home," Mrs. Reilly advised. "Now since she's surrounded by family at home, the signs are going to be much more subtle than they would be here. If she's more clinging to either of you, if she doesn't talk as much as normal several days in row, if she likes playing indoors more than outdoors on nice days, things like this." She paused and looked at him sympathetically. She remembered the Rosslyn incident a few years prior and she knew that this must be hard for him to hear. "Mr. Lyman, I'm not saying these things to frighten you or Ms. Moss. I simply want to ensure that Emma will be as happy as she so obviously is today six months from now. It probably is just an adjustment that Emma will get used to," she added trying to convince him.
"Okay," Josh replied, slightly calmed by her predictions. "Is there anything else?"
"Not at the moment," she said standing, "although I would like to schedule some time with you and Ms. Moss when it's convenient for you both."
"Of course. And thank you for your help," he said standing. "Emma, it's time to go home."
"Okay Daddy," she said standing up and putting the book back where she'd gotten it. She picked up her things and headed over to Josh. "Bye-bye Mrs. Reilly."
"I'll see you tomorrow, Emma," the teacher replied showing them out. "Don't forget about show and tell. Good-bye Mr. Lyman."
"Mrs. Reilly," he nodded to her and led Emma out the room. They left the building hand in hand, enjoying the autumn air.
"Emma?" he asked her when they were halfway home. "Can I ask you something?"
"Uh-huh."
"Do you like living here in Washington," he started, "or would you like to live back home?"
Emma crinkled her face in concentration. "But I do live at home. I live with you and Mommy," she thought out loud. "And home is where my heart is and since I love you two the most, my home has to be were you are. Right?"
That comment may have warmed his heart but it didn't answer his question. "But are you happy here, at school I mean? Because you have to tell us if you aren't," he informed her. He watched her pause for a minute and bit her thumbnail, an action she only did when she was uncomfortable. He pulled her over to a nearby bench and sat her down. "Emma? Did something happen at your school that Mrs. Reilly doesn't know about?"
Emma looked at him carefully for a second before speaking. "Some of the kids," she started haltingly, "some of them say bad things about you at recess when Mrs. Reilly isn't around us."
"What do they say?"
"They say that their mommies and daddies say that you ruin people's lives at your job and that you're a bad man." She looked at him with teary eyes. "But I tell them you're not a bad man and they don't believe me and they call me names. And I really try hard to make them listen but they don't. Why do they say that about you? You're not bad! You help people, Mommy said so and Mommy doesn't lie me, at least about big stuff. And I even asked Uncle T.J. when he called the other day 'cuz I know he doesn't like you and even he said you were a good person, just stupid and…" she would have rambled on further but Josh picked her up and placed her on his lap, hugging her tight.
He didn't say anything for awhile, just comforted his daughter in his arms. Finally, he said, "Some people don't think I help other people. They think the things I believe in, the people I work with believe in, and that Mommy believes in are wrong. And, you know what, they're allowed to think that because we live in America and Americans are allowed to disagree with each other. Sometimes, they say mean things about me and a lot of other people listen to them. There's nothing I can do about that. And I am so sorry that the other kids said mean things to you." He kissed her head. "You just have to remember it's not your job to make other people like me. It's okay if some people don't like me. What isn't okay is you getting teased for it. You have to tell grown-ups when the other kids hurt your feelings, okay? Promise me you'll tell an adult if someone hurts you in anyway."
"I promise Daddy," she vowed
"Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Yep. It's okay if other people don't like you. They just don't know what they're talking about and they're monkey heads." Her eyes lit up for a second. "Can I call them monkey heads?"
"Absolutely not," Josh ordered. "It is not okay to say mean things to people."
"But they say them to me."
"And it hurts your feelings when they do right? Do you want other people to have hurt feelings?"
"No," she admitted grudgingly.
"Okay then." He hugged her again and then put her down. "Let's head home. I think Mommy's going to make tuna salad surprise for dinner tonight."
"Uck!" Emma shouted. "That taste like glue! Can't we have something good? Like…some steak with ketchup and French fries?"
Josh's mouth was watering at the thought but he didn't think it was a good idea to cross Donna when it came to feeding anyone. "I'll make you a deal. You eat Mommy's meal tonight and we'll get ice cream this weekend."
They arrived home then and ate their meal with Nicole and Donna, although Nicole could sense an undercurrent of negative emotion between Josh and her sister. Later, when everyone was settled in bed, Josh brought up the matter of Emma with Donna.
"Why didn't you tell me about what her teacher said to you?" he asked accusingly as she was putting moisturizer on her hands.
She looked up at him, surprised. "Mrs. Reilly talked to you today?"
"Yeah," he said, going over to his side of the bed. "She said she was worried about any emotional trauma that Emma might be susceptible to considering all she's been through. Is that what she told you?"
"More or less," she nodded, putting the lotion down.
"And the reason you felt I shouldn't know about this was…" Josh asked wanting her to feel in the blank.
"She said she didn't think it would turn into anything serious but that we should be careful of it, that's all," Donna explained. "I didn't think with the campaign that you'd…"
"No!" Josh interrupted her angrily. "No, do not play that card with me, Donna. She is my daughter, no matter where I am or what I'm doing I have a right to know if something is wrong."
"But nothing is wrong, why are you getting so angry?" Donna questioned, getting out bed and going near him.
"Because you don't get to decide what's serious or not by yourself anymore," he told her emphatically. "There are two parents in her life now and we have to do this together. That means when one of us, oh I don't know, hears that Emma's teacher has concerns about her emotional well-being, they get the other one on the phone as soon as possible, not let them hear about it a week later."
"Well maybe if you had been there with me we wouldn't be having this problem," she countered, getting angry with him.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"It means," she informed him, moving away, "that I've been doing this by myself for almost a month. I've been here everyday for her, taking care of her, this apartment, and myself while you've been traveling across the country having a crisis of conscious."
"You think I wanted to be away?!" he cried out, careful to keep his voice hushed. "You think I wanted to be away from you and Emma? You think I had a choice in that?"
"I know you didn't have a choice," she sighed. "I know I'm being irrational and unfair to you right now but I can't help it if that's what I feel! I know it was wrong to keep that from you but I just…" she paused racking her hands through her hair. "Do you have any idea what it's like to have everything you've ever wanted happen for you all at once?" she asked him quietly, sitting on the bed. "I have you, I have my daughter, I have my family and friends around me, I'm healthy…" she laughed humorlessly, not even looking at him anymore."I just keep expecting the bottom to drop out from under me. But if I can control something, if I could handle something by myself, maybe I'd deserve all of this. Does that sound strange?" she asked quietly.
Josh went over to her and pulled her into his arms. He let her lean against his shoulder and cry her fears and frustrations. He murmured soft words of encouragement to her, stroking his hands up and down her back. He kissed her shoulders and tried to will the pain out of her soul.
After a few minutes she pulled back to look at him. "I'm so sorry," Donna whispered remorsefully. "I should have told about Emma as soon as I found out. I promise, nothing like this will ever happen again."
"It better not," he ordered gently. "Emma may not be mine legally but I deserve to know what's going in her life. Don't protect me from my daughter; she needs me to protect her not the other way around." He brushed some hair away from her face. "But I do understand why you did it. It's okay now." Josh hugged her to him as he fell back against the pillows. He leaned over to flick the lights off and thought that things were getting to be too much for Donna here in the city. Perhaps he should mention his idea to her now. "Donna?"
"Yeah?" she said quietly.
He took a deep breath and looked at her in the dark. "I don't want us to live in the district after this term, I want us to move to Connecticut."
"You want us to live in Connecticut? Why?" she asked curiously, searching his eyes for something.
He took another deep breath and thought, 'it's now or never.' "Because I want to be President someday."