Chapter Eight
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When Justin parked the Mercedes in the driveway at Johnny's house, he could see the guys were already sitting on the grass waiting for him.  He tossed his sunglasses on the dash as Britney climbed out.  He loved to see her in normal clothes and today, she was simply wearing jeans and a blue, spaghetti strap tank, just short enough to show her pierced belly button.  She caught him looking at her as he got out of the car.

She perused his body through her sunglasses.  He looked amazing, dressed in black jeans and a tight black t-shirt.  She was glad he couldn't see her eyes, because they were magnetically pulled to the way the t-shirt was clinging to the muscles in his chest and arms.  His slim waist only made him look more masculine and she smiled because she knew they were both thinking the same thing.  He walked up to her on her side of the car and put his arm around her.  He leaned in with a sexy grin and said, "When your lips do that little pouty thing, I know you are thinking about me."

She slid her arms around his neck and pulled him against her.  He had that look on his face that made her body tingle all over as her lips met his in a hungry kiss.  His hand was under her tanktop and he was lightly caressing her lower back, while he simultaneously crushed her against him with his other arm.  She blamed these sudden hot emotions on the wind, which had whipped around them on the drive, stirring up the embers again.

They had forgotten about the guys on the lawn but soon they both heard cheering from that direction.  Britney let go of him as she took off her sunglasses and waved at the guys who were now making catcalls and other rude noises.  Britney reached up to smooth Justin's curls and he shook his head, saying, "I'm going to kill them."  His cheeks were pink as he blushed.  She loved this sweet side of him almost as much as his hot kisses.  He kissed her lightly on her nose and pulled her along with him toward his friends who had finally stopped cheering.

Chris met them halfway and scooped Britney into a bear hug.  Justin continued walking and slowly scooted up to Joey before grabbing him in a headlock.  Joey was bigger than he was and easily picked Justin up off the ground, attempting to toss him over his shoulder.  Justin's long legs saved him from that fate as he wrapped them around one of Joey's legs and they both fell into a heap on the grass.  By then, they were both giggling and trying to disentangle themselves from each other.  Lance helped Joey up and Justin just sat there, pouting at JC who offered his hand.

"You guys are really rude," Justin said, taking JC's hand and standing up.

"It's your own fault.  You were the one making out with Britney in full view of God and everybody," JC said as he reached up and tousled Justin's already unruly hair.

Justin snorted, "Keep your hands off my hair, man," and smacked JC's arm away.  "I couldn't help it, she looked so damn sexy!"

He could hear Chris talking Britney's ear off about her video, so he stepped between them and said to Chris, "Will you stop talking about that video, Chris?  If I didn't know you better, I'd think you never got any..."

Justin didn't get to finish his sentence because Chris grabbed him around his stomach, knocking the air out of him.  Chris' lack of height put him at a disadvantage and he was unable to dump Justin on the ground, much to his chagrin.  Britney was laughing so hard she could barely see straight.

"Chris!  You crack me up.  It's like watching a Chihuahua trying to take down a German Shepherd!" she said though her laughter.  Lance, JC and Joey all joined her while they watched Chris still valiantly trying to up-end Justin.  "Which one am I?" Chris grunted.

Britney hugged Lance, Joey and JC and said, "I've missed you guys.  I never realize how much until I see you again."

Lance said, "We didn't know you were going to be here.  Justin can't keep secrets, so you must have surprised him, huh?"

Britney nodded.  "I came in late last night.  It was a spur of the moment thing.  I missed him and he hasn't sounded so good on the phone lately, so I thought I should come check it out myself.  He's still having those nightmares."

JC said, "Well, hopefully, he'll get some answers because he's going to see that shrink again tonight.  She's a doctor that Johnny is acquainted with and he set it up for Justin to go talk to her."

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here," Justin said as he finally shook Chris off and joined the group.

Chris came up two seconds later and elbowed Justin away from Britney so he could stand beside her.

"Brit, if they lock him up in the looney bin, I'll take care of ya," he said, putting his arm around her.  He planted a big sloppy kiss on the side of her face while glaring playfully at Justin.

Justin rolled his eyes and said, "Are we gonna work today or what?"

Britney smiled sweetly at Justin and said, "Don't let me distract you guys.  I'm just going to talk to Johnny.  Go and do your thang."

She slid away from Chris and walked over to Justin.  The rest of the guys walked into the house as Britney leaned into Justin and slid her arms around his waist.  He pulled her against him and held her for a few moments before saying, "Come into the studio when you are done, ok?"

He kissed her again as they walked into the house holding hands.  Britney went off to find Johnny and Justin headed toward the studio, running into Mike on the way.

"What's your plan for today?" Mike asked as Justin stopped to look at him.

Justin shrugged, saying, "I'm just gonna be here most of the day.  Oh, yeah, I've got an appointment later tonight too, but I can handle it myself.  I'll get Britney to come with me, so you can get off early.  How's that?"

Mike grinned back at Justin who had a lopsided grin on his face.  Mike slapped the kid on his back as he walked toward the studio with him.  Justin never ceased to amaze him with his ability to dream.  He sometimes still acted like he hadn't learned a thing in the five years Mike had known him.

"I really should go with you.  This is Orlando and the whole world knows you guys are here in town.  There are packs of fans scouring every inch of town looking for one of you.  Britney can't act as a bodyguard!  She's barely 5 feet tall!  You should have me take you to the appointment tonight," Mike said as he stopped and grabbed Justin's shoulder to stop him.  "Have you not learned anything?  My job is to stick to you like glue."

Justin closed his eyes and sighed.  When he opened his eyes, he looked at Mike.  "I've learned plenty, thank you, Mike.  No one will look for me at a shrink's office.  I just want to spend some time with Britney.  I don't know how long she'll be here.  We'll be fine.  I'll have my phone and we'll call you if we need help, ok?  Dr. Breana Gallagher is the doctor's name and I'll give you her address and number later, ok?"

Mike could tell he wasn't going to win this one.  The look in Justin's eyes told him that there was no way Justin would be dissuaded.  He had a stubborn streak a mile long and a mile wide.  Between that and the whining, Mike couldn't stand it and acquiesced to Justin's request.

"Ok, ok, ok.  You win.  But do not forget your phone in your car like you have been known to do.  I want you to call me the minute you drive into her parking lot.  I also want you to call me the minute you leave her building.  Got it?" Mike said with authority and poked his finger into Justin's shoulder hard.

"Ouch!  I hear you, Mike.  Jeez!  Why do you have to do that?" Justin said loudly, his eyes snapping with anger.  He rubbed his shoulder as he turned to walk away.

Mike trotted alongside Justin, saying, "Because I want to impress upon you that this is a serious situation and you'll just go flitting off in Britney dreamland if I don't get your attention.  Just because she's here, doesn't mean anything else is different.  In many ways, you should be a little more careful because the fans don't always treat her well," Mike said, grabbing Justin around the arm and tapping his finger against Justin's forehead.  "Think with THIS head, not the other one."

Justin was glaring at Mike at first but by the end of Mike's speech, he lost it and was laughing loudly.  "Alright, Mike.  I get your point. I'll be vigilant and I'll have my phone poised for assistance if needed.  But we will be ok, OK?"

Mike slung one of his huge arms around Justin's shoulders and dragged him down the hall towards the studio.  "Now would you please stop bugging me and get to work?" Mike said as he opened the door and pushed Justin through it.

Mike walked back to the living room, where he'd seen Britney go when she'd left Justin.  He needed her help with this and could usually count on her to be level headed.  He'd known Britney almost as long as he'd known Justin and while Justin ended to be a bit of a dreamer, Britney could be counted on to be more realistic.  Mike found her in Johnny's office and knocked as he opened the door.  Johnny motioned for him to come in.

"Johnny, can I talk to you and Britney for a minute?" he said, walking inside.

Britney smiled at Mike and walked up to give him with her arms wide.  She was so small compared to him that he bent down and scooped her up into a big hug.  "How's the man who guards my man's body?" she said with a smile.

He set her down and said, "Well, wouldn't you know?  That's what I wanted to talk to you both about."

Johnny motioned for Mike to sit down.  "What's he done now?" Johnny said with annoyance.  Justin could be a handful and seemed to have a knack for getting into unsafe situations, usually because he just disobeyed orders.

Britney grinned at Mike who looked annoyed too.  "Aw, come on, he didn't do anything....yet.  Right Mike?" she said.

"Well, you know that whenever you are around, he isn't very careful.  Also, it seems that as he gets more anxious about the crowds and sleeps less and less, he starts to do stupid things.  I'm just afraid that he's somehow forgotten what happened in Hawaii.  He sticks to me like glue if we are in a crowd, but when he has a chance to do something on his own, he just does it.  Britney, I need your help here or I'm afraid he'll have some more trouble," Mike said.

Britney looked at Mike thoughtfully.  She knew he was just trying to protect Justin.  "He's feeling like a rat in a cage, Mike.  You know how he gets.  But I think talking to this Dr. Gallagher will help him calm down, don't you Johnny?" she said.

"It better.  If lots of things don't change, I'm afraid for what that'll mean to the tour.  We already have about 30 dates booked and it begins in May.  He's got to be back to normal, or at least over some of this anxiety before then.  The album is coming along nicely and should be ready on time.  But we can't take Britney along on a 45-date tour to hold his hand on stage every night.  He's got to deal with it and move on," Johnny said, a little anxious himself.

Justin was standing in the doorway, hearing every word.  "You guys talking about me?" he said, looking angry as he stepped into the room.

"Why aren't you in the studio, J?" Johnny asked.

Justin was looking at them all like they were conspiring against him.  "I had to ask you a question, and look what I find?" he said, looking hard at each one of them.

"We're just worried about you, baby.  It's nothing sinister," Britney said softly, meeting Justin's glare with concern in her eyes.

"OK, well, Johnny, I won't need Britney to hold my hand for the whole tour because things are going to be ok.  I'll get this all under control by then.  Mike, I'm surprised that you went running to Johnny.  I told you that I'd be careful.  I do NOT live in a dream world all the time.  Britney is the only one in this room who knows what this is like for me.  I feel so isolated and exhausted and lonely and scared.  I'm not being a baby here but I can't deny my feelings.  How can either you, Mike, or you, Johnny, possibly know what it's like to only sleep three hours a night because every time you close your eyes, all you see are mobs of people wanting to rip you to shreds.  That is what I see every....single.....night.  Dr. Gallagher said it wouldn't go away over night, so please stop thinking it's all better just because I talked to her once!  Mike, I haven't forgotten what happened in Hawaii.  How the hell could I?  This is just nuts!" Justin screamed as he turned and walked out the door, slamming it hard, rattling the pictures on the wall.

The three of them just looked at each other, shock written all over their faces.  Justin had always been good at shooting off and then slamming the door when he left.  His temper tantrums were legendary.

"Ok, who is going to talk to him first?  Never mind, I'll be the first.  He's so sensitive, it's like walking on egg shells these days," Johnny sighed, as he left Britney and Mike and went to find Justin.

When he didn't find Justin at the basketball court, Johnny knew he'd find him in the studio.  When he walked in, Justin was sitting at the panel behind the glass, watching JC work with the buttons.  Johnny caught Justin's eye and motioned for him to come over.  Justin walked into the lobby area and Johnny called to JC, "I'm stealing Justin for a little while.  Ok?"

JC nodded and Johnny opened the door, motioning Justin through in front of him.  Johnny then motioned him out the door and towards the yard and the chairs that were sitting under the big trees next to the lake.

"Mike is just trying to do his job, Justin.  Don't get mad at him for caring about you.  You're like his little brother and I don't think I've ever seen him more worried than in Hawaii, when we couldn't get to the convenience store fast enough.  Don't be mad at Britney either.  She always defends you," Johnny said.

Justin nodded his head as he squinted and looked out over the lake.  "I know, I'll apologize to them both," he said softly.  He sat down in the chair across from Johnny.

"Do you know what I thought of you when I first met you, Justin?" Johnny asked.  "I walked into the board room at Trans Con and you guys were all sitting there, looking a little nervous about the performance you would be doing for the record company men who had accepted the invitation.  I remember looking at you and thinking how calm and confident you looked.  JC looked like he was going to puke, but you were cool as a cucumber.  I asked Lou how old you were and was surprised when he said you were only 15 years old!  After the performance, I knew we had something special.  I remember thinking that I couldn't wait to see what would happen to you in five years.  But here we are."

Justin was grinning at him when he said, "Yeah, here we are!"

Johnny turned serious and said, "I have something to talk to you about. I've been putting it off for a long time, just watching and hoping you would find your own way.  I feel like a father to you guys, especially after Lou left the picture.  You were all young when you started this gig and it's not easy growing up on the road.  You are the youngest so I was especially concerned about you.  It's a strange way to grow up.  It does weird things to your head.  All the attention and devotion screws up your sense of normalcy.  I understand that you feel like you are in a cage, Justin.  I've watched you deal with it for five years.  The bottom line is that you have got to find a way to enjoy your life inside the boundaries, or something will happen like it did in Hawaii or worse.  *NSYNC is so big now that you'll NEVER be able to run to the store alone again without someone to protect you.  Period.  Fame is a wild ride.  You've got to learn to use it.  Find some way to enjoy your new life.  Say goodbye to the old stuff.  If you can't go out to a movie, you've got money so build your own movie theater or to rent the theater after hours.  Use the money you've got to keep you happy and as normal as possible.  Once people stop trying to be normal, they just get odd.  I know that you will not deal with it like Michael Jackson has.  You aren't the type to do the whole sex, drugs and rock & roll thing, so I don't even worry about that either.  But I do worry because you are young and driven and becoming very jaded and distrustful.  You have a lot of potential to do something spectacular with your life, if you can learn to manipulate things a little differently."

Johnny paused to take a breath.  Justin was just looking at him thoughtfully.  He knew Justin would take his words to heart because he was that kind of person.  Johnny continued, "Among other things, the fans love you because you are cute and sweet.  Period.  That is a fact and no matter how much you fight it, it's not going to change.  Don't punish them by holding yourself back and don't hate them for being devoted.  They bought you those sporty cars you drive and that nice home you live in.  They bought that shirt you are wearing.  You have the talent but they made you what you are today."

Justin was holding his forehead in his hand, propped on the arm of the chair he was sitting in.  He looked up at Johnny when he stopped talking.  "Did all the guys get this same speech?" he asked in a serious tone.

Johnny said, "You've all had a different version of this speech.  You know, it wasn't long ago that JC was going through the same kinds of emotions you are now.  He had a lot of issues with the new life you guys have, but he got through it.  I've had talks like this with all of the guys.  Do you know what I'm trying to get through your head here, Justin?"

Justin nodded and said, "Do you think it'll ever get any easier?"

Johnny pulled his chair closer to Justin's so he could make his point.  He said, "You'll get used to the lifestyle.  But it's up to you how well you deal with it.  You can buy an anti-aging machine and sleep in it every night.  Or you can become a drug addict and a drunk.  You can gamble all your money away.  Or you can withdraw from people and become more and more isolated.  You know, it's not popularity that usually burns celebrities out.  It's the constant barrage of attention and the resulting lack of privacy.  I'm sure I don't have to tell you what happens to child stars in Hollywood.  You may not be in Hollywood, but you've been down the same road.  You've got to work through this and make the right choices, because I don't want to watch it destroy you."

Johnny paused for a moment, trying to figure out what was going on in Justin's head, because he wasn't saying much.  Johnny added, "I only tell you this because I care.  You aren't a lost cause by any means.  Some guidance is all you need.  Have you talked to your mom or dad about this?"

Justin shook his head.  "I'm tired of being a mamma's boy.  Chris said I'm a mamma's boy," he said softly.

"Don't listen to Chris.  He's just razzing you.  I think he thinks it's his job as older brother," Johnny said with a smile.  "You just have to stop wasting your energy fighting the boundaries.  It's not going to make your life happy.  It's just going to put you in danger."

Johnny stopped talking and just looked at the young man staring at him. Justin was a watcher.  And he was looking at Johnny intensely.  "What are you thinking, Justin?" he asked.

Justin shrugged his shoulders.  "You've given me a lot to think about, that's all.  I know I should talk to my parents, but Mom would just worry and Dad has enough to deal with already.  I know you're right about all of it.  Unfortunately, I can't have Brit with me all the time, so I am isolating myself, I guess.  I know what you are saying about the fans is true.  But I just feel like they expect so much from me that I don't have the ability to deliver.  I cannot be everything they want me to be.  I'm just a guy.  I'm flesh and bone and I'm afraid of disappointing them because I'm not perfect.  I just don't get why they carry on like they do."

Justin was shaking his head again, running his fingers through his hair.  "I feel like such a circus freak!" he said with frustration.  "I didn't graduate with other kids.  My high school graduation was on stage in front of 30,000 people!  I didn't go to the prom.  I didn't play football.  I didn't go to school functions.  I didn't have normal friends.  I didn't date.  I've had important, powerful, people pulling me around and making decisions that affect me, but that I had no say in.  I can't do this, I can't do that.  I pray to God that I don't end up like Michael Jackson.  Everyone thinks he's a freak!  But I see him as someone who is so alone and isolated."

"He has his own problems, Justin.  The Jacksons are very dysfunctional.  You've come from good people who taught you basic moral lessons.  You are still close to your family and can lean on them.  They've showered you with religious lessons and a good upbringing.  That speaks for something.  You also have four big brothers that have all been through this with you.  Talk to them because there's lot of experience there," Johnny said as he gripped Justin's shoulder.  "Britney can help too, because she's in the same situation, although a even more isolated.  She's willing to help, you just have to be open with her."

Justin nodded again.  Johnny added, "Have Mike and the rest of the security guys ever let anyone touch you when they are around?"

Justin shook his head slowly.  Johnny continued, "Things only get totally chaotic, like Hawaii, when you go off on your own.  Rio was an aberration, but they still didn't touch you, did they?  Things we worry about rarely happen!  And look at all the anguish it causes!"

"You've got a point there," Justin said with a smile.

Johnny said, "Well, think about what I said.  I'm sure Dr. Gallagher will have some things to say about this too."

Johnny sat for a moment, as Justin was silent.  "We cool?" Johnny asked and stood up.

Justin nodded and stood up too, looking a little overwhelmed.  Johnny grabbed him and wrapped both arms around him, saying, "Growing up isn't easy, but everything will be fine."

Johnny stepped back, looking at Justin and then reached up and tousled Justin's curls that were already disheveled from car ride.  Johnny exclaimed, "Wow, your hair is getting big!"

"Man, leave my hair alone.  Why's everybody gotta always be havin' their hands up in ma hair!" Justin said, smacking Johnny's hand away.  "I tell you, I'm gonna shave it all off!  And don't think I won't."

Justin smiled and they both turned for the house.  They had spent about an hour talking and Johnny knew Justin would take the time to think it through.  Britney met them coming out of the door.  She smiled at them both, trying to figure out where they'd been.  "There you are!  I was about ready to come looking for you.  Is everything ok?" she said, looking up at Justin.

Johnny said, "Everything is cool.  Is anyone working around here?"

Britney said, "Yes, the guys are still in the studio, but they are arguing over what to have for lunch!"

She laughed and looked at Justin again.  Johnny smiled and said, "I'm going to go be referee," as he walked away.  He winked at Justin and went inside.