Chapter Six
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He walked into the office where Dr. Gallagher's name was posted and found a small waiting room.  There was no one in the room and no one at the reception desk.  He walked up to the window.  Before he rang the bell, he scanned his attire.  He didn't want to look like some rock star that expected special treatment.  He had worn his usual baggie jeans and a navy blue hooded sweatshirt over a white t-shirt.  He'd borrowed the sweatshirt from Joey because he'd given his jacket to Vicki.

He felt like he stuck out like a sore thumb and ran his hand through his curls once more before ringing the bell.  He pulled his fisherman hat down tightly.  Justin was not usually so fidgety about his appearance, but this wasn't normal and he didn't feel very confident.  He leaned on the counter and looked around the office, most of which was dark and empty.  He could hear some movement in the back of the office.  He pushed his fists in his pockets as he paced around the waiting area.  He welcomed the solitude and he sat down in one of the chairs, resting his head back against the wall.  His normal outgoing nature wasn't holding up well against the exhaustion that permeated his body and the anxiety that was eating away at his confidence.

Next thing he knew, someone had their hand on his shoulder and was saying, "Mr. Timberlake?"

As he came to, he squinted at the woman who had her hand on his shoulder.  He immediately blushed, saying, "Oh God, I fell asleep!"

He pulled his hat up so it wasn't on so tight and stood up.  "That's me," he said and smiled at the woman who woke him up.

She was only an inch or two shorter than he was, but he noted that she had on high heels.  She was dressed in a designer navy blue skirt suit.  Her dark hair was in a conservative bun and she had a greenish hue to her blue eyes.  She was also smiling at him as she offered her hand.

"I'm Dr. Gallagher.  Nice to meet you, Justin," she said.

He took her hand in his and smiled, "Nice to meet you."

Dr. Gallagher's eyes looked over his face before turning around.  He couldn't tell whether she really knew who he was.  He kind of hoped she'd never heard of him.  He followed her to the back office and she told him to have a seat in the chair facing her desk.  He sat down as he looked around her office.  "Aren't I supposed to lay on a couch or something?" he asked, smiling.

"If you'd like to, you can.  Would that help you feel more comfortable?" she said, indicating the couch against the wall to their left.

He shook his head, saying, "Naw, I'd probably fall asleep if I did that."

His nervousness was making it's way to his legs as he bounced them both quickly up and down.  He was looking around the room again before he felt an uneasy "someone-is-watching-you" feeling.  He turned to look at her to find her looking at him with an amused look on her face.

"What?" he said, self consciously, staring back at her.

She grinned and said, "I'm just wondering why you have that ugly hat on?"

Justin's hand immediately went to his head as he thought about taking it off.  "You don't like my hat?" he said, grimacing.

She laughed, mostly as his expression, "No, it's not that I don't like it.  It's just that it's so ugly, I'm wondering why anyone would buy it?"

Justin smiled at her as he took the hat off.  "I didn't buy it.  It was a gift from a girl in England.  But that's not WHY I wear it.  This is why I wear it," he said as he pointed at the tumult of unruly blond curls.  "Plus it offers some disguise."

She nodded, looking at his hair and smiled.  "If you wear this hat a lot, how can it disguise you?"

She watched Justin laugh and noticed how his eyes sparkled when he did.  He said, "You do have a point.  I have lots of hats and bandanas I wear.  This is normal."  He pointed at his hair for emphasis.

Dr. Gallagher laughed, "You don't like your hair much, I take it?"

Justin smirked and said, "What do you think?  It's a fight every day.  I'm tempted to just shave it off."

"So, why are we here, Mr. Timberlake?" she asked.  She watched him as he crunched his hat back down over his hair.

"You can call me Justin," he said.

Dr. Gallagher said, "Well then, you can call me Breana."

"No one told you why I'm here?" he asked her.

"Uh, no, I just was told by a friend of mine that someone would be making an appointment for after the office was closed.  You made the appointment.  That's all I know, other than your name," she said.

Justin didn't know where to begin.  "It's kind of difficult to know where to begin.  Do you know what I do for a living?" he asked, trying to find a place to start.

Dr. Gallagher asked, "Well, I guess I do know that you are a singer.  My niece is a fan of your group, I think.  In fact, I remember seeing your picture on her wall!  Yes, ok, I was wondering why you seemed familiar.  You are with the Backstreet Boys, right?"

She smiled her friendly smile at him as she watched his expression.  She knew, from her niece, that *NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys had something of a rivalry.  Justin reacted in much the way she thought he would.  He rolled his eyes and grinned at her again.

Justin cracked, "Oh Brother!  Your niece must be, what?  Thirteen?"

Dr. Gallagher, pondering for a moment, said, "Actually, she's fifteen."

Justin nodded, "Sounds about right," and chuckled softly to himself.

Dr. Gallagher was again looking at him expectantly.  He shrugged his shoulders and said, "I don't know what you want me to say."

"What's it like to realize that people you don't even know have your pictures all over their walls and scream like banshees when you are around?" she asked with a grin.

Justin looked thoughtful.  He was intensely looking at something he was fiddling with in his hands.  "It's very bizarre to me," he said, as his dark blue eyes rested on her.  "I really try not to think about it because I don't know how to react."

"Well, let me ask you a few basic things, Justin.  Do you mind?" she asked.  He nodded and shrugged again, looking slightly bored.

Dr. Gallagher asked, "Are you from Orlando?"

Justin flashed her a big cheesy smile before chuckling softly and shaking his head.  He looked at her mischievously and said, "Are you ready?"

"For what?" she asked, frowning and wondering what he meant.

"I'll give you the abridged version of me.  I should just put this whole spiel on tape and just play it for people.  I was born outside Memphis, Tennessee, on January 31, 1981.  My favorite color is baby blue, or at least it used to be.  I'm 6 foot 1 inch.  I weigh 160 lbs.  My hair is dark blond, and yes, it IS naturally curly.  My eyes are blue.  I love basketball and my gramma's peach cobbler.  Yes, I'm dating Britney Spears and it's none of your business if she or I are virgins.  My nicknames are Curly and Bounce, but not Juju.  My mom is Lynn, my dad is Randy.  They divorced when I was young.  My middle name is Randall.  I have two stepbrothers named Steven and Jonathan.  I came to Orlando because I got a part on the Mickey Mouse Club when I was 12.  That's where I met JC, who is in the group too, and Britney.  Chris and I started *NSYNC in 1995, when I was 14."

He was talking so fast; she couldn't keep up if she tried.  He wrapped up his speech and stood up, bowing with a flourish, and said, "Thank you very much!"

After he sat back down and looked at her again, Dr. Gallagher asked, confused, "Huh?  I'm confused."

Justin just smiled at her expression.  "That was me in 50 words or less, at least what the magazines know.  You could have gotten it out of any fan magazine, Dr. Gallagher."  His smiled faded quickly and he went back to fiddling with the object in his hands.

She was beginning to get a feel for Justin's personality.  She could tell he was personable and intelligent.  He had a lot of confidence.  She presumed he was a spoiled brat, having grown up in the entertainment business.  And as he had just proven, he was very guarded and wasn't going to make this easy.  She made a mental note to find out a little bit about *NSYNC, specifically Justin, as soon as possible.

She slid back her chair and stood up.  As she walked around her desk and stood in front of him, she said, "I'm feeling at a disadvantage here, Justin.  I'm sensing that you think I haven't done my homework, which I can admit I haven't.  You just booked your appointment today."

Breana leaned back on her desk as Justin looked a little embarrassed and held his hands up, palms out toward her, saying, "I am being a brat, I know.  I apologize.  I'm just way out of my element here.  I promise I'll be nicer.  My mom would kick my butt if she saw how I just acted."  He genuinely looked upset as he looked at her.

He took a deep breath and raised his eyebrows, saying, "I guess I'll start with the nightmares?"

He was looking at her, seriously now.  She noticed dark circles under his eyes and his general worn-out demeanor.

"Tell me about your nightmares," she said and sat behind her desk again.

Justin slowly began to tell her about the girls chasing and catching him and the terror he felt. She wanted details, so he spilled them all out, complete with the looks on the girls' faces and what they said.  Dr. Gallagher could see the haunted, anxious look in his face as he talked. She also noticed that he was bouncing his legs and talking fast.  He looked wired and exhausted, simultaneously.

She interrupted and asked, "Justin, how long has it been since you have slept through the night, with no nightmares?"

He was quiet for a moment and then said, "Since we got back from Rio in mid January."

She nodded again. "Have you had nightmares each night?"  He nodded.

"Why were you in Rio?" she asked.

"We had a gig," he said.  "You've heard of 'Rock in Rio', right?  It was the biggest crowd we had ever performed for.  The night we were on stage was a sellout of 250,000 people."

Dr. Gallagher's mouth fell open.  "That's a lot of people!  You performed for that many people?"

Justin laughed.  "Yeah, sold out.  You really have no idea who *NSYNC is, do you?"

He smirked at her.  She just sat there stunned for a minute.  "I guess I didn't have a clue!"

Justin shook his head, saying, "While on the bus, we were mobbed as we tried to go to our hotel.  There must have been 30,000 people outside our bus and I had, I guess what you'd call a panic attack, on the bus.  I've never panicked at the thought of performing.  It was the crowd in the street surrounding the bus.  I didn't have any nightmares until I got home to Orlando."

Dr. Gallagher thought for a moment and then asked, "What do you think caused you to react to the crowd like that?"

Justin knew the answer but wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about it. It embarrassed him.  He shrugged his shoulders.  He just wanted to be back to normal so he could plan for and enjoy the tour.  He looked at her and then out the window as he said, "I've always loved performing. I normally live for the screaming.  That is what drives the whole group.  We've always been close to our fans.  And that is why this is so scary.  I have to be able to get up and do my thing on stage.  I have to be able to meet the fans face to face without freaking.  I cannot tour with this hanging over me.  And the tour starts in a couple months."

Dr. Gallagher wondered to herself why he had changed the subject.  She could tell he was under a lot of pressure, from himself and outside forces.  He was looking at her as if he expected her to wave a magic wand and fix it.

"I should tell you that this isn't something that is going to go away overnight.  Why did you change the subject a few moments ago?" she asked.

Justin gave her a sheepish look and took a deep breath.  "It's just hard to talk about.  I feel stupid.  Sometimes I feel like I'm just a piece of public property," he said sadly.

Dr. Gallagher nodded and said, "Go on."

Justin paused, just staring at the object in his hands for a moment.

He took another deep breath and let it out slowly, before leveling his gaze at Dr. Gallagher.

"It's because of what happened in Hawaii.  We were all there for New Year's Eve in 1999.  I went out alone, stupid, I know, and got into a bit of a situation at a convenience store not too far from the hotel.  It was my own stupid fault.  I can tell you that I've learned many lessons in my life, but that one, was the scariest."

Dr. Gallagher said, "Tell me what happened."

Justin looked at her and sighed again.  "I think there were 8 girls, probably around 16 or 17 years old.  I don't know where they even came from.  If I had seen them around, I would never have stopped.  It's like they were casing the joint.  Before I knew it, I was surrounded by them.  It wasn't a very big store and I was in the back, getting a drink."

Justin got up from the chair and started pacing around the room, stopping to look out her panoramic window.  Dr. Gallagher was waiting for him to continue.  He looked at her again.  He had her full attention, he could tell.

"While I was on the bus in Rio, the way I felt in the store in Hawaii came back to me.  It's not easy to talk about.  I was so scared.  I couldn't even move, much less say anything intelligent.  I was just looking at the bottles of Coke and I heard a couple of the girls start crying.  I don't know why.  I've never understood that reaction," Justin said.  "I used to ask my mom why and she'd just say that they didn't know what else to do."

Dr. Gallagher asked, "Are you close to your mom?"

Justin nodded and then walked back over to the chair in front of her and sat down.  "Yeah and I haven't told her everything because she'd just worry about me.  I was shocked.  I'm used to the fans wanting to touch me in some way but I didn't expect them to hurt me and grab at me like they did.  Just like they do in my nightmares, I saw them coming toward me with their hands out, saying my name.  Before I knew it, I was on the floor and they were all over me."

She saw the haunted look in his eyes and the pout of his lips.  He looked more like a little boy at that moment than a 20-year-old man.

"Every guy's dream, right?" he said, now grinning.  He shook his head again and added, "My life is a dream.  It's so surreal sometimes, I can't believe it's happening."

He was serious again, saying, "Thank God for the store clerk.  She was this large Hawaiian woman.  She just walked over and stepped into the middle of the dog pile.  I felt her grab me by a belt loop on my pants and she lifted me right off the floor.  Before I knew what was happening, she put herself between me and the girls, who were still on the floor, looking around surprised.  Two seconds later, she turned around and shoved me in the bathroom.  I don't think she said more than one or two words for me.  I doubt she even knew me from Adam.  I heard her lock the door and there I was.  I guess the girls scattered right away.  The lady came over once and yelled at me through the door that they'd left.  That's when I called my bodyguard and my manager.  When they got there, the police had let me out of the bathroom."

Dr. Gallagher nodded and said, "So what did they do to you, Justin?"

He shrugged, staring at his hands in his lap again.  "They started out just touching me, you know, my arms, my chest, my face, my hair.  Things got outta hand because one of the girls lunged at me and I ducked to the floor.  Then they all started grabbing.  I had scratches on my face, my chest and my back.  I think they got some of my hair.  One of them..." Justin paused and looked out the window.  "One of the girls had her hands everywhere.  She was like an octopus.  She was even trying to unbutton my pants.  I'd like to know what she thought she was going to do after that!  God!  I was yelling at her to get her hands off me.  I think I was in a fetal position when the lady rescued me."

By the end of Justin's story, he was looking at her straight in the eyes, anger and betrayal flashing in his.  Then he said, "How can people who profess all this love and devotion, do that to me?"

Dr. Gallagher smiled warmly at his innocent question.  "I can't really answer that, Justin.  Teenagers are very strange creatures, especially the girls.  They are pretty hormonal.  Their adoration starts out innocent enough though.  I think that is something you have to remember, and I'm sure you do.  That's probably what keeps you from hiding out from the world and never coming out.  Am I right?"

Justin was looking at his feet, nodding.  She saw him stifling a yawn and looked at her watch.  "Good Lord, it's 8 o'clock!  I normally only do 1 hour sessions.  I think we made a good start here though.  What do you think?"

Justin looked at her sleepily and said, "Yeah, thanks Doc.  Tell me I'm cured, ok?"

Dr. Gallagher smiled and said, "Have a little patience here.  How often do you want to come talk to me?  Just talking about it should help a lot, I don't think there is anything seriously wrong with your head."

She then nodded her head towards his hands and said, "What is that you have in your hands?  You keep playing with it."

He held it out toward her and she noticed it was a small baby blue agate stone in the shape of a heart with a spiral symbol cut into it.  She picked it up, out of his hand, and looked at it closer.  "What is it and where did you get it?  What does the symbol mean?"

Justin smiled and softly said, "The nice thing about having fans is that they think of everything.  They can make me feel so special and loved.  A girl I met at a Meet and Greet in Berlin a few years ago gave me the stone.  She had calm, blue eyes that were like deep pools of water.  I signed a picture for her.  I smiled at her.  She didn't cry or act stupid.  The minute our eyes met, she quickly leaned forward and put that stone in my hand, before the bodyguard could stop her.  They don't like us to have contact with the fans at all.  Anyway, she leaned forward and said that she knew I must miss my mom and that I must get lonely.  She said that I should use the agate as a touchstone, something to remind me of the people who love me.  The symbol means Serenity.  The stone is so soft and I've used it a million times since then.  It meant a lot to me that she took time to tell me that and that she wasn't pushing me to think of her.  But by telling me that and giving me the heart stone, I do think about her a lot.  I'd love to meet her someday and tell her how much it means to me."

Dr. Gallagher nodded at him as he looked back at her.  Justin was wise beyond his years.  You didn't find many young men who would express those kinds of emotions to anyone, especially a stranger.  She felt the need to comfort him and said, "You realize it's not fans like her that mobbed you in Hawaii, don't you?"

Justin said, "Usually.  Sometimes, I don't know.  I get bitter about the whole thing and then I wonder.  But most of the time, I know that those girls were different.  Normal fans wouldn't do that.  But it scares me just the same."

He stood up and she gave the agate back to him and then said, "So do you want to come back tomorrow night?"

Justin said he'd come whenever she had time for him.  They made plans for him to come again the next evening at the same time, because his time would become increasingly spoken for as the album release and tour approached.

Justin said goodbye to Dr. Gallagher and as he walked out to his car, he scanned the area for any sign of life, but it was still quiet.  It was raining, however, so Justin made a mad dash for his car, thanking God he'd put the top up before going in.