"These newsletters are starting to become nag sessions, where I bear all my grievances…" - Justin

For upcoming fixtures, past newsletters, our illustrious history and more…

Season 5 Record

Matches Played: 22
Matches Won: 9
Matches Lost: 10
Matches Drawn: 3
Goals For: 91
Goals Against: 83
Goal Difference: +8
Bonus Points: 21
Total Points: 63

Points System:
Win = 4 points
Draw = 2 points
Bonus Point = 3 goals

Overall Record

Matches Played: 86
Matches Won: 35
Matches Lost: 43
Matches Drawn: 8
Goals For: 310
Goals Against: 331
Goal Difference: -21

Season-by-Season

Final position at the end of each season:

1 (2002): Div 6 - Last
2 (2002): Div 7 - Third
3 (2003): Div 5 - Fourth
4 (2003): Div 5 - Second
5 (2004): Div 6 - Premiers

"Platinum Moccasin"

More prestigious than the seasonal "Golden Boot" award, this honour is bestowed upon the player who has kicked the most number of goals in the brief, yet illustrious history of the All Hacks!

49 - Alan
37 - Anisha
28 - Ajay
24 - Adrian
23 - Kheang
21 - Thanh
18 - Ara
17 - Sung
15 - Maal
11 - Alain, Justin
9 - Francis
8 - Lek
6 - Sophal
5 - Chi, Sam
3 - Masum, Peter, Shan
2 - Alex, Gerald, Khar, Tuan
1 - Abi, David, Ian, Mak, Ngo, Siwei

The "Dunce Cap"

Like the "baggy green" of the Australian cricket team, the All Hacks also have their own traditional head accessory, the "dunce cap".

Each cap is numbered to represent the order in which each individual has played for the All Hacks.

Where does your favourite player stand in the proud history of the All Hacks?

01 - Alain (0,26)
02 - Francis (10,32)
03 - Huy (0,3)
04 - Ian (0,12)
05 - Justin (21,80)
06 - Keong (0,43)
07 - Peter (3,43)
08 - Shaun (0,26)
09 - Sung (11,60)
10 - Adrian (18,67)
11 - Chi (0,11)
12 - Danny (0,19)
13 - Gerald (0,5)
14 - Justin (Scrub) (0,3)
15 - Simon (0,3)
16 - Nick (0,3)
17 - Shan (1,5)
18 - Alex (0,2)
19 - Alan (0,30)
20 - Rob (0,3)
21 - Jonathan (0,1)
22 - Masum (16,18)
23 - Marco (0,3)
24 - Thanh (20,64)
25 - Sam (1,4)
26 - Sandy (0,2)
27 - Siwei (0,1)
28 - Abhrajit (Abi) (1,14)
29 - Ajay (6,38)
30 - Mak (0,1)
31 - Fong (0,2)
32 - Kheang (14,17)
33 - Maal (9,24)
34 - Justin (Spikey) (2,3)
35 - Sophal (6,7)
36 - Tuan (0,1)
37 - Wai (0,3)
38 - Ara (6,18)
39 - Eric (0,1)
40 - John (0,1)
41 - Steven (0,1)
42 - Anisha (9,16)
43 - Pin (0,1)
44 - David (0,2)
45 - Patrick (1,1)
46 - Lek (11,11)
47 - Kin (4,4)
48 - Steve (1,1)
49 - Ngo (2,2)
50 - David X. (1,1)
51 - Mov (4,4)
52 - Khar (3,3)
53 - Binny (1,1)
54 - Eric (II) (1,1)

Comments please!

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All Hacks FC

Season Autumn/Winter 2004

It's that time of the year again (here we go again!): The annual All Hacks FC recruitment drive! The lines are now open for your expressions of interest in participating this season. Please reply ASAP, as entries for teams close very soon, with the new season kicking-off the following week. C'mon guys, can I count you in being "proud, passionate, and PAID-UP"?

Oh yeah, the money bit... Since the introduction of the scandalous, outrageous registration fee midway through our last season, the price of the matches will now be $10 per game per person (which works out as being a very affordable 30 cents per minute). I will contribute the rest of the total, and believe me the All Hacks FC is a non-profit (dis)organisation! Please also encourage anyone else (soccer-skilled would be appreciated, but not compulsory) who is eager to play this season.

Thanks, see you hopefully very soon!

With a full pre-season (i.e. booze and television) under our belt, the All Hacks faced the music for their fifth season of Indoor Soccer, at the Derrière League (Division 5/6). After a tireless search for committed (dedicated, not insane) players during the pre-season, the All Hacks barely fielded a side for the first match of the season, with someone old, someone new, someone borrowed and someone feeling blue. Francis, cryogenically preserved for such moments of player shortages, was once again defrosted for a match; Patrick, from the smoky mahjongg parlours made his debut; Masum, on loan from the defunct Brazilian Whacks returned to his true home; and Adrian limped to the match with a mysterious "that time of the month" bout of abdominal cramps.

Squad: Adrian (GK), Francis, Justin, Masum, Patrick, Thanh

As expected, after a solid pre-season, the All Hacks dusted the cobwebs off the engine room, and were ready to fire the opening shot. However, the All Hacks never really got out of first gear, and our rusty skills and passes hampered us from stringing together any solid passage of play. Adrian valiantly kept the ball from our net on many occasions in the first half while simultaneously focusing on remaining upright. Wade's Brigade took the opening honours, taking the lead early in the first half. The All Hacks' response was swift, but not elegant, however did enough to earn a penalty that was calmly converted by Thanh. Loose defending in the final stages of the first half allowed Wade's Brigade to take a 2-1 lead at half-time.

Without any substitutions, the All Hacks faded away in the second half, with Wade's Brigade having plenty of artillery and manpower to run riot. The score blew out to 6-1, until the All Hacks' best passage of play, albeit with 1 minute to go, culminated in a brilliant shot from Adrian that brought the margin back to a demoralising, yet respectable four goals. A fitting way to commiserate Adrian's 50th match for the All Hacks.

For the untrained eye, you may think I am devastated by our lacklustre performance. I am disappointed, but not disheartened, 'cos this competition does not reward the best team throughout the season (as we cruelly found out last season), but the team with the most ring-ins come finals time!

1 - Adrian, Thanh

After overindulging during the Easter break, the All Hacks returned after the much-needed interval ready to play inspired soccer. Without being overly pious, Easter is about making sacrifices, epitomised by Sung making himself available for this round's game, and selflessly forgoing lifestyle tips and advice from the "Fab Five" in Queer Eye For The Straight Guy while "tjuzing" a fellow Korean ex-patriot. While Sung celebrated his landmark 50th appearance for the All Hacks, Justin (Spikey) and Kheang returned after a long stint on the sidelines, and Lek made his debut for the All Hacks.

Squad: Adrian, Ajay, Francis, Justin, Justin (Spikey), Kheang, Lek, Sung (GK)

With five changes to last round's playing list, the All Hacks took some time to settle into a familiar pattern of playing catch-up soccer. Lek committed the obligatory first-game sin by losing his bearings and running into the forbidden goalkeeper zone. However, redemption was near, as Sung was able to save the resulting penalty. After an encouraging start, the All Hacks conceded the first goal to a well-executed strike from Red R's. The All Hacks replied with a goal of our own, courtesy of a penalty conversion from Adrian. Like a pendulum of a cuckoo clock, the momentum of the game swung with each passage of play. However, the All Hacks were able to wrestle the lead towards our favour, with Kheang calmly converting two penalty shots. The All Hacks led 3-2 at half-time.

The All Hacks lost their intensity midway through the second half, and two quick goals to Red R's saw our lead quickly evaporate. Undiscipline from Red R's kept the All Hacks alive, as another indiscretion allowed Kheang to convert a penalty to equalise the match at 4-all with 5 minutes to go. A cameo appearance from Ajay in the final moments of the match almost conjured the match-winning goal, however an exposed All Hacks defence conceded a goal with 2 minutes to go. In a cruel twist of fate, after scoring all our goals via penalties, the All Hacks closed the match out by conceding a penalty in the final 10 seconds.

3 - Kheang
2 - Adrian
1 - Thanh

After our heart-breaking loss in the previous week to Red R's, our "inspirational" captain, Justin's urgent plea for players to be passionate for the club and to turn up during the club's desperate times was heeded by all, with most of our "emergency" players all turning up ready to play for the proud All Hacks FC.

Squad: Francis, Justin (Spikey), Kheang, Kin, Lek, Masum, Sam, Shan, Steve, Sung (GK)

As you can see from the squad list, we had the highest turnout of the season by the All Hacks; this much of a turnout has not been seen since our inaugural season of 2002.

Anyhow, back to the game. With our opposition being short of players, All Hacks were happy to loan out our players, and so Sam and Steve (Korean power???) were loaned to them in good faith. Even without the experience of indoor soccer, the All Hacks were able to take full control of the game from the start. Shan and Kheang helped the cause by scoring quickly against the unbalanced opposition. And when Sung's delicate touch found the back of the net, the game was truly in the hands of the All Hacks to lose. However, we were able deal with the pressure by scoring two penalty goals before half-time.

In the second half, a frustrated opposition player abused the referee, which resulted in his send-off. This allowed the All Hacks to run rampage with the score, as Lek, Francis and Kheang (with two goals being disallowed) blew the scoreline to 10-4. Also in a positive note, our loaned out player Sam scored two goals for the opposition.

8 - Kheang
2 - Adrian, Lek
1 - Francis, Shan, Sung, Thanh

Firstly, some housekeeping issues. Thanks to everyone who helped out the ailing All Hacks last week. Contrary to popular belief, I did not abandon the team in one of its darkest hour. Instead, I presided over one of the greatest resurrections of a soccer club ever, as the art of leadership requires knowing when to let your troops do all the work for you! Last week's amazing result was the first time in the history of the All Hacks that the scoreboard displayed double digits on our side of the ledger! Also, Kheang's individual haul of 5 goals in last week's match is an All Hacks record! But seriously, sincere thanks again!

Squad: Adrian, Francis, Justin, Kheang, Kin, Lek, Masum, Sung (GK), Thanh

After John So's sidekick-turned-weathergirl Livinia Nixon predicted "rain" to dominate much of the weekend, even the heavens were against the All Hacks this week. However, another healthy-sized squad for the second week running gave the All Hacks some optimism for a competitive match. Thanh's circadian rhythm returned back to normal after completing some graveyard shifts, Kin survived his debut last week, Masum filled the token sub-continental player admirably and Adrian returned after correcting my "faultless" exam (the cheque's in the mail!).

Much to our surprise, our traditional Asian arch-rivals Rain failed to show up with their customary arrogance and showmanship. Kheang and Lek built the foundations for a solid All Hacks team performance, and their poise in defence, midfield and attack (practically everywhere), infected the All Hacks with an unusual sensation: confidence. Lek's sharp reflexes combined with the opposing keeper's hesitancy to retrieve the ball provided the All Hacks with the opening goal. Lek was brought down in attack minutes later, with Kheang stepping up to the charity spot and nonchalantly putting the All Hacks 2-nil up. The All Hacks continued to pepper the goal throughout the first half, with Thanh being extremely unlucky with a shot that ricocheted off the post, followed by a disallowed goal moments later.

The All Hacks absorbed Rain's predicted deluge in the second half, largely due to the brilliant efforts of Sung from keeping the ball out of our net. After a horrendous run with injuries, Masum inspired the All Hacks with several thrilling attacking bursts along the right flank. In an amazing solo act, using telekinesis and every part of his body, Masum caressed, juggled and willed the ball past countless opposition players and in a tight corner while being guarded by two defenders, somehow threaded the ball perfectly past the mesmerised goalkeeper. The All Hacks sealed a comprehensive win with a great passage of play that resulted in a clean strike by Thanh at the top of the goalie zone, even after he had over-committed to the pass, but still had ample time to reverse (with reverse warning buzzer activated) and score.

9 - Kheang
3 - Lek
2 - Adrian, Thanh
1 - Francis, Masum, Shan, Sung

After two marvellous performances in a row to revive our season, the All Hacks' this round faced our other ubiquitous nemesis, F.C. Sambos Utd., in the Mother's Day showdown. Sung's late withdrawal from the squad left the All Hacks to draw straws for the vacant goalkeeping position. After hearing of past, tragic tales of "having butterfingers as goalie" from virtually every squad member, Adrian was selected to be our last line of defence, as his story was the least convincing of all.

Squad: Adrian (GK), Francis, Justin, Kheang, Lek, Masum, Thanh

With our most recent encounter against F.C. Sambos Utd. being our heart-stopping extra-time, golden-goal semi-final victory last season, the All Hacks were bracing themselves for another epic struggle against our traditional foes. After a tight opening quarter where honours were shared between both sides, F.C. Sambos Utd. were first to break the stalemate midway through the first half after the infamous "# 5" was brought down and received a generous penalty. The All Hacks dominated the rest of the half, but were extremely unlucky not to equalise through several sweeping passes that dissected F.C. Sambos Utd.'s defence, and from a deadly cross from Francis that perfectly found Kheang's powerful header but unfortunately cannoned onto the right post.

Trailing 1-nil at half-time, the All Hacks conceded another penalty soon after the resumption of play after Kheang's fair tackle of "# 5" resulted in both players swan-diving into the goalkeeping zone. Unfortunately, the referee ruled the decision in favour of F.C. Sambos Utd. and the All Hacks went 2-nil down. The All Hacks then mounted a stirring challenge and clawed their way back to level proceedings courtesy of goals from Kheang via a penalty and Lek's scintillating strike under pressure. With the three certainties in life being death, taxes and penalty conversions by Kheang, the All Hacks were back in the contest ... or so we thought. The following two minutes of chaos saw the All Hacks crash and burn and self-destruct by conceding three cheap goals through comical errors in defence (insert blooper sound effect). With a humiliating loss inevitable in the Mother's Day showdown, the easy way out would be to run back crying to the comforting arms of our mums, however the All Hacks fought the game out valiantly. In the closing minutes, relinquished from his goalie duties, Adrian surged into attack and powered home a goal from a great pass by Lek, earning the All Hacks a valuable bonus point with a credible 3-5 defeat.

10 - Kheang
4 - Lek
3 - Adrian
2 - Thanh
1 - Francis, Masum, Shan, Sung

"And the nominations for the highlight of Les Murray's "feast of phoodball" in May are: the UEFA Cup Final (Olympique de Marseille vs Valencia CF); the UEFA Champions League Final (AS Monaco FC vs FC Porto); the FIFA Centennial Match (Brazil vs France); the English FA Cup Final (Manchester United vs Millwall); and the Socceroos international friendlies (Australia vs Turkey) (insert applause). But the winner is … (insert drum roll): All Hacks vs Clayton Pride!" (insert standing ovation)

Squad: Adrian, Justin, Kheang, Kin, Lek, Masum, Ngo, Peter, Sung (GK), Thanh

Having defeated Clayton Pride in all our previous five encounters, a larger than usual squad was assembled eager to play a part in the anticipated victory against our traditional bunnies. Peter returned for a brief cameo in the first half, and Ngo made a solid debut for the All Hacks.

First half highlight: great goal to Lek. First half lowlight: bad error in defence allowing Clayton Pride to equalise. 1-all at half-time. Use the power of your imagination to fill in the rest of the first half. Fast-forward to arguably the turning point of the match: the arrival of our captain, Justin, at the half-time interval. Timing his fashionably late entry to perfection, the appearance of our captain provided … (Justin's view: "a timely boost for team morale", others' view: "an extra disposable, fresh pair of legs") … after a lacklustre first half effort.

After conceding a clumsy penalty early in the second half to trail 2-1, the All Hacks wrestled back the momentum and were soon on level terms again courtesy of you guessed it, a penalty converted by Kheang. Masum's bustling surges across the wings provided the All Hacks with many chances to score, and his efforts were rewarded with a goal via a confident penalty conversion. The exuberance of our newest stars shone through with classy goals to Ngo and Lek in the second half. Clayton Pride always threatened to mount a challenge, however the experience of our veterans ensured the All Hacks secured a gritty, if not scrappy victory.

11 - Kheang
6 - Lek
3 - Adrian
2 - Masum, Thanh
1 - Francis, Ngo, Shan, Sung

An expanded squad was expected for this week's match, with nine players being available at kick-off time. Unfortunately, four of the players were Sung's imaginary friends, and compounded with Masum's late arrival, the All Hacks were one player short during the opening minutes of the match.

Squad: Adrian, Justin, Kheang, Kin (GK), Lek, Masum, Sung, Thanh

C.F. Adonis capitalised immediately with their extra player advantage, scoring from the first passage of play. After 10 seconds of play, the stunned All Hacks were already one goal in deficit. Masum's entry into the match stemmed the haemorrhaging in defence temporarily, but blink and you would have missed C.F. Adonis pile on a further 6 goals in the first half. Uncharacteristic errors and loose marking in defence contributed to a total capitulation at the hands of the rampant C.F. Adonis.

With a foreboding premonition of the horrors about to be inflicted on the All Hacks before the match, Justin made an emotional pre-match plea (or threat) to Kheang and Lek to break the curfew enforced on the residents in the south-east 'burbs. Much to the All Hacks' relief, both appeared in time for the second half.

The All Hacks were more competitive in the second half, with a restructured set-up yielding some success. Lek grinded his way through several C.F. Adonis defenders and scored the All Hacks' opening goal, and a brilliant finish from Masum gave some respectability to the scoreline. The All Hacks had several more genuine chances to score and earn a vital bonus point, however were thwarted by inaccurate finishing. The final whistle could not come quick enough for the All Hacks, trudging off the pitch after easily the worst performance of the season.

11 - Kheang
7 - Lek
3 - Adrian, Masum
2 - Thanh
1 - Francis, Ngo, Shan, Sung

As witnessed this week, punctuality is a crucial factor in any team's success! Thus, as a lesson to remind you guys of the importance of being punctual, I will be late for next round's match!

Late-breaking news: By (un)popular demand, this season has been extended to 20 rounds. From a quirk in the draw, the All Hacks play every other team in our league thrice, however only have to play (or lose to) C.F. Adonis twice!

(De)motivating speech: "If we continue to play as appalling as our insipid first-half performance for the remainder of the season, it's going to be a long, agonising, arduous, excruciating, gruelling, painful, torturous season… On the bright side, we're always only a week away from our next win!"

A full squad was expected for this week's match, but when I arrived with five minutes to game time, no one was there yet. I thought I got the wrong time until Adrian arrived a bit later and then Masum came as well.

Squad: Adrian, David X. (GK), Justin, Kheang, Lek, Masum, Thanh

Well, as our regular scribe Justin was late due to "work", and our semi-regular scribe Sung was out for an unknown reason, it's up to me to write our match report. As stated earlier, I thought I got the time wrong when I didn't see anyone else there. When the match did start, only Adrian, Masum and myself were there. So we were about to play with one keeper and two defenders, when an indoor cricketer walked past so we asked him to play as keeper.

The three of us along with our new keeper, David played very well and managed to hold Wade's Brigade scoreless while also having the occasional foray into attack. When Kheang and Lek arrived, the score was still nil-nil but the energy expended to maintain that score was starting to take its toll. With no subs available at all, our tiredness began to show as we became lazy in defence and hence allowed Wade's to put through a couple of goals. We managed to peg one back when I was fouled inside the yellow line and Kheang converted the penalty.

During half time, Justin arrived to give relief to our ailing bodies. Having some fresh legs meant that we were once again playing better defence but attack was still very disorganised. We held Wade's Brigade for quite a while, but as usual, when the game drew near the end and we tired, they managed to score a couple of quick goals and take the match. We did manage a consolatory goal when we were given another penalty kick which Justin got on the rebound from the keeper and put the ball into the net.

Overall, this was another game where we might have had a chance if more people turned up. It was merely a case of running out of gas and hence getting sloppy in our passes.

12 - Kheang
7 - Lek
3 - Adrian, Masum
2 - Thanh
1 - Francis, Justin, Ngo, Shan, Sung

With uni exams coming up, I know some of you will be studying hard but please try to make it to the game as we are seriously low on numbers. It's only an hour to an hour and a half out of your time and is great stress relief.

Some housekeeping issues arising from last round's match: Thanh played his 50th match for the All Hacks; and David X. became the 50th victim to represent the All Hacks, and was duly compensated with a complimentary free match.

Squad: Adrian, Justin (GK), Kheang, Lek, Masum, Mov, Sophal, Thanh

In this round's match, the All Hacks welcomed back a fellow molly-dooker: Sophal, and Mov made his debut, leaving the "blithesome" Adrian as the foreigner in the ex-Westall-dominated squad. With the continual absence of Sung (now requiring a medical certificate upon his return), Justin filled the vacant goal-keeping position.

The All Hacks had an instantaneous one-goal advantage, as Red R's (with a green team uniform should really be called Green G's) were penalised for fielding a player wearing white. The colour clash with our pearly white uniform was a continual distraction for the All Hacks, as we kept getting confused whether he was a friend or foe.

After an encouraging start, Justin did his best to gift-wrap goals to Red R's, suffering claustrophobia and an emotional meltdown in the confined spaces of the goal-keeping zone, initially triggered by an own-goal resulting from an illegal back-pass. On the verge of half-time, a regulation save was fumbled near the goal-line, with the ball trickling behind Justin's legs and hitting the post, rebounded back into play and was paddled back onto the post, and with body sprawled on the court, the ball was finally slapped into safety. Despite all the shenanigans in defence, the All Hacks did manage some fluent passages of play, and maintained our one-goal lead at half-time through instinctive goals to Kheang and Sophal.

The second half was an affair to not remember, as it was characterised by poor communication in defence, and inept finishing in attack. Creating opportunities to score was most encouraging, however creating unique ways to miss was just as demoralising. Sometimes, over-finessing up in attack is our greatest downfall, with the extra possession often being unnecessary, i.e. just trust your convictions and take the bloody shot! Red R's played "KISS" ("keep it simple stupid") soccer, and their quick counter-attacks were executed to perfection. Watching all the action unfold in the last line of defence, was all too frustrating for yours truly, with the All Hacks' constitution now amended to read: "…to preserve sanity, Justin shalt not be bestowed the (dis)honour of goal-keeping duties for the entire duration of a match."

On a positive note, after trailing 5-2 with two minutes to go, Kheang piled on two goals in successive plays, and somehow, the All Hacks still had a last-minute chance to salvage an unlikely draw. After a brief, final flurry, the time for an equaliser had expired, and so had my brief tenure as resident goal-keeper for the All Hacks.

15 - Kheang
7 - Lek
3 - Adrian, Masum
2 - Thanh
1 - Francis, Justin, Ngo, Shan, Sophal, Sung

With exam-stress sidelining some players in the upcoming rounds, please make a genuine effort to play, and please don't tell me "you'll think about it"!

Apologies for the lateness of this report: a case of "post-exam blues" syndrome. In another Westall-dominated side, Peter returned for this round’s match to "fly the flag" for the ex-Unicornians. After warning him of all the first-game side-effects of indoor soccer, i.e. post-match nausea and vomiting, Khar still made his debut for the All Hacks.

Squad: Justin (GK), Khar, Kheang, Lek, Mov, Peter, Sophal, Thanh

The All Hacks were presented with a pre-match advantage, as Shaolin Soccer fielded only five players, thus we had an extra on-field player throughout the entire match. In the opening minutes of the match, the All Hacks capitalised on our perpetual "power play", with two goals to Kheang, the second goal scored via a penalty conversion. As often is the case in professional soccer, 2-nil up is the most dangerous score. Having a spell as goalkeeper, Kheang soon found out that goal-keeping is not as simple as goal-scoring, and in a flash, our rotating goalkeeping policy was in tatters, as Shaolin Soccer piled on three goals to take the lead. On the stroke of half-time, Shaolin Soccer earned a dubious penalty to edge ahead 4-2 at the interval.

"Cometh the moment, cometh the man", and so Justin volunteered to revisit his demons and play as goalkeeper for the second half. The All Hacks continued to pepper the opposition’s goal, however were unable to kick with any accuracy when directly in front of goal, (another case of déjà vu). Shaolin Soccer made the most of their limited chances, and with composure in front of goal, scored twice in the second half, and were gifted another goal when Justin made his trademark fumble-assist to the opposition.

17 - Kheang
7 - Lek
3 - Adrian, Masum
2 - Thanh
1 - Francis, Justin, Ngo, Shan, Sophal, Sung

Our mid-season slump continues. Unfortunately, we can’t blame our poor form on the coach, ‘cos we don’t have one. We have reached the halfway mark of the season, and despite our lacklustre performances, we are still on track to make the finals, albeit the consolation finals.

Our merry-go-round rotating goalkeeping policy continued this round, with Masum shouldering the burden and responsibility of being our goalkeeper. With both teams wearing clashing strips (maillot blanc), and without the finances to fund alternative uniforms, at least Masum was compensated by being spared from wearing perspiration-saturated netball bibs to distinguish both teams.

Squad: Justin, Kheang, Lek, Masum (GK), Mov, Sophal, Thanh

Renowned for their gritty defence and inaccurate finishing, Rain lived up to pre-match expectations, with the All Hacks anticipating their every move. The All Hacks scored the opening goal by breaking Rain’s defence with a series of passes in attack, which found Thanh free on top of the goalkeeping arc. The All Hacks’ defence was tested several times, but held firm on numerous occasions. It took a dubious (aren’t they all?) referee decision for the All Hacks’ solid composure in defence to being to unravel. An ultra-generous penalty was awarded to Rain after Masum was adjudged to have momentarily crossed beyond the goalkeeper semi-circle. Rain converted and took the lead soon after following a quick burst in attack and reflex snap in front of goal.

The All Hacks threw everything at Rain in search for the equaliser, and it arrived early in the second half, courtesy of an aerial challenge from Lek which resulted in the ball bouncing off the back shoulder of an opponent and travelling into the back of the net, along with the goalkeeper who desperately tried to save it. As usual, our hard work was brought undone soon after, with a lack of support in defence costing the All Hacks dearly with three second-half goals to Rain. In the end, the final margin flattered Rain, while the All Hacks were left again to rue our missed chances.

17 - Kheang
8 - Lek
3 - Adrian, Masum, Thanh
1 - Francis, Justin, Ngo, Shan, Sophal, Sung

Auditions are now underway to find the next superstar goalkeeper in the all new reality series, "Search for a Goalkeeper", where a number of potential candidates live together on a deserted island, renovate homes and gardens under a tight budget, sing with the backing of a cheesy band, undergo an extreme makeover, and sell old-fashioned lemonade on the street. No previous goalkeeping experience is necessary.

After promising so much but always failing to deliver, Abhrajit finally managed to contribute a worthy effort for the All Hacks, by delivering the coup of the season and coaxing Anisha, our prodigal son, to return for the All Hacks.

Squad: Adrian, Anisha, Justin, Khar, Kheang (GK), Lek, Masum, Mov, Sophal, Thanh

The following portrayal is based on true and accurate events, however writer’s liberty has been taken…

While making an emergency dash to bring Anisha to the game, Justin sacrificed the first half for the sake of the team. Inspired by his selflessness, the All Hacks battled on valiantly, and toiled throughout the first half without the services of their honourable captain, managing only to concede one goal nearing the closing stages of the first half. However, Masum’s two inexplicable indiscretions just before half-time resulted in two penalty kicks which were easily converted by F.C. Sambos Utd. A case of "shame on you if you fooled me once, shame on me if you fooled me twice".

Trailling 3-nil at half-time, the All Hacks "drew a line in the sand", and the stage was set for the return of Anisha to conjure a momentous fightback. In the second half, the silky skills from Anisha percolated through the entire All Hacks unit, and soon the All Hacks were playing superb one-touch football. In the first of a few memorable plays, a header from defence by Justin to Adrian, was then relayed via a header to Anisha, who then kicked the ball on the half-volley for a thumping goal. Moments later, a great one-two play involving a coast-to-coast run from Justin and a deft flick pass from Mov, allowed Justin to go from sweeper to striker, and sneak the ball past the opposition goalkeeper from the tightest of acute angles. The equaliser came minutes later from a superb strike from Khar, and in the space of five minutes, the scores were unbelievably level. With the momentum fully with the All Hacks, a goal against the run of play to F.C. Sambos Utd. deflated our confidence. Several genuine chances to level scores again went beggingly close, and a turnover in midfield, combined with our over-commitment in attack, allowed F.C. Sambos Utd. an easy shot at goal in the dying minutes.

17 - Kheang
8 - Lek
3 - Adrian, Masum, Thanh
2 - Justin
1 - Anisha, Francis, Khar, Ngo, Shan, Sophal, Sung

"Search for a Goalkeeper update": Adrian was evicted at half-time and Kheang was nominated to serve time during the second-half. For an appearance fee, Keong has also kindly offered his services.

The battle of the cellar dwellers to avoid the wooden spoon for 2004 loomed to be a danger match for the All Hacks. Trying to end a six-match losing streak, the All Hacks were bolstered with the surprise return of our stars: Ajay, Ara and Maal. Meanwhile, powered in his grandpa shirt, Abi re-emerged from self-imposed exile and stepped up to take the goalkeeping responsibilities for the match.

Squad: Abi (GK), Adrian, Ajay, Anisha, Ara, Francis, Justin, Kheang, Maal, Masum, Thanh

The All Hacks monopolised possession during the first half, passing and sharing the ball with contemptuous ease. Maal scored the opening goal from a trademark outstep stab in front of goal. Minutes later, Thanh received a long cross which he met on the volley and struck it sweetly past the goalkeeper into the top right corner for a stunning goal. Overawed by the All Hacks' ferocity and seemingly unlimited substitutes, Clayton Pride conceded three penalties in the first half, of which two were converted by Ajay and Ara. Unfortunately, in one of the more farcical penalty attempts ever seen, Masum's mistimed Beckham-esque penalty shot trickled along the ground and stopped before reaching the goalkeeper's gloves. The comical genius of Masum's penalty brought laughter throughout the side, however cheers soon turned to jeers as the following passage of play saw Clayton Pride score from a very relaxed defence. Abi's moment of truth as goalkeeper arrived in the final minute of the first half, with Justin testing his capabilities after conceding a clumsy penalty. In a defining moment of his brief, tumultous career, Abi kept the ball out with nonchalant ease.

The second half was full of squandered opportunities, with Anisha's thundering shots hitting the post on countless occasions. Clayton Pride narrowed the margin to two goals, and Abi's relaxed, yet refreshing approach to goalkeeping created a few more nerve-wracking moments but also saved the All Hacks on a few occasions. Ara's goal in the latter moments of the second half finally sealed a rare All Hacks victory.

17 - Kheang
8 - Lek
4 - Thanh
3 - Adrian, Masum
2 - Ara, Justin
1 - Ajay, Anisha, Francis, Khar, Maal, Ngo, Shan, Sophal, Sung

With the relief of having avoided the wooden spoon for yet another season following last round's morale-boosting victory, the All Hacks exuded renewed confidence nearing the business end of the season.

Squad: Adrian, Anisha, Justin, Khar (GK), Kheang, Masum, Sophal, Thanh

With the enigmatic Abi's goalkeeping performance last round being as expected, a one-game wonder, the goalkeeping duties were left with our least experienced squad member, Khar. After conceding a humiliating 10 goals in our previous encounter against C.F. Adonis, a solid defence was paramount in stopping their potentially potent attack. Both sides traded goals in a very evenly contested first half. Two goals from Anisha, a clever inside out goal from Sophal on his less-preferred right foot, and Kheang's fortuitous shin tap in front of goal after an unselfish cross from Thanh gave the All Hacks a narrow 4-3 lead at half-time.

The decisive move occurred at the start of the second half, with Khar exchanging roles with Kheang. Kheang's sharp, instinctive goalkeeping reflexes belie his Monty Burns-like, lanky frame. Not only did Kheang attempt some athletic dives to save a few certain goals, but also ventured out of his zone to convert two of the All Hacks' penalties. Such was the confidence (or absolute blind faith) that the All Hacks placed with Kheang, we almost didn't bother to replace him with a temporary keeper while he stepped up to the penalty spot, leaving our goal vacated and in risk of a counterattack. With well-timed substitutions, the All Hacks never lost any momentum in the second half. Anisha and Khar chimed in with goals in the second half, and a sweeping cross from Justin in the left corner gave Sophal a difficult chance to score in front of the goal, but which he skillfully converted with unbelievable ease.

20 - Kheang
8 - Lek
4 - Anisha, Sophal, Thanh
3 - Adrian, Masum
2 - Ara, Justin, Khar
1 - Ajay, Francis, Maal, Ngo, Shan, Sung

Rare on-field tip: In the rare moments that I am actually on the playing field, I have shouldered the responsibility of being the often-unheralded position of sweeper. Hence, for the majority of the match, please ensure that there is always one player behind our player with possession of the ball, as we were caught out in defence after a quick turnover left two unguarded opponents to score a goal.

With the All Hacks enjoying a late season flurry, a grumpy Sung was prematurely awoken from his winter hibernation to return to his post as goalkeeper.

Squad: Adrian, Anisha, Justin, Kheang, Maal, Masum, Ngo, Sophal, Sung (GK), Thanh

With both sides fielding an extended interchange bench, the match was played in a frenetic pace. The ball bounced around the field like it was in a pinball machine, as both teams held firm in defence. Midway through the first half, Anisha found some space in midfield to dribble his way through attack and score the only goal of the first half.

The energy-sapping match took its toll on several players (i.e. myself), however no respite was given as the game lifted in intensity in the second half. Wade's Brigade constantly threatened the goals, with Sung forced to make tremendous saves to protect our goal. Kheang received a great pass while running into attack, but his shot flew over the crossbar. A few minutes later, and in the same position again, Kheang made no mistake this time round, flicking the ball into the top right corner of the goal. Sophal entered into the fray late in the match in an attempt to snatch a third goal, and was unlucky in grazing the post from his deft shot on goal. Anisha and Maal also struck the post with their attempts to seal the match. With two minutes of play remaining, and against the run of play, Wade's Brigade managed to score and spoil Sung's previously clean sheet. Largely thanks to Maal's courageous backside block, the All Hacks absorbed the pressure from Wade's Brigade in the final minutes. Instead of maintaining possession to run down the clock, Anisha sensed an opportunity to attack and brilliantly scored a goal in the final seconds of the match to earn the All Hacks a vital bonus point.

21 - Kheang
8 - Lek
6 - Anisha
4 - Sophal, Thanh
3 - Adrian, Masum
2 - Ara, Justin, Khar
1 - Ajay, Francis, Maal, Ngo, Shan, Sung

As always happens with the All Hacks, when one problem is fixed, another one arises. Sung marked his territory and reclaimed his position as goalkeeper, however last-minute scratchings (thanks for the prior warning guys, not!) denied the All Hacks any substitutions for the entire match and also an opposition-intimidating cheer squad.

Squad: Adrian, Anisha, Justin, Maal, Sung (GK), Thanh

The All Hacks controlled the opening minutes of the match, creating several chances to score. However, Red R's were able to shakily hold their defence intact, and midway through the first half unleashed their prized recruit, "the guy known as Chelsea". He had an immediate impact on the match, sneaking past the All Hacks' defence to score the opening goal. The minor setback was pushed aside, as Anisha scored the equaliser minutes later, and a brilliant cross from Thanh to setup Maal for a well-constructed goal gave the All Hacks a 2-1 lead approaching half-time. In the final minutes of the first half, a tired tackle from Justin centimetres inside the penalty zone offered Red R's a penalty kick and a chance to equalise. Fortunately, the shot completely missed the target and Sung's services were not required.

After a sluggish start to the second half, Anisha ignited the All Hacks with a superb half-volley strike to put the All Hacks ahead 3-1. A Red R's player surprised everyone, even himself, when he blasted a shot from half court, and with all players obscuring Sung's view, managed to score a stunning goal. With Anisha tearing the midfield apart, and Adrian bursting through defence, the All Hacks went on a purple patch in the second half. Anisha went on to score 3 more goals, and Adrian balanced himself enough to score 2 goals. All players enjoyed their moment in the limelight, with all players contributing to great passes or having open shots on goal, however not all were able (or in my case, capable) to capitalise on their 15 seconds of fame.

21 - Kheang
11 - Anisha
8 - Lek
5 - Adrian
4 - Sophal, Thanh
3 - Masum
2 - Ara, Justin, Khar, Maal
1 - Ajay, Francis, Ngo, Shan, Sung

The All Hacks play the top team, Shaolin Soccer next round. Despite being scheduled on Monday night and at a graveyard timeslot, please make an effort to arrive on time and play. We cannot afford (financially and physically) to have a skeleton team next round!

Clinging to a mathematical chance of making the top four finals, the All Hacks had plenty of incentive to topple current league leaders, Shaolin Soccer. The equation for the All Hacks was simple: a victory would keep the All Hacks within touching distance of the elite four, however a defeat would plummet the All Hacks into a black hole that even Stephen Hawking couldn't theorise the possible consequences.

Squad: Adrian (GK), Anisha, Ara, Justin, Maal, Masum, Thanh

Sung's late omission from the squad condemned Adrian to the goalkeeping position. However, rather than squeal and whinge like other past-nominated goalkeepers, Adrian thrived at his opportunity, and made some tremendous diving saves during the match. Adrian's keeping and our miserly defence totally shut down the offence of Shaolin Soccer in the first half. The All Hacks created several fluent passages of play, culminating in Ara finding some space while being double-teamed in front of goal to score despite also receiving a push into the goalkeeping zone by a Shaolin Soccer defender. The All Hacks' possession-at-all-costs attitude frustrated Shaolin Soccer immensely, which eventually led to tensions boiling over in the Shaolin Soccer camp. Ara copped a raised elbow from a reckless defender, who received a yellow card for his cowardly actions and was sin-binned for the remainder of the first half.

Shaolin Soccer came out firing in the second half, with a mixture of soccer skills and verbal obscenities. The All Hacks were able to withstand most of the barrage, with Sung's understudy, Adrian displaying a terrific performance as goalkeeper. However, Adrian's past-mocking of Sung's inability to keep a clean sheet came back to haunt him, as the All Hacks fell behind courtesy of a free kick and penalty conversion from Shaolin Soccer. With the season on the line, Anisha seized upon a half-chance, and while positioned side-on to the goal, guided the ball past the outstretched hands of the opposition goalkeeper for the equaliser. The All Hacks threw everything at Shaolin Soccer in the final minutes, with Ara ending up sprawled on the turf from a blatant shove that was 3 parts push from a Shaolin Soccer defender and 1 part Ara's "momentum". In what was this season's most "disgraceful" (but worth the potential $20,000 fine for stating it) decision from a referee yet, the penalty appeal was dismissed, and the match ended with both sides sharing the points from the draw, although Shaolin Soccer won no points from their poor, disrespectful behaviour.

21 - Kheang
12 - Anisha
8 - Lek
5 - Adrian
4 - Sophal, Thanh
3 - Ara, Masum
2 - Justin, Khar, Maal
1 - Ajay, Francis, Ngo, Shan, Sung

The All Hacks received a bombshell during the week with news of a sudden mass player exodus. Kheang, Lek, Sophal, Mov, Khar, Ngo and the All Hacks have amicably parted company (with official club transfer documents citing "irreconcilable differences"), as they head for the greener pastures of the Springvale indoor soccer leagues. We wish them all the best, and let's hope they don't carry any emotional scars as a legacy of their days as an All Hacks team member.

Squad: Adrian, Anisha, Ara, Francis, Justin, Maal, Masum, Sung (GK), Thanh

Like a struggling television drama series killing off main characters midway through a season and bringing back past favourite characters to boost lagging ratings (*cough, Blue Heelers, cough*), the All Hacks welcomed the return of Francis and Sung for the crucial match against our arch-rivals, Rain.

While still completing his warm-up routine, Rain startled Sung with a gentle strike of the ball that travelled past his creaking outstretched arms, and dribbled into the right corner of our back net. One minute of play gone, and the All Hacks were already one goal down. With goals always precious to come by against the ultra-defensive Rain, the All Hacks toiled very hard for no reward. It took a brilliant piece of play from Anisha, who struck the ball whilst unbalanced in the air for the All Hacks to equalise approaching half-time.

The second half was heading for another dour struggle, until the inexperienced referee decided to take matters into his own hands by gifting Rain with two penalty shots from trivial incidents. Perhaps moral justice had a hand with the outcome, as Rain could only convert one penalty. Surging into attack, Justin tried to level the penalty ledger by accentuating a nudge he received from an annoying Rain defender. Unfortunately, the referee ignored the incident but not without receiving a half-hearted dummy-spit from Justin. Rain attempted to run the clock down, but in the final minute, gave away a free-kick just outside our attacking third. Following a fairytale script written in Bollywood, Anisha struck the ball sweetly into the right corner for the last-gasp equaliser.

21 - Kheang
14 - Anisha
8 - Lek
5 - Adrian
4 - Sophal, Thanh
3 - Ara, Masum
2 - Justin, Khar, Maal
1 - Ajay, Francis, Ngo, Shan, Sung

Needing a victory against our traditional nemesis, F.C. Sambos Utd. in the penultimate round to shore up the much-coveted sixth place (out of eight teams), the All Hacks faced a player-shortage crisis once again (although we still outnumbered a crowd at an Athens Olympics event), with injuries taking its toll on several players. With seven of our eight leading goal scorers unavailable, Thanh carried the weight of the All Hacks' expectations, and was given the tag "premier striker" for this match (i.e. last leading goal scorer left in the squad). Fortunately, the All Hacks were able to field a full team, with Peter "in case of emergency, break glass" being a late impromptu inclusion, Ajay making a comeback from a knee injury (thankfully lateral meniscus intact), and Binny making a welcomed debut.

Squad: Ajay, Binny, Francis, Justin (GK), Maal, Peter, Thanh

After repaying his financial debt, thereby cleansing his guilty conscience and casting away all moral obligations owed to the All Hacks, Sung took an RDO (religious day off), leaving Justin to fill the position of goalkeeper. The All Hacks had several opportunities to score the opening goal, but were left to rue a missed penalty conversion, especially after F.C. Sambos Utd.'s only threatening attack of the first half from "#5" resulted in a goal. However, the All Hacks responded minutes later, thanks to an aggressive run and precise strike by Maal for the equaliser. A penalty conversion after the buzzer by Maal gave the All Hacks a much-deserved 2-1 lead at half-time.

The All Hacks surged to a 3-1 lead soon after the resumption of play, with a brilliant cross from Ajay giving an unguarded Thanh so much time to salivate, contemplate and finally deliver a deadly strike. F.C. Sambos Utd. slowly clawed their way back into the match, with their playmaker, "#5" ominously returning to form by kicking two goals in the second half. Justin tried valiantly to keep out the now rampaging F.C. Sambos Utd. from taking the lead, with the side-post also helping out to deny a penalty conversion from "#5". Justin could not keep out a second penalty attempt, and trailing 4-3 with less than four minutes to go, it seemed another match against F.C. Sambos Utd. would end in a frustrating defeat. However, the All Hacks rallied once more, and a powerful strike by Maal on the run was fortuitously fumbled by the goalkeeper, with the ball delightfully rolling back into his own net for the stunning equaliser.

21 - Kheang
14 - Anisha
8 - Lek
5 - Adrian, Maal, Thanh
4 - Sophal
3 - Ara, Masum
2 - Justin, Khar
1 - Ajay, Francis, Ngo, Shan, Sung

A win next round against the wooden-spoon favourites, Clayton Pride, would virtually assure the All Hacks of second place (technically sixth place overall), and an easier path in the finals (technically consolation finals). Our destiny is now in our own hands.

With three teams jostling for pole position in the race towards the Division 6 finals, only one point separated Red R's, All Hacks and Rain coming into the last home-and-away match of the season. Historically, the All Hacks have never won a last round match, and with so much at stake, we were keen not to let history repeat itself.

Squad: Adrian, Ajay, Ara, Eric (II), Francis, Justin, Maal, Masum, Sung (GK), Thanh

21 - Kheang
14 - Anisha
8 - Lek
5 - Adrian, Maal, Thanh
4 - Ara, Sophal
3 - Masum
2 - Justin, Khar
1 - Ajay, Francis, Ngo, Shan, Sung

The finals are finally upon us. Fortunately, Rain also stumbled in their last match and gifted us with the precious double chance in the finals series. Don't forget the basic elements, such as teamwork and accountability in defence, that have served us well for the first 19 weeks of the season. We need to go B2B (back-to-basics), and take a crash course in Extreme Fundamentalism for Soccer 101. With one week to recover from this humbling defeat, let's all do some soul-searching to find our lost form, quickly!

With a Grand Final spot up for grabs, several All Hacks players risked aggravating their off-field sustained groin injuries and defied medical opinion to be a part of the All Hacks' finals campaign. The spin doctors of the club were also out to rationalise our shock defeat to wooden-spoon-favourites Clayton Pride last round, citing the loss was just the tonic to shake off any remnants of complacency heading into the finals and to lull our semi-final opponents into a false sense of security.

Squad: Adrian, Ajay, Anisha, Ara, Justin, Maal, Sung (GK), Thanh

Red R's displayed their skills that earned them the Division 6 minor premiership during the early stages of the semi-final, firing several shots that stretched temporary goalkeeper Adrian to his limits, but fortunately for the All Hacks only ended up rattling the woodwork. However, as the match progressed, the All Hacks gradually grew in confidence. Sung arrived fashionably late to relieve Adrian of the goalkeeping duties, and Adrian's injection into the midfield was instrumental in drawing a penalty for the All Hacks. Thanh stepped up to the penalty spot and converted to give the All Hacks a slender 1-nil lead at half-time.

A scintillating start to the second half saw the All Hacks score three quick goals in three minutes to virtually end the contest. After a tight first half, a tiring Red R's outfit wilted under the relentless tirade of wave-after-wave All Hacks attacks. Highlights in the second half included blistering crosses from Ajay and Ara to find Anisha in front of goal, dashing runs from Maal that culminated in a brilliant goal from the acutest of angles, and Thanh and Ara also joined in the procession with second half goals from passes that pierced the brittle defence of Red R's. With all the celebrations happening on one side of the field, let's not neglect Sung's clean sheet at the other end. Sung's tremendous effort silenced his critics who questioned his position in the side, particularly after last week's uncharacteristically indifferent performance.

21 - Kheang
19 - Anisha
8 - Lek
7 - Thanh
6 - Maal
5 - Adrian, Ara
4 - Sophal
3 - Masum
2 - Justin, Khar
1 - Ajay, Francis, Ngo, Shan, Sung

The All Hacks are now through to their second consecutive Grand Final! The controversial finals schedule has given the All Hacks a slight advantage, with our Grand Final opponent being forced to also play the preceding Preliminary Final on the same night! But don't uncork the cheap champagne yet! Let's take it one match at a time!

The other "one day in September" is finally upon us! In the curtain raiser before the main event, Red R's and Rain slugged it out in the Preliminary Final for the right to challenge the All Hacks for the Division 6 title. With scores still level at 3-all after extra time, Red R's advanced through to the Grand Final by virtue of finishing as the minor premiers. A devastated Rain were again left to rue another season of despair. In the wise words of Jerry Seinfeld: "That's a shame…"

Squad: Adrian, Ajay, Anisha, Ara, Francis, Justin, Maal, Sung (GK), Thanh

Despite having only 40 minutes to recover from their Preliminary Final triumph, Red R's showed no signs of fatigue in the early stages of the final, and jumped to an early 1-nil lead. The All Hacks suffered another setback moments later when Adrian broke down while scrambling for the ball in defence. Rolling in agony, the only humane thing to do was to put him down, but instead we chose to let him live and endure the pain from not only his injury but also from watching the All Hacks' shocking form early in the first half. The All Hacks' defence was in disarray, and after letting in a second goal inside the opening six minutes of the half, the "ghost of grand finals past" was definitely in the stadium to haunt the All Hacks.

Francis could no longer watch helplessly on the interchange bench, and stormed onto the field with unbridled passion. Steam-rolling through the opposition and engaging in crunching tackles, Francis reinvigorated the side with a mixture of controlled aggression and mental disintegration to wrench the momentum back in the All Hacks' favour. The All Hacks began to attack with more purpose and conviction, and Ara opened the score-sheet for the All Hacks after a brilliant pass from Ajay who was being double-teamed in the left corner found Ara free to charge through the centre corridor. Red R's initial resistance eventually faded towards the latter stages of the first half, with the All Hacks dominant in possession and capitalised with trademark strikes from Anisha finding the target, to take a 3-2 lead at half-time.

A bungled throw-in from Red R's goalkeeper early in the second half allowed Anisha to pounce on a misdirected pass to send the ball back with interest for a valuable goal. Trying to protect a 4-2 lead, the All Hacks went back into their shell, and for the majority of the second half successfully repelled Red R's forward thrusts. However, with less than four minutes to go, Red R's scored to bring the margin back to just one goal. Sensing the All Hacks were now just playing for survival, Red R's mounted one last hurrah: after letting go more obvious handball incidents throughout the match, the sense of the occasion got the better of the referee, and awarded Red R's a penalty in the final minute of the match. Sung's moment of truth had come: a save would win the championship for the All Hacks, while a conceded goal would condemn the All Hacks into extra-time. Diving to his right, Sung incredibly blocked the penalty attempt and slapped the ball into safety, and the rest as they say in the classics, is history!

22 - Anisha
21 - Kheang
8 - Lek
7 - Thanh
6 - Ara, Maal
5 - Adrian
4 - Sophal
3 - Masum
2 - Justin, Khar
1 - Ajay, Francis, Ngo, Shan, Sung

After 5 enduring seasons, 86 gruelling matches, and torturing 54 players, the All Hacks finally have a premiership to proudly display in the trophy cabinet. Expecting a traditional shoddy trophy of a player dribbling an asymmetrical soccer ball, instead we received a gold-enscripted pint-sized beer mug for our premiership triumph! At least you can drink a full pint of diluted regular strength beer out of it without any hassle!

To celebrate our premiership glory, the traditional All Hacks end-of-season awards ceremony will take place on Sunday 12 September, where amongst other cheap awards, the Club Champion for 2004 will also be announced. Also, it will be your last chance to pay all debts owed to me before I proceed with legal action! All and sundry are welcome.

Thanks to everyone who has contributed to the All Hacks' journey. A little project that a few of us set out to do over 2 years ago has finally achieved its greatest moment (little did we know that we would encounter so many hardships along the way!). Blabbering on with all this emotional drivel, does this mean the end of the All Hacks? Or will success breed more success and drive us to our title defence next year? Stay tuned…

Congratulations, Kheang, the All Hacks' Club Champion for 2004. Despite abandoning the team towards the latter end of our triumphant season, Kheang's incredible penchant for converting penalties ensured he wrapped up our prestigious award before Anisha began his barnstorming finish to lift the All Hacks to their inaugural premiership!

Other season awards:

Adrian, the recipient of the "All Hacks Patron Saint" Award, for services in: sacrificial substitute goalkeeper and ultimate team player.

Francis, the recipient of the "Bring Back The Biff" Award, for services in: opposition intimidation and mental disintegration.

Sung, the recipient of the "Dory, the regal blue tang fish in Finding Nemo" Award, for services in: forgetting several match fees and kick-off times.

Thanh, the recipient of the "Penguin" Award, for services in: best choreographed dives in front of the referee.