"These newsletters are starting to become nag sessions, where I bear all my grievances…" - Justin

For upcoming fixtures, past newsletters, our illustrious history and more…

Season 1 Record

Matches Played: 15
Matches Won: 1
Matches Lost: 14
Goals For: 37
Goals Against: 99
Goal Difference: -62
Bonus Points: 8
Total Points: 12

Points System:
Win = 4 points
Draw = 2 points
Bonus Point = 3 goals

Season-by-Season

Final position at the end of each season:

1 (2002): Div 6 - Last

The "Dunce Cap"

Like the "baggy green" of the Australian cricket team, the All Hacks also have their own traditional head accessory, the "dunce cap".

Each cap is numbered to represent the order in which each individual has played for the All Hacks.

Where does your favourite player stand in the proud history of the All Hacks?

01 - Alain (13 games)
02 - Francis (13)
03 - Huy (1)
04 - Ian (11)
05 - Justin (moi!) (12)
06 - Keong (5)
07 - Peter (13)
08 - Shaun (15)
09 - Sung (14)
10 - Adrian (10)
11 - Chi (9)
12 - Danny (11)
13 - Gerald (5)
14 - Justin (Scrub) (3)
15 - Simon (3)
16 - Nick (3)
17 - Shan (4)
18 - Alex (2)
19 - Alan (4)
20 - Rob (2)
21 - Jonathan (1)
22 - Masum (1)

The Beautiful Game

Bhutan's state media said the match, played in the Bhutanese capital of Thimpu high in the Himalayas just hours before the World Cup final was to kick off in Yokohama, was a one-way affair.

Bhutan captain Wangyel Dorji spearheaded the first goal in the first three minutes, by weaving his way through a bewildered Montserrat defence.

Dorji scored another goal from a free kick in the first 20 minutes of the second half.

Bhutan's veteran striker Dinesh Chetteri, with red and white bandana flying, scored another goal 10 minutes later to the roars of the home crowd, the report said.

The finishing touch was provided by the captain again in the last eight minutes when he slotted in his third goal and ended any chance of Montserrat making a comeback.

The match was organised by a Dutch film-making company, with England's Football Association supplying a referee for the encounter - recognised by FIFA as an official international.

Of the 203 nations ranked by football's world governing body FIFA, Bhutan is ranked 202 while the Caribbean nation of Montserrat takes the last place.

The winners were to receive a trophy from the Dutch sponsors before both teams were to sit together to watch the live telecast of the real World Cup final between Brazil and Germany in Yokohama.

A spokesman for the Dutch sponsors Kessels Kramer said last week the two matches played thousands of miles apart were a celebration of football.

"It's not about winning or losing, but about two countries who share a love for the beautiful game," he said.

Bhutan, the youngest member nation of FIFA, has only played a handful of international matches, including a 20-0 rout at the hands of Kuwait in 1999.

Montserrat has had little opportunity to produce quality playeres after a volcanic eruption in 1996 reduced a large part of the island barren and covered the only football pitch with ash. - AFP (30/06/02)

Comments please!

"As a former professional web designer, I commend the quality of your website in all technical and aesthetic considerations. Inspirational. Congratulations." - Shaun

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All Hacks FC

Season Autumn/Winter 2002

Welcome to the inaugural (and let's not hope last!) official newsletter of the All Hacks FC. Last week, in the official pre-season match sanctioned by the folk at InSportz Oakleigh, the All Hacks went down to "Some Wog Team" 9-1. In an inspired performance, Sung scored a nerveless penalty to send the crowd into raptures. I believe there was an agreement that the goal-scorer had to shout drinks after the game...

The wog team were in the 3rd bottom division. The All Hacks have been "promoted" to the 2nd bottom division. We were unable to secure a place in the very bottom division, since the league tries to shove all the crap games mid Sunday afternoons, times that are inconvenient for most of the All Hacks squad.

Through some convincing, Alain has convened an annual general meeting (AGM) late afternoon on Sunday. Some training and club issues need to be addressed. It is vital that we receive as much practise to boost "team morale". Issues ranging from team funds and team strategy will be discussed.

Firstly, a warm welcome to the newest additions to the squad, Chi and Adrian. Their services are greatly appreciated. Not only will their soccer backgrounds bolster the attack and add some extra professionalism to the team, the cost of matches will drop too!

After an exhausting and grueling training session under the twilight on a balmy Sunday, the All Hacks have fine tuned their now slick and polished set plays (to the untrained eye, maybe). Several issues were raised and discussed in the AGM after the training session.

A video analysis of last week's practise match against the wog team revealed some embarrassing moments, thus we have developed some tactics, which we will implement when we step onto Old Trafford next week. The wog team was prepared to shoot for goal as far as the beginning of the attacking third. We will need to take more shots for goal. Also, when we get stuck in the corner during our attacking forays down the wing, one player must be behind the player with the ball so he can pass it back to support the player stuck in the corner.

This week's injury list as follows:

Justin - grazed knees and calf, status: available next week
Francis - common cold, status: fitness test required
Alain - osteitis pubis, status: flares up after Latin dancing
David - hirsutism, status: 5 o'clock shadow
Huy - alcoholism, status: indefinite

Firstly, welcome to our additional members: Danny and Gerald, plus our non-MHS import: Justin "Scrub". Their fresh approach gave our team some new spark to a team that was getting stale.

It is with some regret that I am announcing that Keong and Huy have temporarily resigned from the All Hacks team. However, unlike Wayne Carey, they have not left the team in disgrace. However, like Wayne Carey, questions will be raised if they will ever make a comeback and be welcomed back into the squad. All Hacks team members are proud, passionate and paid-up!

Squad: Adrian, Alain, Chi, Danny, Francis, Gerald, Huy, Ian, Justin, Justin (Scrub), Keong, Peter, Shaun (GK), Sung

The All Hacks' first official match was against Claghoffers. After a promising start, the All Hacks squandered some penalty shots but finally converted a penalty through Francis. Celebrations soon turned into horror, when the referee (cruelly) penalised Ian for an over-exuberant jig. Scores were locked at 1-all. After some team-lifting saves on goal, Shaun's defence was finally beaten and the All Hacks trailled 4-1 leading into half time.

The start of the second half saw a re-invigorated team bridge the margin to 3-4, and at one stage were looking to run all over Claghoffers. But to their credit, Claghoffers re-grouped and a visibly tiring, but gallant All Hacks lost 4-11.

To the skeptics (and you know who they are) who thought we don't belong in this league, well THINK AGAIN! Upon scoring 3 goals, we earned ourselves a bonus point for 40 minutes of hard yakka. We are here to stay! We are not on the bottom of the ladder, as some teams that lost in our division this round did not score 3 goals.

Here's the Plays of the Round:

3 votes: As predicted, Ian's extravagant celebrations that was worth a goal .......... to the other team.
2 votes: Gerald's spectacular running goal in the second half. (The All Hacks first non-penalty goal.)
1 vote: Shaun's great saves during the first half. He risked life and limb with some great dives.

1 - Chi, Francis, Gerald, Sung

Welcome back, Huy who has graciously offered his video camera skills and moral support when the All Hacks play this Monday night. Until he gets fit, he shall remain an integral part of the All Hacks, albeit on the sidelines.

Firstly, welcome to player #15, Simon.

Squad: Adrian, Alain, Chi, Danny, Francis, Ian, Justin, Justin (Scrub) (GK), Peter, Shaun, Simon, Sung

After a promising start with several forays into attack, the All Hacks were soon under fire, conceding goals at will. In a game marred by poor skills, the All Hacks wasted the ball and the opposition took full toll. Brownwings made a mockery of our defence and ran out victors 9-1. Adrian spared us from total humiliation with an inspiring goal that reminded me of why I play for the All Hacks.... for the ice-cream at Maccas after the game...

1 - Adrian, Chi, Francis, Gerald, Sung

It is with a tinge of sadness that this is the last newsletter from yours truly for a while, as I will be packing my belongings and heading off to the bush for 3 weeks. I will be keenly awaiting the results of our matches from the hub of excitement that is Bendigo.

Welcome to players #16 and #17, Shan and Nick. Their contributions on the field were valuable and they also helped to offload some of Sung's team guernseys. That's right fellas, the All Hacks have gone professional with stylish, slick and surprisingly comfy for $10, guernseys, proudly emblazoning the Manchester United emblem and Vodafone logo. The fact that nearly all of us have phones connected to Optus is another issue.

Squad: Adrian, Alain, Chi, Danny, Francis, Ian, Justin, Nick, Peter, Shan, Shaun (GK), Simon, Sung

In the much-anticipated battle of the Asians, the All Hacks' pride came into full display. Although still lacking in the skill department, we were #1 in G&D (guts and determination). A penalty goal by Chi and a powerful strike by Shan were the highlights of a terrific 2nd half in which we dominated the then tiring Tsubasa team. In a match marred by Academy Award performances in diving, chicken wing antics and cries of "What the fuck you wanting?", Tsubasa made the most of their opportunities and were heading for a 5-2 victory.

With the match seemingly over, #17 (a.k.a. the wanker, the pooftah, etc.) crudely and recklessly fouled Adrian, when he was powering away with his "double-bursts" of speed. #17 was rightfully given a red card and given his marching orders. With the All Hacks pride under stake, Shan defended the honour of the All Hacks with a show of defiance. #17 then cracked it, and without provocation, and with pure premeditation, swung a punch that connected Shan right in the face! Words were exchanged from both teams, well… the All Hacks had audible and well constructed sentences. With the camera still rolling, the drama of the incident was full captured with Huy's brilliant camera-work.

While the team was pampering Shan and berating the opposition, Adrian's misfortunes were somewhat, and undeservedly forgotten. With the All Hacks' fighting spirit, Adrian didn't complain or roll around in agony (take note of this Alain), took the knock and got on with things. Adrian, our accidental hero... Please accept the All Hacks' apologies if you were somewhat neglected after the incident. So many things beyond our control happened in the space of a few minutes.

Out of all that, #17 was suspended by Insportz Oakleigh for 4 matches. Despite our winless streak, the All Hacks have been praised by Insportz Oakleigh for having the best celebrations after scoring a rare goal, and for our "extended" interchange bench. Keep it up!!!

With only six days break before next match, our ability to recover will surely be tested this week. Francis will take over the reigns for the next few weeks, perhaps longer...

2 - Chi
1 - Adrian, Francis, Gerald, Shan, Sung

So as Justin is hiding away in the country after his affair with my non-existent wife, I have "subbed" in as captain in his absence. So with a new captain, comes a new newsletter writer - so don't expect the same humour and happy nature.

When looking back at last week's game, it's hard not to be somewhat down after that performance, but it is a good team that will pick themselves of the canvas, and look forward to the next with the aim of rectifying our mistakes.

Squad: Alain, Chi, Danny, Francis, Ian, Justin (Scrub) (GK), Peter, Shaun, Simon, Sung

After our close tussle with Tsubasa, the apparent improvement in team unity and our increased expectations, the All Hacks took on the second-bottom team, Talking Hands. Playing an attacking brand of soccer in the first half, we failed to capitalise on our opportunity, and we were killed on the rebound.

The one highlight for the night was a precision cross from Alain to Ian, who was perfectly positioned at the top of the D, and slotted the goal to give some respectability to the score-line: 1-13.

So where did we fuck up? Talking Hands certainly not deserve the 13-1 score-line.

Our usually solid defence was deplorable. Whenever we stole the ball out of their attack, the defenders would stream up, but if we lost possession of the ball, our back half was completely bare. They had loose players everywhere.

Frankly, this isn't good enough. Defensively, one on one, we had great contributions from Danny and Ian, but when they're trying to mind 3-4 players, it's asking too much. When they are attacking, this week, one man should stay in the attacking half, while the other 4 are playing defensively. Once we get possession, the fast break starts, one defender has to stay back, protecting the centre.

Know where the opposition players are, and anticipate the pass. Protect the centre and do NOT get drawn to the ball.

There were a couple of one-twos between Chi and Alain, which opened the usually congested attacking area. Keep your ears open for people calling, giving you support. When stuck along-side the net, wait for the call to pass the ball back. It's much easier setting an attack up from behind, where you can see where most players are, than when you are being pressured by the opponent, and trying to maintain possession of the ball.

As an attacker, you should be creating space for yourself. Give your fellow attacks an option! Run around, giving them leads. NEVER wait for the ball to come for you, because more often than not, a defender will pop out of nowhere and still it from you.

As an attacker, you have the license to be a hero, to take those shots - don't try and set it up, because the more we handle the ball, the more chance we have off stuffing it up.

As a team, we should be helping our fellow players out. Demand the ball of them. If you lose the ball, don't just drop your head, get the ball BACK! Second efforts. Where we lack in skills, we will make up in spirit and determination.

2 - Chi
1 - Adrian, Francis, Gerald, Ian, Shan, Sung

In a week where the odds were stacked up against us with a number of withdrawals, the All Hacks spirit came through to register the respectable loss to Rain, the "other" Hongkie team. We welcomed back our affiliates at the "Please Be Gentle" FC, Shan, Nick and Gerald.

Squad: Alain, Danny, Francis, Gerald, Ian, Keong, Nick, Shan, Shaun (GK)

With renewed spirit, the All Hacks regained the respect and dignity that they might have otherwise lost the previous week. With a number of withdrawals (Chi, Adrian, Peter, Sung, Simon), the All Hacks now-infamous substitution bench started looking... well... normal. As earlier stated, the "gentle" threesome of Shan, Nick and Gerald made another appearance in the All Hacks' colour, and slotted into team seamlessly.

After the initial tussle for dominance, Rain was able to sneak a goal through the wall that was Shaun, to take an early lead. With a rush of blood to the head, Francis gave away a penalty reminiscent to Ian's earlier round celebrations - running through the D. With a valiant attempt, Shaun "the small wall" was unable to prevent a further addition to the score. Shaun "the small wall" was not alone in an outstanding defensive role, with Ian "unpassable-most-of-the-times" preventing many forward thrusts, and with Danny "the chief" having another solid game in defence.

Throughout the second half, the All Hacks attack was piling on the pressure on the Rain defence, but to no avail until Alain "deadly from half court" took on the goal keeper and 5 defenders with a shot from... would you have guessed? - half court to register the first score for the All Hacks.

Inevitably - time ran out as the All Hacks were mounting their infamous comebacks... with the disappointing, but respectable 1-4 scoreline.

DISCUSSION

As an attacker, don't be afraid to take a shot - just look what happened with Alain. Don't try to dribble the ball and work it up all the way up to the D - if you're clear, taking the blooming shot and be a hero!!

Often in attack, we have been trapped along the sides of the net. As a team, we should be providing this player with options. Do not be afraid to pass it back! We should play a perimeter attack, working the ball around the perimeter of the attacking half while we are possession. Hopefully this will split the defence up, whereupon, what for it... TAKE A FUCKING SHOT!

2 - Chi
1 - Adrian, Alain, Francis, Gerald, Ian, Shan, Sung

Hey.... due to the lack of interest by both of our so called "captains", I am going to write this week's newsletter. So bear with me since I don't have any funny bone in my body, so it won't be as witty and funny as previous ones....

This week's game, the All Hacks were highly motivated and were expecting to break our 5 game losing drought. Inspired by last week's great effort, which the All Hacks only went down by couple of goals, high expectations were in the air at the All Hacks camp.

Squad: Alain, Chi, Danny, Francis, Gerald, Ian, Justin, Peter, Shaun (GK), Sung

With a full lineup being available with the exception of Adrian... (Where were you anyway?) the All Hacks put their best lineup to challenge Rain.

Even though All Hacks conceded two soft goals, we were competitive in all areas. Sung, who was playing this game half drunk, tried to inspire others by falling and stumbling around, and as a result, Justin, Pete and Gerald all had good chances of scoring in the first half. Unfortunately, Rain's goalkeeper was in excellent form.

After the half time break, the All Hacks were ready to make a comeback. However, we conceded another goal very early in the second half to make contest virtually over with a 0-4 score-line. However, with our pride on the line, the precise passing combination of Ian, Sung, Chi and Gerald made Rain's defenders nervous, and eventually Sung was able to score.

Even though the score line was 1-5, the All Hacks can be proud of what they have achieved. Even from this loss, all our players had a great game, and our soccer skills are much improved from the first time we played. Keep up the good work.

Lastly, I would like to thank our 3-some "cheerleaders?" for attending our game. Ryan, Chris and Joseph… your support in the future would be greatly appreciated. To others, please ask all your friends and associates to our games, the more support we get I think the better we can play…

2 - Chi, Sung
1 - Adrian, Alain, Francis, Gerald, Ian, Shan

Welcome to another new member of the All Hacks' ever-expanding interchange bench, Alex.

Squad: Adrian, Alain, Alex, Danny, Francis, Gerald, Ian, Justin, Peter, Shaun (GK), Simon, Sung

Alex added extra firepower to our lineup and his stamina was remarkable, lasting for the entire first half without even raising a sweat. Soon after the kick-off, the All Hacks were on the back foot, conceding a goal or two to be trailling before I even blinked an eyelid. In this much anticipated rematch for all the wrong reasons, the All Hacks were extremely pumped up and dominated the play, but just not on the scoreboard. The All Hacks did not make most of the opportunity of having an extra man when the sixth member of Tsubasa arrived late and also when a player got sin-binned for allegedly attempting to trip Simon over.

At half time, the All Hacks trailled 3-nil. However, we could see light at the end of the tunnel. As with previous matches, the All Hacks performed better in the 2nd half, because like true Asians, we wear our opposition down in the end by the sheer number of people we have. We matched them in the scoreboard to be 1-all in the second half.

Adrian continued to display his trademark "double-burst" plays, Ian was again a star in defence, while Alex scored a magnificent goal.

It was heartening to see the All Hacks be more aggressive this match, and we started to pass the ball back to the centre when we got stuck in the forward pockets. Keep it up! Please Sung, you don't need to belt the crap out of the ball to score a penalty shot, but we forgive you.

Here's a thought shared amongst a few people: Since we always finish the game off well, perhaps we should be more defensively minded in the first half, to see off the inevitable wave of onslaught by the opposition and to keep our morale high, before we mount our assault in the second half, when the opposition are slightly fatigued.

Our division has had some slight changes, and to our benefit. We are still a finals contender following the promotion of a few teams to another division. This has left our division with 6 teams vying for 4 finals spots. We are currently 5th, only 2 points behind 4th place. We have been credited with a victory by default. That's the sweetest type of victory I know...

2 - Chi, Sung
1 - Adrian, Alain, Alex, Francis, Gerald, Ian, Shan

How's it all going? Well, having just finished one monster of an assignment, I decided to take the afternoon off. Looking at our last game (and indeed, many of our previous games), a lot of things struck me as needing a lot of work. Subtlety has never been one of my stronger points, because I pretty much say what I think. In that way, my advance apologies to those I may offend! So, here's my take on the game and the future of our team:

I don't know about you, but the All Hacks FC strikes me as having a lot of damn heroes in it. It's good if you have individual talent and skills, but please, don't forget that there are 4 other players on the field that you can pass it to. Besides, have you ever heard the expression, "two is better than one?" Think about it, short simple passes is not only much easier on you physically (compared to running off and doing a hero run), but it also puts much more PRESSURE on the other team.

Passing the ball isn't rocket science, neither is coming up and making position for someone to pass it to you. It all involves a little confidence and trust in your fellow teammate - without trust, all is lost! So yeah, when you're feeling locked down by a few players, or the player in front of you is scaring the SHIT out of you, just pass the ball. By dispersing and spreading the play we have much more opportunity to free up the field and go for an open goal.

Just think: 6 people working "together" towards a common goal (i.e. winning) have a greater probability of reaching such a goal than 6 individuals trying to do their "own" thing - sound reasonable? Anything that is coordinated together, be it team sport, group work, and even relationships ALWAYS work better when done together, with each component team person playing their part. Heroes certainly look good, but at the end of the day, it's the team that gets past the line first.

ALWAYS support your fellow players! NEVER, I mean NEVER criticise a player for fucking up because chances are, YOU will too. Everything we do in life is made better when someone is there to support and encourage us to our best. So, the next time someone fucks up, just say to them, "bad luck mate, next ball - you take him, good luck." And if someone does something good, how about a "good work mate!" It's the little things in life that spur us on to greatness.

The best piece of advice anyone has ever told me: "FUCK mistakes. THINK recovery." See, if we're busy cursing ourselves over stupid mistakes, opportunities pass us by. So screw the mistake - KEEP AT IT! It's what we learn from our mistakes that we applaud, and not the fact that we have NEVER made a mistake in the first place. In other words, DON'T GIVE UP - persistence pays, as does learning from one's mistakes (so be mindful about what you are doing wrong, and try to fix it next time).

Communication is also very important. YOU MUST BE ABLE TO HEAR CALLS FROM PEOPLE. Coordination not only requires trust and teamwork, it also involves communication. I know it is hard to hear people out there, but try hard to listen to your teammates, and be clear with your calls. If audible calls can't be made, try developing non-verbal communication with people like hand gestures, or whatever. If you hear Shaun or Justin (Scrub) calling you from behind to get in a certain defensive position, listen to them - they can see EVERYTHING from behind, so listen to them well. (When you think about it, all communication starts from the back-line going up, so the goalie talks to his defenders, and the defenders talk to their forwards, and so on.)

Give your players space - don't crowd. Make space, run off the ball (i.e. pass to one player, and then quickly run ahead to accept the ball if he decides to pass back to you), make clean shots at goal. I stress again: no heroes, please. How many times have we seen people run the wings and get trapped in the corner, or run through the centre and have the ball stolen from right under their nose them WHEN THEY COULD HAVE JUST PASSED IT TO THE PERSON BEHIND OR ON THE RIGHT OR LEFT??? Any openings in the defence should be exploited - take a shot, because chances are it'll go in! And please, no fancy shit unless you're 100% certain you'll score a goal.

Man up. Never give the opposition an inch. This doesn't mean stand 30 cm away from them. This basically means stand ON HIM. Don't let the fucker move - you want to put as much pressure on him, and the player that wants to pass it to him as possible. This is achieved by giving him ZERO space to run off the ball. Also, we always want to be mindful of the CENTRE - in the last few games, this is normally left unguarded, so someone please drop back and hold the centre because this is where goals are most likely to come from. Ian and Danny - you boys have been WHIPPING ASS on the back-line - keep it up boys.

A penalty to me should be an automatic goal. These really shouldn't be missed. Sharp and in one corner (you pick, and don't flinch) will do the job fine - just concentrate, and you'll be right... even you Sung. :)

NEVER clear a ball through the centre. Not only does this give the opposition a better chance at scoring a goal, it clogs up the play again, leaving the wings open for further penetration. So, even if you have NO ONE to pass to, always go for the wings (left or right you choose - although, I've noticed some teams are less strict on defence on certain sides - we should be utilising these sides). And another thing, I'm not sure if this is too much to ask, but can the goalies try to roll the ball out rather than throwing it in the air? Rolled balls give us much more control and time to do something with it. Air balls tend to get intercepted because they spend more time in the air! (Obviously! haha) Still, some great individual saves from Shaun and Scrubsy. Keep at it! One last thing - you boys especially, when a goal goes through, keep your chins up!! No use crying over spilt milk.

Remember what I said earlier: FUCK MISTAKES, THINK RECOVERY. If you miss a goal, then come back with an even better save!!! You guys have the worst job in the team, so you're expected to make mistakes. Besides, it's the team's fault if the ball even gets that far - don't forget that. No one screws up individually - it's the team that fucks up, not just you.

Well, congrats if you've gotten this far. All I really want to say now is to just think about how a good team works. You don't need to look at books or have played a lot of team sport to answer this one. If I were to make this question more personal and even easier to answer, try answering these questions:

Communication -- obviously, not talking will get you no where!

Teamwork -- if you both want to sustain your relationship, work together towards your common goal. Assuming it is to stay together (or to win a soccer game), then work at doing that TOGETHER. If your common goal happens to differ, then I think you should be questioning why you play soccer with the All Hacks FC.

Support/Encouragement -- self-explanatory

Learning -- screw mistakes, think recovery

I'm sure you can add more to this list.

If you've paid attention to what I've written, then I'm pretty sure you can see a pattern: there are parallels in all manner of life, from sport, to relationships, to group work at uni. If you can apply what you have learnt in these areas to a simple game of soccer, then I am CERTAIN that we will not only win our first game soon, but will be having an enormous amount of fun! Again, it's up to you.

After Alain's mid-week passionate plea, the All Hacks responded somewhat with a much-improved performance last week.

Squad: Adrian, Alain, Danny, Francis, Ian, Justin, Peter, Shaun (GK), Sung

Against the might of Talking Hands, the All Hacks matched their intensity early on and much to the surprise of everyone at the stadium, took the lead with a terrific finish from Sung after many promising forays into attack. However, that sparked an avalanche of goals from Talking Hands, who piled on the next five goals to end the half 5-1 up. Our forwards were getting in the thick of the action, with many bursts requiring the Talking Hands' keeper to be involved in the action. However, it seemed very apparent that we were getting in the way of each other. Perhaps, the forwards should spread out next time to the other wing when the ball carrier is moving the ball forward. Only a suggestion...

In the second half, the All Hacks tried to consolidate their deficit and were more careful not to expose the defence too much. Consequently, Talking Hands ran out 7-2 victors in a match played with respect from both teams, however, some cry babies representing Talking Hands should take a hard look at themselves.

Unfortunately, this expected loss now makes it virtually impossible for the All Hacks to make it to the finals. Perhaps this was evident after Round 1... Next week's match is our pseudo-GRAND FINAL. It's the battle to avoid the wooden spoon, and perhaps relegation to Division 7. Team Seb is apparently at a similar standard (i.e. sub-standard) as the All Hacks. Asian pride is at stake!!! I urge all players to turn-up next week, please!!!

4 - Sung
2 - Chi
1 - Adrian, Alain, Alex, Francis, Gerald, Ian, Shan

Welcome to our 19th player to represent the All Hacks, Alan. Alan's terrific cameo performance provided the All Hacks with much impetus both in attack and in defence.

Squad: Adrian, Alain, Alan, Alex, Danny, Francis, Gerald, Ian, Justin, Keong, Peter, Shaun (GK), Sung

WE WON! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! WE F**KING WON A MATCH!

On paper, the game between the All Hacks and Team Seb looked a even contest, with both sides with a similar win-loss ratio and desperate for a win. At stake was pride: a loss would send either team to the cellar of Division 6 and a strong grip on the wooden spoon. 13 All Hack players vs 7 Team Seb players... as I said before, it looked even before the match.

Having the luxury of a decent warm-up prior to the kick-off, the All Hacks started confidently and controlled early play. Several chances went begging, until the All Hacks converted to go ahead 2-nil, before Team Seb even got a sniff of the action. The All Hacks suffered small lapses in concentration in what otherwise was a brilliant first half, which saw the All Hacks in unfamiliar territory, leading at half-time 5-2.

Yes, that's right, we were in the lead. Infact, we were never headed and dominated the entire match. With the All Hacks rotation policy in full swing, the second half was a procession of shots on goal, with just about everyone having an attempt on goal. Unfortunately, our conversion wasn't crash hot, but we'll take 9 goals any day! Slick passes, crosses from the wing to the centre that provided our forwards with great chances to score, and our back-men getting into goal scoring positions: it was a clinical display. The final whistle could not come quick enough for Team Seb, who were gallant in defeat.

From an outsider looking in, I was very pleased at the positions where we scored our goals. Crosses were being made from the corners to the centre, allowing us to score from a better position. Just a minor note, when chances go begging, it is important that we try to get seconds and the rebound. When you miss a shot, don't put your arms over your head, go get the rebound. Otherwise, that was a fantastic effort all round, with each member of the team contributing. To borrow the words of Bruce McAvaney, "It was SPPPPPEEEECCCCIAL!"

7 - Sung
2 - Adrian, Alain, Alan, Alex, Chi, Gerald
1 - Francis, Ian, Shan

A week is a long time in football. From chocolates to boiled lollies, the All Hacks were a mere shadow of the team that played victoriously last week. The best thing about football is that there's always next week.

Squad: Adrian, Alan, Chi, Danny, Francis, Justin, Peter, Rob, Shaun (GK), Sung

A severely undermanned and depleted All Hacks line-up were without key positional players in Ian and Alain. However, making his debut for the All Hacks, Rob slotted comfortably in the new look, hastily arranged lineup. The honeymoon period after last week's triumph continued briefly, with the All Hacks going one-up early in the game, thanks to a strike from Peter that caused an error in the opposition's defence.

However, the All Hacks seemed to lose focus of the match from then onwards, perhaps expecting Fish to capitulate under the minimal pressure exerted by the All Hacks. Dubious goals from Fish saw the All Hacks trail 5-1 at half time.

The All Hacks were unfortunate not to have scored from several shots that hit the woodwork, notably Alan's and Rob's efforts from long range. Shaun's brilliant penalty save was the highlight of a lacklustre second half.

As injuries can decimate the best of teams, the Achilles' Heel of the All Hacks is exams. Exam stress has forced several of our stars to miss the next few matches.

7 - Sung
2 - Adrian, Alain, Alan, Alex, Chi, Gerald
1 - Francis, Ian, Peter, Shan

Following last week's debacle at the hands of the slippery Fish, the All Hacks were up against Rain. Was a light drizzle before the kick-off supposed to portend doom for the All Hacks???

Squad: Alain, Alan, Chi, Francis, Justin, Keong, Peter, Shaun (GK), Sung

With many of our regulars unable due to the dreaded curse of exams, our new look line up withstood the early challenge by Rain. The All Hacks responded with a few chances of our own. Some lazy tackles by each team resulted in goals to each side. Chi calmly converted our penalty shot, and scores were level at 1-all at the end of first half.

Much to our amazement, we were still level with the opposition after 17 minutes of football. The intensity of the match lifted in the second half, with the defences of both teams beginning to fatigue. In a dour struggle, the All Hacks gave away the ascendancy by conceding 4 penalties during the match, which we could ill-afford.

In an unanimous SBS Viewer Poll decision, Shaun was voted the undisputed player of the match, making 2 courageous saves to thwart Rain from going further ahead. We need to be more disciplined with our tackles and a touch up on the rules wouldn't go astray too!

With three-quarters of the match gone, the All Hacks threw caution to the wind, trailling 2-1. However, a late goal sunk the hopes of the All Hacks who at the finish, lost 3-1. The All Hacks should be proud of their efforts, as this was our best defeat ever. A small milestone, but one hard to accept.

7 - Sung
3 - Chi
2 - Adrian, Alain, Alan, Alex, Gerald
1 - Francis, Ian, Peter, Shan

Inspired by China's performance at the World Cup, the All Hacks performed remarkably brilliantly against league leaders, Tsubasa, the "Brazil of Division 6".

Squad: Alain, Alan, Justin, Keong (GK), Peter, Shan, Shaun, Sung

With only 8 fit and available players out of our squad of 20, the All Hacks were forced to make some late changes to the starting line-up. Our regular goalie Shaun had a run up the field this week, with Keong wearing the gloves for the match. A match against Tsubasa would not be complete without Shan's presence, and his return to the All Hacks line-up had Tsubasa trembling at their knees.

With the emphasis on a solid defence, each side began tentatively early in the first half. As expected, Tsubasa dominated possession yet were unable to penetrate our fortress-like defence. However, the whistle-happy referee penalised the All Hacks with 2 penalties, and Tsubasa were able to convert on both occasions. All Hacks were able to equalise each time Tsubasa went ahead with crisp counter-attacks that resulted in the ball rocketing the back netting of Tsubasa's goal. Goals to Shan made the scores 1-all, and a goal from substitute Justin late in the first half saw the All Hacks and Tsubasa level, 2-all at half time.

Both sides had chances to go ahead in the second half, however it was a miracle shot (i.e. fluke) from Tsubasa deep in the corner that broke the deadlock. Another goal from Tsubasa, and the floodgates seemed to be opening. To our credit, the All Hacks showed resolve with a late rally, and an excellent strike by Alain from another well designed counter-attack gave the All Hacks an excellent chance to cause a boil-over. The final 5 minutes were tense, as the All Hacks with all the momentum surged forward, looking for the much-deserved equaliser. However, Tsubasa managed to hang on and defeated the ever-improving All Hacks 4-3.

The All Hacks should be tremendously proud of their efforts this week, with the 3-4 result the closest we've ever been to defeating a team higher above us on the ladder. Our three goals earned the All Hacks a much-deserved bonus point to edge ourselves further away from The Roger Corbett Experience, who now languish at the bottom, 3 points adrift from the All Hacks. We should realise now that we are a competitive unit, and with continued concentration, determination, and an ounce of luck next time, we could be on the other side of the score sheet.

7 - Sung
3 - Alain, Chi
2 - Adrian, Alan, Alex, Gerald, Shan
1 - Francis, Ian, Justin, Peter

With a depleted list, full of sore bodies and full bellies, the All Hacks took on their "bogey team" - Talking Hands. In another physical encounter with the big white guys, the All Hacks were slightly outclassed and outsized in the finish, losing 9-3 on the final siren.

Squad: Adrian, Alain, Danny, Ian, Jonathan, Nick, Shan, Shaun (GK), Sung

With a somewhat completely different makeup to the previous team, the All Hacks pulled together under trying circumstances to add a little (very little) respectability to the score-line. The team welcomed back regulars Danny, Ian and Adrian from their exam hiatus, with Nick and Shan again flying the "Please Be Gentle" flag, and Jono making an unexpected but welcome debut for the team in white.

Like so many games before, the All Hacks started promisingly with the opening goal early in the first half with a strike from the Korean-inspired Sung. This only seemed to wake the sleeping elephant that were Talking Hands, and with their quick and precise movement of the ball, they scored 7 unanswered goals in the first half.

The second half started with a continuing of the Talking Hands' trend until again, inspired by Korea, Sung took a dive and won a penalty. In a defining moment, Sung slotted the ball past the goalie's left hand, bringing the score-line back to 2-8. Within 2 minutes, another inspired play and Sung's lethal left foot closed the margin to 3-8.

The score-line ended up being 3-9. Even though the score-line was disappointing, all players should be proud of the way they played - our endeavour could not be questioned. Some people (especially Adrian) put their body on the line and should be congratulated, if not consoled.

We play The Roger Corbett Experience (formerly Team Seb) next week, and if you don't remember, this was the team we beat. We should beat them again, but we must not become complacent and count the chickens before they hath... (??) Anyway - we should have a full lineup, so get psyched and be prepared to work your arse off.

10 - Sung
3 - Alain, Chi
2 - Adrian, Alan, Alex, Gerald, Shan
1 - Francis, Ian, Justin, Peter

Hey all. Yep, it's Alain at the editor's chair today, which means you'll be getting a no nonsense, objective, and hard-ass 'critique' of the game (no offence to previous newsletter writers of course!).

Squad: Adrian, Chi, Francis, Ian, Justin, Peter, Shaun (GK), Sung

I thought I'd start by stating that we lost with a score of 4-10, to a team that we previously beat. Many of you that didn't play may be wondering why we lost. Quite simply, The Roger Corbett Experience (formerly Team Seb) were most definitely NOT the same team we beat and humiliated last time. I could not recognise a single face in this 'new' team of young upstarts that certainly had its share of Ronaldo's, Rivaldo's, Ronaldinho's, Juninho's, and all the other "o's" you can think of!

To cut a long story short, we were simply outclassed by a team with superior ball, and goal-scoring (i.e. accuracy) skills. Francis converted two penalties, with Peter taking the other two (his second goal worthy of any World Cup highlight reel!) Shaun also made a great save late in the second half amongst a barrage of shots on goal. Good effort by all in a tough game.

Now, to my match analysis...

PS - if you want skip this, go straight to the section titled "SUMMARY"

While it isn't good to be negative, perhaps I should call this "things we can improve upon" instead. Anyway...

When faced with a tough and highly skilled attacking (and defending) opposition, the best thing a team can do is cut its losses by stacking its defence and making sure that each player is MARKED. Goals rarely happen because one "hero" takes on a whole team - goals are more likely to happen because attacking opposition have clear and unimpeded shots on goal through passing the ball quickly and accurately. So what does that mean? People HAVE NOT been marking up. Even if you don't have the skills to tackle someone, you can AT LEAST put pressure on your opponent by sticking with him in defence and running him around in attack.

REMEMBER, the number of people that crack under pressure will always outnumber those that don't, so stick with your man, and see how many times he gets the ball and does something good with it. Science tells us that CONSTANT PRESSURE leads to breakage, so do the maths, and give it a try. If your opponent intimidates you, get someone else to 'mind him', or even better - TAKE HIM ON YOURSELF. The limits to one's abilities is never tested by taking the easy road; see it as a challenge, something to prove to oneself, and to others. Here, PERSISTENCE is the key - constant pressure, attitude, and passion for what we do - this is what divides the best from the good, the good from the average, the winners from the losers.

Persistence CANNOT flourish when people are busy getting angry over mistakes. As I have always said: FUCK MISTAKES, THINK RECOVERY. PRAISE people when they do something good, ENCOURAGE them to get up when they fumble, say 'bad luck' when they screw up. Everyone makes mistakes every now and then - it is the person that recovers best from a mistake that deserves our praise, so try to learn from your mistake and do something positive about it! REMEMBER, the positive team always comes out on top regardless of whether or not they have won. THINK positive, ACT positive, BE positive - these are the hallmarks of a good sportsman, person, and friend.

Why do good couples get along? Because they communicate. Why do good teams get along? Because they communicate. How many times did we fumble goal opportunities because someone was in someone else's way, or because someone was confused over who would take the ball? Communicate with your fellow team member; be it verbally, via hand signals, whatever. Our team hasn't developed (unfortunately) to the point where we can read the play and anticipate passes - until we can acquire this skill, make sure we communicate CLEARLY and POSITIVELY. Eye contact helps, so try LOOKING at your fellow player to read the pass (I know, we're hardly Casanovas, but you'll have to try! :p)

Again, accurate passing, clear calling, making leads, providing back passes/options. Don't just stand there watching the play - BE MINDFUL of where the ball might be going, AS WELL as the person you should be marking. One (good) team is worth 10 heroes, so don't forget to pass, and to shoot when the right moment comes. Don't forget to support each other. At half time, get of the field and huddle for a team meeting - we need the time discuss problems and strategies.

We play indoor soccer at Huntingdale. We DO NOT engage in the war against terror in Afghanistan. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, be careful with tackles. Time and time again we have lost games because of unnecessary penalties because of shoddy tackling. Fair enough if you accidentally handball, but DO NOT treat soccer like it is a death match - penalties should never be called against us. If that's how you want to play the game, fine, but do it in the attacking half. Still, try to keep it CLEAN - promote goodwill and sportsmanship - we're not out to make enemies.

Play the percentages. DO NOT waste shots on goal from impossible angles. Where are goals most likely to come in from? The top; there's more space, and more possibility to get it in the back of the net. This emphasizes the need to have options at the TOP of the "D" rather than the side. Try to position yourself there, and CALL FOR THE BALL. When defending, the smart team knows that the best point of attack is through the top middle - DEFENDERS, be sure to cover this point (this let us down in the last game).

Well, I've pretty much run out of steam with comments about the game. If you've made it this far (or cheated by going ahead), then CONGRATULATIONS! If I were to summarise the weaknesses of our last game (and indeed, every other week), then I'd say that we have failed because of a lack of TEAM COHESION. Where is the intensity and passion for our sport? Where is the teamwork, communication, trust, and support? Our last game is coming up. I want people to play HARD - BUST YOUR GUT, BE SURE TO MARK YOUR PLAYER, MAKE THOSE SECOND RUNS AND TACKLES (i.e. don't give up if someone beats you once - give it another go), PLAY LIKE A TEAM, but most of all, HAVE FUN!!

Remember, FUCK MISTAKES, THINK RECOVERY, and IT AIN'T OVER TILL THE NEXT GOAL, AND THE NEXT GOAL, AND THE NEXT GOAL - i.e. put in 100% till the final whistle blows.

Let's go team - we can do it, one last time.

10 - Sung
3 - Alain, Chi, Francis, Peter
2 - Adrian, Alan, Alex, Gerald, Shan
1 - Ian, Justin

In the dramatic season finale, Masum appeared in a cameo role as a sweeper in our defence, and Rob returned for his second cap for the All Hacks. Back to the very brief match summary...

Squad: Adrian, Alain, Chi, Francis, Justin, Masum, Peter, Rob, Shaun (GK), Sung

In a performance Hong Myung Bo would be proud of, the All Hacks conceded an early goal within 15 seconds of the kick-off. However, after the early setback the All Hacks settled, but both teams seemed rattled by the referee's bizarre interpretation of the match, and the game was a stop-start affair. Adrian and Chi inspired the All Hacks with some great, flashy moves in the first half, and were duly rewarded with excellent goals.

In the second half, the usual "come from behind but not quite equalising" spirit the All Hacks had shown throughout the season again shone through. Francis calmly slotted a penalty from the spot and the scores were 3-4. Bonus point achieved, but the job wasn't over. Rob's silky footwork was rewarded with a penalty, however he was unable to convert his hard work and the All Hacks conceded a late goal to go down fighting 5-3.

So that wraps up the season that never really quite kicked off. The All Hacks finished sixth out of six in Division 6, and will (un)fortunately be relegated to Division 7 next season. In the season finale cliffhanger, will the All Hacks field a team next season?

Some reasons to continue next season:

• "Futbol" is the beautiful game
• There are crapper teams in Division 7
• We scored in every game we played
• We didn't concede 100 goals this season

10 - Sung
4 - Chi, Francis
3 - Adrian, Alain, Peter
2 - Alan, Alex, Gerald, Shan
1 - Ian, Justin

Thanks for participating this season.