Please click here to take the test. We have set up the quiz to open in a separate window. Once you have submitted the test for easy grading, open the two windows side by side and compare the list of your answers to the scoring table and add up your score. Then check the scoring key at the end of this page to see where you rate on the James-obsessiveness scale.

The Scoring:

Check below to see how many points you get for each of your answers. Add the total number of points and then consult the key at the bottom to find out what your score means.

  1. 2 points for each yes answer
  2. a. 3, b. 1, c. 0, d. -2 (everyone should know who Morrissey is!)
  3. a. 2, b. 0, c. -1, d. 0
  4. a. 3, b. 1, c. 0
  5. a. 0, b. 3, c. 0, d. 0
  6. a. 3, b. 0
  7. 2 points for each yes answer, extra 2 points for f (New Fast Automatic Daffodils) if you know who expressed interest in them and where this was documented.
  8. a. 3, b. 2, c. 5, d. 1, e. 4
  9. 2 points for each yes answer
  10. 2 points for each yes answer, extra 5 points if you answered yes to any of the above and then bought Reading tickets when James announced they were playing that date.
  11. a. 2 points if you are male, 5 points if you are female, b. 5 points if you are male, c. 3, d. 2, e. 4, f. 2, g. 1, h. 2, i. 3, j. 3, k. 1, l. 3, m. 2 points + an extra 1 point if you became vegan, n. 1, o. 3, p. 4, q. 1, r. 2, s. 2, t. 2, u. 2, v. 2, w. 2, x. 2, y. 2, z. 2, aa. 3, ab. 5, ac. 3, ad. 2, ae. 3, af. 2, ag. 2, ah. 2
  12. a. 3, b. 2, c. 0
  13. a. 3, b. 1, c. 0
  14. a. 2, b. 0
  15. a. 1, b. 2, c. 3, d. 0 (get a life!)
  16. a. 7, b. 3, c. 0, d. -2 (we know he's weird, you didn't need to point it out!)
  17. a. 2, b. 1, c. 2, d. 3, e. 5
  18. a. 1, b. 2, c. 3
  19. a. 1, b. 2, c. 3, d. 3, e. 4, f. 5, g. 0
  20. a. 0, b. 1, c. 2, d. 3, e. 3
  21. a. 0, b. 1, c. 2, d. 3
  22. a. 1, b. 1, c. 1, d. 1, e. 1, f. 2, g. 1, h. 1, i. 2, j. 1, k. 2, l. 2
  23. a. 0, b. 1, c. 2, d. 3, e. 4
  24. a. 1, b. 2, c. 3, d. 4, e. 3, f. 5, g. 1
  25. a. 1, b. 2, c. 3, d. 1, e. 2, f. 4, g. 10
  26. a. 3, b. 2, c. 3, d. 3, e. 1, f. 6
  27. a. 1, b. 2, c. 4
  28. a. 1, b. 2, c. 3, d. 5
  29. a. 1, b. 2, c. 4
  30. a. 2, b. 2, c. 3, d. 5, e. 5, f. -10
  31. a. 1, b. 2, c. 3, d. 4
  32. a. 1, b. 2, c. 3, d. 4
  33. a.1, b. 2, c. 3, d. 4
  34. 2 points each
  35. 2 points each
  36. a. 2, b. 3, c. 5
  37. a. 2, b. 3, c. 4, d. 5, e. 10
  38. a. 1, b. 1, c. 2, d. 2, e. 2, f. 2
  39. 2 points each
  40. 2 points each
  41. a. 1 for integrity, b. 1, c. 2, d. 3, e. 4
  42. a. 2, b. 0, c. 3
  43. 2 points each
  44. 1 point each
  45. 2 points each
  46. 2 points each
  47. a. 1, b. 1, c. 3, d. 1, e. 3, f. 0
  48. a. 3, b. 0, c. 1
  49. a. 1, b. 2, c. 3, d. 4
  50. a. 1, b. 2, c. 3, d. 4
  51. a. 3, b. 0, c. 2
  52. a. 1, b. 2, c. 4
  53. a. 1, b. 0, c. 1

The scores on this quiz vary from what may seem extremely low, to what is most definately absurdly high. The breakdown is uneven because it has been geared to the freaks. The best way to interpret your score is to find it on the scale below and see what JustHipper has to say. Then compare with your friends to see who scored the most points. If you've managed a score you think is pretty impressive, we'd like to know about it! So send us an email with your score and any other info you want to tell us about your James obesssion. Once we've compiled the results people have sent us, we'll be handing out the "I'm the biggest James fan" award, as well as a straight jacket and an ambulance ride to the asylum complements of One Fan Clapping.

0-10 What are you even doing here?
10-20 You like James, but they haven't infected your subconscious yet
21-50 You are an average James fan. You don't go to extremes, but your devotion would certainly make the band proud.
51-125 You are beginning to delve into dangerous territory. You had a small taste of what James had to offer and have begun to experiment with the limits of decency in terms of your adoration.
126-175 You are a James FREAK! You probably have nothing but James tapes in your car and are constantly insisting your friends listen to them. You considered following them around on tour, but realized that might make people think you were a groupie and reconsidered.
176-207 You are a groupie. You wear your James shirt(s) at least once a week, keep at least one James CD in the changer at all times, and everytime you hear the word James your eyes roll back into your head and you experience feelings of euphoria. We suggest valium.
208 You are Laurie from the Stutter web page. Excellent job!
209-252 You have surpassed all realms of decency. Losing your job for James won't solve anything. Your friends have all deserted you because they can't stand to hear about James for one more second. Perhaps you should consider treatment for your obsession?
253 You are Gary from Daisy Chain Records and you scare us!
254-294 You experience long blackouts during which friends and family members claim you become someone named "Tim" and dance around as if you were having an epileptic seizure. You have difficulty concentrating on anything for long periods of time without James on in the background and the last time James played a show and you weren't able to be there you tried to physically harm yourself.
295 You are Lori from A Sound Investment. While we adore your zine, we think you should seriously consider shock therapy.
296-325 You often find yourself drawing daisies on the walls of municipal buildings, especially jail cells after they arrest you for streaking town council meetings with "COME" written across your chest. You have at least one James tattoo, and you dream about the band on a nightly basis, when you sleep. Otherwise, you lie awake listening to Laid on repeat pretending you are a bandmember playing his instrument.
326-400 You are beyond help. You carry some James-related item with you at all times or you get the shakes. The only items in your wardrobe are official James merchandise, and you have drawn daisies onto all pairs of underwear and probably carved one into your arm with a knife. You already have the cyanide tablet ready in case they ever break up.
401-500 That was you that the band called the police on for stalking wasn't it?
501-600 You are in the band. Hey Saul! Show us your tit!
601+ You are on the One Fan Clapping staff and helped with these questions.

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