1. Have you ever:
   
   1. Gotten "Laid"
   2. Gotten "Laid slowly"
   3. Rung the bells
   4. Set yourself on fire, again
   5. Given yourself "Whiplash"
   6. Strip-mined
   7. Stuttered
   8. Been leaking out your left side
   9. Sailed the ship from the bottle
   10. Been a fool for love or foolish for desire


2. Did you burn your Smiths CD's when you heard the rumor that Morrissey had written "We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful" about James?
   1. Yes
   2. No
   3. Morrissey wrote that song about James?
   4. Who is Morrissey?


3. Have you ever acquired and read an issue of the Watchtower?
   1. Yes, I want to support anything the Booth family has ever been involved with.
   2. No, why would I waste my time on that crap?
   3. What does the Watchtower have to do with James?
   4. What is the Watchtower?


4. Did you ever apply to the University of Manchester because Tim attended school there?
   1. Yes, and guess where I am now!
   2. Yes, but I didn't actually attend
   3. No


5. Can you identify the song and time that Tim whispers the words "I'm an orphan" without consulting your collection?
   1. "Lullaby", about 3:12 into the song
   2. "Play Dead," about 1:06 into the song
   3. "Left out of Her Will," 1:22 into the song
   4. "Burn the Cat," 2:25 into the song


6. Did you run out and purchase an Inspiral Carpets album because they sang backing vocals on "Goldmother"?
   1. Yes
   2. No


7. Have you ever purchased anything by the following artists because members of James expressed interest in them: (please check all that apply)
   1. Patti Smith
   2. Nick Cave/Bad Seeds/Birthday Party
   3. Iggy Pop
   4. Suede/McAlmont & Butler
   5. Angelo Badalamenti/Julee Cruise
   6. New Fast Automatic Daffodils
   7. Kulas
   8. The Smiths
   9. Sharkboy
   10. Leonard Cohen
   11. Velvet Underground/Lou Reed/John Cale
   12. David Bowie
   13. Santana
   14. Pale Fountains
   15. Spaceheads
   16. Beck
   17. The Longpigs
   18. Orange Juice


8. Have you ever named any of the following after a band member? Please check all that apply.
   1. Child
   2. Pet
   3. Body part
   4. Stuffed animal
   5. Car


9. 9) Which of the following, if any, have you ever used in casual conversation? Please check all that apply.
   1. "Sit down next to me."
   2. "Go and read a book, it's so much more worthwhile."
   3. "I no longer feel my god is watching over me."
   4. "I need to feel that you're not holding me."
   5. "You're driving me crazy, when are you coming home?"
   6. "My life's in plaster."
   7. "It's enough child, I'm appealing"
   8. "Gotta keep faith that your luck will change"
   9. "Leave the room, don't use the door"
   10. "Poor old Johnny Yen set himself on fire again"
   11. "You can't tell how much suffering on a face that's always smiling"


10. Did you buy tickets to any of the following festivals and then refuse to use them when James cancelled their appearance? Please check all that apply.
    1. Glastonbury, 1997
    2. V97
    3. Phoenix Festival, 1997


11. Have you ever done any of the following in tribute to James? (please check all that apply)
    1. Shaved your head
    2. Worn a dress (if you are male)
    3. Watched "ambient porn"
    4. Cruised Manchester, England hoping for a glimpse of one of the bandmembers
    5. Quit your job to follow the band on tour
    6. Broke up with a significant other because they didn't like James
    7. Insisted on playing "Five-O" at your wedding
    8. Paid to attend more than one show on the 1997 Lollapalooza tour
    9. Meditated
    10. Taken up Tai Chi
    11. Taken dancing lessons
    12. Bought a Robert Anton Wilson novel
    13. Become a vegetarian
    14. Bought a non-James item of clothing simply because it had daisies on it
    15. Painted a daisy onto any part of your body
    16. Gotten a James-related tattoo
    17. Sat down during "Sit Down"
    18. Climbed on stage during "Sit Down"
    19. Skipped a final to see the band
    20. Purchased an item of clothing to look like a member of James
    21. Dated somebody because they looked like a band member
    22. Given the band gifts
    23. Purchased either the 1994 Morrissey calendar or Peepholism by Jo Slee for the picture of Moz with Tim
    24. Seen or rented a movie that a bandmember has said he likes
    25. Bought Finnegan's Wake
    26. Read a book that a bandmember has said he likes (but not Robert Anton Wilson or James Joyce)
    27. Made custom James merchandise
    28. Submitted anything to One Fan Clapping detailing how obsessed you are
    29. Submitted anything to the Stutter Web Page, the James (band) page, A Sound Investment or A Change of Scenery
    30. Taken pictures of signs with James-related words or pictures on them
    31. Had a bodily appendage broken by a member of the band
    32. Helped a bandmember pick up women (or men)
    33. Jumped off a balcony to get closer to the stage
    34. Hitchhiked to get to a gig
    35. Covered yourself in rancid yak butter and set yourself alight


12. Do you own enough James T-shirts to be in every pose in the infamous ja-m-es picture?
    1. Yes, and then some
    2. Yes
    3. No


13. Did you sit through or tape all 72 hours of MTV's Woodstock II coverage hoping for a James soundbite?
    1. Yes
    2. I gave up after the first interview clip
    3. No


14. Do you have daisy wallpaper in any room of your house?
    1. Yes
    2. No


15. Your James records/cd's/tapes make up
    1. about 1% of your record collection
    2. about 10% of your record collection
    3. about 40% of your record collection
    4. 100% of your record collection


16. Have you ever consulted Tim's psychic?
    1. Yes
    2. No, but I know where she's located
    3. Tim has a psychic?
    4. If Tim has a psychic, he's probably a psycho


17. You have seen James
    1. never, but they've never played anywhere I could get to
    2. 1-2 times
    3. 3-5 times
    4. 6-10 times
    5. 11+ and that was just on a single tour!


18. You have spent how much consecutive time talking about nothing but James?
    1. 0-1 hours
    2. 1-2 hours
    3. People talk about things other than James?


19. You chose your career or field of study:
    1. So you could be a musician and play in a James cover band
    2. So you could be a journalist and possibly interview members of James
    3. So you could be a webmaster and create an amazing James site
    4. So you could be a writer and write James' definitive biography
    5. So you could be a roadie and tour with the band
    6. So you could research the bandmembers geneologies, find their relatives, court one of them and marry into the family
    7. Because you like what you do =P~~~


20. How much time have you spent traveling solely to see James?
    1. I only see them when they're local
    2. 1-2 hours
    3. 3-5 hours
    4. 18+ hours
    5. It was less that 18 hours, but I had to fly to see them because they played on another continent


21. How many James obsessed fans do you know?
    1. Nobody else I know likes James
    2. I've converted a few friends
    3. I don't know anyone other than obsessed fans
    4. I know lots of people, but I only associate with obsessed fans


22. Which band members/backups do you think about in a given day?
    1. Tim
    2. Jim
    3. Mark
    4. Saul
    5. Dave
    6. Adrian
    7. Kulas
    8. Larry
    9. Gavan
    10. Andy
    11. Martine
    12. Paul


23. How many James pictures/posters do you have hanging about your room?
    1. none :-(
    2. 1-2
    3. 3+
    4. I've used up all the space in my room, and am now lining the inside of the closet with James posters
    5. I even have original artwork drawn by Mark hanging on my wall


24. Have you ever started playing an instrument because of James? Please check all that apply.
    1. Guitar
    2. Bass
    3. Drums
    4. Keyboards
    5. Trumpet
    6. Accordian, Melodica
    7. Tambourine, Maracas


25. Which of the following items do you own? Please check all that apply.
    1. A CD or record signed by members of the band
    2. An photo signed by members of the band
    3. A photo of you with members of the band
    4. A setlist, signed or unsigned
    5. A water/beer bottle a bandmember drank from
    6. An item of clothing worn by a band member
    7. I have a bandmember locked in my closet and he ain't getting out!


26. After reading the June 1994 issue of Musician magazine, did you buy any of the following equipment to be like a band member? Please check all that apply.
    1. Dave - Sonor drum kit, Sabian cymbals, Regal sticks, and Calato brushes
    2. Jim - Ernie Ball Music Man bass with D'Addario strings
    3. Saul - Tucker Barret, Zeta violin, and Godlin Acoustics, G&L Telecaster, and Levenson Blade guitars
    4. Larry - '61 Fender Strat, Gibson Les Paul Gold Top with Dean markley strings, Takamine earthwoods
    5. Tim - Shure SM 58 mike
    6. Mark - Since his equipment was not listed, bought one keyboard of each brand and tested it until you discovered the right one


27. You have searched the web and
    1. Visited the 3 unofficial James sites, as well as the Polygram and Mercury sites
    2. Visited any possible James site, even the random music sites with just reviews of a James album
    3. Visited not only any possible James site, but every site created by someone named Tim Booth in case it was the right Tim


28. You have downloaded
    1. A few of the cooler pictures I found on the web
    2. Every picture of James I found on the web
    3. Every picture even remotely related to James I found on the web
    4. I not only downloaded every possible James-related picture, I also scanned in every James item I own so I can use them in my screen saver and send copies of them to One Fan Clapping


29. How much have you spent on James merchandise in one trip?
    1. $20 for a shirt
    2. $40 for 2 shirts
    3. $100+ for every single shirt, plus all the bootlegged merchandise sold outside the shows, and all the other James trinkets (i.e. condoms, hats, keychains, watches, tour programs, fanzines)


30. Have you ever started any of the following because of your James obsession? (check all that apply)
    1. Web Site
    2. Mailing List
    3. Zine
    4. Radio Station
    5. TV station
    6. Record/Management Company


31. Your James collection consists of:
    1. Copies of all the albums I could find near me
    2. Copies of every album and some of the singles
    3. Copies of every album in every format and every single in every format
    4. Multiple copies of every album in every format and multiple copies of every single in every format


32. You have seen James play
    1. In your hometown
    2. In 2 -3 cities which you could get to easily
    3. In 3 or more non-contiguous states
    4. In 2 or more non-contiguous countries


33. How many times do you think of James a day?
    1. 0-2
    2. 3-7
    3. 8-12
    4. They are all I think about


34. Have you ever noticed the resemblance of any of the following people to a member of James? Please check all that apply.
    1. Brian Krakow (My So Called Life)
    2. Brian Futter (guitarist for Catherine Wheel)
    3. Lyle Lovett
    4. Mark Morriss (singer for the Bluetones)
    5. Liv Tyler's first in the movie Stealing Beauty


35. Have you ever bought any of the following for the James/Booth and the Bad Angel song:
    1. Alternative NRG
    2. Free Tibet
    3. Melrose Place soundtrack
    4. Nowhere soundtrack
    5. Sharks Patrol These Waters - The Best of Volume
    6. Heaven and Hell...A Tribute to the Velvet Underground
    7. I'm Your Fan...A Tribute to the Music of Leonard Cohen
    8. The Palatine Box Set or any part thereof
    9. The best of Glastonbury 1992
    10. Certain Damage vol 44
    11. Certain Damage vol 77
    12. Musician Magazine's New Music Sampler vol 22
    13. The Best.Album in the World.Ever! Vol 1
    14. Free At Last 2
    15. NOW Thats What I Call Music 21 - Disc 1
    16. It's Post Modern
    17. Phonogram News 8/91
    18. The Madchester Story '88 - '91
    19. Unlaced
    20. Volume 1 - Tears In Their Eyes
    21. In A Field Of Their Own - highlights of glastonbury 1992 CD1
    22. Just Say Yes To Excess (Disc 1)
    23. Volume 3 - The Beat Groups
    24. 99X Live X II - One Life
    25. A Bunch O' Hits: The Best Rock Of The 90's: Volume 1
    26. Now That's What I Call Music 26 - Disc 1
    27. Powerhaus Modern Rock (Vol. 2)
    28. Spirit of the Edge - Volume 2
    29. Triple J Hottest 100 - 2 - Disc 1
    30. The Adventure Club Sessions
    31. Details MUSIC MATTERS Volume Six
    32. TDK Mailrock
    33. Now That's What I Call Music 36 (Disc 2)
    34. Shine 8
    35. Alterno-Daze 90's Natural Selection
    36. Drive Time 2 (Disk 2)
    37. Formel Eins - More Ans More Hits
    38. Free At Last 1
    39. NOW 1991 [DISC 1]
    40. Now That's What I Call Music! 20 - Disc Two
    41. Pop Shop 50
    42. Precious
    43. Q Decade 1986-1996
    44. Reading - The indie album
    45. Shine
    46. Something For The Weekend - Disc one
    47. The Best Anthems ...Ever! - Disc Two
    48. True Brit - disc two
    49. Twee Meter Sessies: Volume 2
    50. Volume Eight
    51. Indiehits
    52. Mama Told Me Not To Come
    53. Shine 9 - Disk 1
    54. WHFS New Music Sampler Vol. 1
    55. Hits Zone Summer 97-Disc 2
    56. Now That's What I Call Music 37
    57. Just Say Yo
    58. Just Say Yes
    59. Certain Damage - Vol 2 (Disc 1)
    60. Select Future Tracks


36. Have you ever seen James
    1. 3 days in a row
    2. 5 times in a week
    3. more than 10 times in a month


37. Have you ever:
    1. Seen the Spaceheads play live because Andy Diagram is in the band
    2. Seen Money play live
    3. Flown across the country to see Money play live
    4. Flown from another continent to see Money play live
    5. Offered to be a Money Girl


38. Have you ever purchased any of the following because James were mentioned?
    1. A magazine
    2. A newspaper
    3. Brian Eno's autobiography
    4. Any book about Factory Records
    5. The Stone Roses' biography
    6. The Severed Alliance by Johnny Rogan


39. Have you ever purchased any of the following because of Brian Eno's involvement, after you heard Laid or Wah Wah?
    1. Anything by U2 from The Unforgettable Fire onward
    2. Passengers
    3. Roxy Music
    4. Eno's solo work
    5. Part 2 of "The Wild Ones" single by Suede with "Eno's Introducing the Band"


40. Have you ever purchased any of the following because of the James connection:
    1. Any Depeche Mode CD's produced by Flood
    2. Anything by the Sabre's of Paradise
    3. Anything by the Utah Saints
    4. Anything by Bomb da Bass
    5. Anything by New Order produced by Stephen Hague
    6. Anything by Patti Smith that Lenny Kaye played on


41. How many James bootlegs do you own?
    1. None. I don't believe in bootlegs
    2. A few
    3. 10-20
    4. 21-50
    5. 50+ and I recorded most of them myself


42. Have you ever visted a location because James played there?
    1. Yes
    2. No
    3. As many as possible and I have pictures


43. Have you ever been to:
    1. The desert where the "Born of Frustration" video was filmed
    2. The street in New York City where the second "Say Something" video was filmed
    3. The part of Spain where the "Waltzing Along" video was filmed
    4. The castle where the "What For" video was filmed
    5. The sound stage/tub of water where the "Sometimes" video was filmed
    6. The cathedral in Marseille where the cover picture for Laid was taken


44. Can you identify the following bandmembers by their nicknames?
    1. Monty
    2. Bob
    3. Chunny Lad
    4. Welsh
    5. Mr. Pastry


45. Have you ever watched the following just to hear the James soundbite:
    1. Beavis and Butthead
    2. Nowhere
    3. Heat
    4. Melrose Place
    5. Highlander 4
    6. the Westin Hotels commercial
    7. The X-Files


46. Have you ever bought something by any of the following artists because they covered a James song:
    1. Smiths
    2. Unrest
    3. Voice of the Beehive
    4. Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine


47. Which of the following do you have on your computer?
    1. James cursors
    2. James icons
    3. A James desktop theme
    4. James wallpaper
    5. A James screen saver
    6. None of the above


48. Are you planning your life around the next tour?
    1. Yes
    2. No
    3. When is the next tour so I can start?


49. Your parents:
    1. Know who James are
    2. Recognize individual bandmembers
    3. Know the words to "Sit Down" because you sing them constantly
    4. Know the entire James catalog because you play it constantly at very high volumes


50. Have you ever:
    1. Missed a family holiday to see James
    2. Missed more than one
    3. Missed more than five
    4. Been threatened with being disowned for missing many holidays


51. Have you ever spent hours coming up with questions for a quiz like this?
    1. Yes
    2. No
    3. I think the One Fan Clapping staff needs to quit trying to raise their own scores with these questions


52. Have you ever:
    1. Dreamt about James or a member of James
    2. Dreamt about James or a member of James more than once
    3. Dreamt about James or a member of James and had it come true


53. Have you ever used a quiz like this one to come up with new ways to worship the band?
    1. Yes
    2. No
    3. No comment

Now that you have completed the quiz, please submit it to be summarized for easy grading. unfortunately you are going to have to grade this yourself because we don't have the necessary equipment to do it for you.