| Mail One: Chris� Letter Author�s Note: And yes, by the way, the title IS stolen from the movie. Unless you think I made it up before it came out. Well, continue thinking that way if you want, I really have no qualms about it. *Smiles* I just finished watching the PopOdyssey video for the first time. Yeah, yeah, slow, I know. (Hey, blame Singapore for slow production).Oh mah gawd� I was blown away. Seriously. It rocked me dead. Well, the No Strings Attached concert rocked too. They were both� amazing. Drop-dead-adrenaline-charge-go-go-go-guys-come-on-rock-it-I�ve-just-seen-it-all-they-are-incredible remarkable. Lol� see, I still have that N�sync rush. They were sooooo good. And was it just me? Or did anyone else notice Lance CRYING in Gone. I�m 85.8% sure he was crying. There were tears trickling down his cheek cos I honestly doubt sweat works that way. And JC was� sad. Forlorn. Whatever-you-want-to-call-it. He had this lost puppy dog look. Gosh, that killed me. Done it. If I *ever* had any doubt that my love for N�sync was fading then gawsh, this put it right back on track. *Sigh* I�m gushing again, I know, I know, but whoo� This was just� mmm� yummy-licious! So anyway, this piece on fanfic is based on what I saw in the performance. It�s like, well, I don�t know, but this is how I THINK it would work out if I was in charge of their lives. Which we all know is impossible. More than. So. Yeah, well, girls can dream. Also, anything I write that any of the guys say in a show (e.g. a line from Rosie�s show) it�s all crap. Anything that I said they said on any show besides the concert is crap. Comprehend? Good. //Dear Dani, How are you, baby? I can�t wait to see you again! God, it�s crazy over here. Everything seems to be crashing down on us. JC and Lance are still fighting. And JC�s just getting more torn up over everything. I know Lance is sorry too, but he doesn�t show it, and JC gets more and more hurt each time. I wish there was more I could do to help him. He�s just starting to wear out. That day, during the concert, we sang so many songs that just seemed to hit too close to home. If you get the CD, watch it and you�ll understand. When we sang the Two Of Us, I think C really cracked up inside. He was just singing with everything he had, all that pent up emotion and stuff, and it came out beautifully. There was this underlying tone of pain that I doubt anyone else caught, but god, you should�ve heard him. Lance knew what he meant. Lance knew. It was like a signal for the both of them but neither took the chance. Lance is just too proud, and JC�s too scared. But who can blame them? It�s not like they LIKE being in this position, they hate it, I know. But who can help them? How? We can�t do a thing if they don�t try to help themselves. I wish Lance would open his mouth and say sorry already. But I don�t think he�s going to do that. This isn�t doing either of them any good. Sometimes snatches of that stupid conversation with Diane still play in my head. Oh, I heard it all right, heard it loud and clear. He was sitting there on the bed and I was passing by the room with a glass of water and I couldn�t help overhearing stuff. And no, I wasn�t eavesdropping! Anyway, he was saying something like, �But, mom, I can�t� it�s not fair to� but you� okay, fine.� As soon as he said that I KNEW something was bad. And then he pulled the surprise on us the next day. He didn�t exactly show it till later on, but� the tension between him and Jace� we all felt it, I know we did. How could we not? Lance was/is always obvious about things he�s decided on. His supposed subtle hints weren�t enough, I guess, because we only thought they�d had a quarrel, because JC was going around like his usual spastic, hyper self and we were all having a blast. I guess we weren�t careful enough to notice the pang of hurt that appeared in his eyes every time Lance just shrugged him off. It sucks, you know. Because JC doesn�t deserve this shit. And neither does Lance. They�re both amazing people, who put up with asses like me, for some absurd reason. And they should be given rewards for being able to do that, because, well, they�re good that way. And they love each other. Really, REALLY love each other. Like I love you. Or like you love me. And love like that shouldn�t be dragged through the mud like this. Because as easy as the fairytales make it sound to end up together after all their tough trials, this is life. And we don�t always get our happy endings. And we should. Especially people like JC and Lance. Because they�ve put everything they�ve got on the line just to save this relationship and work things out, so much so that everything should just smoothen out and work for them from now on. The fans have been amazingly supportive and that�s just wonderful, but I wish, I really wish, that things could be easier on them. They deserve at least that. JC cried the other day. I think that�s the whole point to this long letter about him. The fact that he cried after the concert. I was scared, really. I�ve never seen him cry that openly with me except that once after Lance�s screaming session. That was the first time he actually came, voluntarily, to me when he was scared. No, it�s not true. I�m the first one he comes to in times like these, after Lance, that is � hey, I didn�t get that psychology degree by luck � but he was CRYING. I just stayed with him and rubbed his back the whole night, praying that he would be okay. He was still hurting in the morning and we went into the breakfast place together, both with identical eyebags. He because of his crying, and I because of my lack of sleep. The guys laughed half-heartedly at us, and Lance sat with Lonnie and Dre instead. I almost slapped him. But we all knew how he felt about it. And I knew even more clearly, because I had heard that call. It still sucked. And we all felt bad for JC. After that, JC�s come to me every night. The next time we book a hotel, I�m gonna room with him so it�s easier on both of us. I guess there�s just something that makes it easier to talk to me about these kinda things. I�ve grown more accustomed to watching JC cry now. It doesn�t shock me that much. He doesn�t cry just like that, y�see. Usually he smiles painfully and lies down and I lie down on the bed next to him. But when I turn to him to say goodnight, there are tears running down his cheeks and his eyes are closed, so I leave him alone. The concerts were good after that. They controlled their feelings like pros � though I don�t doubt that�s what Lance is, with Diane and all � and performed like normal. But JC never seems to have that little sparkle in him anymore. It�s like he got the life sucked out of him or something. He�s missing that one small part to being the normal perfectionist he already is. And I think it�s showing. He just needs that one more little push and he�s going to reel. That�s another thing we can all tell. He�s been locking himself up in his own room during the day for ages now, I know. But there�s really nothing I can do. I know he�s drinking. But I don�t know how to stop it. I know he�s thinking of one-night-stands to help him forget all his pain, but I also know he won�t go for it. He wouldn�t. He can�t. He just doesn�t have it in him. He�s got too much of Lance in his heart already. Don�t you think he deserves better than this, Dani? He�s hurting so bad right now and all he needs is a friend. Actually, if it were that simple, I wouldn�t mind. But what he really needs� is Lance. I just wish they could both see that. Love you and take care, Chris.// ========================= Chris sighed and put down his fountain pen, taking off his reading glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose silently. He switched off the light on the writing desk in the hotel and climbed into bed, his body catlike and noiseless as he slipped under the covers. He lay down quietly before turning to look at JC�s face. The brunette was sleeping fitfully, his eyebrows furrowed, an agitated expression on his face. JC whimpered softly and Chris reached out to squeeze his shoulder impulsively, trying to offer what comfort he could. JC finally quietened down and went back to peaceful slumber. Softly, Chris shifted again. Even in the dark, he could see the sparkling moisture dampening JC�s cheek. Chris licked his lips and sighed again, wishing there was more he could do. He hated seeing JC so upset, hated seeing Lance so torn� �If only, if only, if only this were easier.� He whispered to himself, as he closed his eyes and allowed JC�s ragged, uneven breathing to lull him to sleep. TBC� |