| Healed (Sequel to Hurting) Author’s note: This is the sequel to my angsty piece – Hurting. It’s in three different point of views. I guess it can stand pretty well on its own, but I’m not sure. Although, it would be better if you read the Hurting first. It’ll give you a clearer view on who I’m talking about. I won’t tell whose POV I’m writing from, but it should be pretty obvious, even if you didn’t read Hurting. Although, I was a little reluctant to post this up, cos my sister said that it spoilt the whole angsty effect in Hurting. *Sigh* I need encouragement. So if you felt this was good, TELL me. PLEASE. If you didn’t, tell me all the same. Then next time I’ll know when to stop. But this is strange, isn’t it? I promised myself that I wouldn’t write any sequel to any sad story that I wrote. At all. I told myself to leave it where it ends. BUT. Ah well, who can resist temptation? Besides, this story idea was just too cute to ignore. I’d like to thank Michael Schumacher for inspiring me with his incredible race today – 25th May 2002. You may not have won, but it was a wonderful race. And I would also like to commend your amazing sportsmanship. *salute* I’ve learnt something about love – it’s like a war. You have to FIGHT and pray that you’ll win. One of the most important tactics in this war is to make sure that you never, NEVER underestimate your enemies. NEVER think that they are beneath you, or that you are so far ahead in the race that they’re goners. Because they’ll catch up. Sooner or later. Like they say, pride comes before a fall. Boy, did I fall. I learnt that a little too late, though. I never thought that JC would be able to get Lance back – he never even tried – but he has. He’s gotten the beautiful man back into his arms. Maybe that’s what I need to learn – something called sacrifice. JC gave up everything for Lance. I used to watch them, when they were together, and I could tell that JC was giving 150% of himself; he was giving everything he had and more into that relationship. But I also could tell that Lance was giving only about 50 to 60% of what he could have given. So I never understood how Lance could have left JC like that, how he could have just given up a love so strong, so powerful, that it overshadowed all else, or how he could have just up and left the man who loved him more than life itself. I guess I won’t have to try now. JC’s always been there for him like a silent pillar of support. Whenever we quarreled, JC would always be there for Lance. I knew. And I let them be. Because I also knew that JC would keep his distance – I could tell from his eyes that he would never do anything that would jeopardize Lance’s happiness – even if it meant giving up his own. Like I said, he loved Lance more than life itself. He would have given the world for Lance, and I knew it. You know what else JC sacrificed? He sacrificed his pride. He would come to me each and every night Lance and I quarreled, after Lance had fallen asleep in his room, and make me see what a jerk I had been. THAT was the only reason I could bring myself to reconcile with Lance every morning. I love him, yes, but sometimes I’m blind to my faults. To my wrongs. JC helped me with that. So I continued to watch as JC practically killed himself with his love for Lance, his altruism. But I never imagined, in my wildest dreams, that through his quiet actions – which never held any more meaning than brotherhood – he would be able to win Lance’s heart. MY Lance’s heart. But he has. And I don’t think I can be as selfless as he was. I don’t think I can stop myself from jumping Lance if he comes crying to me in the dead middle of the night, when I’m fast asleep and grumpy as hell. I don’t think I can hold him and comfort him without doing something to him when he needs my support. I don’t even think I can wish them happiness right now because the pain of Lance leaving me is still too much, too raw for me. Although, that’s what JC did the first day Lance and I announced that we were together – wished us happiness and that all our dreams would come true. I don’t think I can be as self-sacrificing as JC was. I don’t think I’ll need to be. Because JC will NEVER treat Lance the way I treated Lance. Never. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I don’t know if Joe’s still mad at me for leaving him. I think he is. I hope he isn’t. It’s just that… well, Josh is so much more loving, so much more caring. I don’t know why or how I could have brought myself to leave him at all. I know I hurt him, deeply, when I left him. And I hurt him even more when I came running to him after my fights with Joey, which were so frequent. I don’t know how Josh could have been so tolerant, so understanding through it all. He just stood at a corner and waited for me. I just didn’t see it. How could I have been so blind? It’s a question I ask myself repeatedly everyday. How could I have stood making Josh go through so much pain? How could I have stood making Josh so miserable? I was so blind. He was getting thinner and more withdrawn each and every day. He hid it well, yes, but I could see past the façade. I honestly could. But I didn’t do anything about it. I refused to believe that it was something I had caused. But later on, that night, when Joey and I had fought very badly, and I had gone running to Josh, and told him that I knew he still wasn’t over me, and saw the love burning in his eyes before all the light in those azure crystals faded out, I realized I couldn’t deny it any longer. It was true. I HAD caused the misery Josh was going through. I went to room with Chris then, who was as patient as Josh had been, and he helped me work things through. He too, had noticed the change in Josh. And he was determined to make things work out between us. He said that he had known how much Josh loved me ever since the start. Chris said he didn’t know how I could have NOT seen it when it was so obvious to the rest of the world. Then he told me what he saw in Joey – the man I supposedly loved. He said he saw a grim future. He said he thought that Joey would play me, just like every other person he’s been with before. I didn’t want to believe it, but I had always held that spark of doubt. And now Chris was only confirming it. The next few weeks were hell. Josh wouldn’t look at me, talk to me, or even sing with me, voluntarily. I began to realize just how much I missed him, NEEDED him. I become conscious of how much the little touches we exchanged meant to me. And Joey slowly faded out of my mind, my heart. I remember the nervousness I saw in Josh’s eyes the night I went to his room to apologize, to start things anew. I hadn’t meant for anything to come out of it. But when Josh had broken down sobbing after my sincere confession, everything fell into place. My heart literally ached for him, as I watched those tears of pain fall from his clear blue eyes. “I’m sorry, Josh,” I murmured then, wiping his tears gently with my thumbs. “I’m so sorry.” He shied away from my touch as though I had burnt him, and I saw a look of fear cross his handsome features. God, he’s so beautiful. “Don’t,” he begged me. “Please Lance. Don’t.” “Don’t what?” “Don’t touch me,” he whispered. And my heart broke at the fear, the anguish, the pain in his voice. “I can’t handle it. I can’t take knowing that you won’t ever be mine. Not after all this.” He looked away from me then, taking a step away from me, as my heart twisted at the sight of the vulnerable creature he actually was. “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be, Josh,” I told him, taking a step closer and reaching to touch him, pulling back when another expression of panic crossed his face. “I… I’m sorry.” He shook his head, lowering his eyes to the floor. “No. Don’t be. You shouldn’t be. You have the world’s most wonderful man to return to every night. Don’t be sorry.” “Josh.” I mumbled, tears filling my eyes. I took him in my arms then, and he cracked. His shoulders shook with tears, and yet he still stood stiffly in my embrace, not wanting to allow his emotion to take over, lest he might do something I would regret later on. It was then that I realized the power of love. Josh loved me so much that he ached for me, and yet, for my happiness, he sacrificed his own, unwilling to make any mistake on his part that might cost my bliss. I have truly never understood the meaning of love. Not until I found Josh. I’m just thankful he accepted me back into his life, his heart, with open arms. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I can’t explain this, really. It’s all so fast… so complicated, yet simple. I frankly never believed that all my small actions would win Lance’s affection, Lance’s heart. I never thought that he would come back to me. But he has. God, I’m just so grateful for that. That night he came back to me… it was the best night of my life. When he took me into his arms, and apologized. I wanted to put my arms around him and cry, just let him hold me and tell me everything was all right. But I didn’t. I was just so afraid of being burnt again, I didn’t dare. I had no idea what he was trying to do. I thought it was just another one of those ‘brother’ things. I thought he was just trying to cheer me up. I’m so glad I was wrong. “Josh, I… I love you.” Lance whispered in my ear, his arms tightening around my waist. My tears stopped for a second, before I sighed. “I love you too.” I replied softly, thinking the phrase meant more to me than Lance would ever feel, COULD ever feel. “No, Josh,” Lance shook his head, letting a soft laugh escape his lips. “I mean, I’m IN love with you.” Everything after that seems to be in a blur. Joey screaming at Lance to ‘get the hell out of the hotel room’, Chris smiling at us like a proud older brother, Justin rolling his eyes at Joey’s childishness, Lance’s passionate kisses… God, I’ve missed him so much. I’ve missed the feel of his skin against mine, the feel of his lips pressed on mine, the shivers he sends down my spine just by whispering my name… god, I’ve missed all of that. But now, the part that was missing… it’s filled. Because Lance LOVES me now. I still can’t bring myself to believe that. That Lance actually LOVES me. He’s not with me to spite Joey, or play me, or anything like that. This time… this time it’s real. And all the hurt, the pain, the loss that I’ve gone through… it’s gone. Lance is back by my side, where he belongs. And that’s really all that matters. He’s my cure. I’ve healed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ JC looked up at his boyfriend of two months entered the hotel room, rubbing his eyes sleepily. “Hey baby,” JC smiled, rising to greet the blond. “Hey.” “Tired?” Lance chuckled, before letting out a yawn, “Nope, I’m just roaring with energy Josh. Don’t you see the sign on my face that screams, ‘let me sleep’?” JC laughed despite himself. “C’mon,” he murmured, crushing Lance’s lips against his own before pulling the green-eyed youngster toward the bed. “Sleeping time for the exhausted.” Lance nodded, uncharacteristically obedient. He climbed into bed and allowed JC to strip him down to his boxers before letting out another huge yawn. JC glanced at the digital clock beside their bed. “One twenty,” he commented, getting into bed himself, “No wonder you’re tired.” “You’re one to be talking,” Lance sighed, closing his weary eyes. “I’ve yet to ask what you’re doing up this late, Mr. Sleepy.” “I was just thinking,” JC replied, letting the nickname drop. “About what, babe?” “You. Joe. Us.” Lance’s eyes shot open and he shifted so he was staring directly into JC’s cobalt eyes. “I. Love. YOU.” “I know.” “Then don’t think about that anymore. I can’t help being stupid once in a while.” JC laughed. “Once in a while?” His laughter was muffled as a soft pillow was dumped on his head. “Shut up.” JC pushed the pillow off of his head, and leaned over to drop a light kiss on Lance’s nose. “We can’t all be perfect, darlin’.” Lance sighed, muttering something about ‘corny, sappy boyfriends’. “But you’re perfect in my eyes anyway,” Lance grinned at JC’s cheesiness. “And that’s all that matters.” End. |