Brian and Justin quotes - Season 1
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101
B: Why didn't you tell me I had a kid?
J: You said you remembered everything.
B: It all happened so fast. What's his name again?
J: Gus. I'm the one who decided.
J: Did you actually fuck her?
B: Who?
J: Lindsay.
B: You're awfully rude.
J: Well, did you?
B: I jerked off in a cup, and they squirted it up her.
J: Gross. She must have really wanted a kid.
B: Most women do.
J: Even lesbians?
B: Lesbians are women...sort of.
J: My mom says sometimes she wished she never had me.
B: That's probably because she's stuck with this annoying brat for the rest of her life.
J: So, you gonna raise him?
B: Hahaha. Me? No way. The munchers are. But I'll be around to provide the masculine influence so important in every young boys' life.
J: I'll bet Melanie could do it better than you.
B: Don't get smart, or I'll have to spank you.
J: Really?
B: You up for one more?
102
J: "Dirty Dancing." That's a really old movie.
B: What?
J: I said that's a really old movie.
B: It's not THAT old.
J: How old are you?
B: How old do you think I am?
Justin: -----Thirty-three?
B: Fuck you.
B: Hey. Hey! I just left a complete stranger alone in my apartment to come talk to you. So don't run away from me. We need to get something straight.
J: You don't do boyfriends.
B: Oh, Mikey's been talking to you.
J: You'll fuck anyone! He's ugly. You don't even know him. And I--I really love...
B: Justin...I've had you. What happened last night...it was for fun.
You wanted me and I wanted you. That's all it was.
J: A fuck?
B: Well, what did you think it was? Look, I don't believe in love. I believe in fucking. It's honest. It's efficient. You get in and out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of bullshit. Love is something that straight people tell themselves they're in so that they can get laid. And then they end up hurting each other because it was all based on lies to begin with. If that's what you want, then go and find yourself a pretty little girl...and get married.
J: That's not what I want. I want you!
B: You can't have me. I'm too old...you're too young for me. You're seventeen. I'm twenty-eight.
J: Twenty-nine.
B: All right. Twenty-nine. All the more reason. Now go do your homework.
105
B: look, I told you. I�m not your lover; I�m not your partner. I�m not even your friend. You�re not anything to me.
J: I could be, if you gave me a chance.
B: where did you learn to talk like that, watching some teen drama?
J: I need you.
B: you think you need me because that�s what you�re taught to think. We all need each other. Well, it�s a crock �a shit. You�re the only one you need. You�re the only one you�ve got. The couch. Just for tonight. And don�t jerk off on it.
108
B: I�m lucky I still have all my teeth. And no black eye. How do I look?
J: great. You always look great. I�m sorry, for my dad and everything.
B: Sorry is bullshit.
J: I didn�t mean to cause you any problems. Well, I�m gonna go.
B: where?
J: I don�t know. I�ll find some place.
B: Justin. You can stay here; on the sofa. You�re not crying, are you?
J: I�m not some little faggot.
B: no, you�re not. You�re pretty brave, actually. Standing up to your father like that.
J: he was hurting you.
B: get some sleep.
B: What are you doing?
J: ha?
B: WHAT ARE YOU DOING??
J: Listening to Moby. He�s really hot. So, what�s up?
B: what�s up is you left my door unlocked. What�s up is this is not a hotel- room and you�re not on your �blonde ambition� tour. What�s up is your mother paid me a little visit today. Finally, what�s up is you�re going to take off my shirt and clean up your shit. All I wanted to do was come home and have something to eat.
J: I can make you something.
B: no, you couldn�t.
J: I�m sorry I�m in your way.
B: not as sorry as I am.
J: I didn�t mean for it to happen.
B: well, it did.
J: so, as long as we�re together, we might as well�
B: we�re not together. You�re here as a result of a series of unfortunate circumstances which have given me the worst headache in my life. And a duffle bag full of your fucking underwear. Now, I�m going to bed. Alone. You go over there and do your homework. Lights out by eleven.
J: eleven?
B: did you know that I had to promise your mother that you won�t be late for school tomorrow? And by the way she sends her love.
J: hey, you hungry?
B: not really.
J: you gotta eat something.
B: so, what�s for dinner?
J: jambalaya, from last night.
B: it�s not bad.
J: it�s always better the second time
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