How do you get a lawyer down a tree?
-you cut the rope!
How do stop a lawyer from drowning?
-take your foot off his head.
How many lawyers does it take to paint the Great Wall of China red?
-depends how hard you throw them.
If you were driving down the high way and you see a lawyer on one side and a politicial on the other, which one would you run over first?
-The politician!!! Business before pleasure.
What is the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of sh@t?
-the bucket.
What is the difference between a lawyer and a snake?
-One is scaly, slimy, has a forked tongue, walks on its belly, and has no balls...the other...is a reptile.
BLONDE JOEKS:
Blonde Joeks: (more to come) With a prominent reputation of being slow and dumb...these joeks were about blondes (i did not make these up, i just heard of them okay--don't be charging lawsuits on me)
The Story of Two Blondes in the Forest
-Once upon a time there were two blondes follying in the forest. As they were follying, they came across some tracks on the ground. The first blonde said, "Ooh!!! Look!!! Wabbit Twacks!!!" But the second blonde says in reply, "No, no, no!!! Those are'nt rabbit tracks, those are deer tracks!!!" ......5 minutes later they were hit by a train.
The Blondes and a Corn Field
-Once there was a blonde driving down the highway. As she continued driving, she passes through a fenced corn field to the right of her. She then noticed a row boat on top of the corn field. And rowing the boat was another blonde. When she saw this, she parked her car to the side and stepped out. She approaches the fence and yells to the other blonde, "You know!!! Its blondes like you that make blondes like me look stupid, dumb, and retarded.....and if I could swim there right now, I'd show you a thing or two!!!"
(Quite possibly one of the Funniest Blonde Joke out There!!!)
The Ventriloquist
-One day a Comedy Ventriloquist was on the stage and began telling jokes to the audience. After most of his jokes were finished, he got carried away and started to talk about blondes. And thus telling blonde jokes to the audience. Little did he knew that there was a blonde sitting on the third row. The blonde couldn't take anymore verbal abuse and made her stand, "You know!!! "I can't seem to understand why jerks like you assume that we, blondes, are stupid, slow-headed, idiotic, and careless imbeciles. We have feelings (sniff) to you know...and I am really offended by your jokes (sniff, sniff)!!!"
The ventriloquist, being appalled, stood up and said, "Oh my!!! I am so sorry, i did not know...I really apologize for my actions today...I take back all that i had said."
The blonde in response replied, "Shut-up!!! (sniff sniff) I am not talking to you......(sniff sniff)..... I am talking to the guy on your lap!!!"
