To the
One I Lost
By
TC
Her eyes were still closed. She was sleeping. Yet there was a smile on her face. She was smiling because even her unconscious was happy. Yes, she was entirely, completely, totally happy.
There was a time in her life when every night, she went to bed with a smile and woke up with a smile. That was the time when she was still with Angel; when she was living with Angel. Of course the happiness she felt wasn�t universal.
Most of her friends and her family were not as thrilled as she was when Angel was moving in with her. And as usual Jen had no problem wording the concern of them all.
�She avoids you for over a month. Then you guys out of the blue sleeping together. And now it hasn�t even been a week since and she is moving in with you. I mean doesn�t it seem a little too fast for you?� Jena had stormed into Sally�s public relations office and decided to nag her while she was working.
�She was moving out of her place because she couldn�t afford it without her ex-boyfriend. She was about to move in as a roommate in Dalton. So, I figured why not just ask her to move in with me. It was basically a practical decision.� But in reality it wasn�t a practical decision. As practical as Sally always was, that wasn�t the reason why she had asked Angel to move in with her.
On the second night Angel had slept in Sally�s place. Angel had got up earlier than the night before. When she had asked her why she was up so early, Angel had told her that she had to go home to pack so that she could move out of her place by the end of the week. Even though Dalton was only two towns away and only about 20 minutes drive, the very thought that the woman she was already in love with was moving out of their town had upset Sally so much that she had said the first thing that came to her mind. That was to ask her to move in with her. Angel had initially declined but with few kisses and seductive incentives, Sally was able to convince Angel to agree.
But in front of her best friend, who considered her to be the practical one among the two. She was not going to admit that she had taken the huge step in her very new relationship out of a momentary whim. And not because of a thorough thought out process like she usually did.
�The person you have just started to sleep with is moving in with you.� Jen outlined the situation because it just needed to be said out loud to find practicality in it. �How can you even think it is practical? It is not practical to move in with someone you just started a relationship with, especially when you have never ever had a live in relationship with anyone. If you ask me it spells disaster written all over it. Don�t do it Sal� there is a reason why people take their time to make such decisions. And you are the kind who thinks and re-thinks everything. This is just not you.�
What Jen didn�t realize at that point was the speech that ended with �This is not you.� She would be using it more times than she could count through out the time Angel and Sally were together.
�This is me and this is what I want. Please be happy for me.� Sally had begged instead.
�Okay � I am�� Jen said truly trying to be happy for her best friend. �You know what I�ll even prove it to you. We�ll throw a party. We�ll call it �Welcoming Angel Party�. What do you think?� And that was Jen. Always waiting for a reason to throw a party.
�Sounds great. I�ll ask Angel.�
Sally had replied unaware how different her best friend and her new girlfriend was. When she had asked Angel her answer was �No.� providing no further explanation.
�NO� That is her favorite word.� That was the profound conclusion that Angel�s sister had later shared with her. When she had shown up for Thanksgiving un-invited. The reason she had just shown up un-invited was because according to her if she asked her sister then she would have said no anyway. �I called her for my graduation. It is not everyday that her only baby sister graduates from high school and guess what my sister says to me�. Yeah she says NO. No explanation. No excuse. Just a simple NO. She says NO to everything. My birthday� her birthday� our parent�s anniversary. And sometimes if you force her, she�ll give you a MAYBE which is no better than NO because she won�t show up anyway.�
Of course by then Sally didn�t need Angel�s sister to tell her that. She had already heard too many NO�s herself.
�Angel�Jen was planning this party for ��
�NO.�
�Angel�. We were planning to go camping ��
�NO.�
�Angel� fishing trip�
�NO�
�Angel � clubbing.�
�NO�
�Movies� �NO� �Concerts.� �NO�
That didn�t mean that Sally was unhappy with Angel. She certainly was happy. No matter how much Angel refused to be a part of her friend�s circle or avoided social gathering, she never avoided Sally. She always revolved her life around Sally�s. She synchronized their days off. She spent all her free time with her. And they did all that too. They went to clubs� they went dancing� they went for fishing trips and movies and theater and concerts. Except, they did it only with each other. Which was definitely a good thing because loved it too.
Regardless of Angel�s strong belief of not wanting to share her life with too many people, she never once stopped Sally for doing or going where she wanted to go. She never complained about or obstructed Sally�s plans. Even though sometime the parties lasted longer than planed and two days trips ended up being a seven days ones. Of course that always happened with Jen. And before Angel it never bothered Sally. That was because no one was waiting for her at home. But once you have someone at home that you would rather be with, it was just natural that even the slightest change in plans or extension of time agitated Sally. Wherever she was, she wanted to go back home. And her friends did certainly not like the new �I got to go home.� Sally. And automatically their conclusion was that if Angel came with them, Sally would not be so eager to go home. That was when Jen started to force Sally to bring Angel along. Which resulted in Sally trying to force Angel to come along. That was also when the trouble in paradise had started.
The smile that had made permanent home in her heart started to fade away when she realized that more than once she was making either Jen (which represented the collectives of her friends) unhappy or Angel unhappy. Angel tried but it was never good enough for Sally�s friends. Which, Jen always made sure Sally knew about. So, it was just inevitable that the tug of war that was going in her heart would surface out in some form or the other. And the ugly head it reared was violence. So violent, that it chased both of them away from each other and out of the town.
That was of course until that day. That day when Jen was the reason why Sally was back in town. And as fate had it, so was Angel. And against every better judgment of hers, Sally had come to Mrs. Riley�s house. And now she was smiling to herself in the twin bed in Mrs. Riley�s attic, still asleep, in natural, basking in the aftermath of the lovemaking to Angel.
�Sal�Sal�� Angel said nudging her to wake up.
�Yeah�� She said only widening her grin as the view of Angel�s flushed face came into focus.
�It�s Jen.� Angel wasn�t smiling while she offered her the phone.
Sally�s mind quickly landed back to reality of what she had done. Immediately she sat upright grabbing the sheet with one hand to cover her nakedness and took the phone with the other.
�Hello.� She said with a barely audible voice.
�What the fuck are you doing?� Jen�s scream came through the phone loud enough for Angel to hear. Angel just shook her head knowing exactly how their life had taken a downhill. And walked out of the room.
�Jen listen.�
�No, you listen Sal. Do you even realize what time it is? It is after midnight and your girlfriend is worried sick out here. Remember the girlfriend that you plan to ask to marry you, or has SHE made you forget that too?� Jen was screaming like Sally had actually murdered someone.
�How the hell did you know that?� Sally was feeling a little out of place but she knew that she hadn�t told about the ring to anyone.
�Oh! I went through your purse and Chris saw it too. And I am so damn happy for you. I really really like Chris. She certainly is nothing like Angel. But you are going to fuck it up if you did or planning to do something stupid there.� Jen warned hoping that her friend hadn�t crossed the line yet.
Sally wanted to scream, wanted to yell at Chris for unveiling something that was only her right to tell. But what was the use. Chris always invaded her life and it just was too late to scream and complain now. So, she just remained silent unwilling to think because if she allowed herself to think at that point her brains would explode.
�Just, come back Sal. I haven�t told Chris where you are. It�s not too late yet. Come back.� Jen pleaded.
Sally hung up the phone without another word. Angel was not in the room. Like Jen said it was very late at night. And she knew Chris was waiting for her. The question was if she wanted to go back.
�I am leaving.� It was Angel who said those words when she had come back up.
Sally, who had already dressed but still in bed, remained silent unsure of what that meant.
�Sal� We shouldn�t have done what we did� Angel confessed with the same guilty look that Sally was carrying. �But I guess we needed to. I carried this guilt with me� thinking what a horrifying person I had become. Thinking that I had hurt you so bad. And I did. But touching you again�. feeling you� making love to you� again� it made me feel that maybe I am not ��
�You are not.� Sally confirmed before Angel could even complete her thought. �You are not that person. You are not. I drove you to it. I know that. And I always wanted to tell you that, show you that.�
Sally was once again standing right next to Angel and caressing her face.
�I drove you to become whom you should have never been. If there is anyone to blame for that night� it is me �and my insanity.� Sally was finally able to confess without tears.
�I went insane too.� Angel wasn�t crying either. Surprisingly they were both smiling, even though the topic was of the darkest moment of their life. One act of physical insanity had scared both their hearts and another act of the same had wiped it off for both of them. Yet Angel had said she was leaving.
�You are leaving?� Sally finally commented on the first thing Angel had said when she had entered the room.
�That is the best thing to do. I am with some one.� Angel once again was the first one to say.
�How is she?� Sally didn�t ask who she was but asked how she was. One question that was more important as she had learned from the fall out of their relationship.
�We are our own people you know. Just because we are together doesn�t mean our lives have to somehow form one entity. She does her stuff and I do mine.�
�In other words just like you.� Sally summed up.
�Why isn�t your girlfriend like you?� Angel asked knowing that Sally had a girlfriend.
�She is here with me for Jen�s �Introducing David� Party, which I know you would have never come with me. And you came alone for Jack�s funeral. That by itself says a lot about the people we needed to be with I guess.�
�Yeah� we needed to be with other people.� Angel concurred.
�Then why does it still hurt so bad?� Sally had to ask.
But Angel didn�t answer. She just left.
And Sally returned back to Chris.
THE END