Present,
Past and Here on
By
TC
When Sally's mind landed back to reality, she was angry with herself. She had managed not to visit those memory lanes till today. And if the doctor hadn't insisted on a bed rest and cruelly taken her right to work, then she certainly would not have been home to answer Jen's phone and her heart would not be floating in memories.
She got dressed took a short ride to the University almost next door. She walked up the staircase and knocked on the door.
Door opened, and the young professor exclaimed, "Sally! What are you doing out of bed?"
"Will I get a smile, if I told you I needed to see you?" Sally said as she grinned from ear to ear.
Chris smiled as she let Sally inside her office. Sally always managed to make her smile that was one of the reasons why she was so in love with her. Ever since she had met Sally almost three years ago, her life had been perfect. But, the thing that always bothered her was that, though Sally whispered that she loved her, in the middle of the night when they lay still holding each other and dreaming with the rhythm of their heartbeats, she knew that Sally didn't feel as complete with her as she did. Now that they had been living together for more than a year, she had hoped that she would be able to ease the pain that Sally carried, but though she could see the scars, she could not be the medicine. But, Chris didn't care. She loved Sally and would stand by her no matter what wound she carried and how she decided to deal with it.
Sally could see the way Chris was looking at her. Every time she saw Chris's eyes filled with so much love for her, she had to shy away with guilt. Because somewhere in her heart she knew that she didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve to be loved so much. She wished that she could let go of everything and float into tomorrow effortlessly with her, but she knew how hard each day had been to pass.
She had called Chris at a point when she knew she was drowning. She needed to hold on to someone, she didn't think, she just clutched. She clutched so hard that Chris responded with love, her love eased the rough path that she had to take; it sure warmed the cold lonely nights, and gave her the strength to shallow her tears. But, no matter how much she wanted to, it didn't heal her heart. She realized that it was impossible to give someone your broken heart, even when you do love them.
Unable to let go of past, Sally had devised a brilliant plan to trap herself into the present by making a heavenly web in which she tangled her everything with Chris, her mortgage, her cars and all her future plans. She thought even in some insane moment she did do something stupid like leave her, she would not be able to, with everything that they shared together. She was also thinking about asking Chris to think about starting a family together. She thought why not, after all they both were successful, they could afford to give a kid a good upbringing. She also hoped that it just might be the healing that she sought, and it was Angel who had said that, "Best marriage is based on compatibility." Here she was with the best-fitted person she could find for herself so marriage or kids should not be such a hard thing to do, she thought.
Chris called it an early day, and locked her office after Sally. They drove back home and settled into their daily share of chores. After dinner they relaxed in front of the television.
Chris had promised herself that she would not remind Sally about their upcoming anniversary, but she was so overjoyed that it was almost three years since they had first made love. She could never forget that night. She didn't even know what was happening, all she knew was that whatever it was better not stop.
<<Past>>
That night, Chris had an unusual uneasiness in her mind. She could not sleep at all. It was such a beautiful night on top of that. She just sat on her pouch listening to silence when the ringing of her phone disturbed it. When she saw it was Sally, she quickly answered.
Sally spoke in a much muffled voice like she had had little too much to drink. She wanted Chris to drive 4 hours to pick her up from her town. She didn't even think twice, she took her wallet and headed out.
It was 3am in the morning when she reached the exit for Sally's town. Just after the jug handle she saw Sally's car on the side of the road. She panicked. She looked aimlessly for her friend. Instinctively she started to run up the road, to her relief she found her. Poor little creature was standing on the side of the road and screaming or at least attempting to scream, as she was making no sound. She approached her, and Sally turned her tear filled eyes towards her. Seeing Sally is such despair it was Chris who broke down into loud cries. She wanted to cry for her, she wanted to scream for her and she did. The two women hugged each other till there were no more tears to dry. Chris could have asked her what was the cause of her tears, but she chose not to.
They took a room in a motel near by. After they had both washed their faces, Chris settled herself on one end of the bed with the remote control. Sally came out of the bathroom and she looked gorgeous. She hopped right next to her and smiled.
Without even a warning Sally kissed her. Though it certainly was a surprise to Chris, certainly was not unwelcome. If Sally was vigorous with her desire that night, Chris had reciprocated with equal amount of passion. Burning the fire in Chris that she never knew existed. As the sun creped over the horizon, Chris found herself explode with all her might. That morning she held Sally close to her heart and knew that she had lost hers to this beautiful creature melting in her arms.
<<Present>>
Three days from now, it would be three years since that sun rose. She smiled not being able to contain the happiness within herself.
Sally inquired, "You don't have dirty thoughts again do you?"
"No, just thinking about the first time we were together. Remember that night?" Chris asked a little scared of the reaction she might get.
"How can I forget?" Sally replied sounding casual while her she fought with her mind to stay in the present.
"It's going to be three years now, you know that right. Our anniversary is coming up." Chris persisted hoping may be that year they would do something special.
**Three years, when did it become three years? It had been three years since that night. Where did the time go? How did I reach here? Can Angel be thinking of me right now? No, forget it. I have to stop. I wish Chris wouldn't celebrate our anniversary on that day. It hurts so bad. It's hard enough not to think about Angel everyday, but to not think about her on the day she was gone is next to impossible. But look at Chris. My god she is beautiful. I am cheating on her, with my unwillingly ness to let go. I have to tell her one-day about Angel. I am sure she'll understand. She loves me. I love her too. Of course I love her. Please Chris, don't look at me that way. I'll just die of guilt. Yes baby I remember that night more clearly than you ever would. I wish I could tell you how long I stood on that road hopping I could scream out my pain. I wish I could tell you how long I had cried all alone. I wish I could tell you how making love to you, lashing out my weakness into your body was the only way I could close my eyes that night. Oh! Baby you are so beautiful, you deserve so much more. Why am I like this? Speak; she is watching, say something soon.**
"I know love. What do you want to do?" Sally finally said erasing her thoughts.
"Was thinking about going back to your town, may be even the same motel, same room." She winked at her lover.
Sally had always avoided going back to the town, but Chris just wanted to go and see the town that Sally called home, walk in the streets that Sally grew up in. But for the most part she wanted to go back to find the origin of the scar that she knew Sally still nurtured inside of her.
"Well, you are in luck then. Jen had called this afternoon. She got engaged to David so had invited us both, but I didn't really want to go. Now I guess I can't refuse." Sally said as she told herself that she couldn�t run any more, and it wasn�t like Angel was back home, she hadn�t returned since that day so it was safe to go and visit.
"Ummm�. You better not refuse." Chris insisted as she kissed Sally as a reward for accepting the invitation.
"Well, we have a trip to plan then." Sally said trying to sound as cheerful as her better half.
Sally went to the kitchen and opened a beer.
**Let me kill some of my brain cells with alcohol, with the amount it thinks nonsense it deserves to die. Die brain cells die. Stop! Thinking about Angel. Ok, focus Chris is my life. Think about her. May be I should ask her to marry me there in that very motel room, she'll love it. Good Idea. Is Angel married? To a man or a woman. Does she love her? I am sure it's a woman. She must even have had a kid by now; after all she doesn't like to wait for anything. And she always said, she was early for everything. Except with me I guess she was always late. Or was she? Stop Stop Stop.**
Chris jumped from behind and kissed her girl claiming all her thoughts.
>>Now this is perfect.<< Chris thought to herself.
Almost 500 miles away, Angel sipped the last of the wine and put the glass down. She had a trip to prepare for.