24 Weeks...
Chapter Four
�When they said �Common sense is not so common�, they must have been referring to you, weren�t they Benson?� Officer Summers was screaming on top of his voice.
The entire 25 pairs of eyes followed the sturdy figure of their Criminal Profiling Professor as he took slow steps towards the student whose response had provoked him.
�Benson, you think I am a compassionate man?� He asked once he was standing right next to Olivia.
Olivia hesitated wondering what would be the proper response that would not add fuel to the fire.
�BENSON! DO YOU THINK I AM A COMPASSIONATE MAN?� He screamed this time.
�YES SIR YOU ARE.� Olivia answered with the same volume.
�No, Benson I am not. You know why I am NOT A COMPASSIONATE MAN.�
�No, Sir I don�t.�
�Because if I am on the crime scene of a rape or murder or assault, I don�t give a fucking shit about the victim. UNLIKE the great COMPASSIONATE BENSON HERE.� Officer Summers looked around the room to make sure that everyone was listening to the mistake that he was correcting. �You know who, the first one, in my mind is?�
�The rapist.� A whisper answered from two rows behind Olivia.
�Ramsey.� Officer Summers who had spent over two decades as a detective and had only taken up teaching after he was injured in the line of duty and was ordered off the streets, recognized the voice that answered even though most in his class hadn�t even caught the whisper.
�Yes Sir.� Gina said getting up and standing in attention just as Olivia had been doing ever since she had unfortunately responded wrongfully.
�So whom do I think of when I enter the crime scene?� He asked now his face only inches from Gina�s.
�The perpetrator, Sir.� Gina replied trying her best to not get intimidated by the closeness of the Officer.
�Could you PLEASE enlighten me as to why I would first think of some bastard who just raped or killed my victim?� He asked with a little calmer tone as he walked away from the two standing student.
�Because it is only by thinking about who the criminal is that we can get closer to the solving the crime.� Gina answered.
�NO.� Officer Summers was screaming again. �Thank you for a text book answer but that is not the reason why I would be thinking about the prep.�
�The reason why I would be thinking about the Perp. is because I am a COP and not a fucking social worker. If you want to baby sit the victims Benson you have chosen a wrong fucking field.� He directed his comment right at Olivia who was now fighting her tears as she kept her knees steady enough to hold the attention position.
As soon as the class was over Olivia gathered her books and rushed outside well ahead of everyone else. She still had couple of classes but right at that moment she didn�t care, she didn�t care about classes, she didn�t care about Academy and she certainly didn�t care about whatever the fuck Summers had yelled at her.
She threw her books in the locker and slammed the door closed. The tears that had obediently stayed inside burst out in solitude as Olivia let her head rest on the cool metal of the locker door. She realized that as much as she had believed that she could deal with it, but whenever a case study about rape� any rape came she found herself saying and doing all the wrong stuff.
�Liv, don�t let the asshole get to you.� Chris, who had followed her friend, offered a consolation as she leaned against the locker to be able to meet Olivia�s wet eyes.
�Forget is Chris, may be I am not cut out to be a cop.� Olivia confessed.
�No way in hell, are you going to quit.� Gina startled both her friends with a raised voice.
�G! May be I am not strong ��
Olivia had only started to say when Gina turned her body abruptly to face her and pushed her back to the locker.
�It�s easy Liv just think about the bastard.� Gina said as she landed a punch right next to Olivia�s face making a loud metallic bang against the lockers.
�They want to hurt the victim, make them helpless.� Gina was pushing against Olivia�s as her voice got softer and angrier. �You want to catch them, stop them.� Gina said as she pinned closer.
Olivia who at first hadn�t made much of Gina�s approach quickly became uncomfortable with the amount of force that was exerted on and started to protest when Gina�s strong hands closed her mouth and her hands were pinned behind her. Olivia wriggled in an attempt to free herself but Gina had cornered her in such a way that with all her strength Olivia felt helpless unable to protect herself against anything that Gina might do to her at that moment.
�See, how easy it is to be on top.� Gina was saying with her gritted teeth. Her free hand was now on Olivia�s throat and she the pressure she was applying certainly did not seem like she was just trying to get her message across. �Now don�t you want to catch me, Liv? Don�t you want to be a cop to put me behind the bars?� The pressure increased after every sentence so much so that Olivia was actually turning blue.
Even though Olivia could clearly see Gina�s lips moving but she couldn�t hear a thing as her oxygen supply stopped and her body functions decelerated. Her mind refused to believe what was happening but with no strength in her Olivia was certain she was dying when the hand was yanked off and Gina�s body pushed back as Olivia fell to the ground choking.
�Are you out of your fucking mind?� Chris� scream was the first thing Olivia heard as she heaved air inside her lungs.
�She might as well know what sicko�s she is willing to let roam free when she wants to give up. She wants to care about the victims, BE A FUCKING VICTIM LIV, may be, MAY FUCKING BE that she�ll stop wanting to be a FUCKING VICTIM.� Gina screamed the reasoning behind her outburst.
As soon as Olivia found her strength back, she got up and landed a punch right on Gina�s face with such force that the woman stumbled at first then fell at least a foot away.
�Don�t you ever lay your fucking hands on me again.� Olivia warned as she stormed out of the locker room, then the out of Academy right to Seven Eleven then right inside the Jena�s office. As soon as she saw Jena every ounce of strength that had sustained her to make the distance evaporated and she collapsed.
�If you won�t let me pay for the room, then let me pay for the food.� Olivia took out the containers of Chinese food and put them on the table of the motel room that Jena had rented. Olivia wasn�t crying any more but she was not ready to go back to the dorm and as always Jaq was in Jena�s place.
�Nah�When I pay then I feel like I have it all; a wife at home and a mistress in the motel room.� Jena said with interest, it was a good way to distract Olivia. When Olivia had walked in her office she looked so sad that it touched Jena�s heart and now Jena was willing to say anything to make Olivia smile.
And Olivia did smile at Jena�s attempt to bring some humor. �I can�t believe I am actually letting you call me mistress.�
�That is strictly due to geography sweetheart.� Jena was relieved to see that at least Olivia had made an attempt to smile, �Because, we are in a motel room, when I have a place of my own.�
�Are you sure? Because with the amount of nights Jaq is NOT on TOP of me, I have a feeling she might just be your wife in true meaning.� Olivia certainly welcomed the lighter chatter.
�Yeah Liv when Jaq gets bored of doing someone different every night; she knocks on my door and we are at it all night long.�
If Olivia wanted to drag that thought Jena had no problem providing more visuals.
�Hey who knows, I am not there.�
The thought of Jena and Jaq together certainly wasn�t pretty but Olivia didn�t want to be the one to admit that she wanted to end the topic.
�If you were giving me some then may be I didn�t have to go to Jaq for it.�
Jena never missed a chance to complain about their lack of intimacy even though she never pushed Olivia for it.
�Well, for that I thought you were going to get me drunk, how come you didn�t get some for tonight.� Olivia asked.
�Because alcohol sweetheart is a lying bitch. It is a misconception that people think that when they drink they feel better. Coz in actuality all alcohol does is multiply human emotions. So, if one is feeling happy it makes you feel extra happy and when one is feeling down, it makes you feel extra down. And, Doctor Rollins says no more pain for you tonight.�
Jena who hardly ever drank, never considered alcohol an answer to any problems and especially not pain and she certainly wasn�t going to let Olivia camouflage whatever had hurt her with alcohol.
�Well Dr. Rollins thank you for the prescription.�
Olivia tried to make light of Jena words but she knew that the next sentence would end their light chatter and bring them back to the matter at hand.
�But, Dr. Rollins also suggests that you should talk about what happened.�
True to Olivia�s prediction, Jena who had finished eating was now looking at Olivia with no intention of letting her wriggle out of her question.
�Well, nothing actually, just that one instructor was hard on me today.�
�Yes, I am actually dating a girl that comes crying when she can�t bear to hear an instructor scream at her. Now, you can insult me, don�t insult the girl I am dating.�
�Very clever Rollins, I would rather just talk about this girl you are dating.� Olivia said with a smile hoping that Jena would not push the subject and at the same time hoping that she would.
�Oh this girl I am dating was just about to tell me what happened to her because she might want to hide whatever she wants with whoever she wants but she is going to be honest with me.�
�It�s just a little difficult for me to think the way they want me to think that�s all. You see, we were doing criminal profiling and he was teaching how the best way to catch a criminal is to get inside his head and try and think like him. And I being goody two shoes have a little bit of a problem having a mind set like a criminal.�
�You being goody two shoes.� Jena repeated in a tone that said �stop giving be crap and start talking.�
�Well, I just can�t seem to get it right.�
Jena got up and took the fork out of Olivia hand held it. She knelt in front of the woman who desperately tried to smile and keep her pain hidden but was failing miserably.
�What are you scared of Liv?� Jena asked once she saw the tears misting on Olivia�s eyes once again.
�My mom� no I am � Jen�� Olivia looked at Jena still bewildered but as soon as she saw that Jena was holding her hand firmly and looking right at her she knew that if there was anyone whom she could open up to, it was she.
�Jen, my mom was raped.� Olivia blurted it out along with a loud cry, as this was the first time in her life that she had actually said it aloud for someone else to hear.
She had always known the fact but just like her mother, she had never had the guts to say it aloud though unlike her mother she had always wanted to face it head on rather than have it linger in their lives. Yet she had never found enough strength to even say it so that she could face it and get over with it. May be it was because of her mother who always avoided her in fear that she would confront her or ask her. Her mother who didn�t even further the topic when she had told her she wanted to be a cop. So, like her mother Olivia had kept it hidden inside her too. That was until that very moment and at that very moment she found her strength, her voice her outlet to pour out her angst in the arms of Jena whom she for the first time in her life was already in love with.
Jena scooted up a little and held her tighter as Olivia cried.
�That�s not the end of it though. She got pregnant and I was born.� Olivia pulled away before she thought Jena had the chance to do so, but Jena instead pulled her right back and kept her hug as tight as before.
�Why I can�t get into a criminal�s head? Because I am born of one. My father is a rapist.� Olivia found herself unable to just sit still and got up as the realization of her pinned up fears hit her. �You wanna know what I am scared of? I am scared of thinking like him and becoming him. Yes, Jen I want to be a cop, I want to catch him. I want to be able to catch bastards like him. But I don�t want to think like him, I am not him��.I AM NOT HIM.�
�You are not him.� Jena repeated for Olivia as she took one step then another towards her.
Couple of days after Olivia had made herself comfortable in Jena�s place, Jena had let her hand wander near Olivia�s chest while they were making out and Olivia had flinched. She hadn�t jumped up or even stopped kissing, but had only flinched slightly but Jena had noticed it and had decided at that moment to let Olivia set the pace of their relationship.
Jena might have been blind to notice that Olivia was actually gay but once that was out of the way, nothing about Olivia went unnoticed from her. She had figured right away that underneath the casual jokes they shared, the reason for their lack of physical intimacy was deeper and right then, seeing Olivia screaming her gut out, Jena was only thankful that she hadn�t pushed for it.
�You are not him, and you are not going to become him.�
�G wants me to stop thinking about the victim. I am a victim, how can I not think about the victim. G wants me to know the pain� I KNOW the PAIN�ever since I was born I have seen the pain�He raped my mother once�but you know what he did to me�he killed me�he has been killing me little by little ever since I was born�you want to know what I am scared of�� Olivia was yelling. The only way she could say what had been pinned up all her life. �I am scared I�ll be him. Out of control like an animal, attacking and hurting; I am SCARED I�ll be her, unable to protect myself, falling victim to someone�s animal lust. That�s what I am SCARED of.�
�Hey � hey�� Jena grabbed both of Olivia�s hand and pulled her closer in an attempt to calm her.
�You are not going to be your mom or him� you hear me.�
�But you don�t understand � I have been so scared that I have never �� Olivia started but she knew she didn�t need to complete it as she knew that Jena knew and it didn�t matter to her. Jena guided her slowly to the bed and made Olivia sit while she stood on top of her and wiped her tears. She lowered slowly and kissed her.
Jena knew at that moment she had to prove it to Olivia that sex was about love and not hate and animal lust. Jena didn�t know why Olivia had chosen her to be the one but at that moment in that room, Olivia let her guards down and allowed Jena to kiss her first on her lips then her face.
�Let me show you that you are not.� Jena asked as she let her finger trace through Olivia�s neck to her bare shoulder and then stopped at the strap of her bra and her spaghetti string of her top. Olivia remained silent as she let Jena slip the string off her shoulder and then kiss her skin. Jena let her kiss linger on for more than she usually did wondering if what she was doing would actually help Olivia or if she was just taking advantage of her vulnerability. Just then Jena felt Olivia�s hands tucking inside her shirt and touching her skin on her stomach, and she knew that her worries were wrong.
�Liv�� Jena cupped Olivia�s face and waited for her to open her eyes. �If you say stop, I�ll stop.�
Olivia who had made sure that she was never that vulnerable that she could be completely taken over by anyone, needed to hear those words more than Jena needed to say them. So, when she heard it, the slightest of the slightest hesitation that had lingered inside fizzled away as she let her mind take rest and for the first time in her life, gave in completely to her body�s desire.