24 Weeks...
Chapter Five
Chris was still couple of blocks from the dorm but she could see the black Nissan Maxima in the parking lot. She had seen that car park and wait for Olivia for the third consecutive day, now. It always picked her up sharp at 6pm and dropped her off sharp at 6am.
Immediately at that moment Olivia rushed out of the dorm with a night bag and got in on the passenger side. The timing of the car waiting and Olivia getting out was so synchronized that if one wasn�t really looking for Olivia they wouldn�t even notice when Olivia came in and out of the dorm. But, Chris was looking for Olivia. She had been doing so since the day Gina attacked her. So that she could apologize to her friend but Olivia chose to avoid them both to such an extent that even after three days�all she caught was a glimpse of Olivia speeding away in a car that was surprisingly driven by a woman.
***At least she is not seeing anyone. **** She thought as she walked on.
�I have to go downstairs for a little bit and do some paper work; meanwhile you can order some dinner.�
�Okay.� She said as she breathed in and breathed out.
Olivia wanted to turn her head, turn her body to face her girlfriend but she just couldn�t find the strength to do so. She waited a good minute or two to come back to normal before she finally turned interrupting Jena�s appraising of her uncovered skin.
�You are so beautiful.� Jena said tracing the length of her leg.
After their first time together, lying naked together, making love over and over was just a natural course that followed. So, everyday Jena waited for 6pm to pick up Olivia from the Academy. Then they spent hours in bed or elsewhere but nevertheless always in close proximity of each other till dinner which usually was in bed too.
�Now, if you keep looking at me this way, you�ll make me blush.�
�Isn�t that a good thing?� Jena asked totally smitten by the beauty in her bed, and who wouldn�t be.
�Yes it is.� Olivia entangled the fingers that were on her skin with her own and brought it to her lips. �Everything with you is a good thing.� She kissed the finger that still had her taste from just couple of minutes ago when their actions had drained her. �You are the best thing that ever happened to me.� She turned the hand to kiss the palm. �You are amazing.� She adjusted slightly to be able to kiss the wrist next. �You are crazily � insanely ��
�Great.� Jena completed the sentence as Olivia paused.
�No.� That wasn�t the word Olivia was searching for but with an abrupt interruption she thought of another appropriate adjective to fill in.
�You are crazily�insanely�rude.�
�Really.� Jena pulled her hand right out of Olivia�s lips, �Now this is rude.�
�Exactly.� Olivia agreed enjoying their little playfulness. She moved closer and this time pulled her girlfriend into a hug that she couldn�t pull out of. �God�I love this� I love being here with you�I love touching you�.� She was kissing Jena after every sentence and Jena was more than glad to be the recipient.
Olivia�s lips were right next to Jena�s ears and her words were not more than a whisper as she continued. She paused for just a fraction of a second, and then she nibbled on the ear lobe just little and took a long breath in. Jena knew the words that were about to be spoken and her arms that were just casually wrapped around squeezed a little just before she heard the vibration of the Olivia�s breath register in her brain as, �I love you.�
Olivia said it. She hadn�t planned it and yet it wasn�t accidental. The words felt as natural as that moment felt or every moment with Jena felt.
�Me too.� Jena finally said once the impact time had lapsed. �I love me too.� She had to add.
�See�what I said about you being rude.� Olivia pouted.
�You know I do though �right?� Jena asked with a little serious tone hoping that Olivia hadn�t taken her joke to mean that she wasn�t feeling as deeply as Olivia.
�Yes� I do�� Even though Jena hadn�t said the exact words Olivia already knew that the feeling was mutual that is why it had been so easy for her to say it. �You fell for me the moment you saw me.� She added remembering the smile on Jena�s face when she had looked up the day she had first seen her.
�You think you are all that?� Jena asked a little surprised at the confidence.
�Yeah and more.�
�You are right. You are all that and much much MUCH more.�
Olivia rewarded the admittance by trailing kisses on her neck.
�I also wanted to say thank you for letting me open up to you.� Olivia stopped and was now looking right at Jena to make sure that Jena knew how grateful she was. �Thank you for showing me the most beautiful side of love.�
�You are welcome.� Jena accepted and sealed the words with a soft kiss. �Though I was thinking about something.�
�Yes�anything for you.� Olivia meant it too.
�I think you should talk to your mom�� Jena usually hated giving advice, but she knew that even though Olivia felt freer with her, she needed to feel the same with her mom.
�I have tried it a million times, I told you, but she never wants to�� It was surprising that the subject that Olivia had never even spoken about before was so easy to discuss with Jena.
�I know she walks away, but don�t let her. Confront her sweetheart, make her talk to you.�
�Talk about what. I mean we have already established that I know, so I really don�t know what is it I am supposed to confront her with.� It wasn�t that Olivia didn�t want to confront her mom but as she said she didn�t know about what. What was she to say or ask? �So mom you were raped huh?� Just wasn�t the opener that came to her mind.
�Liv�your mother loves you.� But Jena knew that Olivia knew what she needed to say to her mother.
�I know.� Olivia simply said realizing that she did know. She had always known but she never admitted to herself because she like her mom was walking away from it too. But now that Jena had said it aloud there was no escaping it. Yes, her mother loved her. She had shown her love to Olivia in everyway but one�and yet Olivia wasn�t sure. �But I am not sure if I can. I don�t think I have the strength to just walk up to her and�you know what�I can do it if you come with me�would you?�
Olivia wasn�t even sure of what she was asking of her girlfriend but somehow she felt that if Jena was there with her�she could do it. She wanted that, she wanted to depend on Jena, needed Jena to give her strength.
�No�� Jena did not even think before she replied.
�Baby�you make me feel ��
�No sweetheart you don�t need me. Especially not for strength because it is already in you�. can�t you see�You were strong enough to keep it in you�to bring yourself till here� you got yourself here�you say thank you to me� the fact is�I did nothing� this is all you�all your strength�Baby I�ll come with you�. to the hell if you want me to hold your hand�or stand behind you�beside you�with you�but the thing that I have come to know about you in the last few days is that you don�t need me�not for strength at least.�
Jena meant every word she was saying. There was nothing more she wanted than to be able to be there for Olivia, to share her pain�but she knew better. She knew Olivia. She had seen the woman who had every reason to be insecure and intimidated but she was none. It took a strong heart to have Olivia�s past and yet take the road that Olivia had chosen. And Jena could see that heart because Olivia had shared it with her, and knowing that heart she knew that Olivia didn�t need her. Olivia had chosen her but Olivia would never need anyone.
�Well, I got to go downstairs�at least think about it okay...� Jena said getting up and gathering her clothes.
It was getting late and she wanted to go to sleep but somehow she wasn�t feeling sleepy that night. She stared at TV set then at her empty glass. She wanted more but she didn�t want to get up and walk. She wondered why she just didn�t bring the whole bottle and put it on the coffee table so that she didn�t have walk up every time. But even though she always wondered that, she never really did that.
As much as she needed the drink, somewhere in her mind she wanted to stop too. That is why she hoped that if nothing else but because of laziness she did not make one out of hundreds of trips she made to her mini-bar. Then may be one day she could stop filling her glass with the poison that was slowly sipping her life. But today wasn�t that day and she wasn�t too lazy to make it to the end of the room.
She filled her glass once again and wondered if her daughter had decided to stay at the Academy again. Olivia had seemed happier lately and she wondered why. She wanted to sit with her daughter ask her all about it but she never did it till today so there was no way she could do it then.
�Mom��
Sareena was startled by the voice. She hadn�t even heard anyone come into the house or the living room and yet there was Olivia�s voice calling her. She turned around gripping her glass as though somehow someone was trying to grab it from her.
�We need to talk.� Olivia said.
She walked up to her mother and she did grab the glass and took it from her. Sareena let her do it and also allowed Olivia to guide her to the couch where she slowly sat as Olivia kneeled right in front of her. Olivia�s eyes were red and filled with tears.
�I hate him.� Was all Olivia could say before she burst out in sobs and hugged her mother. �I hate him for what he did to you. I hate him for me. I hate him too.�
Sareena had no idea what had brought Olivia to say it but she knew exactly what Olivia meant. Those somehow were the words that she had wanted to hear. Her own eyes quickly flooded and she was holding on to her daughter as strongly as she was being held.
She hadn�t cried since the day Olivia was born. She wanted to laugh and be happy but instead when she had seen her baby for the first time, she had cried and cried so much that she had to drink to stop crying. It was then that she had decided that she would never cry but now�with Olivia sobbing on her stomach�Sareena cried too.
She was still crying when Olivia pulled back and recovered her voice. �It�s ok to hate him and love me�because I hate him too.�
Sareena�s heart exploded. Yes�she hated him�but she loved Olivia�she loved her daughter�she knew that the moment she had seen her but once she had realized that her heart had recoiled at the same time. Because she didn�t stop hating him�she hated him when he was on top of her�she hated him when pain was all she felt�she hated him for putting Olivia in her�she hated him as Olivia grew inside of her �she somehow thought she had to stop hating him to be able to love her daughter but it hadn�t happened�she hated him when Olivia was born�when Olivia was growing up�and she still hated him�but she loved her baby�She had done everything to make sure that Olivia was happy. She was there for her except for she could never tell herself or her child that she loved her because she didn�t know if it was possible. But right then when Olivia said it was okay � she just exploded��Yes baby I love you�.I love you�.I love you�� She found herself repeating over and over for every time she wanted to say it but she didn�t.
That night as the mother and daughter cried together�Olivia�s heart secretly thanked the woman who was sitting solo on her bed with the open pizza box. Right next to the box a note with Olivia�s handwriting laid that read�
�Going home to talk to mom�Thanks�love you Liv�
The next morning when Sareena woke up everything was bright and even beautiful. She actually smiled for no reason as she poured coffee, one for her and one for her daughter. She had made coffee for Olivia thousands of time in the last 22 years but she had never felt the unburdened joy as she felt that morning. The joy was bursting as much as tears had done so only about ten hours ago. She let her mind think about her daughter and smile at the same time as she carried the two mugs to the living room where Olivia was flipping through the TV channels.
�We need to talk.� Sareena said trying to mimic Olivia�s tone of last night but failing miserably.
�Yes, mom.� Olivia said knowing that there was nothing that she wouldn�t want to talk to her mom now.
�So, are you in love?�
Except that. Olivia almost choked on her coffee when she heard the question.
�What makes you think that?�
�Oh! Apart from the fact that the past couple of weeks you have been acting unusually happy, there is the little fact that my daughter came home in the middle of the night and cried her heart out. Do I need more reasons?� Sareena felt unusually cheerful talking to her daughter the way she had always wanted to.
�I thought you were the one doing all the crying.� Olivia pointed out. �Anyway there could have been other reasons�like I came upon a case study that was similar and I finally said to myself it was time.�
�That could be.� Sareena pretended to actually believe that reason but even though she never had coffee conversations with her daughter before but she had always kept a watchful eye on her enough to know that the reason couldn�t be just a case study. �And it also could be that you are lying to me.�
Olivia knew that her mother noticed everything about her and now it had finally taken a step forward and she was actually using her observation to question her. She sipped on her coffee with the realization that the woman sitting next to her was the mother she knew she always had but hadn�t met until that day.
�So who is he?� Sareena asked again knowing that she deserved an answer.
***Its not he �it�s a she mom� and her name is Jena and she is beautiful and smart and she is so funny�you�ll love her�because I love her�I am crazily in love with her��
Olivia�s mind was screaming but she was still torturing her mother with silence. She put down the cup feeling kinder towards her mom when the doorbell rang.
�I�ll grill you about him next time.� Sareena said getting up and walking towards the door.