| Scene: Bank (Text: San Antonio, Texas) Enter: 6 Rabbis. 1st Rabbi: Adam and Eve is a good story but that�s all it is. A story 2nd Rabbi: Why do you always bring that up? 1st Rabbi: What? It�s a good cover 4th Rabbi: Shut the hell up! You wanna blow our cover?! (Everyone in bank turns to look at the Rabbis) 6th Rabbi: Fuck. Now we have to do this the hard way (Rabbis strip off their shirts to reveal sawed-off shotguns. They pump the shotguns.) 5th Rabbi: Everyone on the floor, now! (Security guard by counter pulls gun and shoots at 4th Rabbi. Rabbi dodges and runs up to security guard and jumps on him. Security guard pulls on Rabbi�s clothes. All clothes rip off to reveal a velociraptor. All other Rabbis rip off clothes to reveal more velocirapters. Cue music. Title flashes: Jurassic Park IV) Cut to: Outside of Bank (The 6 velociraptors run to a car with another velociraptor at the wheel. Car drives off very fast. Police cars come in hot pursuit. One velociraptor leans out car window and shoots at police. Cut to: Police shooting. Cut back to: velociraptor getting a quarter-sized hole in his head) 1st Raptor: Idiots! Don�t they know the only way to kill a Raptor is to cut off its head? (Continues firing at police) Cut to: Driving of police car getting shot in the head. Slumps over. Car swerves into wall. Policeman falls out. Raptor-mobile stops. Cut to: Ground level shot of cop all cut up. Velociraptor feet walk up and surround him. Fade to black. New Scene: In darkened room Pan to: Police man tied to a chair, covered in sweat and blood, and surrounded by 2 raptors 1st Raptor: Come on, Officer (looks at badge) Matsunaga. Tell us what we want to know and we�ll let you go. Won�t we, Vince? 2nd Raptor (non-emotionally): Of course we will, Vance Officer Matsunaga (Frightened and quick): I told you already! The police knew about the heist because the teller was an anti-Semite and hit the silent alarm the second you came in dressed as Rabbis! We�re in fucking Texas! It was just a coincidence! 1st Raptor (Vance): Now that doesn�t sound right now does it, Vince? 2nd Raptor (Vince): It certainly doesn�t, Vance. Vance: Pull a Tarantino? Vince: Certainly. Matsunaga: No, please! It�s truth! Please don�t! NOOO! (Vince walks to a CD player and presses play. Music starts (Stuck in The Middle). Vance starts dousing Officer Matsunaga in gasoline. Lights match. Cut to face shots of Vance and Vince watching fire while Matsunaga screams.) Cut to: Outside of Room (Vance and Vince leave. Another Raptor walks up) 3rd Raptor: Did you get the information Vance: We had� difficulties. 3rd Raptor: Difficul� you burnt him, didn�t you? Vance: Uh�no (meekly) 3rd Raptor: You always do this! What is with you and fire?! Vance: It�s� shiny 3rd Raptor: God! And you went to college! Vince: He was in noncompliance, Vincenzio Vincenzio: Stop talking like you�re a member of the fucking Borg Vince: Sorry Vincenzio: Jesus! If I hadn�t promised Mom I wouldn�t kill you, I would have killed you by now (Vincenzio storms out of room, possibly because I was tired of typing his name) Vance (to Vince): So tell me about the hash bar again Vince: I never told you anything about the fucking hash bar. Jesus. (Vince walks out leaving only Vance) Vance (Loudly to off camera): Do you know what they call a quarter-pounder with cheese in France? Vince (off-camera): Shut the fuck up! (Vance looks down, saddened and walks out of scene) Cut to: Different darkened room One Raptor is in front of someone with their back turned and has two people next him with swords (katana-style) and sunglasses Raptor: I�m sorry. This is most we could get before the cops showed up Mystery man (either like Christopher Walken or Count Chocula): We agreed on 10 thousand Raptor: I know! We screwed up but it wasn�t our fault! Mystery man: A good carpenter never blames his tools (in case of Count Chocula voice: just I as I don�t blame my spooky marshmallows for the terrible tooth decay I�m experiencing. In case of Walken: as you are blaming others, as if they were tools) Raptor: I know! Please give us another chance! Mystery man: No, I would rather not (snaps fingers) (2 guys draw their swords and swing at the Raptor�s neck (camera cuts at last second to show the other wall be splattered with blood; fake or otherwise) Mystery men: Hahahaha. That was splendid! Now let�s go play some bacchi. (2 men smile to reveal vampire fangs. Fade to black) On to Part 2! Don't go away! There's more Tarantino refereneces! And a exploding delivery boys! |