episodes

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23 Sep 2002 - 10:28p

T'was a bittersweet weekend.

Had the *IAFG 2002 Pool Tournament on Saturday at this dingy joint with the worse ventilation ever. Spent close to 6.5 hours there just hanging around in the sweltering heat with my heart on a thread.

You know who your **true friends are, when they too spend a perfectly good Saturday afternoon with you at that dingy joint with the worse ventilation ever, working their sweat glands overtime. Kim, Aileen, Jess and Felicia were with me throughout the entire ordeal feeding me with home made ribena, the cheap-ass version of Loakers i.e Jackers (Hahahahaha!!!) and of course my favorite barett-treasure (read : berry’d treasure from coffee bean), thou’ Kim and Aileen left at the 11^th hour on the pretext of having dinner plans (which I personally think were escapisms to NOT be there when i lose) heh =) ok ok i am kidding! yes, Aileen had a dinner date with a yummy-licious guy and yes Kim had a…um…what did he have again? thanks guys. really :)

ya’ know, despite all that was said to me by my trusty friends and even trustier (is there even such a word?) team mates, deep deep, deep down inside i think they all had very little faith in me. i don’t blame them one bit. even I didn’t have real faith in me! call it an almost severe case of stumpy self-esteem but after all this time, i still can’t figure out how to place the white ball where i want it. damn. ok i don’t suck but neither am i supercalifragilisticexpialidocious :)

however, i refuse to sit here and display blatant egotistical remarks about how my 2 team members and i wiped out PKF in one fell swoop, cautiously edged EY out of the semi-finals and shamelessly defeated PwC to victory.

So……..

isn't andy the sweetest thing ever? because he was far far away in satay-celupation land and couldn't be at the the dingy joint with the worse ventilation ever perspiring from every pore possible, he drew what appears to be me (!!) completely delirious with joy!!! you are so artistication andy!

p/s that's a cue stick on your left by the way and its not that andy was happy to see you :D

* Inter-Accounting Firm Games

** andy (in Malacca), gary (in US……..J), ivan (in Sydney), Michele (in denmark), charles (in cheras) and cindy (in oh-i-forgot land) equals true friends who could not be at the dingy joint with bad bad ventilation due to unforseen geographical circumstances

oh and the bitter part of the bittersweet weekend? well i met this guy, let's just call him K. it has been awhile since i've really liked anyone "that" way (rd doesn't count for he will perpetually be different). we talked over coffee and berry'd treasure and i went home that night feeling more empty than i have ever felt in a long time. i think he was an inconsequential representation of something bigger in my life. what it is exactly, i can't say. to cut an aching episode of my life short, i have amazingly stopped myself from falling (yet again) and will soon go back to creating my island.

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15 Sept 2002 - 11:45p

Gary and Emi got married yesterday. Congratulations Mr & Mrs Yap! it was a hoot to hear that they had to stifle their laughter when the guy (i forgot his title) read them “the vows” that eventually leads to the crucial 2 letter word “i’m hungry”. no i mean “i do”. Gary is the first in our makeshift family to get married so that’s one bachelor down. but who says that’s a bad thing ;)

on a separate note, (sign of too many business writing) remember how i said i would never go to sangria again? well, this time i kept my promise. went instead to Bar Flam in Bangsar. not too bad a place really. there are these 2 hot girls who work at the bar. they don’t just do the regular bartending stuff, they also get into the skimpiest sexiest outfits and dance on the counter top every once in a while! talk about multi-purpose! their dance moves could make a super straight woman gay. one of them had a really nice rack. (do people actually say that anymore?!) well it was huge! when my friends and i got a close-up, we established that it’s not quite real. don’t ask how we know, we just do.

ok ok, if you insist. it doesn’t move. i swear. not even the slightest wobble. strange don’t you think?

anyways, i’m straying from what i wanted to say. on Friday nite, we walked into Bar Flam late cos we spent over 2 hours at devi’s. now that is another story altogether, of which i won’t go into cos it involves babies and children and Jonas, the cutest lil brat ever =)

so there i was, checking out the scene (damn, who says that anymore!). ok maybe not, more like looking for the other guys who went earlier cos they didn’t wanna hang around a bunch of girls oogling at the adorable 2 year old. since all the tables were occupied, the guys got a spot just at the DJ console. guess who i should see standing right in front of me. no, no, not freaking adam king. it was that *DJ from sangria! and it wasn’t just any ordinary DJ! it was that rd-lookalike!!!!!! remember? i don’t recall how low my jaw dropped but ……OH MY GAWD!!! what is ‘rd’ doing here??!!! i looked at him with what must have been the silliest expression ever. he gave a lil' wave of the hand and smiled. holy mother of god, that smile!!! i wanted so much to NOT remember what that smile could do to me, but there it was, forcing its way into my thoughts once again.

i smiled my best and looked away the whole time telling myself "i cannot see that face. i simply cannot!". i’ve not had thoughts about rd for a long long time and i definitely do NOT want to start having them again. i succeeded pretty well till Charles, told his other DJ friend (let’s just call him ODJF, other DJ friend) that i liked Issac! (i.e. rd-lookalike) i couldn’t believe my pounding ears!!! charles actually pointed to me!! Scotty! where were you!! after attempting to cause some bodily harm to charles, i casually told the ODJF to ignore charles, he’s the biggest kidder around and in actual fact, likes men and just needed to get laid. of course the ODJF didn’t buy a thing i said (silly man) and immediately conveyed charles’s damaging message to Isaac! i looked away wishing the floor would open up and swallow me straight into bora bora.

after a few more attempts at stabbing charles with a stirrer, the unexpected happened. Isaac came over to where i thought was a good hideout and simply said “hi”!

once again ….. OH MY GAWD! charles then walked away, physically bruised i hope.

so we talked. he remembered me from sangria ;) he asked if i still go there, what i do for a living, if i’d like to sleep with him sometime (ok maybe not). i in turn asked him a bunch of questions about his job. he was very enthusiastic and basically told me what his future plans were. there was this particular one i was honestly interested in. i can't talk about it here thou' cos its a secret. shhh :) so he asked for a card or some form of contact to keep me informed if or when his year-end plans come through. i sincerely wished him the best and i meant it.

i normally dislike this word and think it’s used to death (and inappropriately too most of the time). but, this time round, it couldn’t be more fitting. Isaac is simply down-to-earth, generally nice and surprisingly humble. nothing like how most DJ’s carry themselves. haven’t we seen those nigga-wannabes? how they have strange accents and say a lot of “yo” and “what’s up babes?” well, isaac a.k.a rd-lookalike is no where near there. he’s really nice and essentially a warm sorta guy.

but ya know what? he is NOT rd

and because of that, i now no longer have any illusions about Isaac. no more looking at him and unjustly imagining him to be exactly like rd. i see him now the way he deserves to be seen.

just Isaac and not someone else.

*to be able to fully comprehend, please refer to 9 June 2002 onwards

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10 September 2002 – 11:44p

i am pleased to announce that we have the very first entry from a *Mr K. while his answers do not coincide with that of the Organizer, (read : wrong answer) it will nonetheless qualify for the MTSK (More-Than-Steak-Knives) category due to sheer wit and originality.

Entry 1 - Mr K from an apartment right at the edge of Kuala Lumpur, in close proximity to Dewan Bahasa

Saying 1 - "an apple a day ........

means a slight loosening of Bill Gates' monopolistic grip on the world."

Saying 2 - "don't judge a book by its cover because.......

If you spill coffee on it, you're screwed."

Saying 3 - "birds of a feather ......

would most likely taste different depending on how they're cooked."

The Organizer would like to remind one and all that the closing date for the Contest is 30 September 2002. Late entries will only be entertained if it comes enclosed with a digital camera.

Grand Prize

A trip for 2 to a place 2,020 above sea level

Not So Grand Prize

A CD of Vivid's latest collection & a set of the finest steak knives

*names have been drastically abridged to protect the identities of all contestants

2 Sep 2002 - 11:58p

i'm still not over the letter i got on 29 Aug. wheeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! joy! joy! when i asked aileen to guess what was the one thing that could bring me immense joy,you know the first thing she said? "rd?" yes, r-freaking-d!!!! she actually said that! thou i know none of my friends would think she was stepping outta line. my gawd, i am sad! anyways, the reply i gave probably dilated her eyes a tad more. i simply said "f*ck rd leen! this is OH so much better!" yes siree bobbit! i actually said that! i know i know!! i can't believe it mahself! and to think there was nothing that could bring me joy but that filthy 2 letter word. ahhh.....such bliss =) when i finally get over that ecstatic day of 29 Aug, rd better not be No.1 on my *List-o-Joy.

incidentally ....

*List-o-Joy as @ now. heh =)

finish the damn PA
rd
digital camera
london to see the man
san diego to see szeying
alejandro sanz
daniel radcliffe
bora-bora

the weekend was good no? if we shared the same zip code, you'd know why =) the cubicle i call home was regrettably treated like a hotel, going in to only shower and sleep. correction, shower and dream. and i don't mean dreams of being in bora-bora with rd or alejandro sanz. but dreams of the most bizarre. for the record, i'm not too crazy about dreams (unless they have 3 elements in 'em. rd, alejandro sanz and rd). dreams have a funny way of making me feel drugged.

over the weekend, in the wee small hours of the morning, this enormous crocodile bit off half the body of this really close guy friend of mine. this faceless and nameless friend was trying to protect me from something i can't quite recall now. he died and i had to carry his body back home. we lived in this big house with a lot of wood-like furniture. strangely, it looked like the sort i'd want to decorate my new place with. i threw his half-bitten body over my shoulder and climbed up this wooden ladder to where we both slept. its like the ones they use for double decker beds, only the area above was huge. i was crying and crying and placed him on his bed. immeasurable grief drowned me that very moment. his family appeared from nowhere and threw a million and one questions at me. choked with tears, i couldn't say a word.

i didn't just cry in my dream that night.

a day after that, i stumbled into yet another vortex. i was walking along this beautifully lit hallway, pregnant. my stomach was huge and it felt really weird. it had a sorta tight feel, like i was going to explode or something. the next thing i knew, i found myself in a hospital bed, nicely tucked in, in a room with the sweetest shade of blue. without warning, the first contraction came. it was excruciating!! i immediately insisted that the doctor put me on epidural, praying hard that it wasn’t too late. so there i was, waiting for the next contraction, taking each breath like it was my last, gripping the sides of my bed as if they were my saving grace. waiting and waiting and waiting.

nothing.

for 3 days i lied in bed anticipating the next agonizing contraction. it never came. i decided to leave. this really nice man helped me pack and walked me to a waiting car. everything seemed ok. i could go home. the funny thing thou was that I actually had a husband. he was that nice man who helped me pack. but he too was nameless and faceless. however, i didn’t wake up crying this time :)

24 July 2002 - 10:23p

i wonder what it would be like to

- do grocery shopping

- walk by the beach

- share a Haagen-Daaz Belgian chocolate ice-cream

- play Pictionary

- read

- watch a movie

- eat crab

- look around at Ikea

- dip in the sea

- start a barbeque fire

- play Literati™

- wash a car

- make spaghetti

- take a bath

- assemble furniture

- drive aimlessly

- dance

- play Taboo

- sing; and

- wake up everday

with him.

forgive me cin, but

never will i know and never will i wonder again

i promise

24 July 2002 - 12:28a

it appears that i've been slacking at 'my thoughts'. so i've been told by my fans, all 3 of'em. what? wait a minute. now you say its 2? two?? ok. so 2 of my loyal followers have reminded me that its time i got my lazy ass writing.

just got back from cin's house [one of the 2 fans incidentally :D ] played miniature pool and puzzle bubble on the PS2. btw, i hate you kim. you cheated! before we got to her house, charles the self-proclaimed slut of the group called cin to ask if she could Play Station while he played her. hahaha!!! cheesy as hell but hilarious no?

and speaking of cheese, remember the crust with the cheese filling that Pizza Hut® once had? (or do they still have it?) well audi, my brother, thinks the tag line for that should have been "cheezus crust!!" ala Jesus Christ! hahahahahaha! help me! i'm delirious!!! i've been inexplicably happy the entire day. wheeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cheezus crust!!

and all cin had to say to end the night with me cackling like a wild banshee was rent-dez-voos. imagine pronouncing the word rendezvous the exact way its spelt. freaking hilarious!!! "excuse me rd, but would you be interested in a rent-dez-voos with me sometime soon?" that i bet will get rd madly in love with me. hahahaha!! god i must sound like a loony now! guess its just one of those "you had to be there" kinda jokes.

oh and fan no.2 will be going to Germany soon. So, Mögen Sie Lose des Geschlechtes haben =)

ok, ok i'll be less spastic now. last posting was July 7th., about 2.5 weeks ago. let's see what happened between then and now.

yep. that about wraps it up. till i write again.

Best Retards

June

p/s cheesuz crust! its way past 12. beddybye!!

23 June 2002 - 4:45a (a special long-ass edition)

first things first, my friends are the coolest in the world.

my day started at 8am, pretty early for a saturday. not by choice of course. had to attend some seminar which was admittedly pretty informative, considering the fact that it was conducted by government officials. made it in time for mcdonald's breakfast (don't you just love that unhealthy shit?). got home, saw my unmade bed and was oh so tempted to just lie on it and sleep! but then i looked at my CoD and decided i'd clear up the almost fossil like stuff in my room and make a new home for it. i spent the entire afternoon throwing out stuff i either never used or didn't even know i had in the first place. my motto : if you discover something in your room that you didn't even know you had and never once missed, throw it out. by 5:30pm i had removed the old and falling-apart CoD (all by mahself!) and had placed the new CoD exactly where i wanted it. oh, and i also had 6 bags-o-junk. heh :)

then charles and michele called for coffee before meeting the rest of the guys for dinner and later sangria, specifically to see the rd lookalike. i had to decline the coffee bit as my left eye swelled tremendously somewhere between deciding whether to put the pr0n cds and toys in the 4th drawer, together with the electrical gadgets or, to put them in the 5th drawer together with the whip, leather boots and metal bustier .....

i knew the swelling could happen but i was desperate for painkillers. i thought taking just one instead of the regular 2 would minimise or even do away with the swelling altogether, cos the last time the swelling occured, i took about 4 over a period of 8 hours. so one pill sounds pretty safe right? wrong! my left eye practically drowned in the extra folds of skin that developed an hour after. it was NOT a good sight. decided to get some shut eye and insisted that the guys have dinner first. there is no way in hell i'm going to wink at the rd lookalike with a swell this hideous! if i had attempted to do so, i'd prolly look like a walking pyshco with a perpetual wink in her left eye! wouldn't i be one sexy mutant then. hahahahaha!

by 8:30pm, the swelling did not subside. horror of horrors, charles and michele were already downstairs! (they were prolly pressured into getting me outta the house) i let them in to see the "damage" but got dressed anyways hoping real hard that it won't be *that* noticeable in a club. besides, it should logically subside no? hyped myself up and the 3 of us went straight to kim's house to meet the rest of the guys. for a moment there, a couple of things appeared kinda strange to me. 1. no one called me the entire day for the sangria plans. 2. andy was at kim's house waiting. you see, andy lives the nearest to me and if he joins us for whatever plans, he either normally picks me up or leaves the car at my place and go into someone else's car, but this time he was already there. hmm..... so i thought maybe they had an early dinner or something and got charles and michele to pick me up after they ate. with no way of knowing my thoughts, charles then said that they were all there waiting for me to have dinner! he musta sensed my slight suspicion and quickly brushed if off by saying that they all just decided to meet at kim's house cos dinner was going to be in bangsar and we were trying to arrange to go in as few cars as possible. hmmm.......sounds logical i guess.

just as michele approcahed kim's house, i saw aileen's car! wtf? thought she was going back to malacca. then i saw smoke!!!! OH MY GAWD!!!!!! my friends were all over the place!! t'was a BBQ for ME! an early birthday surprise BBQ party for ME!!!!!! :)))))) wheeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *happy*happy*joy*joy* if they could only see the look on my face! i was still in michele's car then motionless, just staring at the unbelievable scene before me when she sweetly said "just get outta the car june". heh :)

needless to say, i was WAY overdressed. i thought we were going to sangria! but i'd definitely take the party anyday! i was truly overwhelmed. every face was pleasantly familiar. it was very touching and i think i was so dazed (pleasantly of course) that the only lines that came outta my mouth were the lame "thank you so much!" and "oh my gawd, i can't believe you're here!" oh and i smiled a lot too. a WHOLE lot ....... i don't know how to put this feeling down in words, just completely overwhelmed! cin was taking pictures the minute i walked in, yes with the swollen eye and all. deric was BBQ-ing some sausages. i don't how he did it but his sausages was perferct. nice and crispy on the outisde but tender and juicy in the inside. *slap* i meant the sausages! the BOUGHT sausages. hahahaha! and there were of course the mandatory chicken wings. but HOT DAMN!! it musta been the best chicken wing i have ever eaten. and trust me when i say i have eaten a lot of BBQ chicken wings in my time. credit goes to my snooker buddy and most importantly my friend of 14 years Cindy Lee or affectionately known as Cin ;) she was oh so sweet. the night before, when the rest of us were out at Ronnie Q's watching futbol and basically just hanging out in Bangsar, she was home alone vigourously rubbing the secret marinade into the chicken (and the lamb too right cin?). she musta rubbed it in a LOT cos' she went to bed with the aroma of the marinade still on her fingers. isn's she the sweetest? :))) i wuv you cin. but i swear, the chicken wings were freaking good. maybe it really was cindy's special sauce eh andy? heh :)

everyone else brought some food. aileen made some very nice mash potatoe with hard-boiled eggs. cin also made some, the traditional way. felicia brought a huge plate of something of which i was a tad bit late to witness. all that was left were some Qcumber. andy told me it was something like "the four seasons", ya know the ones normally served at chinese restaurants? i later found out that it was actually a good ol' assortment of lobak. hahaha! cute :) kim's mom was real nice too. she not just allowed the bunch of us to mess up her porch and the living room, she also made very nice fried meehoon. among the yummy food were bottles of alcohol and a packet of wine. yes a packet! interesting no? fortunately, they guys didn't make me drink. they probably knew i'd fall asleep after 2 glasses :)

when they brought the cake out, courtesy of Trina, there was only ONE candle. just ONE. hahahaha! i had either made it very clear that i don't ever wanna talk about my age OR they didn't have enough candles. oh actually someone said they didn't wanna spoil the delicious chocolate topping. it was a chocolate banana cake btw. heavenly! when they sang that song, i thought i was going to cry! had to fight them tears dammit! and as if all they had done wasn't enough to make me the happiest OLD birthday girl alive, i had a present from them too!! a present, for ME!!?? guess what is was? guess, guess!!! a CD writer!!!! WOHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its the most beeee-yoooouuu-tee-fulllll CD writer in the whole wide world! i hope the photos won't show my teary eyes and if they do, i'll just blame it on that swollen left one. i promise that by next thursday, you will each get a pr0n cd made especially from my spanking new CD writer. and for those of you who do not wish for a CD of that nature (liar!) email me and we'll work something else out. thank you so much guys. i've never been so touched, (maybe except for that one time when i was in this ship with carlos eduardo pablo and he.....oh nevermind. heh) catching me off-guard by doing this surprise birthday thing early, preparing the food and having various secret meetings (so i heard!), and all those 'lies' about not being able to go to sangria cos "oh i have to go back to malacca", "oh jean is in kuching", "i'm coming down with a fever", "my dad is down in KL" (Ok that turned out to be true) "i can't get my permit to go tonite" .............

you guys have NO idea how very very blessed i am to have friends like you. i really, really really appreciate every single thing that was done, right from the extremely sweet thought of the Steffi's Peach Halves (thanks andy, simply for remembering) to my sexy new toy, which you all know what i'm gonna name :) and leen, thanks for the belt. i love it! you remembered my bitching about ugly buckles. hehe. and btw, i can wear it guys! :þ ray ray, deric the man, wendy & justin chi(?), felicia and her "four seasons", the fundamental and adorable gary for sleeping on the couch, kenny, trina, ivan & jessy (i felt your presence, don't ask how i know. haha!) jock & cin (please consider our chicken wing business), charles & michele for that great acting, we really will go to sangria next week right? :) mark for making that trip to low yat plaza & jean for the BBQ pit, mae yin for the red earth and for just dropping by and last but no where near least, kim for being there and especially for just being YOU :) if i have forgotten anyone or anything, please charge it to my head and not my heart.

*smile* how very lucky can a girl get huh?

20 June 2002 - 10:27a

Went karaoking last nite with Kim and Michele. It was the most ‘spontaneous’ karaoke session ever. We had double doses of indo-mee at the SS2 mamak (which is really really good btw) and talked about love, life and my ridiculous obsession with rd when suddenly I, the spoilt brat, had the urge to sing, not just hum a tune, but actually sing ......... at a karaoke that is! (go figure). Mercifully, my friends made no violent protests. It was good. Attempted some Frank Sinatra songs and um……say, hasn’t the weather been peachy lately?

I love singing. I’ve always loved singing. ABBA got me in deep. They are my all time favorite band :) thou’ I sound nowhere near Agnetha Faltskog (the blond chick). But ask me if I care! I can get my ass up anytime and sing any ABBA song for free! hahahahahah! But my poor friends, they have had to put up with it for years. How I love 'em :) they are what I’d call *real* friends. Enduring without the slightest cringe. And if they’re even *better* friends, they’ll tell me I sound like Beyonce with the jellies and all. Hahahahe*cough*hehehahaha! God i’m delirious!! Which probably is a good sign cos' that would simply mean I’m very close to being mahself again ;)

Oh then I came home and Manly-Man Kim, graciously volunteered to help me put together my spanking brand new 5 drawer chest. Its a lil narrower (and taller of course) than the one here (go to No.2) lovely i tell ya. Don’t know why but I have a thing for CoDs a.k.a. Chest of Drawers. (not Certificate of Depositories my pot-loving friend). It started out pretty ok till we looked at the manual and it showed a picture of a hammer. *Htf were we going to get a hammer at 1 in the morning? But I was insistent that we at least put ONE drawer together. And what did we use as a substitute to the hammer? Well, we tried the non-screwy end of the screwdriver, a heel from one of my shoes(!), a body lotion tin-type thing and whaddya know, the screwdriver came out tops! Hahahaha! It worked surprisingly well but it sure as hell took a long time to drive just one plastic screw in. (please don’t ask, its nice! Really!)

Well, we all know Kim is the 'stronger' one seeing how he still does have them biceps and all. heh :) So he started knocking the plastic screw with our mock hammer and nothing happened. The screw stayed upright. "Here, let me try Kim". He then said it was not possible and that we'd need a real hammer. Before he could get to the end of that sentence, the screw was in. wohoo! A loooong way more to being The Rock babes! but Kim’s my bestest buddy ever :) ya know I love ya Kim. And NO I’m not saying this publicly cos I want a digital camera ;)

11:00p

guess what? felicia and i finally got my CoD assembled! yay!! it takes so little to amuse me. heh :) ya know what else, i actually had fun doing it. with all that screwing, who wouldn't?

thanks fel. it was real nice seeing you again. and cin, you need help with yours? piece-o-cake :)

* htf = how the fuck. A development of the universal WTF.

17 June 2002 - 10:33p

The last seven days were pretty uneventful. Spent the weekend in Malacca with my parental units. It was after all, Father’s Day :) My brother and I didn’t get a thing for my dad though. What do you get a man who has everything anyways? I mean, really. And pa, if by some fluke freakish chance you’re reading this, I want you to know how much I adore and love you. You’re the coolest dad ever! You've helped me get my very own place, you've mended all my cheap-ass shoes and belts, you got me a computer and even upgraded it years later, you made the best chicken stew and you never once pressured me into being someone's Mrs let alone ask if i had a boyfriend! you're super neat dad and um.....no, i'm not gay :) [thou’ I sometimes find the female form very attractive] but we won't go there :)

ok ok, I’m chicken I know. “tell your dad you wuss! or at least write a card or something instead of using the worldwidewanton, you cheap-ass ho!"

Ya know what? starting tonight, i'm going to make a list of all the things my dad did ever for me. all the things that never left my memory. come september 7, it won't just be a card and a gift with a blanket "thanks for everything dad", it'll be specific. This is a promise. Why not call my dad and tell him how much i love him right this second you ask? well......um.......um...... leave me alone!

And what about my mom? well i tell her i love her every time our phone conversation ends :) we're cool like that.

Oh and for this trip back home, I didn’t make it to my 24 hour mark in 2 days. Sleep that is ;) Managed only up to 22. Pretty close thou. If my calculations are correct, that 22 hours should be able to last me till Thursday.

Since the world cup began, (which was when again?) I never actually sat down for an entire game. It was always just a few minutes here and there. At "The Social", at some mamak place or some chinese coffee shop. Everywhere you turn you see the damn game. So i thought, what the heck, pick a game June. For old time's sake, cos the last time i watched futbol and had actual wagers was when i was 14. no shit. France was my favorite then because of Yannick Stopyra ;) So while in Malacca at my poh-poh’s house, I saw the entire match between England and Denmark. Hot damn! That Beckham guy can actually play. heh :D Not that I know any other football players, but one thing's for sure, I won't ever see him as just another pretty boy. There isn't any one particular team I'm rooting for but I'm definitely gonna to catch the finals.

You know what else, my mom, my dear sweet mom has actually seen every single match! She enthusiastically told me how the players jumped and swirled and twirled in the air. She was clearly amazed. Imagine my surprise at her interest in something that *can* get a lil' monotonous. The longest she can pay attention to the TV is about 25 minutes and that's only if its "The Wheel of Fortune". heh :) but my mom is cool. she actually cracks up at our "Yo Mama" jokes. Our favourites so far are "Yo Mama is so poor that when she went to Kentucky Fried Chicken, she was lickin' other people's fingers" and "Yo Mama's house is so small that when she orders a large pizza, she has to eat it outside" hahahahahahahahaha!!! My mama simply rocks :)

Btw, did you know that Soursop is actually nice???? Wtf is a Soursop? Well it's a fruit my lil' kittens :) Maybe its just me but the name itself was a put-off until Phaik Lee insisted i try it. She practically drove the green slimy stuff that was sitting nicely on a bed of crushed ice accompanied with small black beads that looked very much like tadpole eggs right into my protesting mouth. But dear sweet Lord of Soursop, it was defuckinglicious!! I have to say, it was almost as delightful as a conversation with rd :)

Gotta go play Literati now.

9 June 2002 - 5:36a

the weekend started out pretty good. went to see cin’s apartment in damansara perdana, well the showroom to be exact and took her to see mine after that. the sales people there must think i’m a nut. the amount of “visitors” i’ve had to my home that’s only in the piling stages. heh :) but its all good, cin and i are already picking out curtains :D

went bowling after that in Bangsar Shopping Centre with kim, kenny, charles, aileen and jessy. i have 2 things to say

1. i ain’t all that bad at bowling :) and;

2. never ever bowl in BSC.

oh but wait, met this new person, name’s Michele and i think she’s pretty cool. not only has she read the HP series over and over again and thinks that daniel radcliffe is cute, she likes fantasy and horror stories too. on top of that she gets access to the company’s holiday apartment at Bayu Beach resort in PD. wohooo! looks like our mini vacation in august is taken care of guys. heh ;) and the company where she works at allocates 2 bowling lanes for certain employees. she’s one of ‘em and guess where this bowling place is. by golly! its the BSC bowling alley!!! ironic no? hahahahah! so maybe we could bowl there again sometime. after all i am a chip busted ;)

went to sangria after that cos charles had this urgent need to see women after a long and hard week at SIMBA (2 years charles! thats all i've got to say. 2 years :þ) decided against the beach club cos we were there just last week. the music was pretty bearable. there was this guy that had like really huge biceps. and i’m pretty sure he wanted them to be noticed cos he had on a shirt that had the sleeves violently ripped off. andy aptly called him Mr Muscles. not the regular way of saying muscles but more like Mr Mus-curls. hahahahahahahahaha!!!!! maybe you just had to be there. andy is just way too funny. i like :)

and guess who else i saw. no not rd. i ain’t that lucky. but i saw a guy that resembled rd though. really! i kid you not. ok, ok maybe he didn’t look very much like rd but he did have the resemblance. i swear. i looked at him a lot. no make that stared. yes i stared. its rude i know but i couldn’t take my eyes away. i realize one thing most people probably already know. when you look at a person who you think resembles someone you’re crazy about and you continue to look at them so much that it eventually becomes a stare, you will ridiculously start seeing how much that person's feature are starting to warp into the ones you know so well and are crazy about. so they end up being not just a resemblance but so freakishly like that person! scary i tell ya. halfway thru’ the nite, the guy had the same “everything” of rd. he would have been blind not to have noticed my stare but hey, he smiled a couple-o-times. yes, at moi and not at the hot scantily clad chick behind me. hmm....but then again, she was really almost half nude :0

i told kim about it cos he’s probably my only friend that would not smack me in the face. he promised that when we leave the place, he would get the guy’s number and tell him that he’s cute. for me that is. isn’t kim the sweetest ;) but i told him that there is no need for his number. i just wanted him to know that i thought he was real cute. about 30 minutes before we left, the rd look-a-like unexpectedly pointed at me and said or probably mouthed (seeing how loud music at these places are) “you are f**king* cool!” and he smiled that rd smile. really!! *grin*grin* i was shocked and all i could mouth back was "thanks". sheesh. how cool was that eh? just as we were leaving, i looked at him the last time, smiled and waved good bye. he had this, "what-you’re-leaving-already" kinda face and leaned forward to tell me the same thing again amongst other stuff which i don't quite recall now *beams* but this time i said “i think you’re cool too”. that’s it! not exactly earth-shattering words he'd remember but i didn't know what else to say! besides, isn't a girl entitled to cheap thrills now and then? :)

so i walked out as fast as my tired legs could take me. kim kept his promise, spoke to the rd look-a-like and told him that i was too chicken-shit to approach him. he told kim too that he thought our group was cool and all. now that's one part we still don't quite get. heh :) but you know what? let’s just say all that staring will get us into sangria for free the next time round. hahaha!

Note : this obssession with rd is a periodic phenomenon. fear not however, the author is the epitome of normalcy all other times.

4 June 2002 - 11:32p

my heart is beating a little too fast for its own good. guess what? guess fucking what?? rd and i exchanged more than just "hello, nice weather" on icq today. only just! i swear, each time that icq thing goes uh-oh i sorta freeze a little. its ridiculous that i feel this way. absolutely stupid! severely unhealthy.

wipe that silly grin off your face already june! :))))))

so, we chatted for about an hour, plus all the waiting and lag :þ it almost felt like the good old days. not that there were that many. quality is what i had with rd. not quantity. so there! anyways, somewhere between chatting about a threesome and digicams (kidding!), i miraculously found enough courage to ask if we could talk for real sometime. ya' know to catch up and all. a pretty lame excuse i know, but what else could i have said?! but alas! i almost wanted to impale myself the minute i clicked on Send. i waited and wished so much icq would just blow up in his notebook.

uh-oh!

rd says : hehe. icq not good enough for you?

a sigh of relief that shouldn't even have been there in the first place escaped me. i told myself, what the hell and ...

replied : simply, no :)

anticipated the familiar stab in the chest.

another uh-oh.

rd replies : what's your number

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

joy! joy! wheeeeeee!!!!!! a brief surge of happiness can you tell? heh :) thou' i think its really kinda stupid to have felt that elated. he after all, just asked for my number. BFD (read : big fucking deal). internal revenue asks for my number! anyways, its not that he's actually going to call. the fact that he had to ask for my number in the first place .... hmm .... but then again, we haven't spoken in over a year, so ... *tsk*tsk* excuses, excuses. words that my trusty friends would smack me with.

for the record, i'm not waiting for the call. and you know what the best part is? i KNOW i won't be disappointed. not one bit. that's a promise :)

2 June 2002 - 5:21a

my 2 favorite days of the week came and went as fast as Flash Gordon. only clocked in a shameful 4 hours of sleep a day since thursday. and it wasn't because i didn't wanna sleep. its cos i couldn't. my eyes were as tired as my bones but i just could not get to sleep. trust me when i say how very strange this is for i am one girl who's just as crazy about sleep as she is about rd. heh :)

was in an actual recording studio on friday after work what was i doing there you ask? well my brother writes and produces music on the side. he needed someone to do backing vocals for a local singer. no prizes for guessing who he chose though. *beams* =) i'm thinking, i must either carry a tune pretty well OR i'm just cheap labor. so cheap i don't even get paid! heh :) but it was all good. scary but good. you have no idea how producers can hear the things we 'regular non-musical' people can't. i'll be singing say a same line 5 different times, each time trying to sound exactly the same, ya know for that layered effect? (or whatever the youngsters call it nowadays. haha) and when its later re-played together with the music and the lead vocals to sorta hear the 'final song', the backing vocals like the name suggests, should normally just sound pretty ok as it is after all, just backing right? not something that would be under much scrutiny i imagine.

so there i was thinking "hey, this is cool, i don't suck that bad". i think kenny and kim (who so graciously came to pick me up at the studio) also thought it was ready-to-go. but nooooooooooooo...the producer, my brother that is, could detect one teeny weenyt itsy bitsy note that was a lil off-key or something of that nature! and we were like "huh?" maybe thats why audi, that's my brother again :) can write, play and produce songs while we regular folks have to be content in ripping off mp3s from audiogalaxy. he's cool anyways and i love him =)

a lot more happened after i left the studio but it's 5 in the AM and i think i'm ready to get some real sleep now.

20 May 2002 - 11:29p

The whole of last week was pretty much close to hell. work was overwhelming and it didn’t help that I was sneezing every waking hour and feeling feverish at the same time. *whine*whine* by Friday, I could have sworn I was infected with that hong kong virus. wtf is it called the hong kong virus anyways? this has gotta be the longest time i've ever felt sickly. i'd wake up one day and feel like i can't go on anymore and wanna just take a plane and tell rd what a fool he is for not being with me (heh:)) and the next i'd feel spanking new. but then i'd wake up the following day and feel like an overcooked carrot. that inconsistent feeling for 7 whole days was bloody annoying. So …. *whine*whine*whine*

By Friday nite, I had almost finished all the mutli-colored pills the good ol’ neighborhood doc prescribed. Had dinner with andy and kim. Before my deep deep crispy fried chicken arrived, andy told me something i never in my wildest dreams thought he would (that's cos he has never seen this individual in person before). He hesitated initially but here I am writing about it now. On Friday afternoon, along the walkway where the coffee bean in jalan telawi bangsar resides, andy was standing around waiting for something or someone (I forget) and guess who he saw. Of all the people in whole world, who should he see walking towards his direction, talking on his cell phone. guess dammit. guess i say!

I swear, if I was happily chewing a piece of crispy fried chicken then, I would have probably choked on it. doubt very much that andy and kim know the Heimlich Maneuvre. before andy told me, I voluntereed some guesses thinking the entire time that he has hardly seen any of my men (private joke here), so who could it be. NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! it couldn't be!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :O I guessed right in a fairly short time and all I could think about then was NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! dammit! why oh WHY does andy get to see him walking on the street and i don't. this is why life is so unfair :þ andy is the luckiest guy in the world thou’ I’m not too crazy about his description. He does not have kudis on his legs and yes he has lovely lovely hair! and his eyes are not spooky, they are beutifully haunting. that's exactly what they are dammit!

on a more rational note ....

spent time with phaik lee, an old friend on saturday. we had loads of fun. karaoke-d in songbird, shared some pasta for dinner and whined incessantly about the weather. then it was either Hard Rock to watch NRG with the guys or sangria to attempt to finish up some whisky with another bunch-o-friends. i figured i wouldn't be much help there :þ and since phaik lee wasn't much of the clubbing sort i decided that i'd go to neither and just hang out with her. our 'hanging out' landed us in genting! just the 2 of us. if her husband finds out ... =) she drove up (for the first time!) at about 10:30pm. we got there in an hour. there was not even ONE available room in the whole of genting. musta been that anita mui fantasy show. sheesh. anyways, it was a lil too late for any rides so we went to the Slot World at First World Hotel. nothing but rows and rows and more rows of slot machines. ok ok. i admit. we didn't go there for no mechanical horse ride :) won 60 bucks in 5 minutes but i don't know where the money is now thou'. we came back down to pj at 6:30am. talk about spontaniety! (or is it lunacy?) if i ever, EVER slot another 20 sen in again .... just STOP me please. stop the slot machine slut in me!!!! slot. hahahahehehehahahaha! is it me or does that word sound 'dirty'?

"excuse me, what do you do for a living?" "i'm a slot attendant"

kini minda dinda amat terganggu. sleep i must.

damn, was that a yoda moment?

6 May 2002 - 11:55p

Mondays. you either hate 'em or you hate 'em. i made it home which means i made it thru the day. ahh...room sweet room. all the secrets you hold.

work was frantic. overwhelming. so much that by the end o-the-day, when my boss asked if i could bring her the moon by wednesday, i almost said would you like fries with that? anyways, i made a promise to myself and my faithful readers, all 2 of them (cin, snooker tomorrow?) that i will only bitch about work for as long as the first verse of Ella Fitzgerald's I Get A Kick Out Of You. so there .... on to the next mp3.

added someone new to my yahoo messenger today. didn't get to chat much with him thou'. he had to run some personal errands (i think), and i had to run the damn thing that needs running. hope to see his lil' yellow smiley face tomorrow for i'd like to tell him that my chest pains subsided right after Alejandro Sanz sang to me :)

Chaucher. yes, you read right. its apparently a name. my client's. now tell me, what do you think is the origin of that name, not that all names have a precise origin. but we all do know where a Mohammed or where a Lee comes from. but a Chaucher? is it french? [voulous vous avec moi ce soir?] spanish? [¿usted dormirá con mí esta noche?] german perhaps? [schlafen Sie mit mir heute abend?] or maybe swahelee even? i was curious. ok, maybe a lil' tickled. am i the only one that has never heard of this name? am i the only one that finds this a tad bit funny? so my search for the name's true identity began. didn't take long. in 3 minutes, all was revealed. let it be known, he ain't no french, nor german, nor austrian. now.... how do i put it nicely. anak malaysia you!! hahaha! no kidding jack! to the left of his photograph, right under a bunch of numbers, it said *yap wei kiat. a regular chinese malaysian with a pretty regular chinese name no? but surprise surprise! Chaucher wasn't imprinted on his IC which can only mean he gave himself that name thinking it would kick major ass. somehow, someway, he musta thought it cool to be called Chaucher instead of Wei Kiat. HAHAHAHEHEHEHAHAHAHHEHEEHE!!! i was merely tickled when i first saw Chaucher but then i cracked up when i saw the continuation. Chaucher Yap Wei Kiat hahahahaah!! what was he sniffing! what kinda name is Chaucher. hello i’m chaucher. nice to meet you. would you like to *chau* from *here* now? “ciao chaucher!” “hey chaucher, care for some clam chowder?” HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! oh god!! help! hahahahahahahahaa!!!

i'm going straight to hell aren't i?

and flossie. and dapher. and alpha. and fanny. and Virgina (she confidently told us that it was a cross between Virginia and Regina) i mean, WHAT'S UP PEOPLE?

ok now i know i'm definitely going to hell : |

and another thing, this somewhat new colleague asked me during lunch “june, are you the happy-go-lucky type?” i hoped the glue from the ladies finger i was eating didn’t show too much when i gave a forced smile. i repeated “happy-go-lucky??? err…what do you mean”. thankfully she offered an explanation and said “you just seem like that type. always smiling with a happy face, just the simple happy-go-lucky type la”. i thought, damn, there’s that word again!!!!!! happy-go-lucky? wtf is happy-go-lucky??? i mean WTF is that!! who ever says that anymore. admittedly i used to. but i was 13 then, desperately looking for penpals in kuntum and galaxie. if you didn’t describe yourself as happy-go-lucky back then, you’d be branded a freak!! but now??? in the 21^st century and *especially* when we're in the late 20’s?? please may i? hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

oh and at work, when i prepare submissions i look at the english-malay dictionary a lot. was at the letter 'O' looking to find a better word for ‘original’ in malay (other than asal :þ) when i came across the word orgy. (not on purpose i swear!). did you know that in the malay language, orgy simply means pesta? i read further and it said pesta ~ seks atau mabuk-mabuk. hahaha!!!

sayang, sudikah kanda bermeriah bersama dinda dalam pesta seks dan pesta mabuk-mabuk?

Eureka! this isn't me! i think the stress at work today has made me one web short of spidey's costume. i wonder if he has spidey boxers too :þ~~

oh no, the playlist has repeated it itself and Ella's telling me that she gets a kick outta me - again! so i was thinking, if i depart real early tomorrow morning, say about 0400 hours, i may just be able to make it pass youranus to reach the moon by 1400 hours. disassemble her and leave by say 1500, giving me enough time to make a coupla pit stops and maybe pick up some rocks from Mars for mom.

nite.

* name has been drastically altered to allow me to keep my job

5 May 2002 – 9:40p [a completely rd-free posting]

Sundays. you either love ‘em or hate ‘em. pretty much like parsley. well i hate parsley. the weirdest thing happened last nite. i was reading writings of people i don’t know. you know how when you go someplace and you find a link and then one link leads to another and you basically end up in the northern part of china. but i digress.

so there i was, reading some stuff this guy wrote about leaving his girl and how much he wished he didn’t. he bravely put his heart on the worldwidewaterfall for all to see. he declared his love thou' a lil too late. i thought it was sweet. poignant thou' but sweet nonetheless. gave the url to a friend working in the UK. he reads it and tells me he knows the girl that the author left. of course. how convenient. but i’ll be damned. he was right! he mentioned both his and her name and told me a lil history. this was many many many hours ago i think. and yesterday, while reading his latest, it violently hit me right in the face. i KNOW these people. excuse me while i go get my jaw off the floor. well i don’t exactly know them like i’d know the back of my back, but yes i’ve met them, played taboo with them amongst other things which i don’t quite remember now.

so what did i do? after getting over the shock, i called his brother who i know a whole lot better, relatively that is. i had missed talking to him. but what i got at the end of the other line was … well …. i don’t quite know how to say this and its not cos i don’t want to, its cos i can’t. sure he answered my call, sure he said hi and things of that nature. but it was just something in his voice. that tone. laced with bitterness i never heard up till last nite. my hearing tools are impaired i must think. "burnt badly". he torched me with those 2 words. i could never say sorry again for it means nothing to him. he says he’s not mad at me but his voice felt like a clean slice at my heart. the question i asked was after all, the epitome of stupidity.

no matter, he’s with another now. i’m happy for him. i think.

what’s the point to all of that? i don’t know really. its been over a year and for the past week or so all i could think about was the things he did for me. all that he was. funny how sheets with cute motifs of harmless lil’ teddybears can mess up one’s mind. maybe its because he bought it thou' he was as broke as my sorry ass then.

baby reaps, you’re incredibly sweet. as with all my love affairs, timing fails me. i was jobless then, without direction, constantly needing reassurance even for the most whimsical things. i incessantly thought about the future i craved and how it would be unfair for you to be dragged into it. but somehow you were miraculously there for me each time. how did you do it? your heart must have come in extra large. and it kills me to know that i could have had it. i know now that you were the angel the Man upstairs occasionally sends me. He has probably given up seeing how much i appreciate them. i know there’s nothing i can say or do now that would make a difference. i’ve already lost you and i alone am responsible for that. allow me though to say something that’s been long overdue.

Thank you for everything.

22 April 2002

i always do this. i wake up every morning telling myself i simply have to sleep early the same nite. and what do i do? i go out and buy plates for a home that’s still just soil, thou it looks like its been loosened. yay.

so .. um ... yes. i bought plates today! 4 of them big “main meal” type ones and 4 small “sandwich/snack” type ones. there were a couple of designs but i succumbed to 2 that had these adorable little blue and yellow hand-painted flowers on cream colored porcelain (thanks leeum). they were screming "take us home june! please take us home!" way too sweet i tell ya! very girly-like thou. definitely not the sort guys would pick, unless of course you’re chef wan.

if i get only 4 hours of sleep again tonite, it’s jaya jusco’s fault! they had to put up that big-ass cardboard swaying sign that said 50% off. i swear, it really cannot get any cheaper.

sigh, these are among the many many many times i wish i had a digital camera …. i promise, if you see it, you’ll love it so much you’d wanna eat of it immediately! the only problem i have right now is storage. where the hey am i going to put it till the 10^th floor of bayu puteri is ready? can’t take home to Malacca. my mom will kill me. that’s another story really. anyone got space the size of china for a peppercorn rent? ;)

have to go now. got some new pr0n from kim. shh...

oh and i'll prolly serve nachos with melted cheese on the 1st, steamed brocolli and melted cheese on the 2nd, stir-fried cocktail sausages with onions and chilli flakes on the 3rd and deep-fried calamari rings on the 4th. i'll keep in touch :)

7 Apr 2002

i had the strangest dream last nite. i hardly ever, infact i've never dreamed of him before. not subconciously at least. all the dreams i ever had about him were somewhat like "waking dreams". they were conscious to a certain extent. i made them up mostly and it usually takes me to Dream's realm pretty easily. i told him about some of 'em a long time ago. he was fascinated then.

but last nite was weird. it has probably got to be the first time i ever really dreamt about him. all i remember was that we were in university together, his university actually. the place he's currently at right now. he came to me in this grey sweater and asked me if i could do him a favor. i must have said yes because he sat down and started telling me what he needed me to do. i understood every word that was coming out of his mouth but i couldn't help staring into those eyes. his stare was haunting i swear. so much that i can picture it even now. the way he looked at me and spoke, you would have thought he was telling me something of utmost importance, something that was a matter of life and death. well no. at least not now when we're all conscious and awake. it just doesn't make any sense in the waking world.

he asked me to find him a salt shaker. yes a salt-shaker! but not just any salt-shaker thou. one where only a certain amount of salt will come out when its shaken. he said the regular ones are too 'big' and that i have to find one where if he shakes it just one time, it'll be the right amount. this was of great importance to him for he told me that if he used the regular salt shaker, his solution will turn yellow and the experiment won't work. and this time 'round, he only has one go at the solution. he can't afford to screw it up.

what i did was even weirder! i took a regular salt shaker from american chilli's and shrank the widht and height using paint (!!) to a size that i thought perfect. i went to the lab to meet him and saw him with this chinese girl. i've never seen her in my entire life yet i somehow knew she was older than him and her name was Corina (??? definitely not my kinda name). is she rd's girlfriend i wondered. why does he look so sad. i apporached him with guts i never knew i had. it was strange too that i felt calm the whole time. surprisingly calm.. he didn't say a word but she. she did something that my heart reacted badly to. she held his hand. how can an action so simple cause disasterous effects. oh my god. Corina is rd's girlfriend? wtf??? my mind was racing. i could not comprehend it. i just could not. what the hell kinda name is Corina anyways? and why does she look like the entire burden of Somber City just fell on her. rd took the salt shaker i handed him and he looked at me with those haunting eyes again. only this time, it was heavily laced with sadness.

why did you look so sad rd?

i woke up 14 hours ago but that look on his face remains frightfully vivid.

he's going to fall in love one day. i sure as hell hope it won't be a girl called Corina. but whoever she is, she will be the luckiest person in the world. she best know that or i'm gonna go kick her ass.

monday is dawning, so to bed i must be going.

26 Mar 2002

whats the deal with "vanilla sky" anyways? heard its originally a french film, some fantasy type-thing right? well i'm gonna admit, i just don't get it! :þ tom cruise smiles way too much there and penelope cruz. don't even get me started. if you think you can give me the low-down on the movie ....

anyways, i was a really really good girl on friday (2203). stayed in all night after work. watched 2 movies on my trusty 17" Likom. the one i simply didn't get and "sleepless in seattle". ahh...i am such a sucker for romantic comedies :)

on saturday (2403), i went to this birthday party type thing at a pub called Legend Delight somewhere in Dataran Prima. sounds like some hokkien pub in jinjang utara right? well guess what, it looks like one too! the only good thing about it was kim hua and a bunch of his friends booked about 3/4 of the place specifically for the party. there was food, free flow of coke (heh), karaoke and pool. i knew most of the people there so it wasn't too bad. the choice of songs weren't exactly what you'd find at audiogalaxy or the now defunct napster, but hey, can't complain if its free all night long right?

so for Sri the birthday boy, kim hua and i did "endless love" , a song we're pretty damn good at, considering the amount of money we've thrown in songbird and KTV all these years! kim and ravin then belted (always wanted to use that word) out songs like "all nite long" by lionel richie, "mambo no.5" by the one hit wonder lou bega, some songs about unrequited love made popular by air supply, "we are the world" by .... what was that bunch-o-people called again? USA for Africa was it?? we didn't have a choice! it was either that or ditties from The Alleycats or Engel Humpadick :) but the guys were pretty good. yours truly did a solo herself. hero by mariah carey. it's the only mariah song where i can hit all the notes (ok ok maybe except for the bridge, kim hua helped me out there). if i can get a hold of the pics, i'll post them up in people.

there was also pool. british pool to be exact. in my opinion, a lot better than american cos the balls are smaller. see, there is just no way one can say a sentence with the word balls and then having a descriptive to it in the same line like say, small, large, round, juicy without at least one person looking at you funny. anyways, played the first game against my occasional snooker-rival Ravin. he's good i gotta admit but i was determined to beat him thou i thought it highly unlikely seeing how i made the break with the cue ball sinking. cool start june! to cut a possibly long story short (and also to prevent from showing off. heh) i made it to the semi-finals. yay. so much for that.

and on sunday (2503), i attended my boss's baby girl's one-year birthday celebration. you can imagine the fun i had! not. sigh. babies are cute. i'd probably want one someday. but the kids. damn the kids. such brats! whatever happened to "auntie june, can i refill your glass with more of the lovely punch?" or "auntie june, you are such a wealth of information. i never knew goldfishes have an attention span of 30 seconds. tell me more!". now they're nothing but "shrieeeeeeksssss!!!" "my present is much bigger than yours!" and more high pitch shrrriiilllllssss!!

but i realised one funny thing thou. to me at least. this man (i forgot his name) was helping the kids blow up balloons and stuff. he wasn't using the regular thing called "breath". he was instead using this balloon pump, made from cardboard i think and shaped somewhat like a cylinder. ya know the ones where you just sorta pump air into the balloon? so the man was showing the kids how it was done. imagine the scene - a grown man holding a tube-like thing in one hand with a flat balloon attached at the end and with the other hand, he was vigorously moving the outer part of the tube-like thing up and down, the whole time saying "if you pump it faster, it'll get bigger faster too".

hahahahahahahahaha! am i watching too many 15 ringgit vcds or is it simply the heatwave? ok ok i'm so not ready for kids.

my current passion you simply have to check out. Alejandro Sanz (pronounced aleh-han-dro sans). the site has been translated from spanish so i guess the english there aint gonna be what you'll want to speak to the Queen with. he's a latin singer and NO, he is nothing like ricky whats-his-face martin. he has the voice of an angel! and he's real hot too! i don't have a clue to what he's singing about, but as my brother says, you can tell if its a happy song or a please-let-me-die song just by listening to the way he sings. amazing i tell ya. but rd still owns that A word :)

the heatwave is back. need to take my 215th bath of the day.

15 Mar 2002

its a public holiday today. Awal Muharam. don't know exactly what that signifies but hey if it's a day that doesn't require me to wake up at 7 in the AM, i'm happy. the work week ended pretty well. things aren't as hectic, and i'm getting a new colleague in april. yay!

had dinner at my favorite mamak stall, Devi's corner in Bangsar with a bunch of my favorite people. they make a mean maggi mee goreng and the ayam tandoori is almost as perfect as rd. after that we were faced with the million dollar question "where to now?" so it was either back to kim hua's house to just hang there, pool/snooker, karaoke or novou (remember that place with the 3 levels?) after much debating and a little coercing, novou was the chosen one. reason 1. cos there's no cover; reason 2. aileen still had the 2 bottles of black label there and reason 3. we were feeling like chip busted(s) and wasn't too crazy about paying to sing.

so, we bravely journeyed into the golden triangle and found nothing but people! people! all over the place! ahh ... its the F1 thing. that explains it. there was this guest DJ from singapore in the ground level of novou (think its called sangria) and the music he played was excellent! sophie ellis bextor's murder on the dance floor! how cool is that. then to my pleasant surprise, 2 hours of stuff from the 70's, and 80's. i was enjoying myself no end til i realised i knew a scary amount of lyrics to an even scarier amount of songs by heart! damn i'm old. there were the not so popular 'clubbing music" like frankie by sister sledge, if i can't have you by yvonne ellman (which will be sung to rd in another life) and the usual but always enjoyable ditties like uptown girl, music from grease, rick astley (!) abba, boney M and even copacabana! weeeeeeeee!! it was oh so much fun! when whitney houston's "i wanna dance with somebody" came on, i was dancing like the 25th of Apr would never come. not that i worship the song or anything, it was just that at that particular moment, i didn't care how i looked or how cool i should look while dancing. i basically just let it 'all hang out' (which if seen in a literal sense may actually be a scary sight!) but wtf cares! i had oh so much fun! cigarettes? liquor? sex? who needs 'em!! there's no better way to liberate one's self from stress than to dance without giving a rat's ass as to how your butt will look when you attempt to jiggle it like cameron diaz in charlie's angels.

but ... ah huh ... there *is* a but indeed, as with most good things that happen in my life. the night ended with me and kim hua at each other's throats, while ivan and gary looked on probably not daring to say much. so yeah, am ending the nite in a sorta somber mood. i hate going to sleep knowing that things are somehow not right with one of my best friends. but he makes me so mad sometimes. i hope we'll be ok tomorrow.

i should go to bed. the thing of nature i adore is finally here. rain.

11 Mar 2002

songs sure can put you in a particular mood huh? am listening to boyz II men now. don't quite know the title. but it goes something like "i'm doing just fine, getting along without you in my life..." yeah the soppy mushy oatmeal type ditty. maybe i should look up cdnow.com for the title huh? from the ballads collection i think. that's a hint by the way. and oh my email :)

as i was saying....the song and the mood thing? it happens to most people i hope or i'll be the only demented one. i always say, the fastest way to get one to jump of a building, slit their wrists or drink paraquat is by playing "Air Supply - The Best Love Songs Volume XVI" or "The Best of Carpenters". for inspiration, try bach. anything by Yohan Sebaschian Bach (spelt the way its pronounced :)) it works. really.

sigh. the real reason i'm writing? well its one of them horrible nights again. the kind where you feel so all alone in this world. ya know that phrase where it says you could be with a million people and yet feel lonely? how does that happen? i've felt it so many times but i just can't seem to figure it out. you laugh, you talk and you laugh some more with really good company, yet there's this incomprehensible emptiness inside. maybe its just me.

this is one night where all i can think about is him. i hate this so. its ridiculous and downright stupid. i know this will pass. the trouble is, it keeps coming back. i'll never be able to make him or anyone understand why, but i think the world of him. plain and simple. the scariest thing right now is believing that no one else can ever make me feel the way he did. every word he said. every smile he threw my way. god, that smile. it can heal anything i swear. a load of crap you say? typical lines right out of love songs and romance novels? well i don't expect anyone's understanding. i only hope he knows how fucking amazing he is.

i must stop. perhaps sophie ellis bextor's murder on the dancefloor would help.

2 Mar 2002

(This was written in a span of 2 days so be warned, its kinda long)

Ella Fitzgerald has the voice of an angel and my pot-loving intelligent friend personally told me the reason why February has the shortest days in a month. if you’re equally interested, i think he wouldn’t mind an email especially if you are a really hot chick.

i signed the SPA today! yes siree bobbit! had to sacrifice my Saturday morning for that but hey, i think its worth the serious lack of sleep, don’t you think? so now there are 3 things i’d wake up for.

work
to catch a plane and
to sign sale & purchase agreements

heh.

nothing exceptional happened today. woke up real early (you don’t wanna know my definition of early on weekends for it may appall you), did the signing thing, had lunch with my brother and his ex, then decided to go shopping in KLCC alone. yes, i actually don’t mind doing stuff like this by myself anymore. i even kinda enjoy it sometimes. its probably good practice anyways, for when all my single friends have settled down and are having kids and doing all that cool stuff while i’m still here alone trying to finish this site.

oh but there’s a *but* to that. aileen and her ray of light decided to go too. i insisted we take the LRT since aileen had never taken it before. i just think we should all at least try to experience as many new things in life as possible. and one of them should be taking the LRT! but don’t ever try a peanut-butter and tuna sandwich. trust me.

went to kino-kuniya in KLCC, this really huge-ass bookstore that has a nifty lil’ thing called the “Kino-Navi” where there’s this touch screen for you to basically key in the info on the book you want. The results will show and when you print it out, a lil map will tell you how to get to the shelf where your book is. i think that’s so cool. Then it was dinner at some corner stall in KL where you’d most probably die not of food poisoning but of cars, buses and trucks ‘accidentally’ making wider turns then necessary. after that a lil’ james bond in aileen’s house, 2 rounds of snooker of which i lost, mamak, vcd shopping ….. the same ol *yawn* stuff i do with my buddies.

but oh!! Friday nite! now that was ….. well….. i was going to say (with an English accent) bloody exciting … but i’m trying to keep lying to a minimum this year. after work on my favorite day of the week, i decided all i wanted to end the day with was some food, a good back rub with Ella Fitzgerald playing in the background and maybe some good-lovin’. Alas, the only thing i had was the food. no big strong hands rubbing my aching back, no rd to talk to and well….Ella came a lil’ later on in the wee hours of the morning.

what i did instead was went dancing! (or clubbing like my friends would say). i don’t drink, i don’t smoke so what else can i do but dance no? Novou. the new joint in KL, situated right opposite my favorite place “The Beach Club” was where we went. its a 3 storey-type club and on the ground floor is a restaurant of some sort serving Mediterranean food (what Mediterranean food is exactly, i don’t know) and plays mainly R&B and dance. On the next floor, i don’t wanna say 1^st or 2^nd floor cos people sure have some crazy ideas for naming floor levels nowadays. you would think that ground floor simply means ground floor and not mezzanine, or 1^st floor or lower ground or lower, lower ground (LLG) etc. now when someone says “meet me at the 2^nd floor”, you can no longer just count the number of levels from the outside of a building and attempt to throw an object at the window as a sign of telling your friend that you’ll be late or something cos most likey, that ain’t the 2^nd floor. its deceiving i tell ya. sometimes, it takes like 200 floors with different ‘names’ before you actually hit the floor called 2^nd floor, so …

anyways, i digress too much. where was i? oh, the next floor then. That’s strictly a club with no food but hard liquor and nothing but trance and house music. Not exactly my cup of teh-o-ais limau so i most likely won’t go there again. The next next floor is supposedly a VIP area which i never bothered checking out. VIP here probably means spending like a whole load of hard-earned money on alcoholic beverages. The more you attempt to kill your liver, the nicer the sofas will be! so come and make yourselves comfortable! Ok so i’m not a big fan of drinking.

as my friends and i prefer r&b, we went to the club on the ground floor, the one with the Mediterranean food remember? besides, they don’t have a cover charge there as compared to the other floors that do. RM30 per head, whether drunk or sober. we got there at about 10ish and stood around trying to look cool. finally managed to inch my way for a table near the bar and aileen got us 2 (not 1) but 2 bottles of black label. now what’s black label again? whisky? i know it can’t be vodka or tequila. hmm…

then that Nelly ‘Ride Wit Me’ song came on and jellies started shaking, including mine. heh. in the words of Destiny’s Child’s Bootylicious “i don’t think you’re ready, for this jelly”. There’s this podium right next to the DJ console and a couple of guys were shaking their jelly like there was no tomorrow. a few were pretty hilarious, but i gotta give them credit thou. they didn’t care how they looked while they were flailing their arms and thrashing their hips around like a bunch of mad banshees. they just looked like they didn’t give a rat’s ass about how the people around them were going to think. damn they’re cool! and i swear on my harry potter books that that statement hasn’t an ounce of sarcasm. sometimes we care too much about what people think that we forget to just let go and have fun the way we want to.

but there was this one guy who danced really well thou’. he gyrated his hips like he had never gyrated them before. hot damn! he actually looked kinda sexy. almost as sexy as rd is when he smiles. to cut a tedious story short, my guy friends started a conversation with him.lets just say, i personally would only like to see him dance and nothing else. i guess i’m just the sort that no matter how hard your abs, how big your hands, how delicious your lips or how much you resemble rd, if your answer to a simple question like “what’s your name” is “you can just call me Handsome”, then …. i’m sorry honey. please just go back up on the podium and shake your ass. just shhhh…..

oh then there was this other guy on the podium too. he didn’t look local. he had tight curls of hair on his head. shoulders so broad a kancil probably couldn’t fit him and a look that says “man i love dancing”. but that’s just what I think. anyways, he didn’t dance as well as Mr Handsome but he did have this overall look that you can’t help but stare. i think he must work out like 6-200 times a week i swear! his dance steps even looked like it came right out of an exercise video! his body was just so … well .. it was huge and well-defined. i think. my friends and i were looking at him the whole time playing our usual “guess-what’s-a-person-like” game. one said he may be a gigolo just waiting for rich lonely women to pick him up. the other thinks he’s gay. aileen thinks he looks like a pornstar. and me? well i think his name is Carlos Eduardo Pablo.

28 Feb 2002

say, does anyone know why February has the least days among all the other months? I’m sure there must be a reason for it, whether logical, mythical or mathematical mayhaps? please lemme know?

So how was the week? i'm gonna whine and say it was crazy. Overwhelmed with work of all sorts. Running a one-woman show now. Did you know that heavy bouts of stress can give you spiltting headaches for 8 hours? They should write that in work manuals. but the right side of my head feels a lil more normal now. maybe cos the week’s almost over! yay! i love you Friday!

Remember how I was gonna unleash the power within on Thursday? Well today’s Thursday and I attempted to unleash whatever energy I had left for the day at a free….yes F.R.E.E. talk by none other than Anthony Robbins! Gary, a really good stud of mine sms-ed me one nite telling me that 'D' Tony Robbins is going to be in kl to give one of his motivational talks. Now I normally do not buy crap like that. Tony Robbins, Stephen J Corvey, that rich dad, poor dad Japanese author guy …… but I thought, hey its TONY ROBBINS! Isn’t he that really cute huge man from shallow hal? And did you say its free?

So I dragged Aileen along and when I got there, the not-so-motivating looking girl behind the counter told me that it isnt Tony Robbins talking tonite. Yes you read right. It aint Tony Robbins dammit! I got conned! and i think i made it quite clear to the girl simply named DAPHER. what kinda name is that anyway?) but, i shoulda known … its just too good to be true! Tony-i-make-a-zillion-dollars-just-by-talking-and-flexing-my-biceps-Robbins here in KL motivating us for FREE??? almost like saying rd will be mine someday. nooo.....cant be!! so who did we get instead? A ‘graduate’ of Tony Robbins, aptly called Mark Robinson. Good thing this Mark guy has a "son" after Robin eh? :) Sigh. If I had known ……. But using the “since we are already here” statement, aileen and I stayed on. I was kinda enjoying it actually thou his English accent was a tad too Westlife for me. Aileen got bored. Didn’t have much of a choice so I had to leave with her.

This Mark Robinson guy actually said a couple of interesting things. But I’m pretty sure its not stuff on motivation that you don’t already know. Stuff like how all of us have things in life that we always wanted to do but never did all because of this one thing thats stopping us. FEAR. A word which he claims should not exist in our lifes cos it actually means False Evidence Appearing Real! Kinda corny if you ask me but you know what? I actually kinda dig it now. Yes FEAR is nothing but false evidence appearing real! Damn he’s good. I can’t imagine what Tony Robbins can do for me. Hahahah! But seriously, I think for the next couple of weeks I’ll remember that fear *is* really just a word and maybe start doing a lot of the things I’ve always wanted to do but never did. Even the smallest most insignificant things count. Can’t say about the weeks after that thou. That’s the trouble with motivational talks and books etc. you read them, listen to them and absorb them real quick because really, half the power is already in the WORDS itself. but the tough part is trying to maintain that motivated feeling - for life. But I guess a violent surge of inspiration and enthusiasm will do us good, thou it most likely wont last.

With that being said, the likes of Stephen J Corvey, Anthony Robbins, that rich dad poor dad author (what is his name already!) are not crap. Its just me. I think I need more than just best-selling books, CD-rom and live talks.

22 Feb 2002

been awhile. i would have liked to say i was doing productive things but...nah. just got back from shallow hal. touching i must say. i cried. damn. its a farrelly brothers production and i cried!! neways, the lunar new year is almost over. which reminds me. need to "low more sang". dont you just love that shit? let's see, what did i do during the CNY break? was back home in malacca as usual. wish it was the CNY of 2000 thou. long story that. just one word. rd. ok ok that isnt even a word but who's keeping tab. heh. had the usual reunion lunch at grandpa's and reunion dinner at grandma's. nasi lemak and ayam percik this time round. not the usual alright. my aunt makes a mean MEAN sambal. weather was way too hot in malacca to do anything. really. i kid you not. the only activity (if you can even call it an activity!) i did all week besides the mandatory eating and sleeping was robotically watching repeats on astro and reading fantasy books. in a nutshell, *i wake up, go straight for the tv while i eat cny food which isnt really real food. get bored with the tv, decide to read in bed. then i get really really sleepy after 2 chapters, tell myself i'll take a short nap that in reality is 3 whole hours and then when i wake, (regardless of the time), i go back to the tv, the food, the book, the nap, ..... vicious cycle i tell you.

oh yes.then there was valentine's. what did i do? please see *

and just for the record, rd is still the most perfect being ever :) i met a guy recently thou. he was nice and all but ... damn that rd! this all his damn fault. he and his words and that smile. how the hell am i ever going to feel that way again.

on a lighter note :) my sweet ol' brother got me a Harry Potter double-sided poster type thing. it has the view of hogwarts on one side and daniel radcliffe, rupert grint and emma watson on the other. ahhh daniel radcliffe :) wish i could take him home. cringing already some'er you? :P

before i go, you must know that ....

The movie for Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone is now officially the second-highest grossing movie ever worldwide.

The magical ride continues for Warner Bros., as Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone has earned a spellbinding $926.1 million in worldwide ticket sales, officially topping 20th Century Fox's Star Wars: Episode I--The Phantom Menace to become the second-highest grossing movie ever worldwide.

Adding to its already massive pot of gold, Potter officially surpassed Phantom Menace's $922.8 million global take in a little less than three months. It's more than halfway to challenging Titanic, whose seemingly unsinkable $1.8 billion gross leads the all-time international box-office hits list.

1 Feb 2002

Its FRIDAY!!! In my opinion, the best day of the week. And why is that Dudley? DUDLEY? Oh gawd., I have to stop reading those darn HP books. Speaking of which, did you know that Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone is the highest grossing film for 2001. even more than the phantom menace? Hah! Ok won’t talk about the wizard now for I’ll make a lot of people cringe. Besides, I could go on forever bout HIM but I wont cos I’m tired as hell.

Work was productive today. Good actually. Still reeling from the shock of my very own apartment. Don’t see anything wrong with being totally elated thou I got a brand new set of worries. My mom is already telling me not to buy stuff for my place. “take from home!” she would say. “dont waste money!” she would add. My mom buys stuff like they would never make them again! But how I adore her :)

Saw hardball today with felicia and kim hua. The one with Keanu reeves and diane lane. We had no other choice! But to be fair, it was entertaining thou a lil cheesy at times, but keannu still looks pretty damn good. Is he really still gay I wonder.

I’m probably gonna stop writing now. Nothing eventful happened anyways and I think I shouldn’t be rambling on about my home! Heh.

Didn’t meet anyone. rd probably still thinks I’m freaky. So ... I’ll just go continue downloading songs and chatting up really young boys on the net :P

It’ll be Stardust Chapter II later

Jan 31 2002

This has got to be my happiest day yet. I bought an apartment! Yes siree bobbit! I actually got myself a spanking new place to live. So new that all I can see right now is the earth where my home will stand.

This is weird. Unbelievable even. I have been bugging my dad to help me buy an apartment for years. Unfortunately I still need the occasional financial support. But that’s another whole new story and we are not going there. Infact, we are never going there.

I just have to put all this down in case my memory fails me someday. Yesterday evening, my dad called. Thought it was the usual "did you call mom? Don’t eat so much. Don’t go to those California coffee places" (I never do. Its Gloria Jeans! Heh):) and all the fatherly things a father would say. But oh no! was I in for a pleasant surprise.

Dad : June did you see the nanyang siang pau a few days back?

I : errr..pa..(that’s what I call my beloved daddy) I don’t read the Chinese papers!

Dad : nevermind. There’s this apartment you should check out in tropicana..yadda..yadda..yadda.

The rest is well...not history....but more like my future! Wohooo! For the first time, my dad was enthusiastic about an apartment more than i! so much that he even insisted that I go straight after the phone call. I said "pa..the show room closes at 6pm and its now 6:30pm" So he said "maybe its still open" i was sure it wasnt. "go tomorrow then" he continued. And I thought...damn my dad is persistent.

So I thought ok, I’ll go. Prolly get some brochures and put them with the other 200 that I have in my lil cubicle I call home. My dad isn’t even in kl I thought. Sigh. Ok ok i'll somehow find a way to go.

The next day, took the afternoon off (if anyone asks, I was really sick) and aileen took me to the showroom. I fell in love with the earth the minute I saw it! The location is perfect!!! And my dad and I went back and forth on the cell phone discussing about the place, the price, the view, where the sun shines even! Asked dad what the budget was. You know what he said? The sweetest thing ever!! "as long as you like it". Isn’t my father the greatest? Next to my mom of course :)

The discussions were endless. First it was "get the 850 sq ft. you don’t need that big a space. you’re living alone, lots to clean, expensive to maintain"

then he abruptly calls back in 5 minutes and asks "how much is the corner lot?" i told him like i would tell a friend the cost of the delicious hokkien mee in chow yang restaurant. yes, it was *that* casual! he surprised me further by saying "Ahh not much difference. Get the corner lot then". NOT MUCH DIFFERENCE?? 20K is not much difference???? my dad is strange yet oh so cool. had to pick my jaw up from the floor and croaked "you sure pa? really? REALLY??" (I realize that’s my 2^nd favorite word)

so, daddy gave the green light. final decision lies with me. hardest ever to make.850 sq ft with less monthly maintenace, less loan payments, more smoke in the living room or 1,023 sq ft. corner lot with more of just about everything plus outdoor cooking?

but i gotta say, aileen was a treasure! She took charge and asked loads of question I would not have thought of then. She was great! Even called her mom for some feng shui advice. Its all good! Finally decided on the 1,023 sq ft one cos it has 3+1 bedrooms and I can cook out on the yard! (oh did i say that already?) Good view of the pool. Morning sun. love the morning sun! Higher resale value (i think) a utility room to put all the stuff my friends complain i have too much of :)

so, the purchase of my lifetime was made. Signed a couple of stuff.

Wow.

This all seems so surreal.